Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

This write-up offers guidance and inspiration (based on a true story) for young people who have to lead others – even when the latter include big bullies or aggressive personalities. Parents keen to equip their kids to successfully handle inevitable setbacks (and interpersonal conflicts) in life will also find it a useful read.

Quick Take Away: We were in the final months leading to the school certificate exams. I was trying to catch up in class, after serving a 2 week suspension for abusing my priviledges as a prefect. However, reports of the disruptive behaviour of a notorious bully – called Saheed(not real name) – kept bothering me. So, I came up with a plan to check his excesses. One day, we had a serious face-off that eventually got him sent away on indefinite suspension.

Unknown to me however, he carefully plotted his "revenge" for weeks afterwards. And when – as the holidays be
gan – I escorted a school mate travelling home (off the premises) to the train station, he and his armed thug-like friends came after me!

Introduction: Returning (& Recovering) From Suspension

It was march 1986 – about three weeks after I completed a 2 week suspension (along with my co-conspirators, Dan and John – both names also not real) for abusing my privileges a prefect.

The principal challenged us to focus on passing the forthcoming final exams, if we wished to redeem ourselves.

Personally, I needed no reminder to stay serious. Just having to face my folks had sobered me up. During the first few days of our suspension, we’d stupidly left school to stay in the home of a man we didn’t know, instead of heading home with our letters of suspension. We  thought we were smart. How misguided we were!

My father was outraged when he finally got to hear the sordid details.  He and my mom had hurriedly made the 6 hour interstate trip to the school (with my father driving despite a slight illness), within 24 hours of getting the news from my guardian. The latter only discovered I was on suspension, when he stopped over the school to see how I was doing. The school had to send for me through colleagues who confessed (after being threatened with punishment) that they knew our hideout!

By the time my parents left, I had promised to prove myself by returning to being a model student (which got me chosen as prefect in the first place), and also by passing my exams. I knew it was not going to be easy doing the latter in particular – especially as the exams were just 2 months away.

A Bully’s Bad Influence On Impressionable Juniors

Achieving my goals meant I needed minimal distractions. And that was why the repeated reports of Saheed’s disruptive behaviour were particularly annoying for me.

He constantly bullied other students, and was generally unruly. Most students were terrified of him. In my mind I referred to him as “Saheed the Terror” because of this.

I pointed out Saheed’s growing menace to other seniors and prefects. Most chose to pass. In a way, I understood why they were wary of taking him on, even though he was in a lower class, and therefore junior to us.

Saheed had an intimidating physique, and fierce countenance. When he spoke, he did so with a snarl. But it was the stories that scared most of us. We’d heard that Saheed broke bottles on his own head, and used the sharp ends to stab anyone who challenged him.

No one who already knew Saheed wanted to find out if those stories were true or not!

I could have ignored Saheed based on the above concerns. However, I’d also noticed that some impressionable students in junior classes were getting attracted to his macho image. He seemed to have become untouchable – and therefore a hero of sorts – in their eyes. Especially when they discovered that seniors also seemed to fear him.

I saw a bit of myself in the younger students – from when I was in my first school at ten (6 years earlier). Back then I joined a gang of big boys for protection from other bullies. They soon had me skipping classes, scaling school fences and stealing coins from gambling machines in town. That journey ended badly for me. My parents sent me to this school to start over. But in my final term, I (almost) self-destructed.

Somehow, I had (again) gotten another chance. I however realized not everyone would be that lucky. This made me resolve to do my best to help others avoid making my mistakes. 

Taking Action To Stop “Saheed The Bully”

So, I decided to do whatever was necessary to remove Saheed as a bad influence, if he remained unrepentant. I was a bit scared, but also firmly convinced.

Over the next week, I carefully studied his movements. He rarely came to assembly, often arriving well after classes had begun. And most times he left before closing.

One Monday morning – about two hours after classes had resumed, I saw him walking lazily through the school gates. As usual, his shirt was unbuttoned and not tucked in.

“Go right back to the place you’re coming from!” I said, planting myself squarely in front of him, as he made to turn into the classroom block.

Saheed stopped and looked me over from head to toe. Then in his gruff bus conductor voice said: “Do you know who you’re talking to? Ah, look O. Is this not the prefect that just came back from suspension? So, you want to complicate matters for yourself ehn?”

My mind was racing. I did not know what to expect. This guy’s reputation suggested he was capable of violence. Yet I felt compelled to call him to order. I was a bit scared initially, but within a few seconds something came over me and I forgot all about that.

I looked him in the eye and said “The principal’s instructions are that all late comers are to be sent back home. Others have been so treated – and you will not be an exception.””

He tried to brush past me. I stepped back in front of him again. I could see the surprise in his eyes. For a few seconds he appeared to size me up. A few students had gathered.

“What is the problem now? Look, I’ll deal with you if you’re not careful. It seems you want me to teach you a lesson!” Saheed shouted, making threatening gestures.

The noise soon caught the attention of the principal (whose office was not far from the gate) and he sent for us. The students slowly dispersed as we made our way to the office. Saheed already had a bad disciplinary record. After getting full details of what had transpired, the principal had had it. He put Saheed on indefinite suspension.

As he was led to the gate, he shouted angrily, making all sorts of threats about how he would get me. I ignored him, dispersed the few loitering students, and went to my class.

Saheed Comes Looking For Revenge

The students who witnessed our little show down told others about it, and for a few days Saheed’s exit was the main subject of discussion. Soon however, the exams came upon us – and a quiet calm returned to the school premises. Two weeks later, we were done.

Parents began picking up their kids for the holidays. Some students had to travel home by train. Dan, a close friend (who had also served suspension with me) lived in the north. I decided to escort him to the train station, which was not far from the school.

By this time, I had forgotten about Saheed’s and his threats. That was probably naïve of me, given his reputation. But then again, based on hindsight wisdom, if I had not gone off the premises, he probably would not have gotten the chance to pull the stunt he did.

Anyway, here’s what happened…

It was about 8 pm at night, as we stood waiting for boarding to commence. Suddenly, a group of about five big, rough looking boys came out from the shadows to surround us. I instantly recognized Saheed at the head of the pack.

“Ehen, today we’ll know who is the boss. You had your way back in the school. Now, you’re in my zone”, he growled menacingly.

Except for Dan, all our other school mates had quickly scampered off in different directions. I could feel my heart thumping loudly in my chest. And for a few seconds I saw flashes of myself lying in a pool of blood.

Putting up a brave face (while desperately hoping a police man or security agent for the station would turn up), I replied saying “I can see you did not come to face me alone.”

I silently wondered if someone had told Saheed I would be there that night. It was uncanny the way they had popped up prepared – with sticks, bottles etc. That was the scariest moment of my entire 16 year long life!

Saheed’s angry voice broke me out of my thoughts: “Is that all you have to say? Why aren’t you talking tough now, Mr. Prefect?”

Dan, who stood with his back to mine, whispered to me “Don’t talk back to him. These guys will beat the living daylights out of us, if we dare them. Just stand firm.”

“Do you honestly believe I didn’t already know that?” I whispered back in irritation.

We both belonged to the school’s Kung Fu club. But we were smart enough to know we still lacked the skills to engage in real fights (which our teacher forbade). And this was certainly not one of our orchestrated demonstrations for the school’s year end event!

Saved By The Crowd

So, we stood backing each other, waiting for their next move…and PRAYING they would not make any! It was dark, but a street lamp close to us provided some light. A small crowd had gathered around us near the rail line. The thugs studied us for some seconds, then looked around at the growing crowd of spectators.

Suddenly, one of them patted Saheed on the shoulder and said, “Look, let’s leave them and get out of here. People have already started gathering.” Saheed nodded, then looked at me and said “This is your lucky day. These people have saved you. But don’t think it’s the end. I’m still going to get you!” With that, they all jogged away into the night, throwing down the sticks and other improvised weapons as they went.

Some people came asking us what happened. Dan and I were however too shaken to offer them much detail, and they soon left us alone. “Did you notice that our colleagues took off the minute they saw Saheed and his friends?” I asked Dan. “Well, at least now you know who you can depend on in times of need!” he replied. I nodded in agreement. It was my first lesson about how unreliable some “friends” could be in the real world.

We considered the possibility that Saheed could wait around to lay ambush for me as I returned to the school. Dan offered to walk me back. I assured him I would be okay, and told him not to risk missing the train. The route back to the school was fairly busy due to the railway’s presence. I doubted Saheed would want to call undue attention to himself.

We talked for a little while longer, wondering how Saheed’s parents felt about him. They had to be suffering a lot knowing all the bad things he did. The train whistle eventually blew. Dan climbed on and was soon waving from his cabin window as it pulled away.

Saheed Disappears…& Life Returns To Normal

As I walked back to the school premises that night, I reflected on the events that had transpired. I knew those who had abandoned us to our fate would not expect to see me return in one piece. Despite feeling bad about what they did, I resolved not to judge them.

It was normal to be scared. I had also been terrified. But one thing I knew (just like Dan) was that I would NEVER abandon a friend in the face of danger, the way they did me.

We never did hear from Saheed again. Maybe he expected I would report the incident to the authorities. I actually considered doing so, but decided not to. Mainly because I wanted to give him another chance to see that I meant well. It felt strange to be able to think so clearly about it, but I knew it was the right thing to do.

The Exam Results Are Released…

Some weeks later, the exam results came out. I got credits in five subjects, excluding mathematics (which I only made only a pass in). Considering the poor manner in which I’d managed myself in the months leading up to the exams, it was better than expected.

My parents were understandably relieved. I was already registered to take the November/December GCE exams. So when I returned home, they enrolled me in a coaching school. I studied with even greater zeal and determination – and developed a particularly close relationship with the maths tutor.

He always told me “Tayo, maths is easy. Just practice as many past exams questions as possible. Then remember to attempt ALL objective questions and the required number of theory questions, instead of focusing only on those you feel you know well. You will NOT not be awarded more than the maximum points allotted for each question!”

I took his advice to heart. And it paid off. I passed all five papers – getting straight As in mathematics – and three other papers, plus a credit in English. My mother had laughed when I had confidently told her (after the maths exam) that I would get an A1. I’d always struggled with math. She was therefore pleasantly surprised when I was proved right.

Looking back, even today, I realize that the events of that year really went a great way to shape my character as a person.

Conclusion

I offer the following suggestions, based on lessons I learnt from the above experience:

1. To the student: As a prefect or student leader, you may have to supervise aggressive students who habitually bully others or behave in an unruly manner. To succeed, be prepared to take tough decisions – and lead by example – in calling such persons to order.

Sometimes you may have to stand alone to do this. Draw inspiration from knowing that your efforts could make life better for other vulnerable students. And ensure you act with courage and conviction at all times.

Note that it is unlikely that you will encounter violence prone bullies like Saheed. Having said that, understand that there is a big difference between bravery and foolhardiness.

Do not – under any circumstances – endanger your well being, or that of others, to prove a point. If you notice the other party is prepared to go violent, do all you can to discourage it, and find ways to get necessary support from older or more competent persons.

In all, I encourage you to learn to trust your instincts or intuition about what to do. You’ll soon discover that that is how your creator communicates to you, the right path to follow.

2. To the parent: Use this story to prepare your child for the real world. Help him/her quickly appreciate the need to choose friends wisely – and to avoid being led astray.

In addition, use it to teach your kids that making mistakes – or failing – is NEVER the end of the world. They can always recover from such temporary defeat, and go on to greater achievements in life – IF they are willing to try.

I’m doing that for my own kids too. They’ve heard this story more than once. And they’ll be reading this written version as well. I know they’ll make their own mistakes. But I’m determined to help them do a better job of it than I did – and also avoid the ones I made.

Comments?

What do you think of the above story, and the message it tries to pass? Share your thoughts in the comments – or send me an email via tayo at tksola dot com.

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