Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

I suspect that this article is going to get me into "trouble" – BUT I am convinced that if I do not put my ideas regarding this subject on paper, I will not be able to rest easy, as they say! So, here goes. [NB: This article was first published online – on 6th September 2007 – as part of my Self-Development Academy’s Social Change Information and Education Service. 7 years on, its message remains just as relevant as it was back then].

If you know me personally, I advise you put whatever you think you know about me aside, and read the contents of this article with an open, unbiased mind. That is the only way you can fully appreciate what I am saying, and possibly learn a thing or two.

There is a rabid form of religious discrimination pervading this country – and it is destroying lives on a daily basis.

If we could all start doing the right thing, Nigeria would be better off for it. There is a saying in Yoruba land that goes thus: "Enu mi ko ni won ti ma gbo pe iya teacher ku!". Translated literally, this means: "It will not be from my mouth that news of the death of the teacher’s mother will be heard".

Obviously, in my case, I have chosen to do the opposite of what the wisdom of that saying suggests.

I hope I will be forgiven – even as I also hope those religious people guilty of acting in the ways I have described here can truly MEND their ways for better.:-))

Every society that wishes to lay claim to being PROGRESSIVE, must afford every one of its members an INALIENABLE right to believe whatever s/he wants.

Therefore let each person respect the Civil Liberties of the other!

Let me also add that in discussing religion here, I do not aim to cast aspersion on any religious group or movement.

All I am trying to do is point out where I believe many of us might not have gotten the “purpose” for practicing religion “just right, just yet”.

Note also, that I have NOT written this piece to challenge the existence or otherwise of God or any other being that different religious groups worship.

Four(4) Groups Of Religious People I See In Nigeria

I believe that people who practice various forms of religion in this country, fall into 4 main groups viz:

1). Those who do not really understand why they practice their religion(e.g. born into a family that practices it, and simply adopted it but not convinced);

(2). Those who are doing it with ulterior/negative motives (e.g. may.see an avenue to make easy money etc);

(3). Those who are doing it for the wrong reasons (e.g. think it’s popular or are afraid of being criticized by others if they do not do it);

4). Those who are spiritually convinced about WHAT they believe and WHY they believe it. (THIS, in my opinion, is where every religious person NEEDS to belong).

In essence a large majority of religious people(Groups 1 to 3) do not have SPIRITUAL conviction as the MAIN reason for practicing their religions.

And this affects the way they behave among themselves and to others who do not belong to their groups. Many times their behaviour(Groups 1 to 3) leaves a lot to be desired. I give examples as we go on.

It’s The Impact Of What They Do On Children That Concerns Me the Most

I am not really concerned about the adults who may be guilty of doing some of the things I will highlight here.

It is the young people and children who are affected, impacted or influenced by these ideas, practices and habits that I worry about. Whatever adults do often affects children/youths.

Therefore when adults engage in the serious business of religion without properly defined purpose, then chances are that children who look up to them will do the same. The resultant cycle, which can be quite vicious, has a large potential of continuing–as is already becoming obvious in our society today.

So, What Do I Mean By Nigerians And Their Fascination With Religion?

I will start by inviting you to turn with me to page 17 of The Guardian newspaper of Tuesday February 11th 2003.

On that entire page is published, the third and concluding part of an engaging address delivered by Bashorun J.K. Randle (Chairman and Chief Executive of KPMG Nigeria, and Vice President, Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria).

That address was delivered at the 2002 Harvest Fundraising Breakfast of All Saint’s Church, Yaba, Lagos.

A pullout quote from the text of the address goes thus:

“My own understanding is that Nigerians love to parade themselves gloriously decked out to attend churches and mosques. However, the moment the period of worship is over they almost immediately erase whatever lesson has been preached and revert(straight back) to their evil ways where wickedness and violence reign supreme. It is now common knowledge that arms and ammunition are being imported into the country in such huge quantities that even the security agencies are compelled to raise an alarm – because they know that once arms gets into the wrong hands, they will not remain idle for long” – Bashorun J.K. Randle.

That’s one notable person and his opinion on how Nigerians practice religion.

Please bear with me, as I refer to ideas on this same issue from another notable Nigerian,who incidentally is a powerful man of God himself.

Hardly is there any adult who has not heard of Winners’ Chapel in Nigeria talk less of the overall head of that rapidly expanding Christian ministry – Bishop David Oyedepo.

In the October 2002 edition of Success Digest, Bishop Oyedepo’s writing on “MIND” were published in part as follows:

“It is the use of the mind or brain that will make the world to mind you. When your mind is not in use, the world will not mind you, because nobody minds a mad mn. But the productive use of the mind is what leads to success, causing those around you to mind you. Christianity enhances dignity, it doesn’t bring people down. The reason many Christians are suffering today is because they suspended the use of their minds when they gave their lives to Christ, thinking that it was no longer needed. They think that the use of their minds for reasoning is contrary to faith. But they can’t be further from the truth. The use of your senses is what enhances your results. You require more smartness than strength to be successful in life” – Bishop David Oyedepo.

Now, the two quotes I have supplied were recorded as far back as 4 years ago.But anyone living in Nigeria today KNOWS that the same issues raises by the two individuals quoted persist up till today!

Nothing has changed.

In fact, going by the reports we get on the news, where religious leaders are shown being prosecuted in court for setting members ablaze as punishment for "sins" etc, things have really gotten worse.

The "unholy fascination" with religion continues unabated.

In relation to children, the truth is that parents/adults in Nigeria do not give children the opportunity to decide what they want to believe.

I know some Nigerian parents, who are near-fanatical about making sure their 2 year old kids go to marathon revivals and night vigils etc with them. Sometimes I summoned the courage to point out that the child at that age was unlikely to understand why he/she was there and the benefits to be had. But the parent would reply that it was better than not taking the child there.

In other words, no matter how bad the economy is, no matter how tough our finances are, we still go all out to provide our children indoctrination in the religions we profess faith in. But is this approach GUARANTEED to work – or FOOL PROOF?

A Quick Test To Determine If Your Child Believes YOUR Religion Is Good For Him/Her

Let me tell you what I believe is an excellent litmus test for to ascertain whether you have successfully indoctrinated your child to permanently accept the religion you have exposed him/her to from birth.

The following questions require a Yes or NO answer:

1. Will you readily release the child to go away for one month to attend a retreat on philosophical ideas and religious self-discovery?

2. Would you be comfortable with your child keeping a best friend who is a self-proclaimed atheist?

If you said NO to either or both of those questions, then I can tell you that you have NOT yet succeeded in making your child CONVINCED that the religion you practice is the one s/he NEEDS.

If you had, you would NOT be AFRAID to let him/her go ANYWHERE and/or be with ANYONE, at anytime WITHOUT YOU. And that’s because you would be sure that s/he could hold her own, and KNOW enough not to stray from the religious path you have pointed out.

Problem is in the process of trying to get him/her to that level of conviction, you could – if you push too hard – actually make him/her develop a "dislike" for YOUR type of religion.

Most of us know of many very UNRELIGIOUS – but highly successful – adults who are/were offsprings of deeply pious parents.

Examples that readily come to mind include Fela Anikulapo Kuti (whose father was a Reverend) and Nobel Laureate Prof. Wole Soyinka.

Incidentally, I will point out that both men I have just mentioned can be quite accurately described as being legends – achievers of very high note – in their respective fields of endeavour.

Which implies that their lack of religious bias – if we can call it that – did not prevent them from excelling in the vocations they chose. And that’s contrary to the myths some religious people try to perpetuate! (I say this at the risk of incurring the greater wrath of my religious friends…)

Have You Ever Been To Heaven Before?

If you have not, and neither has your religious leader, how come everyone seems to be sure that what is written in the Bible, and Quoran will get them to see God/heaven when they die?

The answer is that they BELIEVE.

If my understanding is right(and I KNOW it is), any adult with full control of his senses can take the DECISION to believe in Jesus/Mohammed etc.

Or he/she might decide not to, and instead believe in Buddha, Orunmila, Sango etc. It’s all about what you know and what you are ready to believe.

The truth is that sometimes we believe certain things because we were brought up to believe them – or because we found a solution we wanted at the time we chose to believe those things. However if we went somewhere else, we might find it is completely unacceptable THERE to express belief in those same things we believe in.

Imagine if a born again Nigerian medical doctor with a passion for "winning souls" got a job in a hospital in New York City, USA.

S/he would not need anyone to tell him/her NOT to go about using a megaphone in residential areas at 5.30am the way it is sometimes done out here by some individuals.

They have stricter rules there about "public disturbance". Also, people out there with different religious preferences rarely take kindly to anyone who chooses to "push" his/her religion in their faces.

Not many people will like the analogy I have just used, but I’m sure deep inside them they KNOW I am right.

That’s why I like the approach of the Buddhists better in many ways – they seem more prepared to accept that others around them may not share their religious preferences. And they demonstrate this "tolerance" in the manner they interact with everyone they meet.

Maybe religious people belonging to Groups 1 to 3 earlier mentioned, in Nigeria, might want to borrow a leaf or two from Buddhists.

Do I hear someone shouting "I reject that!"? Well…it’s just a suggestion

Some Religious Nigerians May Need To STOP taking Marriage Vows!

Anyone who has watched Nigerian home video movies is likely to have seen what I am about to describe happen – AT LEAST once.

I mean a case in which a wife (legally and traditionally married to her husband) found herself being literally driven out of her matrimonial home. For instance, because her husband’s relatives(and sometimes her husband too!) believed she was barren.

Many dramatised stories of this sort are a reflection of what happens in society.

Some of us have had personal contact with married but childless couples. The torment the wife has to endure can be devastating. Some husbands manage to remember they are supposed to be strong, and try to defend/protect their wives.

Others are too cowardly to even try.

In very many cases, when the man and woman were getting married – traditionally and/or legally – prayers would have been said by relatives from both sides.

And sometimes by the presiding priest and/or a legally authorised person. The couples themselves would have said their vows – ending it with "for better for worse, in sickness in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part".

They would have invited their creator etc to witness and "bless" their union. In fact these people would tell a couple who fails to get married by going through this elaborate process, that they are NOT yet fully married properly.

If the man is the one who defaulted by failing to meet some requirements, he would be told he has NOT yet "married" his wife.

Yet the same people who took part in the above process would turn around to DESTROY it all by separating the couple

And they would even bring in what they consider a "fitting" replacement "wife".

In the case where they do not succeed, they make life miserable for the one they consider "guilty" of not making the couple bear a child.

As I said before, it is usually the woman that has to endure most of the insults and abuse.

The question I ask is, how come these people who so loudly proclaim faith in God, find it easy to destroy what they asked God to join together for them?

Why do they find it so easy to forget his "words" as documented in the religious books they read. Books in which "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE" is emphasized and believers are admonished thus:

…."Love your Neighbors as Yourselves" and "Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto YOU"…etc ?

What is the point of taking all those marriage vows if the fact that babies fail to come – or take too long in the opinion of some relatives – can provide enough justification to destroy a couple’s marriage – causing great anguish and pain to the husband and wife, the latter especially? This nonsense continues to happen daily. And I remain awed by the fact that there seems to be no class of people who do not exhibit these bad habits. It seems you can never be sure who will do it, until s/he is affected i.e. his/her child is married to someone and no baby is forthcoming.

That’s why I suggest such religious Nigerians stop taking marriage vows – or participating in the process.

At least that would make it easier to "scatter" the whole thing if/when anyone – relatives, friends or the couples themselves – feel it’s gone on for long enough!

And Then There’s The Issue Of Religion Discrimination In Nigerian Business Practice

"Where do you fellowship?" Have you ever heard, asked or been asked, that question before?

If you are a Nigerian, the answer is likely to be YES (I think). In my case I cannot count the number of times I have found myself being asked THAT question by prospective clients that I met with in a bid to sell my services.

I always answered the question truthfully as follows "I do not fellowship".

Which would lead to other questions and eventually, I might earn myself a short sermon about why I need to give my life to… etc.

But that’s when I am "lucky".

I have had experiences in which I explained that did not fellowship, and that I did not feel a need to do so, stressing that I had a different preference regarding religion. The prospect suddenly became "coldly" receptive, and in most instances, I never made the sale.

Only on one occasion did I get past that problem. In that instance, after I gave my usual answer, the prospect asked if I belonged to the "other" religious group: "Are you a …..?".

I answered in the negative, to which he promptly said "Ah, because if you were a ……… there is just no way you could get this job".

I made a mental note of that statement in my head – it was serious enough to make an impression on me, even though I was not a ………

He then went on to tell me he would expect me to "convert" by the time I finished work on the first project they wished to have me do for them – IF I wanted him to give me the next job.

I told him I would think about it (but I already knew what my answer would be!).

The question I ask is : In what way does a man’s belief or unbelief in a particular religion make him LESS or MORE competent to do what he does for a living?

If we wanted to choose a contractor to build a bridge across the Atlantic or something as challenging, would we be looking at the RELIGION of those who submit bids for the job?

Or would we want to see evidence of their competence in form of past projects completed; client references etc?

I am sure everyone will agree that the latter are more relevant criteria than the former.

Yet in Nigeria, every SINGLE day, people take important decisions on behalf of their non-religious BUSINESS organisations/employers based on religious considerations.

The result is that mediocres and incompetents are awarded contracts/jobs while more qualified persons lose out because they do not profess faith in the same religion as the decision maker.

Is it then any surprise that some people who have lost out in this manner later decide to "pretend" to join the proposed religious group, in order to increase their chances of winning projects from such biased persons?

And is that not why so much insincerity exists today in many religious groups?

There is a rabid form of religious discrimination pervading this country – and it is destroying lives on a daily basis.

If we could all start doing the right thing, Nigeria would be better off for it.

In my case, I am VERY clear in my mind about what I believe and what I do NOT believe – and WHY!

If/when I feel my beliefs need to change, I will not need anyone to dangle a "contract carrot" in front of me to help me make up my mind.

After all, this is supposed to be a PERSONAL and SPIRITUAL matter – is it not?!

Final Words : At last, I’ve Said It…!

And who knows where they will be looking for my head now – considering all the "blasphemy" I have littered this page with :-))

But then nothing written here comes close to being inaccurate or untrue.

It just so happens that most "normal" people would rather not be the ones to be quoted as having SAID THEM!

So, I repeat what I said at the start of this piece:

There is a saying in Yoruba land that goes thus: "Enu mi ko ni won ti ma gbo pe iya teacher ku!". Translated literally, this means: "It will not be from my mouth that news of the death of the teacher’s mother will be heard!".

Obviously, in my case, I have chosen to do the opposite of what the wisdom of that saying suggests.

I hope I will be forgiven – even as I also hope those religious people guilty of acting in the ways I have described here can truly MEND their ways for the better.

Every society that wishes to lay claim to being PROGRESSIVE, must each of its members an INALIENABLE right, to believe whatever s/he wants.

Therefore let each person respect the Civil Liberties of the other!

PS: What I Have NOT Said!

One last thing. Even though it is obvious, I will like to state clearly that I have NOT said in this article that ALL religious Nigerians behave in the unsavoury ways I have described above.

As is the case with every thing else in life, there WILL AWALYS be exceptions.

So, let no one accuse me of making blanket generalisations.

I thank you in advance.