He Failed The Interview, And They Gave Him A Better Job!

September 27, 2012 Tayo Solagbade Leave a comment

Quick Overview: This write-up tells the story of a young manager in a large company, who failed an internal interview for a bigger paying position, and then got promoted into a better one!

How could this happen, you ask? Read this article – which is based on real events to find out (names and other details changed for privacy).

The story also offers useful instruction senior managers can adapt to swiftly uncover, and kill “office politics” aimed at stifling other employees’ progress. Especially where it affects vulnerable young employees showing talent and promise in the workplace.

Introduction: The corporate grapevine was abuzz…again!

The news had been quietly circulating amongst employees for a while, but he had ignored attempts by friends and colleagues to interest him in it. If the management was planning any career move for him, he preferred to hear directly from them. And not through some office politicking bootlickers who wasted precious company time chasing silly gossip.

So he focused on leading his night shift team, which was anchoring output to meet the week’s target. When he left by 9 a.m the next morning, the job was done. After sharing some good natured backslapping with the men, he completed handover formalities, and left. As soon as he got home, he dropped off to sleep.

A letter arrives…

Less than 2 hours later, he was awakened by the sound of his name being called by Nohj, his neighbour. A letter had been dropped off by one of the company drivers. It announced that he had been short listed for an internal interview at the headquarters, for a new position that had just been created.

Just as he’d thought, the grapevine’s version had been wrong. “Figures!” he said, chuckling to himself. The rumour mongers had created the impression that he’d been appointed to some new position. Unless objections had been raised, and additional names thrown up for consideration, this letter’s message suggested the decision makers never planned it that way.

He attends the interview…

He arrived in town the night before the interview date. By 9 a.m the next morning, as he walked into the headquarters venue, he ran into Eze. They greeted cheerfully. “Ol boy, so you got invited as well?” Kay asked. “Yes, I got my letter yesterday morning. I didn’t know they called you as well.” Eze replied.

They had known each other since joining the company through separate recruitment channels, 3 years earlier. Kay was later redeployed to an out-of-state branch, and they had only been able to interact intermittently via phone since then.

They chatted for a few more minutes before one of the two expatriate senior managers conducting the interview showed up. He announced that Kay would be called in first. That was when it struck them both, that they were the only ones invited.

“Well if you get it, you can stay at my place until you find yours” Kay said. “Thanks man, but who knows, you could get it!” replied Eze. They both laughed.

An hour later, Kay emerged from the room, and wished Eze luck as he went in.

Reflecting on the interview…

It was 2 pm and he was due to resume morning shift the next day, so he promptly headed out, and picked a cab. As the taxi sped off to the motor park, he reflected on the session he’d had with the 2 man panel. It had been surprisingly laid back.

He was familiar with one of them, who was based on the same plant as he was. The other he had only known in name, until the interview.

They’d asked him the usual questions about his background, education, interests etc. Not unexpectedly, the work he had been doing as a departmental Right First Time project champion received considerable attention. He had been thrust in the spotlight for the creative initiatives he had introduced. One example was the detailed competency assessment questionnaire he had developed, to conduct practical competency tests for all the operators. The training department had promptly adopted it.

The panel also asked about his career expectations. And it was there he surprised even himself. He literally zoned out while responding…saying how great improvements could be achieved in operator performance, if the right approach to training was adopted.

To him, it went beyond concepts. Trainees needed to understand how to adopt the Right First Time project principles as a way of life in doing their work. It had to become a part of them. They had to live it. And that required re-orientation – and greater emphasis on job-based (as against classroom) coaching. The kind of coaching he had been doing as a champion in his department.

He had continued totally absorbed in the vision he was sharing, until one of the interviewers said “Thanks Kay. We can see you’re really passionate about the work you’re doing. And that’s great.”

He realized he had gotten lost in a kind of “I have a dream” speech.But he had no regrets “I’ve only spoken my mind. Now they know why I’ve been so driven to do the stuff I’ve been doing” he thought.

The taxi arrived the interstate motor part. He noted it was already 3pm. For fear of getting waylaid by high way armed robbers, most people avoided night travel. He quickly got on a bus, and was soon on his way.

They choose the other guy!

About 2 weeks later, the grapevine got busy again. But this time, the news was that Eze had gotten the job. Unable to reach Eze, Kay confirmed it by speaking with Eze’s colleague who was on duty. He promptly sent Eze a congratulatory email, reminding him to stay at his place, and not waste time searching for an apartment.

By the next morning Eze had replied and confirmed he would be staying over. “That’s settled then” thought Kay. He turned his attention to more pressing issues: the operator competency tests he was conducting for the first batch to be licensed. He visited their shifts to watch them at work, scoring each using the assessment form he designed.

To assess all the operators, he had to spend extra hours before and after his own shift to catch them on theirs. The training department provided great support. Everybody looked forward to the big licensing ceremony planned for those declared competent. They would be presented with certificates/new uniforms, as an incentive to them – and others.

Vicious backstabbing by a trusted colleague…a nightmare begins…!

Eze had arrived and settled in at his place. They had spent that weekend catching up on old times, and later went out for a drink with other colleagues.

Monday marked the start of the final week of operator testing. The last group Kay had to assess was on morning shift. As he walked in, he noticed some colleagues stole glances at him while speaking in hushed tones – but thought nothing of it.

A few days later, he got a call from the expatriate senior manager – HB – who’d been on the interview panel. “Please see me in my office after you close your shift. I need to speak with you” he said. “Okay”, replied Kay.

One hour after handing over to his colleague resuming afternoon shift, he walked into the manager’s office. After exchanging pleasantries, he took the seat offered by HB, who then looked him in the eye and said “I’m getting reports that you’ve stopped doing most of the good work you were doing on the Right First Time project, since the announcement was made about the interview results. People are saying it’s because you are unhappy that you did not get the job. Is this true?”

Shock was Kay’s first reaction. “But why would anyone would think that” he wondered to himself. To meet the deadline, he had had to visit operators on different shifts – mostly targeting late and night shifts (and weekends) which had less interruption. As a result, most people had not seen him around for a while. Some had apparently chosen to read negative meanings into it.

And then it struck him: Maybe that was what the odd looks and whispering had been about! “Who thought this twisted angle up?“ he fumed.

Speaking with controlled anger, Kay said “Well, thanks for giving me a chance to tell my side of it. I can tell you it’s totally untrue. In fact, just this morning, I conducted a competency assessment for the last of the operators we’re hoping to certify. All that remains is for me to add up the scores. Since I returned from the interview, I’ve had to step up the work pace, to ensure we finish on schedule, for the ceremony. Everything is going according to plan. If you ask the Training Instructors they will confirm this!”

HB nodded slowly, and said “Hmm, very interesting”. Then he asked another question. “Eze says you’ve been so upset about losing the job that you bluntly refused to let him stay at your place, even though he asked you. Is that true?”

This time Kay almost lost his cool.

“What?!!! That does it HB. I’ve had it with these lies. That’s ridiculous – particularly when you consider that just this morning ALL his stuff was still in my apartment. As it has been from the very first day he moved into this town!

I should also mention that Eze did NOT ask to stay with me. Immediately after the news broke, I was the one who wrote to congratulate and remind him he could stay at my place. I actually thought we were friends, but from what you’re telling me, he’s been going around painting a bad picture of me, while benefitting from my generosity. Well, now I’m wiser about the politics.”

HB said “No, no, no, Kay. Don’t let this bother you at all. I think I know exactly what’s going on here. Can you do me a favour? Get me samples of the Right First Time project documentation you say you’ve produced so far, including the assessment forms for the operators. I’d like to see how what they look like.”

About 30 minutes later, Kay had returned with all the requested materials, and HB confirmed that work was progressing just as he had claimed.

Shaking hands with Kay, HB said “You go back and keep up the good work. And don’t let any of this get you down. I know exactly what to do.” Kay nodded and left.

The smart senior manager rights the wrong being done…

The next day he resumed his shift to find a commendation letter written by HB addressed to him. It praised him for the progress being made with the Right First Time project training. It was copied to all departmental heads and also placed on the notice boards.

With that single blow, HB effectively neutralized the calculated attempt to discredit Kay via office politics. And in the process, he restored Kay’s belief that the company provided relible checks and balances against vicious backstabbing and other corporate vices.

Months later, Kay gets a promotion…

Less than a year later, some high profile management changes were announced in a memo circulated from the MD’s office. A few days before the new broke, Kay had received a tip off about it – from the dreaded grapevine. He never understood why they kept calling to tell him even though he never asked. Only out of politeness did he hear them out most times.

He had been promoted to Training Manager. That same week, he got a letter stating that he had been nominated for an international course outside the country. While on that trip, he came across HB (who’d left the country earlier) who asked him “So, what’s your job title now?”. When Kay told him, he said “I told you not to worry didn’t I?” Kay smiled and replied “Yes, you did say so. Thanks again HB.”

The relentless grapevine later churned out hearsay about why Kay got promoted as follows:

“Kay’s interview performance had indicated he could serve the company’s needs better, in a more influential/high profile role than he had interviewed for. But that position would not be vacant for another 9 months. So, they decided to give the newly created interview job to Eze, and keep their plans for Kay on hold. But Kay of course had no way of knowing this. So, the delay also offered management a useful way of seeing how he would carry on after the new broke that he had not passed the interview.”

For once, Kay felt he could accept the “version” from the grapevine as being close to the truth. Especially when he recalled how HB had called him up, and subsequently taken action to quash the malicious rumours.

He never did bother to confront Eze about the vicious backstabbing incident. Instead he let him stay on until he found a place of his own – though sometimes he inadvertently acted cold towards his guest. “After all I’m only human!” he would rationalize.

He was however grateful for the useful lesson Eze’s betrayal had taught about dealing with colleagues in the corporate workplace. It was a dog-eat-dog world they were in!

Final Words – Always Give Your Best, No Matter What Happens!

As this story suggests, sometimes your company’s decision makers may simply be trying to test your character by “failing” (or even “demoting”) you…to see how you react to (seeming) setbacks.

On the other hand, it could be they have future plans for you, that confidentiality concerns may prevent them for letting you know about upfront.

In either case, the advancements you hunger for would take longer than expected.

What’s more, anyone – even a person you consider a friend – can silently mark you as a rival or “competitor” in the company. And s/he would gladly use any weaknesses you display to make you look bad.

So, never let seeming delays or disappointments stop you from doing great work every time you turn up in the workplace. Otherwise, you’ll give haters the ammunition to shoot you down with – making decision makers conclude you cannot handle higher responsibilities, since temporary setbacks easily upset you.

Don’t do that to yourself!

——

GET A BETTER JOB, WITH YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER!

One powerful way to make that happen is to send your boss or HR Manager a professionally updated resume/CV. This differs from the standard CV. It showcases your key accomplishments, successes, projects, additional certifications and degrees(s) earned.

CB Studio can help you produce a professionally updated CV for the above purpose, which you’ll also find to be a useful tool during the forthcoming end of year performance evaluation, with your boss!

For details, fill and submit the request form at http://www.cbstudio.biz

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Self-Development, Writing/Blogging

Why You Should Write To Share Your Knowledge

September 26, 2012 Tayo Solagbade Leave a comment

For centuries, ideas that influenced societal happenings have been communicated in written form for others to read and reflect upon. Religious and political bodies use the written word to propagate their messages. You may not believe it. But there is something you know which some others NEED – if you would only write about it. In this article, I explain how – by writing to share what you know – you can make the lives of others better. And by so doing, you’ll contribute to the development of people in your society – and even beyond! .

(Published online: Aug 18, 2006)

What If Napoleon Hill Had Not Written Think And Grow Rich?

What would this world have been like if Hill had not written that wonderful book? Think back to all the successful people you know who have mentioned that reading THAT book transformed their lives. Imagine if they had never read the book i.e. it had not been written. The implications would be multiple fold. Let’s consider a few examples.

Maybe today, Dr. Walter Doyles Staples would not be the accomplished person whose works have been a source of education and inspiration for thousands of people worldwide. Robert Kiyosaki would probably not be the person we know today, whose personal childhood stories and reflections have influence a thousands to rethink their approach to the education of their kids. And the need for a reform of our traditional educational system, to help their kids succeed in life.

You Can Change Lives Through Your Writings

By writing, we give others the opportunity to embark, more intelligently, and therefore with greater chances of success, on a journey that we have made. Anyone who has applied honest and diligent effort to a particular cause, can write competently about what s/he has done. And it would benefit others who desire to pursue a similar goal.

Now here’s an interesting poser about Robert Kiyosaki. Millions of adults worldwide have bought his books and followed his advice about how to educate kids to achieve financial independence. And they did this even though they knew Robert and his wife(Kim) had kids of their own. Have you ever wondered about that?

Well, I have. And the ONLY logical explanation for what should have been an unreasonable action on that part of the parents is this: They (wisely) chose to look beyond Robert NOT being a parent. Instead, they focussed on the intuitive common sense logic of the ideas he presented. As many stated in their written testimonials about Roberts books, those ideas resonated with those they had themselves battled with, during their own childhood years!

When I read those commentaries/testimonials by people (including kids), I could not help wondering: Would they have ever taken any corrective action for their own kids’ sake, IF someone like Robert had not written about his experience? So again, we’re back to the questions with which I started this article: What if Robert had never written his books? One thing at least is certain: our thinking about how children should be educated to achieve financial success in life, would be worse han it is now. That is the value that Robert’s writing has added to millions of lives the world over – mine inclusive (the distance between our continents of residence notwithstanding).

Many People Who Should Write Are NOT Writing

In many societies, people undergo unique experiences of all kinds on a daily basis. For each person, the learning acquired through those experiences literally shapes who they become over time, and ultimately determines whether or not – or better still how well – they succeed.

Each one of us can draw upon such experiences, to teach others how to deal with them successfully, should they encounter similar challenges in their lives.

Each one of us has a distinguishing trait or quality that sets him apart from others who do what s/he does. Therefore if you were to write a (non-fiction) book or article based on your area of competence or experience, there’s a good chance that someone will find it useful.

It might help to inform (or remind) you, that even Napoleon Hill was initially plagued with self-doubt, when Andrew Carnegie first asked him to write "Think And Grow Rich". Hill worried – among other things – that he was not "qualified" or "competent" enough – at the time – to write it. But thankfully, he eventually brushed those fears aside, and did us all a favour by writing the book that today has changed millions of lives for the better.

You Don’t Need A Teaching Qualification To Share What You Know With People Who Need It!

Let’s say a person who survived years of isolation as a prisoner of war, decides to write a book about what he went through. Do you think he would need to get a writing degree to do that? Or indeed to speak to audiences in seminars about (a) what it feels like and (b) how to survive under such situations? Of course not. We’re talking about personal experience here. Nothing beats that. Not even the biggest academic qualifications in the world!

Now, even if you feel you cannot write the story by yourself, you can engage the services of a freelance writing professional. It is worthwhile to note however, that developing your writing skills would ultimately enable you do more spontaneous writing than you could if someone was doing the writing on your behalf.

You Can Write While Still In The Process Of Acquiring The Experience(s)

Incidentally we need not wait until we have achieved the goal we pursue, before we can write for others to learn from us. A person who never won the gold as an athlete at the olympics, could draw from his/her "failures" to coach a younger athlete with potential to win the gold.

Taking this further, a person who has "failed" in a bid to achieve a goal could, with a positive mental attitude, articulate a set of learning points about what caused him/her to fail. S/he would then use them to teach others (one-on-one or through a book or article) about what to do to increase their chances of success.

You do not need to wait till you become the Managing Director of the company you work for, before you begin to share the useful learnings about achieving career advancement, that you pick up along the way. This is because while you are busy "climbing", others coming after you will be in the process of taking the decision to start "climbing". And compared to you, they will be less experienced or knowledgeable about what to expect.

Many of them are likely to appreciate hearing from you, up front, some hints about what they will face during their journey. And how you dealt with the challenges that cropped up – including what you think they can do to make good progress.

In my case, I am sharing insights gained from my experiences as an entrepreneur, through writing articles and books, and in daily interactions. Begin documenting as much of your own experiences as possible. This will equip you over time, to share useful learning with others, and make their journey less difficult.

No one person has the duty of teaching others about how to succeed in life. Every one of us can teach what s/he knows to those who need to know. And one effective way to do it is by writing. And unlike speaking, it is also more enduring: once you’ve written it, you will not need to write it again. And all who want to read it, will always be able to do so, when they go to the library, bookstore or website where it is available to get their copy.

I Found Supporting Evidence That "You Need To Write", In Dr. Spencer Johnson’s Book: "Who Moved My Cheese"!

Who better to tell you what it feels like(or takes) to survive as a start-up entrepreneur, if not someone currently in the struggle – or recently out of it?

If you wanted to get an authentic update on the socioeconomic situation in Nigeria, would you ask your “Professor Uncle” who travels once-a-year to Lagos on official visits? Or would you ask your Aunt who lives in Lagos, and visits New York on business every other month? The latter of course.

The above is why I chose to start writing about my experiences early in my entrepreneurial career, rather than wait till I get “up to the very top” before doing so. But I got even more convinced that this was the right thing to do, when I read the little book titled “Who moved my cheese?” written by Dr. Spencer Johnson.

The Book’s Parable About Hem & Haw(2 little people) As Well As Sniff & Scurry(2 Mice)

The book narrates an engaging parable about 4 characters – Sniff and Scurry (2 Mice) and also Hem and Haw (2 little people). The parable illustrates the various ways different people react to unexpected changes/setbacks that occur in their lives on a daily basis.

It admonishing us to learn to laugh at ourselves, and the mistakes we make in life – so as to be able to learn from them and “move on” with our lives. Dr. Johnson uses the analogy of “moving cheese” to illustrate how our circumstances/situations in life will inevitably change. He argues that we all need to be prepared for those changes when (not “if”) eventually they occur. If we’re prepared, and we respond quickly and intelligently to them (instead of protesting and complaining), we will often find that we end up being better off in the long run.

Dr. Johnson takes the reader through a series of scenarios in which the 4 characters employ various methods to deal with the unexpected changes. The 2 little people – Hem and Haw – unlike the mice, had major problems getting over the setback (not surprising is it? A typical human reaction!) and moving on with their lives. Hem in particular remained adamant that it was “unfair” for the cheese to have been moved. And he prevailed on Haw (who over time became more disposed to trying to find a way out of the fix they were in), to stay with him till things “returned to normal” – or until “someone gave them an explanation” for moving their cheese.

Remember! It’s a parable. If you think about it, sometime in the past(or possibly even now) some of us may have been just like Hem. Never seeing any good in a change that affected us (in our opinion) “negatively”. An example: a lateral movement from your job to another seemingly less glamorous one in your company.

"Haw" Starts Writing To Share What He Learns BEFORE He achieves Success

And here’s the lesson I picked up from the book: At a point, Haw decided that since the mice had taken off in search of another cheese almost immediately the initial cheese had moved, he would do the same. So, he left Hem, (after trying without success to get him to go along), sitting and complaining, and began his search.

As he journeyed, he made a lot of new discoveries, gaining new and fresh insights that excited him a great deal. In fact, he found the learnings he picked up while trying to find new cheese so profound, that he decided to write each learning on the wall (in form of a short phrase). This was so that anyone who was coming along after him, would benefit from the knowledge he had discovered.

Examples of the phrases he wrote are: “If you do not change, you can become extinct”; “When you move beyond your fear, you feel free”; and “Imagining myself enjoying new cheese even before I find it, leads me to it”.

I have chosen to adopt the method used by Haw, by writing to share my experiences even before I get to the "top" as an entrepreneur.

Even before he found new cheese, Haw began to share the little knowledge he was picking up along the way/during the journey.

He felt (quite rightly too) that there was no point waiting till he got to the “end” of his journey, and found new cheese, before he shared the little he already knew.

This was because he recognised that he was experiencing useful – though sometimes painful – lessons that could benefit others tremendously, if they knew them before facing similar challenges.

Summary

I personally believe that it takes strength of character and tremendous self belief, to repeatedly share painful lessons learnt in the pursuit of a challenging goal(s), especially while still working to achieve it(them).

Another lesson we can take away from Dr. Johnson’s book, is that we can each move our own cheese (become “masters of our fate”), instead of waiting for others to do it for us.

Years ago, I chose to move mine by leaving the comfort of what should have been a comfortable job in a corporate organisation, to follow my longstanding vision of running my own businesses. I also decided that I wanted to spend much of my time, sharing with others my achievements in various areas of my past, present and future endeavours.

We need to share information/knowledge and discoveries about life, and how to live it better, with each other. We need to do so regularly, and with passion. Our actions in this regard must be borne out of a genuine desire to enrich the lives of others, and help them get ahead like we are doing.

A society where this happens continually, and spontaneously, would be a very successful one. Many developed countries are already on the path toward attaining this state.

Developing countries which desire to achieve similar progress, will need to challenge many more of their members to share more often – and selflessly.

Writing is a powerful and cost-effective way to do this. Any society that wishes to develop fully, MUST encourage her members to write – and read – as frequently as possible (especially non-fiction). You can play a role today in the development of your own society. Do this by acquiring qualitative experiences in the pursuit of worthwhile goals, and writing to share what you learn to help others do the same .

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Parenting

Schools Can Kill Your Child’s Creativity – IF You Don’t Apply These Tips

September 26, 2012 Tayo Solagbade Leave a comment

I know this topic may sound alarming for some people. However, I urge you to read this article with an open mind. I do not offer criticisms below. Instead I provide insight based on my personal experiences from my growing up years till now. In addition, I share IDEAS about how I’m preparing my kids to do a better job of succeeding in the real world(outside the secure/controlled environment of paid employment) earlier in life, than I did.

(Published online: 26th April, 2012)

Preamble

My mother retired as a Montessori trained teacher after 30 years. Yet, persons who know me well today, will attest to the fact that I have ALWAYS felt that “Schools kill creativity”, for YEARS. Especially since leaving school and going into the real world, as an adult. It would appear that Sir Ken Robinson also has issues with schools: see http://www.ted.com/talks/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity.html. Of course some of us know Robert Kiyosaki also faults our schooling system in his best seller titled “If You Want To Be Rich and Happy, Don’t Go To School?“

You see, I am product of the traditional school system. Over the past 2 decades, I have come to realise that our school systems “condition” people to NOT be able to maximally exploit their innate creativity as INSTINCTIVELY as it comes to them.

It is this realisation, that makes me focus MORE energy, on giving my kids what I call an “Experiential Real-World Relevant Education” today . The key to being creative is to be UNAFRAID to be wrong or to make mistakes.

Another requirement is that you must view life with the same wonder and awe that a child does – even after you become an adult. Don’t try to stifle your natural urge to express excitement about the unique discoveries that occur to you. Otherwise, you’ll fail to follow them through.

I KNOW all of this to be TRUE, and RIGHT, from years of following what I was told, going to school and THEN getting into the real world, and feeling VERY lost. While in paid employment, most of what I learned in formal schooling helped – to a point. However, when I became self-employed, and entered the real world, where almost no fair play rules or controls exist, I realised that formal schooling did little to prepare me for the real world.

The lessons I have learned about the fact that schools kill creativity, now guide me as a parent today.

Today, my older kids especially, are more aware of the real world, than their peers. And they are being coached to appreciate the need to develop real world relevant competence, at the same time as they attend school.

As often as possible, I provide them DETAILED insight about how I have had to struggle to find my place in the real world of my society (outside the controlled environment of paid employment) IN SPITE of having received – and excelling at – formal schooling.

But that’s not all. They also get TO HEAR TRUE STORIES of failure and triumph from their father. Nothing is hidden from my kids. They know about all the failures I have had right back to when I got suspended as a prefect in secondary school at age 16.

The purpose is to make them understand that people CAN fail or make mistakes, and STILL bounce back and go on to succeed. In other words, there’s no need to go around trying to avoid being wrong.

Then I seize every opportunity that presents itself, to equip them with the mental attitude, knowledge and skills to cope with the REAL WORLD…to balance out the one-sided learning they get in school.

For instance, I sometimes ask my eldest son to join me in listening to – and discussing – news reports about political development in society. I also made him start reading Ken Saro Wiwa’s books when he was 10 years old. And we would discuss what happened to Ken, why it did, etc. The interactions make them develop a higher aptitude for thinking/reasoning. Most importantly, by letting them engage you intellectually, you help them develop self-confidence in relating with adults very early on in life.

I follow a lot of the ideas advocated by Robert Kiyosaki. My kids (especially my sons) accompany me to the Computer Village, the bank and other places, and whatever I do there, they are made to try their hands at. I still recall bank officer sometimes giving me strange looks as I explained the process of filling a deposit slip to my 3 boys, and got one to count out the money, and hand to the teller, while the other picked out the pink copy and put in the box provided on the counter.

More recently at the computer village, a trader asked “Oga, you wan buy monitor for them?” (Translation: “Sir, do you want to buy them a monitor?”) as I stood explaining to my son and daughter the type of – second hand/London used monitors (flat screen etc) that were on display. My response to him was “No be today. Dem just dey learn work, so that when time reach, una no go fit sell baroof monitor for them“(Translation: “Not today. They’re learning the ropes, so you guys won’t be able to sell them fake ones when they return to make purchases on their own in future”). The trader and his on looking friends burst out laughing.

Schools Kill Creativity, But Not If You Help Your Child Develop An Adventurous Spirit

In the Tayo Solagbade clan, we are very nature and agriculture friendly. Their mother is not so keen on relating that closely with nature, but I’ve managed to infect the kids with my enthusiasm for that kind of life.

My kids have been taught to:

1. Find/catch earthworms by locating the earthworm casts (something I learned by reading up on the net!);

2. Handle crabs by hand (as shown in the picture) – and that includes my daughter. They know how to cook them; The also know how to handle rabbits. My second son once caught an injured rabbit in my sister-in-law’s compound at Omole phase 1, and I took it to the vet. We brought it back, but some months later, we visited and learnt it died from cold during the rain. This happened because her kids were too scared to let the rabbit indoors when the rains got too heavy.

My second son shows off his newly acquired skills in handling crabs. I got into trouble while attending Government College Ojo back in 1980 for bringing crabs, and turtles home from a fishing settlement my rascally friend took me. I learnt how to catch crabs then.

His 12 year old brother seems to be saying “Eeew” while grappling with this BIG boy crab. That’s NOT how he acted when it was time to eat them though [Notice the smaller one “running” loose behind him. ]

NB: You can view larger versions of these pictures HERE

3. Watch movies selectively, and pay attention to picking up useful knowledge about life and other cultures from conversations and information in the movies they watch. I am living proof that you can get a lot of useful experience for use in interacting with people from other parts of the world, by doing just this. Without having ever left this country back in paid employment, I frequently QUICKLY developed great friendships with people from Cameroon, Kenya, Belgium, Ireland, Scotland, England, and later Holland, Japan, Argentina and Spain, because I knew stuff about their languages or cultures that most of my country men did not.

[NB: I’m still battling to get them to develop a passion for reading non-school stuff e.g. both fiction and non fiction books – especially the eldest. That was how I built my vocabulary when I was a teenager. I spent every kobo I had buying all kinds of novels and books, and devouring them. For now, I get a lot of upward eye rolling when I try to get them to do this with MANY books I have already bought. But to facilitate the process, I enrolled the eldest in manual typing school (YES, I mean a manual typewriter) for 6 months. He completed that and now works on a typing tutor on the laptop – doing tests typing new words. I am hoping he will pick up some of those words, as he does his typing.

Update (Tue 25th Sept. 2012): It’s exciting to be able to report that they’ve recently broken through the mental barrier of not wanting to read non-school stuff. Last weekend I challenged them to take turns in reading one chapter from Chinua Achebe’s amazing “Things Fall Apart” and/or two other American fiction novels. I set the ball rolling by reading out from Chapter 1 of Achebe’s book to them. They loved it, but when I asked who would go next, they told me they were more interested in reading the American children novels – one titled “Later Gator” and another titled “Animorphs“.

It turned out that they’d started reading those 2 books in their free time – and had gotten hooked. I gave in, but made it clear they would STILL have to read “Things Fall Apart”. I said to them: “Come to think of it, Achebe is a Nigerian by birth who is highly regarded – and has lived in the USA for years now. How can you NOT want to read the book that made him famous, I asked?!“….:-) On a more serious note, as you can see from this update, even when it appears you’re not getting through to them, it’s important to keep in mind that kids do HEAR what you tell them. And if you keep at it – especially if they SEE you practice what you preach – they WILL follow your advice, eventually.]

My second son shows off his newly acquire skills in handling crabs. I got into trouble while attend Government College Ojo in 1980 for bringing crabs, and turtles home from a fishing settlement my rascally friend took me. I learnt how to catch crabs then.

Here he is on a visit with me to Multilinks office at Motorways in Alausa, Ikeja. Believe it or not, he wa actually doing a practical assignment of noting the modem types, phone types and prices listed for each, which we then discussed. Like I told him, people will appreciate you if you prove to be well informed. Let’s say Grandpa or a friend of his says he’s trying to find out how much a multilinks modem costs…? Get it ? I’ve made valuable friends using this strategy many times in the past. It really works – people will develop a liking for you, if you they notice you often provide them with USEFUL/TIMELY information.

My 3 sons in particular are VERY daring. They rescue injured birds, bring them home, nurse them to recovery, then we release them – some die though. We use syringes to feed them milk and drugs purchased from the pharmacy.

Day 1 – Bird-fell from a tree nest. My kids rescued it and brought it home. We got a syringe, and some drugs for her (with guidance from the vet). It recovered a little, but eventually died.

Few days later...Bird-fell from a tree nest. My kids rescued it and brought it home (My daughter froze when her brother placed the bird on her shoulder. But later on she grew confidentn enough to pick it up herself.

Few days later(before it died)…My daughter froze when her brother placed the bird on her shoulder. But later on she grew confident enough to pick it up herself.

NB: You can view larger versions of these pictures HERE

We have a cat as member of our closely knit clan, and she joined us when I rescued her as an injured kitten on a busy road, very late on one rainy night. She had to be treated for weeks, for fleas (using “Ultrum Powder – a perfumed Flea & Tick Treatment”), and flesh wounds. Later we got her vaccinated. Dr. Folorunsho, my vet doctor friend has always been helpful with providing advice on home remedies or cheap antibiotics at odd times of the day!

She’s a BIG girl now, our cat. When I rescued her last September as a badly injured kitten, with a severe respiratory infection, she fit neatly into the palm of my hands! The kids LOVE her silly. We once visited my parents and took the cat with us. Something scared the cat as we got down and she scampered into an uncompleted building. Thinking she would come out later, we went in to my parent’s. By the time we came out, she was still nowhere to be found, so we left – the kids were all downcast. It was like someone had died!

Thankfully, one week later, when I visited my parents again, a securyty guard informed me of a cat meowing as if lost in the compound he was guarding. He was scared of cats, and was visibly rel;ieved ewhen I called out the cats name and she ran out to meet me. She was dirty and obviouslyt bvery huinrgy. My mother quickly made a her a bowl of milk. I left for home earlier than planned . We had a celebration at home that night!

Thankfully, one week later, when I visited my parents again, a security guard informed me of a cat meowing as if lost in the compound he was guarding. He was scared of cats, and was visibly relieved when I called out the cats name and she ran out to meet me. She was dirty and obviously very hungry. My mother quickly made a her a bowl of milk. I left for home earlier than planned . We had a celebration at home that night!

NB: You can view larger versions of these pictures HERE

We have had visits from GIANT (and I do me that) monitor lizards from the vacant plot next door. We caught/kept it for days, while the kids “studied” it. (I did not own a Blackberry at the time, so no pictures of it). My visiting sister-in-law almost jumped out of here skin the day she saw it

Today, we have photos of them handling and examining flat backed millipedes, toads, earth worms etc.

This is a flat backed millipede – the boys found it “walking around” one morning, and another non-formal, unplanned, totally spontaneous Integrated Science practical class began :–)

Interesting insect from over in the bushy plot gets caught by the boys and the rush to get the Blackberry from me, to take a picture of it.

The flat backed millipede:.We poked it a little, and it rolled up into a ball. The stuff from the textbooks in our backyard! We discussed how many legs per segment it has compared to a centipede..

My 10 year old son’s palm holding another visitor from the bushy next door undeveloped plot: A young/small toad with characteristic “warts”. As usual, after a day or two, we let them all go.

NB: You can view larger versions of these pictures HERE

If You Do It Right, It Will PAY OFF!

It’s important to let kids develop an adventurous spirit. That’s the key to building creativity. The mind must be trained to work “unfettered”. Any child, who enjoys such freedom, will develop instinctive creativity. I have lost count of the number of times I have come back home to get excitedly told by the kids of how one or more of them “fixed” something that was broken or damaged in the house.

Sometimes, when the cat falls ill, by the time I get home they inform me that they’ve administered the “ml” of xyz drug that Dr. Folorunsho asked us to give it the last time it had similar symptoms. It goes without saying, in this second instance, that I warn them against self-medicating.
However, it’s great to see they have developed such actively independent thinking skills already. Those are essential skills required for succeeding in the real world, that rarely get taught in school.

Final Words: Schools Kill Creativity – But You CAN Protect Your Child

I am sure you understand the purpose here: Look for as many opportunities as possible, to give your kids useful real-world relevant experiences. That way you’ll better prepare them to stand on their own, as competent adults, later in life.

Success in today’s world is no longer just about getting good grades and obeying adults. If the truth be told, those attributes used to be more relevant to the industrial age, when companies had huge demand for “employees”. Not so today. The reality is that more and more people in the 21st century, are having to think of doing something on their own, or on a part time basis, to meet their needs. And our schools don’t teach much that can help with THAT.

Success in this new world ORDER requires creative and innovative thinking.

The first thing our schools do is to kill curiosity in our kids, by making the need to be like others a priority. Any child that refuses to conform gets castigated or even ostracized. So, at a very early age our schools BUILD FEAR of being different into the minds of our kids. And once fear dominates a person’s thinking, creativity is forced to take a very REMOTE back seat.

When you think about it, you’ll realise this is true. Consider some of the people who history today acknowledges for bringing about the greatest creations or innovations. Many are those who either did NOT go to school (Henry Ford), or who dropped out (Bill Gates)…or who did badly in school (Edison and Einstein)?

I’ll be writing more on this in future. But let me admonish you today, to start paying more attention to implement some form of “Home Schooling”, for your kids, even if part-time. If you really love them, you will do this. It’s the best possible way to prepare them to succeed in today’s world!

Comments?

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Public Speaking

When to Walk Away…

September 24, 2012 Tayo Solagbade Leave a comment

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Publication: Tayo Solagbade’s Weekly Public Speaking IDEAS Page (PSIP) Newsletter

Date: Monday 24th September 2012

No: 56

Title: When to Walk Away…

Author & Publisher: Tayo K. Solagbade [234-803-302-1263]

Blog URL: http://www.spontaneousdevelopment.com/blog

Archive (For E-mail only version started 14th May 2012): Click here to view

Archive (For Blog version started 24th September 2011): Click here

Hi,

Please find below the latest issue of my weekly Public Speaking Ideas page for 2012.

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No. 56: When to Walk Away…

Not every prospect or client that comes along with an offer will be a good fit for you. Knowing when to walk away is therefore a valuable skill.

If you accept work from everyone who makes an offer, there’s a good chance you’ll hurt your business eventually.

Many business owners make this mistake at least once. And it can be quite hard to get over. Sometimes they make the mistake because they need the business. Or because they got carried away by a wave of success and let their defenses drop.

So, they fail to notice the obvious warning signs that appear during their discussions with a prospect or client.

This can lead to a humiliating experience for them. For instance, they could end up negotiating in a needy manner…allowing the client dictate what to pay, how to pay and when to pay (to paraphrase Jason Leister) – and even how the work is to be done.

I’ve made these mistakes many times in the past. I sometimes did so because I wanted to “help” the clients. Unfortunately, some clients interprete such willingness to imply you’re desperate for work. And they naturally seek to make the most of the opportunity.

If you give in, you only set yourself up for a figurative uppercut from greedy clients. Not a smart way to do business. Such clients ONLY care about themselves. They will say – and do – anything to get what they want. And that includes telling bare faced lies.

Here are three warning signals to watch out for:

1. Carrot Dangling: An elderly prospect once said to me…

“Look, the board hasn’t released the main funds yet. So, we’re not exactly buoyant right now. If you speak for a low price now, there’s a big conference we’re planning to do in a few weeks. We’ll simply award it to you. Let’s just get to know each other with this one by using it as a run up to the main job you’ll be doing for us.”

I’ve heard this line from CEOs of hotels, the training manager of a government agency and even church leaders. Not one came through with the promised follow up work!

With those lessons in my experience bag, I now give the following polite response to others who try using the same line on me:

“That’s okay. Let’s just do what you can afford to pay for now. When your funds are released, we can always continue from where we stopped. I personally prefer working on the bird in hand.”

And like I’ve written elsewhere, I always do it with a big smile on my face. Some still take offense though, telling me I’m too rigid. Hmm…I hear you!

2. Reluctance to Talk Money: Sometimes you’ll meet a prospect or client who talks all about the work s/he wants done, and asks a battery of questions to confirm you are competent.

But s/he never asks what your fees are, or how much it will cost to deliver your talk program. When this happens, watch out!

Such persons usually come unprepared to offer worthwhile remuneration. And when you do bring it up, they’re likely to favour haggling as opposed to negotiating. Most times, such exchanges will leave you with a bad taste in your mouth.

If you notice the above warning signal, prepare to walk away. The client and his/her offer may not be a good fit for you.

3. Tag Teaming: Some prospects/clients may try to put you in direct competition with another provider, who more often than not WILL be in on the game they’re playing. They create the impression that someone else is ready to do the job for next to nothing. This is so as to force you to accept a much lower fee that you normally would.

Here’s a real-life example of how you can handle an attempt to treat you this way:

We were discussing details of the final aspect of a project he wanted to assign to me, which I was to give him a quote for.

“But Tayo, the other guy who does my programming can also do this, and I’m sure he’ll do it for next to nothing.” said the client.

Then he went out to the outer office, brought back the other guy, and went through the motions of explaining what the issue was, to him.

The “programmer” (not surprisingly) said “Of course I can do it. In fact, the method I’ll use will produce equally good, if not better reports”.

The client (now literally drooling at the thought that I’d cave in) said:

“That’s what I was just saying. The only difference is that Tayo’s method is a bit faster. Otherwise, your method can deliver the same output that his does. In fact I’m thinking maybe Tayo should hold on and let me try your way first.”

As I watched them, I knew it was time to walk away. I’d seen a “Tag team act” before. And I disliked the exploitative intention.

So, I said “I have a better idea. Why not simply use his solution? There’s no point killing a fly with a hammer. Once his solution already meets your needs, why pay to get mine?”

Both men looked up at me in surprise. I pretended not to notice. “No, no. You don’t understand. I think I’ll still need to come back to you” the client blurted out.

I countered by saying: “But why? From what your man here has said, he has a solution that will work just like you want. To be honest, I’m a bit relieved and also happy for you. At least you won’t have to spend too much to get what you want.”

I threw in a few jokes for effect, as we debated the matter. But I gently pressured them to accept my proposal. Their smiles were noticeably strained as I shook hands with them and departed. But I was done. I wasn’t going to let anyone keep me dangling on a string.

However, it did not end there.

Three weeks later, the client called. By some strange coincidence, I was right across the road from his office at the time. So, when he asked if I could pop in, I agreed.

I arrived to learn they had some issues manipulating Excel database records using the other guy’s method. He needed to query the database to isolate unique records. “What’s the problem?” I asked. He said “When I do it, I keep getting duplicates in my results.”

I replied “Well I initially had a similar challenge, and found a way around it. Just specify additional criteria from the database fields to enable you eliminate the duplicates. Unfortunately, I don’t know your method. But you understand what I mean, right?”

He nodded and smiled uncomfortably, mumbling something about the data provided by the client not being “clean”. I pointed out that I’d had to contend with that same challenge. “Do what I did – help him clean it where possible!” I said with a smile.

At this point I thought: “I don’t want to be pulled any further into this. The sooner I get out of here, the better.” So, I politely excused myself and left (with the client saying “Ah, you’re always in a hurry. Anyway, I’m still going to call you etc”).

Conclusion

Once again I had known when to walk away – with my dignity intact. I’d shown my willingness to clarify issues relating to the work I’d already done. But as soon as I’d established that the problem they were having had nothing to do with me, I knew it was time to leave. If the client wished to bring me in, we would have to discuss that.

Not knowing when to walk away can set you up to be exploited. You’ll come away feeling used and dumped. And you’d have no one to blame but yourself. I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end. And I’ve learnt to protect myself. You should too.

Comments?

What do you think of the above message? Do you have any personal experience to share on this subject? Are there some other points you feel can be added, to help persons looking for answers? Please share your thoughts – click here to post a comment on the blog!

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Send me an e-mail with your questions via tayo@tksola.com. In the meantime, why not get started by subscribing here to get his 7-Part Course (How To Succeed And Get Paid As A Professional Speaker) . . . and receive his monthly newsletter (Speaking Biz Strategies Letter) at no cost.

Have a lovely week!

Tayo K. Solagbade*

Self-Development/Performance Improvement Specialist

*Sole Agent For Burt Dubin’s Speaker Mentoring Service In Africa

Mobile: 234-803-302-1263

http://www.spontaneousdevelopment.com

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Self-Development/Performance Enhancement Specialist – Tayo Solagbade– works as a Multipreneur, helping individuals/businesses develop and implement strategies to achieve their goals, faster and more profitably.

Visit Tayo’s Self-Development Nuggets™ blog to find out how you can get your FREE copy of his new Practical Guide to Important Feed Ingredients (with high resolution pictures, prices, nutrients, uses etc). When he’s not amazing clients with his superhuman skills (wink), Tayo works as the creative force behind his Cost-Saving Farm Business Ideas website, and the Public Speaking IDEAS newsletter (which he publishes to promote Burt Dubin’s Public Speaking Mentoring service to experts working across the African continent).

Depending on his availability, Tayo accepts invitations to deliver customisable talks and keynote speeches on topics relating to his areas of experience based expertise and interest. Visit http://www.tksola.com to learn how you can invite Tayo, to speak at your next meeting/event.

==================

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Parenting, Self-Development

Conquering a Terrifying School Bully (True Story)

September 23, 2012 Tayo Solagbade 3 Comments

This write-up offers guidance and inspiration (based on a true story) for young people who have to lead others – even when the latter include big bullies or aggressive personalities. Parents keen to equip their kids to successfully handle inevitable setbacks (and interpersonal conflicts) in life will also find it a useful read.

Quick Take Away: We were in the final months leading to the school certificate exams. I was trying to catch up in class, after serving a 2 week suspension for abusing my priviledges as a prefect. However, reports of the disruptive behaviour of a notorious bully – called Saheed(not real name) – kept bothering me. So, I came up with a plan to check his excesses. One day, we had a serious face-off that eventually got him sent away on indefinite suspension.

Unknown to me however, he carefully plotted his "revenge" for weeks afterwards. And when – as the holidays be
gan – I escorted a school mate travelling home (off the premises) to the train station, he and his armed thug-like friends came after me!

Continue reading →

Entrepreneurship, Farm Biz

Real Life Poultry Layer Farm Record Formats (Instant Download)

September 20, 2012 Tayo Solagbade Leave a comment

In my latest guest post on Africabusinesscommunities.com,, I discussed five (5) important farm production records a poultry farmer needs to diligently capture, to ensure s/he can take timely farm planning decisions that will result in the best possible performance.

At the end of that piece, I inserted a download link to an MS Excel workbook (80.5kb) containing real-life sample formats of the records discussed in this post.

NB: Screen shots of those record formats (taken from an MS Excel based poultry farm management application I built for a 12,000 layer farm in 2009) were originally meant to appear at specific locations in the body of the post.

DOWNLOAD THE SAMPLE RECORD FORMATS

If you’re interested, click this link (http://www.tayosolagbade.com/uploads/Figures1to4.xls) to download the workbook. You can study the different formats and adapt them to your needs.

READ THE FULL GUEST POST (CLICK BELOW)

Five Essential Poultry Layer Farm Production Records

Parenting

Empower Your Child To Succeed – Teach Him/Her How To Think Independently, And Say No(When Necessary)

September 20, 2012 Tayo Solagbade 1 Comment

When can you truly say that you have succeeded in life? I believe it is when you can point to others around you, that have succeeded as a result, directly or indirectly, of your efforts to empower them to achieve their purposes in life(your personal success is subordinate to this). "Others" here will include YOUR children, if you have any. Look at it this way: If a baby Eagle fails to learn how to hunt successfully in the wild, in order to survive and flourish like its mother, it would die of starvation i.e. FAIL! There is a saying in my homeland(Africa) that "It is not possible for an Elephant to give birth to a Lamb". What this implies is that your offspring for the most part should be a reflection of yourself, especially in their ability to make a success of their time on earth like you have – or possibly better! This article offers parents practical ideas for equipping their kids to successfully relate with peers or older persons, without losing sight of who they are, or what their most important values and priorities are.

(First published online: March 2009

Before entering my teens, my "social competence", especially where it had to do with thinking independently, and handling peer pressure – needed work, but I did not know it. ("Social Competence", is one of a number of skills described by Dr. Daniel Goleman as an aspect of "Emotional Intelligence" – in his similarly titled best selling book) .

At ten, I began leaving home daily, on my own, to attend secondary school quite some distance away(three bus rides, usually lasting an hour or more, to or fro). Within ONE year, I got into trouble by "blindly" following some class mates to do things that I knew were wrong, but which I felt compelled to do, in order to avoid getting rejected, and being called names like "coward, wet blanket, book worm" etc.

Let me share two stories of how being ineffective in handling my relationships made me engage in unbecoming conduct – and eventually got me into trouble. In the first story, I describe bad activities I engaged in, without getting caught. The second story describes an instance in which I (along with others from the first story) did get caught, with serious consequences.

The purpose here is to show you how easily my lack of proficiency in managing my relationships and knowing myself(who I was/wanted to be), lead me – and could lead any child with a similar inadequacy – to get into trouble.

Story One – I Join A "Bad" Group That Bullies, Steals And Cheats

During my first day in secondary school at the age of ten, I discovered that age (and possibly my growth rate then) put me at physical disadvantage compared to most of my new classmates. Virtually all of them were a head or shoulder taller than I was – and some were much older, and quite big! I quickly became a target for the big bullies in the school.

But, as time went on, some of them took a different kind of interest in me because they saw I always got good grades – while they tended not to. So, they would protect me from other bullies in class or school (especially during lunch breaks), and in exchange I would help them with their homework etc. It all started harmlessly enough until they began to demand that I pass them my answer script during the exams so they could copy from it into theirs, before I could submit to the teacher. I was so naive, that I even thought it was fun, and never imagined what would happen if we got caught.

Looking back, I think deep within myself, I enjoyed the feeling of being favoured by these big boys who were feared by most students – even teachers – and I would probably have done anything to retain my priviledged "membership" of their group. At a point, our group become so notorious that we even left the school’s premises every once in a while to eat meals or buy things we never paid for!

For instance, we would go to a local food vendor(called "Mai Shai"), and ask to be served bread with fried eggs and tea for instance, for each person. After eating up, the big boys would ask me to walk away, while they used their sizes and mean looks, to intimidate the poor trader, before suddenly taking to their heels. Stories about these "feats" soon spread – leading to others in the school nicknaming me "Kukuru Danger"(literally translated to mean "small, but dangerous one")! Note that all of what I said here was never at any point noticeable when I was at home with my siblings and parents.

I was always the good boy who did as he was told, and never caused any trouble – at least not at home! Which is why you might want to get a little closer to your child, and try to develop a personal relationship with him/her. This closeness could encourage him/her to open up – more readily – to you in a way that would facilitate timely intervention in anything s/he is doing that could require your help and experience-based coaching.

Story Two – The Group Gets Caught For Cheating In An Exam

During the third term exams, I and my "big" classmates finally got caught: the teacher noticed an unusual similarity in the answers written by all five of us, and reported to the Principal. For about two weeks, we faced a panel of investigation individually, at least twice per person. To show you how "unaware" of the implications of my actions I was, I never once in those two weeks of facing the panel said anything about it to my parents, right until the last day of school when my mom drove down to pick me up, and also get my report card.

I’ll never forget the look of horror on her face that afternoon, when she saw that despite scoring nearly all A’s in the promotional exams, the Principal’s handwritten comments, instead of being congratulatory, were: "To repeat for cheating during the exams"! (The panel had confirmed that I had given out my script to my classmates to copy, and even though agreeing that I had not copied from anyone, held me equally guilty of cheating, like the others – and rightly so).

If my mom was upset, I struggle to think of a word that best describes how my dad reacted when he learnt what had happened. To cut the long story short, my parents decided to withdraw me from that school and sent me to boarding school in another city, over six(6) hours away from home, where I started my secondary education all over again. That sobering experience has lived with me till this day, as has another that occurred later(Oh yes, there was "another" – Kids never seem to learn it all at once!). Those experiences, however paid huge dividends, in the sense that my memories of them helped me successfully overcome so many temptations that could have gotten me into spectacular trouble later on in my adult personal/work life.

Having said the foregoing, I will re-iterate that not everyone will be lucky to walk away, "in one piece", after engaging in childhood truancy or other bad behaviour. Which is why coaching your child to learn how to handle him/herself in relation to peers, and older persons, is a crucial necessity for you as a parent. Every time I see each of my kids, I cannot help recalling the mistakes I made while growing up, and how I was so blind to their possibility or the severity of their consequences, before I made them. This memory makes me stay resolved towards preparing my kids to do a better job of making mistakes, than I did as a child.

But They Will Make Their Own Mistakes Too

No doubt about that. In fact, it is important that they make THEIR OWN mistakes, because mistake making is itself an essential requirement for a person’s balanced development. And just as it is important to help your child avoid making those you can anticipate(based on YOUR past experiences), how you react to the mistakes s/he does make, is even more important.

Don’t make too much of a big deal about it when(not IF) it happens. Express your displeasure, but avoid making absolute statements like "You’ll never amount to anything", or recalling every mistake s/he’s made in the past at the slightest prompting. Failure to heed this warning can have a powerfully devastating effect on the frail mind of a young child, which could result in long lasting damage to his/her self-esteem. Most Important Reason To Take Heed Of This Warning: You could, literally speaking, drive him/her away from you, at a time when s/he is most needful of your forgiveness, and understanding. S/he could as a result stop confiding in you, and eventually get into even bigger trouble!

Everything I have said here, including the advice I offer, is based on my very personal experiences, and observations of real-life experiences of others, some close to enough to be called "family".

So, How Confident Are YOU Of Your Child’s Ability To Stand Up To Peer Pressure?

This is an important question because:

(a). You will NOT always be there to stop him/her from being exposed to negative influences.

(b). You cannot hide him/her away at home for ever.

That leaves you only one option: teach him/her HOW to manage relationships effectively such that peers or friends know his/her position on relevant issues and respect it.

But maybe I should start by asking if YOU know how to say NO yourself? Many adults will recall some point in their past lives when because they felt the need to NOT appear "un cool", they consented to doing wrong things – ending up feeling miserable(I hope!) for days or weeks afterwards.

The inability to say "NO" and stick to it when people try to get us to do what we feel conflicts with our values, can often get one into trouble. When some people know that you do not know how to(or cannot) say NO to them, they can play on that weakness to take advantage of you. If you fail to deal with this inadequacy in your personality, your kids are likely to pick it up – and become "weaklings" for others to prey on at school or in life.

Incidentally, you can even say NO without actually saying it – i.e through your actions. For instance, when "they" invite you to "join them", you could say "I’ll catch up with you later!", knowing you have no intention of doing any such thing. When next you do see them, you can offer a well thought out excuse for missing it. Soon enough, they’ll stop asking you.

Signs That Suggest You Have Not Taught Your Child How To Say NO

If you always feel you need to be around to stop your child from being influenced to do the wrong things(e.g. you find it difficult to let him/her go far away from you with peers).

If you are never confident that your child has enough powers of discernment to KNOW when s/he should not do a particular thing, then you need to be VERY worried: YOU HAVE NOT EMPOWERED your child to function as an independent-minded person.

Kids are impressionable – that’s true. But they can be successfully taught to be more discriminating in their choice of friends, or role models/heroes in a manner that is consistent with acceptable values.

The Role YOU Need To Play As A Parent

"Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too." – Voltaire

I honestly believe that the best gift any parent can give a child is to teach her how to think for herself, and say NO, when it becomes necessary to do so, in order to ensure she achieves her desired goals consistently, and with integrity.

I know this because I had to acquire those abilities the hard way as I grew up. NEVER assume your child is familiar with, or already competent to handle any potentially unsettling life problem or situation, until you have sufficiently interacted with him/her to assure yourself of that fact.

Also, DO NOT EVER consider it too much work to make out quality time to deliberately but tactfully coach him or her, to handle possible dilemmas you know from experience s/he may be confronted with at times when s/he may not have ready access to you. Create the opportunities to do this yourself, if they do not appear often enough. (I call doing this Spontaneous Coaching for Self-Development™).

If you do not do the above, you might just regret it. In my case I was able to walk away in the instances earlier mentioned, with an opportunity to start over(for which I remain eternally grateful to my parents and teachers). Not every one will be lucky to have a second chance(s). Which is why you might want to use the ideas I offer below, to give your child the best possible stab at success.

What Does It Take To Say NO – And Think Independently?

1. Real-World Relevant Intelligence: Robert Kiyosaki shared his Rich Dad’s definition of intelligence as "The ability to make finer distinctions". I believe that definition has universal relevance. To be able to say NO when necessary, one must develop the ability to "look" beyond the obvious in order to extract accurate interpretations, and deduce appropriate implications.

As I like to tell people "Sometimes the obvious thing is NOT necessarily the correct or most important thing". One way to understand this is to imagine you are a police detective assigned to a murder investigation. You wouldn’t accept all "evidence" on face value, and risk putting the wrong person in jail for a crime s/he did not commit – would you? Same applies here. Help your child to develop real-world relevant intelligence by teaching him/her to ALWAYS look at issues with an open mind, from a multi-dimensional perspective. She will learn more that way, and increase her chances of success.

2. Healthy Self-Esteem Level: A strong knowledge and sense of self. As a nine year old, Bill Gates reportedly knew himself well enough to pronounce to a family friend that "I can do anything I set my mind to". A child who thinks this way is not likely to want to impress others(or avoid being mocked), by joining them to do something s/he does not want to do. Encourage your child to think this way.

3. Strong Values, Vision, and Purpose: Knowing that what’s "popular" may NOT be "good". And that "consensus" does NOT equal "truth". Plus, being aware of what one’s important goals are, will help a person decide when to say NO. Let your child KNOW this truth: If everyone is saying it’s okay to do something you know deep inside your heart is not, you MUST follow your heart, not them.

4. Deliberate Exposure/Education: A little openness in answering questions about those curiosity-arousing issues(e.g. Sex, Drugs etc) will likely demystify them, and reduce his/her chances of seeking answers elsewhere(without your knowledge!). Cover it up in secrecy, and the child’s curiosity intensifies, making her more willing to join others in "exploring" it when you’re not there. Don’t shush your child up when s/he gets curious about sensitive subjects.

5. Knowing That Age Has Nothing To Do With It: Older persons do not always do things in the interest of younger persons. Adults know this. Yet cultural norms sometimes cause us to set our children up(by asking them to show respect and be obedient) to be exploited by irresponsible adults. Teach your child what s/he can say NO to(and when/how), even if an adult is the one making a request of him/her. It could just save his/her life some day.

I strive daily to teach my kids how to think for themselves, and say NO(when necessary). It’s the MOST important form of education I believe I can give them. What about you?

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Self-Development

7 Deadly Myths That Can Stop You From Succeeding

September 19, 2012 Tayo Solagbade Leave a comment

In many societies, it is normal for people to cultivate myths about different things. Successful persons sometimes discover – to their alarm and distaste – that untrue or imaginary stories have been told in social circles about their personal lives, and/or the source of their wealth or success. This human tendency to exaggerate, prevaricate or mythify is unlikely to abate – and so, for those who wish to avoid being misled, it is important to actively "test" what one "hears" before acting based on it. For instance, on the subject of pursuing and achieving success, various myths are propagated in different cultures about how to go about it. This article was written to debunk some of them.

(First Published Online: 6th August 2007 on static html page)

Preamble

Few people alive or dead have enjoyed the height of success that Nelson Mandela has attained. In my opinion, (and going by the definition provided in the quote below credited to Emerson) Mandela’s type of success is one that everyone should aspire towards – because it is arguably the most balanced and complete.

That probably explains why this great man is admired the world over by some of the greatest people from all walks of life. When I talk about success therefore (be it in business or life) I want the reader to know that I refer mainly to the Nelson Mandela type of success i.e. the one which leads to IMPROVEMENT in the lives of others.

"To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children,to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!" – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Just in case you wonder how the above can be applied to business considerations, I’ll elaborate – briefly: An entrepreneur can use his/her business activities to make the lives of others better even as s/he makes profit in the process. Here are two additional quotes, this time from an entrepreneur of proven competence and repute, to support what I have just said:

"Ridiculous yachts and private planes and big limousines won’t make people enjoy life more, and it sends out terrible messages to the people who work for them. It would be so much better if that money was spent in Africa – and it’s about getting a balance." – Richard Branson

"I never get the accountants in before I start up a business. It’s done on gut feeling, especially if I can see that they are taking the mickey out of the consumer." – Richard Branson

Anti-Success Myth No. 1: If You Don’t Get Along With Everyone, You Cannot Succeed

Very untrue. First of all, as Dan Kennedy once wrote, you don’t need anyone’s permission to succeed. You must remember that sometimes what you hope to succeed at, might imply some people with (possibly selfish) vested interests will lose out or earn less than they currently do. Keep in mind the fact that sometimes you may need to change the status quo in order to succeed.

It does not matter how skilled you are in interpersonal relations. It does not matter how likeable you are or can be as a person. Unless you are not fully committed to achieving your purpose, you may HAVE TO step on toes and hurt some people’s feelings in order to SUCCEED in bringing about what could be badly needed change/improvement.

Read through the above quotes credited to Branson again. Then think about people like Nelson Mandela and Mahatma Ghandi who endured protracted antagonism and punishment for years because of the causes they took up. Accept this reality today: In trying to achieve your set goal, you may not be able to get along with everyone. But even if you are willing to try, those who do not like what you want to do, and who despite being in the minority, may be "powerful", could actually REFUSE to get along with you!

You will at some point have to make up your mind just how badly you NEED to succeed in the face of their antagonism. Your decision is very likely to determine whether or not you succeed.

Anti-Success Myth No. 2: Without Connections & Influence, You Don’t Stand A Chance

Another lie. How many times have we read about the underdog who overturned the tables on the big players? In sports, business, politics etc, history has repeatedly shown that nothing can be taken for granted. If you learn continually and work intelligently/diligently, you will become MORE COMPETENT, and eventually your work/efforts will speak for you.

Consequently, your reputation will precede you wherever you go, opening doors of access to opportunities that you need to achieve your purpose. I believe it was Henry Kaiser who once said "When your work speaks for itself, don’t interrupt." You might want to keep that little tip in mind when you pass through this phase.

Nelson Mandela had little (if any) political affiliations or connections that could have made him get what he wanted when he began his campaign for freedom of his people. As a matter of fact, Mandela’s activities antagonised powerful, highly connected and influential people who did not like his "message". Yet he chose to proceed all the same.

That got him into trouble. For 27 years he was punished for making such an "impossible" demand of the government. But throughout the duration of his incarceration, he refused to compromise. The people he fought for SAW his unflinching commitment to (and great personal sacrifice for) THEIR cause. They drew courage from his actions to continue fighting for his release – and their freedom.

When eventually he was set free, his people rewarded him with votes that made him president. He needed no political connections or influential allies to get to the highest office in his country. He simply did what was needed, with honesty and integrity. You do the same thing, and it will only be a matter of time before you achieve YOUR own phenomenal success.

Anti-Success Myth No. 3: If A Successful Person/Authority Says You Can’t, S/he Would Be Right

Not necessarily. Again history offers us wisdom based on hindsight. From Ted Turner’s idea for CNN to Fred Smith’s outrageous term paper concept for an overnight delivery service in an industry dominated by large/experience players who considered it unfeasible. One trend is common: we discover/learn that the word "impossible" ONLY truly represents what people think cannot be done UNTIL someone does it!

This myth is especially relevant when one realises that some successful persons/authorities put on record for having dismissed an idea that went on to succeed, had in the past while pursuing their own maiden successes, ALSO been rejected in the same manner.

As I explained in another article titled "Do You Need A Business Plan – If Your IDEA Is Ahead Of Its Time, Or Unproven?", Henry Ford had an experience which provides a useful example. Having worked as an employee of the great inventor, Thomas Edison, for some years (starting as a stark illiterate – according to Napoleon Hill in the book titled "Think & Grow Rich"), Ford one day came up with the idea for a "horseless carriage" that everyone could afford – known today as the car.

He approached Edison, but the latter told him to forget it, offering him instead the incentive of a promotion so they could focus/work on "more important things". It should be noted that Ford, going by "rational reasoning" should not normally have had the courage to even THINK he knew something the great Thomas Edison did not – especially about what was worth inventing.

This foregoing point is especially noteworthy when one considers how Ford started. But (urged on by his wife) he knew enough to NOT accept Edison’s judgment. He quit the inventor’s employ, and using savings he and his wife had left, vigorously pursued his dream. You and I drive cars today – which in the pre-Ford invention days were the exclusive preserve of the wealthy – because Henry Ford REFUSED to let others impose their limitations on him.

Anti-Success Myth No. 4: Your Family Has No History Of Successful Business People

Neither did Walt Disney or Robert Kiyosaki (just to name two examples that readily come to mind). Yet, today the names of these two individuals are easily associated with success, wealth, and fame.

Potentially useful, I believe, are Kiyosaki’s writings – especially the Rich Dad series, which do an excellent job of painting a CLEAR, unambiguous picture of the discouraging and psychologically challenging environment that Robert had to grow up in, and fight hard to come out of.

Robert’s books/board games and his achievements prove that a lack of family pedigree, cannot condemn ANYONE to a life devoid of business or financial success. If you want it badly enough, and are willing to LEARN – and DO – whatever it takes (legally of course) to get it, then you WILL get it. It would just be a matter of time.

Anti-Success Myth No. 5: Don’t Aim Too High Or You’ll End Up Failing Badly

Still another UNTRUTH. The fact is you need to set what I like to call BIG, FAT goals that will make you STRETCH to achieve them. You will be propelled by the size of your goals. The bigger they are, the harder you will feel compelled to push for them – IF you are sincere with yourself that is.

In James R. Cook’s book titled "The Startup Entrepreneur", we are told that the greater the entrepreneurial ambition one has, the greater will be the amount of "suffering" s/he will have to endure before arriving at success. Cook in fact states based on his study of the lives of many successful entrepreneurs, that there is a positive correlation between the degree of suffering you experience, and the eventual height of success you achieve as an entrepreneur.

Outside the business world, this positive correlation generally appears to hold true in larger society as well. Again I use the example of Nelson Mandela. He set (what was then) an "unrealistic" goal of getting equal rights recognised for his people, by a government run by a minority who benefitted from having it that way. He set, relentlessly pursued and eventually achieved an ambitious goal (that probably sounded crazy at the time), and became a living legend as a result.

Just as setting ambitious goals yields generous success, setting mediocre ones, will yield equally mediocre success levels. You have the right to choose which one you want.

By the way, you might want to note that you cannot fail except you STOP trying to succeed. So don’t be afraid to aim high – repeatedly – and NO matter how many times you "miss". If/when you do "miss", "just check what you did the last time, make needed adjustments, and try again, and again, UNTIL you get it right. Because I know from experience how difficult it can be to remember the foregoing when repeated unsuccessful attempts stare one in the face, I now ask you to please memorise (if possible) the following phrase: I CANNOT fail if I DO NOT stop trying to succeed!

"Aim for the sky, so you can at least land on the roof" – Tayo K. Solagbade

"Judge your success by what you have to give up in order to get it" – Dalai Lama, Exiled Spiritual Leader of Tibet

Anti-Success Myth No. 6: You Cannot Achieve Notable Business Success If You Lack Money Or Access To Persons Who Have It.

I will not say much here. Let me instead quote Dan Kennedy from his book titled "How To Succeed In Business By Breaking All The Rules":

"I have long taught: If you can’t make money without money, you won’t make money with money either. And if you are going to back somebody, pick an entrepreneur who has proven that he can survive without adequate capital". – Dan Kennedy

What you need is really the financial intelligence to manage the money that enters your business (either as investor’s capital or earned income). That is a skill not readily acquired via formal schooling. And that’s why many who venture into business run into problems. I say this as someone who has had to learn the hard way (VERY slowly and painfully) to overcome this shortcoming.

For as long as you believe in your business idea, you will not tire of creating/exploring opportunities to secure money towards developing it. And as I have emphasised from the start of this article – so long as you persist, it’s only a matter of time before you find a way.

Anti-Success Myth No. 7: You Must Profess A Particular Religious Belief In Order To Succeed

This topic can be sensitive, but my intention here is to clarify. Success has different meanings to different people. For certain religious groups, true success has little to do with a person’s material accomplishments while alive, and MORE to do with how his/her activities while on earth impact on his/her "soul" after death.

The point to note is that each person has the right to decide what s/he considers success to be – or mean. As far as this article goes, Emerson’s definition of success reproduced at the start implies that a person can achieve balanced success in life (irrespective of his/her religious preferences) by doing things that IMPROVE the lives of him/herself and others.

Taking it further, when we consider the fact that many modern societies today enjoy a mix of highly successful multi-racial inhabitants with widely differing religious beliefs, it becomes obvious that bias for a particular religion would be an inadequate explanation for success achievement. In fact, available evidence shows that people who qualify to be called successful by our definition in this article, do not ALL practice the same religion.

Indeed Fred Smith, one of those we have mentioned, who boasts astounding accomplishments, had the word "UNKNOWN" entered for him under the heading "Religion:" in a bio/profile published about him by Gene N. Landrum! In other words, (as at that time of publication) Smith presumably had no known religious affiliation – making it difficult, if not outright impossible, to explain his amazing success with his Federal Express(FedEx) company, along those lines.

If the truth were to be told, your religious beliefs are personal to you. And except something is badly wrong, they will likely be in tune with your desires (or vice versa). Which means you might for instance want to pray for "spiritual" help towards success in your chosen business venture, so that your physical efforts will not be "wasted".

Mutual respect for civil liberties is a requirement during interpersonal relations in most societies. The fact that you do not share the same religious beliefs as another person, say in a business relationship, or the workplace, CANNOT be enough reason for him/her to use his/her position, power or influence to deny you fair and impartial access to opportunities available for the pursuit of YOUR goals. If that happens, then serious issues regarding RELIGIOUS DISCRIMINATION can arise, which you might be VERY justified to take up formally if necessary.

Summary

You have a right to set and achieve goals that are important to you. Don’t let people tell you what you can or cannot do. Don’t let these seven (7) deadly myths – or ANY others – stop you from achieving the success you desire. Determine for yourself where you wish to go, and what you aim to achieve – then DO IT.

Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade wind in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. – Mark Twain.

Entrepreneurship, Farm Biz

Five Essential Poultry Layer Farm Production Records

September 18, 2012 Tayo Solagbade Leave a comment

This is my latest guest post published at Africabusinesscommunities.com.

Click here to read full post.

Public Speaking

Fear Can Be Very Costly!

September 17, 2012 Tayo Solagbade Leave a comment

This latest issue of my Public Speaking Ideas newsletter is based on a true story. Names, dates and locations have been changed. Click here to read

Introduction: The corporate grapevine was abuzz…again!

A letter arrives…

He attends the interview…

Reflecting on the interview…

They choose the other guy!

Vicious backstabbing by a trusted colleague…a nightmare begins…!

The smart senior manager rights the wrong being done…

Months later, Kay gets a promotion…

Final Words – Always Give Your Best, No Matter What Happens!

GET A BETTER JOB, WITH YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER!

For details, fill and submit the request form at http://www.cbstudio.biz

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What If Napoleon Hill Had Not Written Think And Grow Rich?

You Can Change Lives Through Your Writings

Many People Who Should Write Are NOT Writing

You Don’t Need A Teaching Qualification To Share What You Know With People Who Need It!

You Can Write While Still In The Process Of Acquiring The Experience(s)

I Found Supporting Evidence That "You Need To Write", In Dr. Spencer Johnson’s Book: "Who Moved My Cheese"!

The Book’s Parable About Hem & Haw(2 little people) As Well As Sniff & Scurry(2 Mice)

"Haw" Starts Writing To Share What He Learns BEFORE He achieves Success

Summary

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Preamble

The lessons I have learned about the fact that schools kill creativity, now guide me as a parent today.

Schools Kill Creativity, But Not If You Help Your Child Develop An Adventurous Spirit

If You Do It Right, It Will PAY OFF!

Final Words: Schools Kill Creativity – But You CAN Protect Your Child

Success in this new world ORDER requires creative and innovative thinking.

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No. 56: When to Walk Away…

Here are three warning signals to watch out for:

Here’s a real-life example of how you can handle an attempt to treat you this way:

However, it did not end there.

Conclusion

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READ THE FULL GUEST POST (CLICK BELOW)

Story One – I Join A "Bad" Group That Bullies, Steals And Cheats

Story Two – The Group Gets Caught For Cheating In An Exam

But They Will Make Their Own Mistakes Too

So, How Confident Are YOU Of Your Child’s Ability To Stand Up To Peer Pressure?

Signs That Suggest You Have Not Taught Your Child How To Say NO

The Role YOU Need To Play As A Parent

What Does It Take To Say NO – And Think Independently?

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Preamble

Anti-Success Myth No. 1: If You Don’t Get Along With Everyone, You Cannot Succeed

Anti-Success Myth No. 2: Without Connections & Influence, You Don’t Stand A Chance

Anti-Success Myth No. 3: If A Successful Person/Authority Says You Can’t, S/he Would Be Right

Anti-Success Myth No. 4: Your Family Has No History Of Successful Business People

Anti-Success Myth No. 5: Don’t Aim Too High Or You’ll End Up Failing Badly

Anti-Success Myth No. 6: You Cannot Achieve Notable Business Success If You Lack Money Or Access To Persons Who Have It.

Anti-Success Myth No. 7: You Must Profess A Particular Religious Belief In Order To Succeed

Summary

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