Category Archives: Self-Development

Sometimes You Need to Act Without Your Intuition (6 Tips)

This article is a sequel to the piece on my blog titled “How to Establish Truth, and Experience Less Doubt“.

Like I said in that piece, to use your sixth sense simply LISTEN to your deepest feelings, and act on them. However, sometimes those “feelings” may not be distinct enough for you make your mind up.

When that happens, you may have to “walk blind” i.e. face such situations on your own…not knowing what to expect, and letting things play themselves out.

Sometimes you’ll misread positive situations negatively (e.g. paranoia arising from previous bad experiences), or assume a negative situation to be positive (e.g. naivety/wishful thinking).

This “dilemma” is likely to occur less often, as you master use of your 6th sense. But it’s unlikely to ever go away completely – as long as we’re human.

For each person, the situations that cause this dilemma will naturally differ.

What is important is that you work hard to develop reliable real world relevant competence at whatever you do. That will see you through instances when you’re getting mixed signals from your 6th sense.

I Describe Six Real-Life Scenarios in Which Using the 6th Sense Can Be Very Challenging

1. Dealing with Anchorless Social Chameleons

Some years ago, I wrote an article on Emotional Intelligence that ended up being widely syndicated and extensively quoted in published journals online.

In it, I described the positive attributes of a Social Chameleon, as described by Daniel Goleman, author of the book “Emotional Intelligence”. He also mentioned that some people take this ability to the extreme by using it to manipulate others.

They become duplicitous, constantly trying to pretend to be who they are not, in an effort to get what they want from those they relate with.

Goleman described these kinds of persons as ANCHORLESS Social Chameleons. Examples include con men (or women). People who make a living from gaining people’s trust in order to defraud, cheat, or even hurt them.

Have you ever had to relate with that kind of person at work or in your personal life?

They can be so hard to pin down! And some are SO GOOD at what they do, that even when your 6th sense helps you correctly catch them out, they can put up such an act that you end up thinking you were wrong, and apologizing to them!!

Anyone who has been in love with a two-timing partner may understand what I mean:

You had this GREAT relationship everyone admired you for. Yet, every now and then you got a strong feeling your “partner” was not being straight with you. But each time you tried to establish truth by bringing it up, you always came away feeling like a jerk…until one day, you caught him/her red-handed!

2. Scam or Con artists Playing Mind Games

Two-faced people. In certain societies, duplicity is almost an accepted way of life. People learn from an early age to use deception to get what the want.

A person from a society where sincerity and trust rank high (even if with a keenly honed 6th sense), is more likely to get “duped”, if s/he has dealings with someone from a society where duplicity reigns.

Why? Because the use of the 6th sense is always a function of the experiences one is exposed to. In such societies, it will take you time to “train” your 6th sense to competently guide your decision making.

This is why foreigners often tend to be easy prey when they visit such societies. It’s also why the famed 419 Internet fraudsters recorded such great success in the early years, before people LEARNT.

3. Spies and Terrorists Working Undercover

Consider members of terrorist groups who infiltrate societies and organisations. What about men and women who live double lives as spies – working for their countries security agencies?

These people skilfully maintain relationships with different groups of people, while living double lives.

Few suicide bombers’ associates know what they’re involved in – until they made the news!

These people succeed because others rarely use their 6th senses to find them out. Their ability to pass lie detector tests is apparently not fabled. I’ve read that some actually get trained to do that!

4. Wanting “Something” A Bit Too Badly

If you’re too emotionally and/or psychologically tied to a desired outcome, you could misinterpret or become totally dead to signals from your 6th sense.

Sometimes, the other person could be very skilled at “masking” signals s/he gives out, leaving you inadequate “information” to feed your “truth meter”.

We need to watch out, for mixed signals arising from our subconscious unwillingness, to accept the truth our 6th sense may try to tell us.

A lady dating a two timing chap could force herself to believe she’s the only one in his life – despite sensing that the opposite is the case.

One example from a real life experience.

As a desperate start-up seeking clients in 2005, I repeatedly “chased” a rich but mischievous prospective client, who made me jump through many hoops, pretending to be interested.

Each day I was with him, a quiet voice kept telling me he was just “jerking my chain”.

But he looked so fatherly (he was greying) and acted so nice, that I dismissed the thought – repeatedly. I SAW he could afford to pay me – and felt that was enough.

He was interested. What I stupidly failed to note was that he was the kind who liked to cheat others – to get something for nothing. Some people get rich through that means. And that often makes them bad clients. Your 6th sense should help you detect that. I did not apply mine – and I learnt a painful lesson.

After over 5 visits, he had requested (and gotten), from me, a printed 10 page proposal – FREE. This was in addition to picking my brain for hours on end. Then he said he would get in touch with me.

A week later, I learnt through an employee of his that all he got from me had been passed to a nephew of his, who was a web designer, to use in building a website for his company.

So, he’d just used me! That experience taught me to  require a refundable fee payment, to provide proposals or discuss project aspects in depth.

5. Dealing With Temptations in Moments of Weakness

Why didn’t I see that coming? That’s a question I’ve sometimes asked myself many times, after discovering I’ve been taken for a ride.

When you’re having financial challenges, even  “fraudulent” offers you’d normally use your 6th sense to sniff out may tend to “miss” you.

That’s when you start giving bogus email offers you would normally ignore a second look :-)

In such moments of weakness, even situations you would normally handle competently with your 6th sense can become unduly challenging.

People I know to be intelligent and analytical thinkers, have surprised me by responding to fraudulent phone SMS messages that informed them they’d won money, in UK lotteries!

In one instance, after I’d advised that it was a scam offer, one such person went ahead to call the number provided. When she was asked to send money over to get details, she saw I was right.

I’d “seen” enough of (but never replied to) those kinds of SMS messages to become numb to them. But she – like the others – was yet to get that far. They however only acted out of character because they were under financial pressures.

In their normal states of mind, when they were not in need, they would have readily deleted such messages without even reading them.

But as human beings, when bills are mounting, and expected income is delayed, everything that comes our way offering promise of some income suddenly gets our serious attention.

It’s that subtle “wishful thinking” that makes it so hard to stay properly tuned in to our 6th sense.

It takes GREAT mental discipline to fight this feeling when it comes. We must key in to our 6th sense to see such phoney offers for what they are.

6. Getting Carried Away by One’s Success

Sometimes we could just be absent minded. People sometimes get careless when things start going well for them. As a result, they miss signals their 6th sense throws up.

This is why I argue that knowing how your 6th sense works, does not mean you’ll be able to competently use it to reach your goals on a long term basis.

Different situations will occur, requiring you to apply your 6th sense is varying ways. Not all will be familiar to you – meaning you’ll have to guess.

That’s why I offer in this article, real life examples in which the 6th sense was used. Reading them can help you better prepare for what you may face.

You’d Have to Be Psychic to Always Get It Right

Napoleon Hill wrote extensively about using the sixth sense in “Think and Grow Rich”. We were all born with it. Our ancestors were however more aware of that innate ability and put it to great use.

For entrepreneurs, especially those starting out, consider getting a copy of James Cook’s “Start-up Entrepreneur”. I’ve repeatedly referred to it as “The Missing Chapters In Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich”.

Why?

It’s because Cook provides amazingly deep insights on how to deal with adversity, and uncertainty, as a first time start-up.

In that New York Times Bestseller, he shared, based on his personal experiences, practical examples of how he used his “intuition” to choose the right people to work with him as employees, and to detect persons not being straight with him.

But like I said earlier, no one can be perfect in this art. As humans we will sometimes get it wrong.

For instance, had he been perfect in his use of intuition, Cook may probably not have brought in shareholders/board members who later turned around and tried to kick him out of his company!

Over 10 months of boardroom battling took place. Luckily, his 51% ownership, and refusal to give in to their antics enabled him emerge victorious.

Final Words:  When You Struggle To Use Your 6th Sense, See It As a Learning Opportunity

There are times when I feel like someone launched a signal to “jam” my 6th sense “lie/truth detector”!

I simply get mixed messages or none at all.

When that happens, I’ve learnt to – as I said at the start of this piece – walk blind. I simply monitor trends and traits I can use to make up my mind.

Unlike the instant “gut level feeling” the 6th sense gives, this approach may take weeks to yield fruit.

You’ll be exposed to potentially negative outcomes. If any manifest, just dust yourself off, and move on.

In the end, you’ll often emerge tougher. What’s more, my experiences indicate these things sometimes happen for our own good.

We may not be able to use our 6th sense to solve every puzzle or avoid every danger.

There will be times, when our inability to quickly apply our 6th sense, will be meant to help us grow.

When (not if) it happens to you, make the most of it!

Be Easy to Identify Online

Success in business (or life in general) requires getting others to trust you. Today, people will readily Google your name to find out more about you. Do you have your first name and surname registered as a domain name i.e. www.firstnamesurname.com? This article explains why your success may depend in-part, on doing that – as well as a few other things.

People contemplating connecting with us, can make up their minds in seconds. Some may be so fickle minded that one small hint of inconsistency in your online profile or presence can make them flee – literally speaking.

That’s Why You Need to “Protect and Nurture Your Google/Online Identity”

A few years ago, I wrote an article on the above theme – based on my observations and experiences.

Googl’ing a person’s name can sometimes throw up links leading to profiles or pages of persons bearing the same first and last names as him/her. Maybe it happens with yours?

If you’ve never Google’d your name – try it now. If other people show up with the same name as yours, it may not be a good thing…for YOU.

I have met a number of people who faced this dilemma, in their business.

I’ve been lucky with my own name though. I have never encountered anyone online bearing the same first and surname combination with me.

Since 2006 I’ve done a lot of heavy content publishing that’s helped me gain reasonable name recognition. But even then, whenever I checked – even way beyond page 10 of Google’s results, I never came across a namesake.

That notwithstanding, a few weeks ago, I decided to register www.tayosolagbade.com to cover that loose end.

And that’s why I’m now writing this piece – especially for persons in business who find they have at least one or more online name sakes.

Persons in Paid Employment Can Also Benefit From Doing This

At first, there is a tendency to think that this may be a non-issue for those who are not in business e.g. employees.

I would however argue that you should consider making it an issue.

It is in your best interest, to ensure your employer (current or prospective) has no difficulty picking you out from amongst your namesakes online.

Ambitious career persons in today’s world, actually purchase their own names as domains.

They then point the URL to profiles on free hosting accounts. Some even purchase cheap hosting and build their resume websites on it.

For Business Persons, It Is Especially Imperative

For instance, I strongly believe that as a person in business, you must aim to dominate (at least) page 1 of Google’s results for your name. At least 80% should be all about YOU.

In my considered opinion, that reduces chances of people mistaking a namesake for me.

Publishing good quality content regularly, via an intelligent web marketing system, can help you gradually achieve that.

One quick and reliable way to boost your claim to your name on the web (and search engines take this into serious consideration), is to register your name as a domain.

That way, you alone get to ultimately use that URL. No one else.

Imagine what would happen if a namesake beat you to it, and registered the domain?

People who meet (or hear/read about) you may Google you (this happens a lot!), and click on the URL for your name, only to discover a different person!

How confused do you think they would be?

It could be worse. For instance, some may not even realise the person they’ve found is NOT you.

If that happens, you’d better hope what they see pleases them. Otherwise, you’re done!

The above could happen to a potential client/buyer who remembers your name but is unable to recall the URL for your company correctly.

If Your Namesake Does Something Bad, It Could Cost You Greatly!

Be you entrepreneur or employee, you can be negatively affected if your name sake has a bad reputation online.

Some namesakes may do naughty things, linking negative reports to their names.

In 2010, I actually interacted with a prospective client who had this problem. A namesake of his showed up on page 1 of Google, with screaming news headlines (from BBC and other websites) describing the namesake as a criminal. Same name. Exact same spelling!

Like I told him “Few people will even bother trying to investigate to verify if it’s really you the news story is about!”…that includes potential clients/employees!

Think about it. When BBC reports a thing, most people accept it as God’s truth.

Yes they do! And that’s why it’s best to consolidate your name recognition online via regular quality content publishing in YOUR NAME.

It’s your best form of defence against inadvertent or deliberate negativity.

Final Words: Protect Yourself!

I’ll therefore end by saying, if you do nothing else, register your name as a domain (preferably top level e.g. dot com) ASAP.

But if you really want to be in control of what happens when people do an online search in your name, adopt a custom Web Marketing System. (Email me via tayo at tksola dot com for details of what it entails – or use this contact form).

You will NOT regret doing it.

THE FOOL WHO THOUGHT HE WAS WISE (A 14 Year Old’s Useful Short Story On HIV-AIDS Prevention)

This insightful piece was written by a 14 year old boy – Amaechi O.S – 6 months ago. It was typed by him in MS Word format. The story delivers a powerful message regarding a dangerous misconception some people – especially kids or “uneducated” adults – may have about “how to wear” condoms to prevent HIV infection.

I’ve edited it for spelling, comprehension and grammar but added NOTHING to it, and published it here (i.e.www.tinyurl.com/AmeachiOnHIV). A PDF version is available via a download link at the bottom of this post. Please share it freely – and do let Amaechi have your feedback – if any – in the comments section or via email (see below)

Oh yes, one more thing: Consider this the VERY first guest post I’m publishing on my blog…LOL! And who knows…Amaechi may end up becoming another teenage writing genius – like Bamidele Onibalusi!!

======STORY BEGINS====

There was once a family. They had lived through many generations, and were rich, strong, God fearing people.

But one day, one of their offspring brought disgrace to the family.

His name was Leinad.

Leinad thought he was clever, but often did things that showed he was not very smart.

On that fateful day, armed robbers broke into the house where he lived with his family, and demanded for two million naira.

But they were fair with him, and gave him two options.

They told him to choose between being injected with a syringe containing HIV infected blood, or giving them the two million naira.

“We will be back in five days time”, said the men of the underworld.

After five days they came back asking him if he had made his decision.

He said, “Yes. I want to give you the money”.

“Where is it”, said the men of the under world.

“It is in my room”, he replied.

“Then bring it out now!” they said.

Leinad went to his room, but instead of getting the money, he wore a condom on his manhood, then went back downstairs, and said:

“I want the syringe, I want the syringe man!”

So, they tried to inject him in the buttocks with the syringe.

“No, on my hand” he said.

They injected him and left saying “You did this to yourself!”

But Leinad laughed saying: “Those fools they don’t know that I am wearing a condom”.

Two years later he died of HIV.

======THE END====

Send feedback to: amaechiOS at tksola dot com OR add your comments below…

DOWNLOAD THE PDF VERSION…

This insightful piece was written by a 14 year old boy – Amaechi O.S - 6 months ago. It was typed by him in MS Word format. The story delivers a powerful message regarding a dangerous misconception some people – especially kids or “uneducated” adults - may have about “how to wear” condoms to prevent HIV infection.

Appreciate Your “Good” Social Media “Friends” MORE! (2 Reasons)

In this piece, I pay tribute to my good “friends” on social media. I don’t care what critics say. For me, social media – when not abused – enriches lives. It certainly has mine. Through Facebook and Twitter in particular, I’ve discovered great PEOPLE, from whom I’ve accessed MORE amazing ideas, perspectives, knowledge and insights – than I could ever have outside of it.

Below, I discuss two specific life-changing benefits we often get from good “friends” on social media that we may sometimes (wrongly) take for granted.

1. Inspiration or Ideas When Most Needed

For me, it’s often been mainly on Facebook, and Twitter – in that order.

Sometimes I’ve come online wondering what topic to write on for my next article. Then I see a quote shared by a friend, and suddenly the light bulb comes on in my head.

I have a new topic – and I know exactly what to say in it!

Less than one hour later, my article is ready. Sometimes I put it online within a day or two.

Example: Yesterday, my facebook friend “Frank Emy Ejike” shared this wonderful quote about making excuses (see screenshot below) that instantly got my creative writing juices flowing:

Yesterday, my facebook friend “Frank Emy Ejike” shared this wonderful quote about making excuses

I’m already using that theme for a new piece I’m writing. And it’s likely to publish this week.

Like I said at the start of this piece, it’s not just Facebook. Many tweets by “friends” have also proved quite useful to me.

For instance, late last month I came across the following quote (tweeted by @KarenKeller, and re-tweeted by Lia Han @bemycareercoach):

Life has two rules: (1). Never Quit. (2). Always Remember rule No. 1.

And it fit perfectly into Issue 90 of my speaking IDEAS newsletter – under the sub-section titled “Scientists Perform Miracles Because They Refuse to Give Up On Us: But We Take Them for Granted!

I’ve also been blessed by “friends” who share, when I’m not feeling too happy (everybody has low moments).

A casual review of my news feeds has often led me to discover powerful words of inspiration.

Sometimes it’s not just me that benefits.

Other people in my life sometimes need a word or two to lift them up. But it can be difficult to come up with just the right things to say to achieve that effect with them.

That’s why being connected with the right people on social media can be a good thing. Quite often, someone will share something – a quote, or better still a story or lesson, that perfectly meets your need.

Here’s one example:

Ruth Ann Newton-Lightbourne shared a motivational picture on her Facebook wall yesterday (Saturday 8th June 2013) – about the value of a true friend who stands by you, even when many others do not.

The powerful message in it was what actually triggered my decision to write THIS article (see screenshot below):

Ruth Ann Newton-Lightbourne shared this motivational picture on her Facebook wall yesterday (Saturday 8th June 2013)

My experiences in the past one year – and especially these past 2 months settling down in a new country, made this message resonate so powerfully with me.

2. Thoughts/Insights/Interaction That Make Us Smarter & Wiser

There is one facebook friend I have who seems to have a gift for doing all I describe in this article – and without making a fuss too.

Michael Newman (a full blooded Nigerian, based in Lagos – last time I checked) periodically churns out an amazing series of powerful quotes, mixed with personal musings of his own.

Sometimes he also initiates discussions that generate healthy interaction amongst friends.

We all have our strengths. And Michael uses his to great effect.

In the process he often adds value to others when he’s online.

What a way to make an impact!

One example: I have no idea what got into him on 11th of April 2013, but whatever it was, I’m glad it did.

Michael wrote a post that was truly inspired. His words were so deeply perceptive, and they resonated so strongly with me – that I felt compelled to make a lengthy contribution. See screenshot below.

Michael Newman - wrote a post that was truly inspired. His words were so deeply perceptive, and they resonated so strongly with me – that I felt compelled to make a lengthy contribution.

Another person who offers thought provoking posts is Camillus Egeni (he’s based in the US). Just yesterday, he wrote one that stressed the need for us to act with consideration for other people’s feelings. In other words, the need to be emotionally intelligent in our interactions (see below):

Facebook Post by Camillus Egeni

Final Words

All those messages shared by my “friends” took only a few seconds to share. But they will have touched many lives in unique ways. Many times what good “friends” share is not even authored by them. So it’s rarely a case of them wanting to look good.

Quite often, they share insights from great people that others may not have ready access to. That’s why sharing is so great. And it’s what truly GOOD “friends” do!

Just in case you’re wondering…these guys have no idea I’ve written about them.

With the exception of Newman who I met just once, about 8 years ago, I’ve never met any of the other “friends” I’ve mentioned. I do no business with them, and seek no recognition from them in any way.

In fact, except YOU (yes, YOU reading this piece right now) tell them about it, they will probably never know I’ve written about them in this article (I won’t be telling them).

I’ve written this mainly because I’m truly grateful to have access to such good people via social media, and want others to appreciate their own “friendsmore, as well.

I ALREADY show my appreciation to mine, by clicking LIKE on their posts, and/or commenting where useful – even if just to say “I agree or thanks for sharing.”

Without the convenience of social media, the effort required to achieve and maintain similar depths of connection, would be too great for most of us to sustain.

That’s why I see social media, despite its shortcomings, as a great blessing.

When You Have No Money, You’re No Good…Right?

Wrong! This dilemma confronts many people in their daily lives. And yet it’s such a simple thing to master. Just adopt the right mode of thinking – and your ability to achieve any goals you set your mind on, will be dramatically enhanced.

Aside from being ostracized for my clothes, the kids called me poor a lot. And to their thinking, if you were poor, you were no good.” – Ben Carson in “Gifted Hands”

Insights from the Life Story of Ben Carson (the Famous American Brain Surgeon)

As a child, Carson had to pass through school struggling with crippling poverty. He and his brother had only their mother to care for them.

And she, lacking formal education, was a bit limited in her ability to provide for all their needs. So, quite often, Carson had to attend classes in clothes that got him picked on by classmates. And they also called him poor.

Like he noted in his book (“Gifted Hands”), many of those who did the name calling were actually not better off, and therefore really had no basis on which to call someone else such names.

He however added that being a teenager at the time, that little bit of insight escaped him. What’s more, he also (wrongly) assumed that those kids were better than him because they had 2 parents and he had one.

The points made in the above paragraph, are worthy of note for parents.

What we take for granted may be life saving “education” we can give our kids. Mrs. Carson gave her sons a lot of pep talks about being self-confident and never feeling inferior. But they did not always apply it. Thankfully however, they put it to use often enough to achieve noteworthy success in life.

Carson’s story indicates that our kids needs to be constantly reminded that not having – or being poor – does not make them less than anyone.

Ironically, sometimes even we, as parents, need to remind ourselves of the same thing :-)

But What If You Lack Clothes & Suddenly Get Invited to Dinner With Rich Associates You Just Met?

This can – and does – happen. If it happens to you, take heart. Many have been there, and survived.

Some people may be lucky to have friends or relatives they can call to loan them clothes or shoes to wear. Or even to lend them money to go shopping.

But others may lack access to such helpers.

You probably believe attending that meeting could lead to the change of fortunes you desire. Yet presenting an appearance that creates a poor impression could derail everything.

What is one to do in such a situation?

I’ll tell you: Your ability to express yourself in an engaging manner (i.e. your conversational skills) CAN save you.

Learn to communicate in a manner, that commands the serious attention and interest of anyone in your company – no matter how sophisticated they may be.

You will not need special clothing to make an impact on people in this manner.

And compared to your dressing, and looks, your words have the power to leave a more lasting impression on those you relate with.

Here’s a true story that illustrates the above point quite effectively.

A “Tramp” Uses His Speaking Prowess to Befriend a Rich Businessman & Get a Job (True Story)

This story is taken from Dale Carnegie’s excellent book titled “How to Win Friends & Influence People by Public Speaking”.

One rainy day, a man (let’s call him John) dressed like a tramp knocked on the office door of a successful business owner (call him Jack).

When Jack first saw John standing in the rain, in his tattered clothes, he almost asked him to leave. But something in John’s manner – the way he carried himself, and looked at him – made Jack decide to speak to him.

John proceeded to express himself in impeccable English language, that instantly captured Jack’s attention and interest.

As they spoke, Jack’s impression of John completely changed. He no longer thought of him in terms of his outward appearance. John explained the circumstances that led to an unexpected change of fortunes for him. By the end of their conversation, Jack was so impressed that the next day, he arranged for John to be given a job!

Moral of the Story: Your Lack of Money or Material Possessions is NOT a Fatal Handicap

Never let anyone make you feel less than you are. It does not matter who they are, or what they have.

I know from personal experience however, that this can be quite difficult to believe – or remember. Especially when you have no money in your pockets. Or you’re wearing cheap (or deteriorating) attire, around people dressed exquisitely.

It’s even worse if they turn out to be snobs, who go out of their way to belittle you.

So yes it will be hard to do. But when you have no alternatives, put your persuasive speaking skill to use.

That’s what John did in the above story.

If you do not yet have it mastered, start today, to develop your ability to express yourself convincingly.

It is a competence that cannot be bought with money. Yet it can gain you access to money – and a whole lot more e.g. respect, recognition, admiration, fame, great friendships, leadership etc.

Dale Carnegie’s book offers a wealth of information that has helped many people reap such benefits. Read others as you go on.

Good luck.

3 Tips for Dealing with Your Fears (Lessons from Encounters with Spitting Cobras)

If you don’t feel fear, you’re either a cyborg or a ghost :-) It’s normal to feel fear. But not all fears deserve our recognition. Interestingly, surveys reveal that more than a fear of wild animals, the fear of speaking before an audience tops the list for many people.

This article narrates a young lady’s near fatal encounter with a spitting cobra in a Nigerian village. It then highlights insights from that experience, for dealing successfully with unfounded fears, so you can achieve your goals, and live a more fulfilled life!

1. Living With Spitting Cobras in a Village without Electricity (A True Story)

There are times when it is wise to feel fear. A good example is when you come across a poisonous snake or any wild animal. However, you’ll often fare better if you use that fear to carefully navigate away from danger, rather than allowing it to strike terror in your mind. The latter could cause you to panic, resulting in avoidable injury or worse.

The following true story provides a useful illustration.

In 1993, I spent about 9 months serving with 4 other youth corp. members, in Gulu-Vatsa village, in Lapai local government area of Nigeria’s middle belt situated Niger state.

Like the villagers, we periodically came across black spitting cobras of different ages and sizes, along footpaths. Whenever that happened we followed the tips we’d been given: keep calm, standstill, and let the reptile slitter away into the grass.

Sudden movements could startle them. And when they get upset, they can spit venom with amazing accuracy. Documentaries about them often make a note of this.

One night, an unmarried female teacher who’d been away for a few weeks to see her family in the East, returned home. Getting in, she made her way to the toilet holding a torchlight (the village was not connected to the national grid, so we had no electricity).

On opening the door, her light fell on an adult cobra coiled up on the water closet!

She panicked and screamed, dropping the metal torchlight to the floor. The nervous snake reacted by spitting in her direction – and (as I was told) it got into one of her eyes. Luckily, she was rushed to the clinic and got the antidote injection on time.

We later learnt she left her window open when she travelled. The snake had adopted the warm interior to escape the cold. That incident helped us understand why we’d always been warned to avoid leaving windows and doors open, whenever we left our rooms.

2. Fear Comes From a Lack of Familiarity (E.g. Your First Day at Work, or Your First Day of Driving Alone)

We all experience a little fear. What’s important is to ensure it does not hold us back from making useful progress in life.

Can you recall your first few days on your first ever job? Or the first few weeks you drove alone, after completing your driving lesson for instance? Most of us nursed silent fears during those phases in our lives.

A quick confession here: I never took lessons. I learnt to drive a car (or more correctly, “move it in the direction I wanted to go!”) by watching the feet and hands of Guinness drivers – when I worked as a young shift brewer. I memorized the sequence of clutch and gear changes, and then tried out what I learnt on my father’s car when I visited home (behind his back, of course!).

Later, during the first few weeks of driving my own newly acquired (imported second hand) Toyota Carina, I was constantly gripped by a fear of causing an accident. This fear grew into near terror whenever I sighted a car (or worse a truck or trailer) coming up behind me.

I doubt I’m the only one who felt this way. But by driving regularly – sometimes making mistakes and surviving them – we gained familiarity with the activity. Today, we fearlessly go through the motions of driving cars, having literally mastered the process.

The above proves that we lose fear, and gain confidence, from knowing we can do something.

3. The Key to Defeating Fear: Get Familiar with Whatever Scares You.

In certain societies, people live in harmony with snakes, and even worship them. In others, the mere sight of a baby snake will have everyone taking to their heels. Kids in Gulu-Vatsa village did not consider Cobras a big deal.

It all boils down to familiarity.

To free yourself from the burden of your fears, learn more about the cause(s). Then as appropriate, do more of (or expose yourself more often to) it. As noted above, new drivers lose their fears as they drive more often. Same applies to public speaking, and indeed any other activity.

Just go out and do it, then do more of it (e.g. read books, then give free talks), until your fears fade into insignificance.

People who engage in dangerous sports and stunts have perfected this art. They feel fear, but they’ve learnt to keep it under control, so as to achieve their valued goals.

The examples discussed in this article have been provided for purposes of illustration, and may not necessarily apply to your situation.

However, the basic principles highlighted are universally applicable.

Decide whether or not the costs you currently endure as a result of your fear(s), are worth working to eliminate. If your answer is yes, then the ideas offered in this may provide a useful starting point.

Here’s wishing you a life free from the influence of unfounded and unnecessary fears.

F-Y-I: Google Confirms Hacker Attacks On This Website

I’ve periodically announced the fact that I believe that – this website (spontaneoudevelopment.com) – is a target of selectively orchestrated online attacks. Well, this past Wednesday 22nd May 2013, I got a detailed email from Google Web master Support confirming some of my suspicions.

Below is the detailed hacker email alert sent me by Google, and also the email I’ve since sent to my web host – in line with the advice given by Google.

I’ve also already commenced taking action to clean out the mentioned sites.

(Yesterday a power blackout lasting from about 8.30a.m till 10pm across Benin Republic meant I was unable to start earlier).

Subject: [Fwd: [Webmaster Tools] Message summary]

From: tayo at spontaneousdevelopment dot com

Date: Thu, May 23, 2013 10:57 am

To: support at hostgator.com

Cc: tayosolagbade at gmail dot com

Priority: High

Read receipt: requested

Hi

Google just gave me this heads up (see forwarded email below).

A few days back, I got an email that suggested efforts were being made to

sabotage my website. This confirms it.

See a blog post I put up about it:

http://spontaneousdevelopment.com/sdnuggets/fyi-orchestrated-sabotage-campaign-against-this-website/

Can you give me any ideas of how to proceed in resolving this problem.

Would appreciate any help you can give.

Thanks in advance,

With kindest regards,

Tayo

PS: Sometimes I even get the feeling my emails are being intercepted and

blocked. But again, I can’t prove it. Maybe this has something to do with

it.

—————————- Original Message —————————-

Subject: [Webmaster Tools] Message summary

From: wmt-noreply at google.com

Date: Wed, May 22, 2013 7:37 pm

To: tayo at spontaneousdevelopment dot com

————————————————————————–

Google Logo

Message summary

Webmaster Tools sent you the following important messages about sites in

your account. To keep your site healthy, we recommend regularly reviewing

these messages and addressing any critical issues.

Notice of Suspected Hacking on

http://www.excelheaven.spontaneousdevelopment.com/

Dear site owner or webmaster of

http://www.excelheaven.spontaneousdevelopment.com/,

We are writing to let you know that we believe some of your website’s pages

may be hacked. Specifically, we think that JavaScript has been injected

into your site by a third party and may be used to redirect users to

malicious sites. You should check your source code for any unfamiliar

JavaScript and in particular any files containing “counter.php”

style=”visibility: hidden; position: absolute; left: 0px; top: 0px”

width=”10″ height=”10″. The malicious code may be placed in HTML,

JavaScript or PHP files so it’s important to be thorough in your search.

The following are example URLs from your site where we found such content:

http://www.excelheaven.spontaneousdevelopment.com/buy_xl_software.htm

http://www.excelheaven.spontaneousdevelopment.com/pu_coaching.htm

[deleted text]

Notice of Suspected Hacking on http://www.iff.spontaneousdevelopment.com/

Dear site owner or webmaster of http://www.iff.spontaneousdevelopment.com/,

We are writing to let you know that we believe some of your website’s pages may be hacked. Specifically, we think that JavaScript has been injected into your site by a third party and may be used to redirect users to malicious sites. You should check your source code for any unfamiliar JavaScript and in particular any files containing “counter.php”

style=”visibility: hidden; position: absolute; left: 0px; top: 0px”

width=”10″ height=”10″. The malicious code may be placed in HTML,

JavaScript or PHP files so it’s important to be thorough in your search.

The following are example URLs from your site where we found such content:

http://www.iff.spontaneousdevelopment.com/feb06.htm

In addition, it’s also possible your server configuration files (such as

Apache’s .htaccess) have been compromised. As a result of this, your site
may be cloaking and showing the malicious content only in certain

situations.

We encourage you to investigate this matter in order to protect your

visitors. If your site was compromised, it’s important to not only remove

the malicious (and usually hidden) content from your pages, but also to

identify and fix the vulnerability. A good first step may be to contact

your web host’s technical support for assistance. It’s also important to

make sure that your website’s software is up-to-date with the latest

security updates and patches.

More information about cleaning your site can be found at:

http://support.google.com/webmasters/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=163634

Sincerely, Google Search Quality Team

Here’s My Understanding Of The Discovery Made By Google About Attacks On My Websites

I’m sharing all this information to help others, who now, or in future, may have similar experiences. It always helps to read about what others faced, and measures they took to recover.

The malicious code discovered on my websites by Google, was found to be (selectively) redirecting people who visit my website to possible scam – or spam – websites.

So, when someone visits my website from Google, they may even get a virus or malicious code warning about my website. And this will make the intending visitor quickly leave! They never arrive at that page. But I won’t know its happening.

In the meantime, Google will exclude that page from their searches – and I will receive less visits, enquiries and subscribers. That’s been happening – but my consistent blogging has helped cushion the effects a little bit.

See how complicated this whole issue is – and it’s devastating effect on my ability to earn more income?

Additional Insights Into The Negative Impact Of This Hacker Attack

It’s with this Google confirmation that I’m now able to put 2 and 2 together, to make sense of the strange experiences I’ve been having.

Burt Dubin has – as usual – kindly written in, on learning of this new development. My thanks to him – and my friends/family – for all the moral support, as I tackle these different efforts to pull me down (and they are MANY I tell you – without exaggeration).

There’s a consistent odd/tell tale trend I’ve noticed in these attacks. And those I’ve pointed it out to agree with me, that it is a good sign that these attacks are being done (or sponsored) by people who know me, and who want to discredit me. They are not the usual random attacks.

For instance, specific pages and documents on my website (e.g. my PDF resume, learning event PDF flyers and other pages specifically used to showcase my products and services for sale) are selectively attacked – not the entire website!

They also attacked my popular articles (which I still have on HTML pages) that attract a lot of readers. Those pages used to come up in Google, now they don’t.

The obvious purpose is to prevent me from gaining enough credibility to convert more visitors into buyers (like I did with the Canadian Farm Project Manager priest – to their surprise I’m sure).

It’s even affected my efforts to gain marketing traction for my learning events and new products here in Benin Republic. I’ve had so many in-person meetings that started out looking promising.

Then we would part by exchanging cards, and the prospects would promise to visit my website as agreed, in readiness for a follow up meeting.

As you can imagine, a visit to the website that results in a virus warning or a scam offer will NOT inspire any confidence in a prospect to pursue furthr relations with the owner!

Now consider the REAL possibility that ALL those I’ve been sending my Guest Posts, English-French Guide CDROMs and Seminar proposals to have been having that experience?!!

Our Websites Need To Be Protected – And We Will Often Need All The Help We Can Get

I’m not giving details of the solution I’ve settled on.

But the trends I’ve noticed in these attacks strongly suggest implementing it will make a lasting world of difference. Where I’ve been using this planned solution, I’ve NEVER had this problem, so I intend to simply extend it to the rest of the website.

Sadly, all this has prevented me from building on my success from a few months back.

It took a lot of work to get that far. I’d continued work to build on it. But I found it so strange that everything just came to an almost complete halt.

Google has now helped show why this happened, with this email advice they sent me. I’m now working hard to clean up the entire website to (as they correctly put it) protect my visitors/users.

Most of what I’m trying to achieve in my business (online and off the web) depends on how my website presents me.

That’s where I put up most of my marketing material to support even my offline efforts. Today, people readily Google you, and check your website out to make up their minds.

Mine has helped me earn decent income (and achieve great marketing mileage/exposure) while spending VERY little – even from Nigerians who find it hard to trust themselves talk less of others.

They’ve sent me money from different parts of the country. I have CEOs in Lagos, Niger, Kano, Ibadan and other places who own businesses (e.g. farms, and other companies) that have bought my handbook and subscribe to my newsletter, and are now friends but we’ve never met!

Someone I’d never met before even sent N35,000 (approx. $230 USD) into my bank account, two full weeks before travelling from over 8 hours away in Akwa Ibom, to meet me in Lagos. It was on a Saturday, and I spent about 4 hours putting him through practical Feed Formulation at a feed mill in Oko Oba, late last year.

Why Would A Stranger Send Me Payment 2 weeks Ahead For An In-Person Training? It Was Simply Based On What He Read On My Website.

And That’s How Powerful Your Writing Can Be!

If you own a website, you probably depend on it to achieve similar goals.

That’s why when your website is not in a good state of health, your chances of making useful progress are limited.

So, this kind of attack is something we all need to protect ourselves against. And we will often need all the help we can get to do so successfully.

When focussing on the serious business of attracting clients for your services, it can be annoying to discover “hidden”
attacks like these diluting one’s efforts. This has been an on-going battle for close to 2 years now.

Everytime I
clean it out, they come right back. I’m determined to make this
the last.

I’m grateful for the support provided by Google via their Webmaster tools email alert, and for my web host (Hostgator)’s usual amazing support.

PS: Oh, by the way, I know the “bad guys” are on my newsletter mailing list, and also possibly tune in via RSS etc. So they’re always lurking, with malicious intent.

Well, Here Are Some FINAL WORDS for Those Haters to Chew On

A proverb in my language (Yoruba) says:

“Ota o le pa kadara mi da. Won kan le fa owo ago pada si ehin ni”

Literal translation: Enemies/haters/evil-doers cannot change my destiny. They can only pull the hands of the clock backwards”.

Contextual translation: “People who try to hurt/stop you can never succeed unless you let them. The best they can do is to slow you down. Eventually, if you don’t stop, YOU will wear THEM down.”

And of course, I hope you know that your “destiny” is what you make of it?

Yes it is!

Like Williams Jennings Bryan said

“Destiny is not a matter of chance, but of choice. Not something to wish for, but to attain.”

Sigh. If these guys knew where I draw my inspiration from, they would have quit long ago. But becasue they are so DAFT, they persist in wasting their time.

How do you stop a guy who simply does not understand how to give up?

Your best bet is: Shoot him…and make sure you don’t miss!

The problem you will have is MY creator will not let ANYONE succeed in doing that to me.

Evil can never triumph over GOOD. Falsehood can never defeat TRUTH. Period.

So “haters”, if you can find better things to do with your time, I’d really advise you do SO NOW. You will NOT win this war. I’m in this to the end – and by then I’ll be the last one standing. Believe it.

Don’t Be a Professional Student: “Déplacer” Towards Your Goals As Often As Possible

There are many dimensions of success. Being rich is one of them. But today, more people are increasingly recognising that riches alone are not enough to live a truly successful life.

Indeed some people – like the Dalai Lama – are so far evolved in their understanding of life, that their interest in material possessions is very limited. They often advise having enough to meet your needs, and using the rest to help others meet theirs.

Ultimately, It’s Cbout Living a Balanced Life.

That is the true essence of life: make the most of yourself, in a way that benefits others.

However, succeeding in the above mentioned manner still requires real world relevant competence. In other words, you must regularly acquire useful learning, and apply it to productive ends.

There is really no other way to make the most of yourself, and add value to others. You must learn more, and then do more, in order to become more, and thus be able to give more.

It’s a Simple Concept: But Some of Us Apply It Incorrectly (Due to Fear, Laziness etc)

The aspect people often get wrong is the doing bit. Many of us are so good at learning. It’s a habit we developed from our early schooling years. If you want to do well, take an extra subject or course. Go for another degree program. Get an MBA. And so on.

But here’s the problem. Ask yourself WHY you need to go back and learn more. What is the reason you need that additional bit of knowledge or “education” (if we can call it that)? If you cannot find a clear and definitive answer to that question, it’s quite likely that you’re doing it to avoid taking action.

In other words, you’re most probably scared of taking the next step – which will often be to go out into the real world, with all that new knowledge you have, and use it to get what you need. And what you need – probably badly too – could be a new or better job, new or better clients, and so on.

That’s Why Some People Succeed in Losing Weight & Others Don’t

This attitude denies many people success in different areas of their lives – even the financially successful. For instance we have rich people who are perpetually struggling with obesity.

They buy books and videos – and even attend workshops – by celebrity health and fitness gurus. But they never get around to actually doing what those experts recommend. At least not on a consistent enough basis to get sustainable results. Or maybe they do, and then relapse.

In other words, they get all this knowledge but fail to put it to productive, long term use. And that ultimately defeats the purpose for which they went out and got the knowledge in the first place! What’s more, it amounts to a significant waste of money, time and effort on their part. Not to talk of the disappointment their fitness coach, as well as loved ones and friends will experience.

Sometimes it’s a lack of self-discipline that makes people act this way – or just pure laziness.

Whatever may be the cause, it effectively keeps them from succeeding in that area of their lives. So they have money, but they lack health and wellness – and may have to spend a lot of that money repairing their health later on in life (e.g. heart related problems often associated with obesity may develop).

It’s Also Why Some Entrepreneurs Make Progress, and Others Don’t

It’s funny. You would expect that a person who claims to have a “dream” of running his own business would be more diligent.

Sadly, the attitude of many towards applying themselves to get results in their business suggests otherwise. Some people attend seminars or workshops, and read books on starting up their businesses, but never really start anything worthwhile.

They just keep attending more seminars, reading more books, “start” to make more plans – but they never really begin. Oh, yes…and they talk more and more about why they cannot start yet too :-)

There are also those who manage to get started, but later learn from a book/seminar that they need to make some changes in order for their businesses to move to the next level.

However, instead of doing that, they keep procrastinating – and end up never achieving much.

It is the same thing for people in paid employment who desire career advancement, and so buy books about how to excel at work, but fail to apply what the learn to deliver improved workplace performances to attract promotions, bonuses etc.

Don’t Be a Professional Student: “Déplacer” As Often As Possible Towards Your Goals

Examples of people caught in the above “trap’ surround us. Anyone who behaves this way has become a PROFESSIONAL STUDENT!

That’s not a good title to have I tell you.

Those who take action to put what they learn to use in achieving their desired goals succeed.  That’s why some entrepreneurs’ businesses grow, while those run by others don’t. It’s also why some people succeed in dropping dress sizes by following the fitness expert’s instructions, and others don’t.

The French use an expression I like a lot. It’s “Déplacer (pronounced “day plah say”) and it means “to move”. But I like to think of it as “displacing yourself”.

If you don’t achieve any movement (by displacing yourself from where you are NOW) towards the goal you claim to have, you will make no progress!

So, promise yourself that you’ll make sure you “Déplacer” as often as possible from today, towards your goals.

Every day, question yourself: Where am I now? Where was I last month? Last week? Yesterday? Have I become more? If YES, how much more? How much closer am I now to my goal?

When you do not “se déplacer”, you’re working towards becoming a professional student: Don’t let that happen to YOU!

There is a great deal of difference between having knowledge and applying it. The teacher asked. “What is Agriculture?” The pupil replied, “Agriculture is just like farming, but farming is doing it. – W.F. Weiherman

FYI: Orchestrated Sabotage Campaign Against This Website

The email (in the screenshot below) is a 419 – that is scam – message being circulated disguised as if it’s from my website email (tayo at spontaneousdevelopment.com).

Believe it or not, this one came right into my inbox yesternight – got me wondering why I would send myself an email, till I read the contents…

Click the screenshot below to view my detailed illustration

Click now

This is the 1st bit of proof I’m getting to confirm the suspicions I’ve had that my work online is being sabotaged.

2 days ago, I discovered one of the websites I’ve earned income from had deleted my account without notice*

*******!

NB: Just this evening, I got a response from the above mentioned website to my enquiry saying my account had been reactivated. (See screenshot below). So that’s ONE less to worry about. But the big matter of the scam emails above remains…

Click now

*******

Earlier LinkedIn.com locked my account accusing me of “suspicious activity”.

This has been a serious running battle for me for a while.

A group of people are orchestrating these attacks to stop the obvious growth of my website traffic, and my profile.

These are mostly sponsored attacks. And it’s difficult to trace them

See (below) the links to articles I’ve had to publish on my website each time I’ve been punished for what I did not do as above.

Below the links is a message I included in an application I just submitted to a network. It gives details.

1. http://spontaneousdevelopment.com/sdnuggets/if-you-cant-find-me-on-linkedin-com-heres-why/

2. http://spontaneousdevelopment.com/sdnuggets/how-to-unmask-defeat-blood-sucking-vampires/

One thing is certain. They can never stop me.

==BELOW: The message I submitted to an online forum in which I had to warn the owners about the above situation==

I need to say this.

I’m having a running battle getting some bad guys off my back with regard to my website and blog. It’s costing me access to income earning and reputation building networks.

If you accept me into this forum PLEASE know that I do NOT do any kind of spamming, scamming or illegal stuff online.

LinkedIn.com and now constant-content.com (where I used to earn income as a writer) have recently locked me out of their websites.

I still do not know why – but LinkedIn replied to say they noticed “suspicious activity” in my account.

Just this evening I got a fake lottery email I apparently sent to myself from my domain based email (tayo at spontaneousdevelopment.com)!

Then it began to make sense!!

Basically they use my emaill address in place of the name for the sender.

Except for Internet savvy recipients, who think to check the email BEHIND the sender name (which they used my email to replace) most people will conclude the scam message came from my email, click to label it spam – and my website gets whacked by Google and co.

The problem is I don’t know how to stop them from sending those messages out to others – who will naturally think it’s me.

I’m saying all this here UPFRONT to help you decide if you’re comfortable having me on. There are orchestrated attempts being made to destroy my work online.

This is not the first time. I remain focussed on my goals.

And it’s even one of the reasons I relocated from Nigeria to Benin Republic.

Each time this problem has cost me tangibly (E.g. linkedIn and constant-content) I’ve written a blog post about it.

It’s the only form of defense I can think of. If after reading ALL this you’re OK with having me around, I’ll be glad to be a useful contributor to your forum – as (name of ebook) is one reason why I’m still alive and kicking despite the concerted efforts of people who want to pull me down.

Sorry about the epistle.

==End of message I submitted to online forum==

RELATED ARTICLES:

If You Can’t Find Me On LinkedIn.com Here’s Why

and

How to Unmask & Defeat Blood-Sucking Vampires!

How to Unmask & Defeat Blood-Sucking Vampires!

Ha…I love that title! It probably got you thinking strange thoughts: Like where on earth did he learn to do that? Okay, enough fooling around. The real title for this piece is “How (Deliberate) Naivety Can Help YOU Unmask People Who Secretly Want You to Fail”.

Image - Vampire related to article: How to Detect & Defeat Blood-Sucking Vampires!

Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

Sorry to deny you a good dose of entertaining (?) blood curdling fiction :-) But when you really think about it, both titles mean the same thing essentially. Vampires never announce their bad intentions up front. What they do is feign goodwill, while plotting and scheming to “destroy”.

By way of interest, I first encountered that phrase (“Blood-Sucking Vampires”) in one of Chris Guillebeau’s ebooks. He credited a friend of his for coming up with the “label” for people like that.

You Need This i.e. The Ability to Skillfully Detect Those Who Harbor Ill Feelings Towards You. 

Developing this ability is the key to having peace of mind, good health, and longevity. I happen to cherish all three beneifts just mentioned. The ideas I offer in this article help me work towards having them daily.

A proverb in my language (Yoruba) says:

“Ifura ni ogun agba”.

Translated contextually, that means:

“A well developed sixth sense is what an old person uses to detect (and/or avert) danger/problems.’

It’s Possible to Do Too Much Good, & Hurt Yourself In the Process (My Story)

Talking about them may sound self-defeating. But I also realize there WILL be good people being attacked by “blood sucking vampires”. And some may need ideas about how to defend themselves. Consider my very recent experience: My account with a website – www.constant-content.com where I’ve already earned income as a writer, got shut down without my knowledge.

Screenshot - Articles no longer appear in plugin on my blog. My account with a website - www.constant-content.com where I’ve already earned income as a writer got shut down without my knowledge.

UPDATE(17th May 2013 at 9.14p.m): Just this evening, I got a response from the above mentioned website to my enquiry saying my account had been reactivated. (See screenshot below). So that’s ONE less to worry about(Update: Nope. About 2 weeks later, they “banned”/”expelled” me from using their website, in an email that said a new article I submitted was too poor quality. I do not even want to “think” about these guys anymore).

On to the big matter of the scam emails above…

Click now

*******

Below: Screenshots of a payment I received from a sale of usage rights for my popular 10 Item Employee Morale Guage Quiz article on the website – www.constant-content.com.

No. 1 - See screenshots below of a payment I receieved from a sale of usage rights my popular 10 Item Employee Morale Guage Quiz article on the website - www.constant-content.com

No. 2 - See screenshots below of a payment I receieved from a sale of usage rights my popular 10 Item Employee Morale Guage Quiz article on the website - www.constant-content.com.

Below: Screenshot of an infibeam.com online store showing the above mentioned article – see item 14 on the contents list – published (with my permission) in a journal titled “Employee Morale: Concepts And Cases” by ICFAI university.

Click to visit infibeam.com online store showing the above mentioned article - see item 14 on the contents list - published (with my permission) in a journal titled "Employee Morale: Concepts And Cases" by ICFAI university.

Below: Screenshot of my one page PDF flyer for promoting the above article. See the new PDF flyer for a learning event based on it, that’s titled “Getting Employees to Consistently Deliver Results You Want! (What Every Executive, and Entrepreneur Should Know)“. View the FRENCH version of the PDF here.

My one page PDF flyer for promoting my On-Demand Learning Event based on the article. It's titled "Getting Employees to Consistently Deliver Results You Want! (What Every Executive, and Entrepreneur Should Know)".

I only found out yesterday (14th May), when I noticed the plugin that displays (here on this blog) my articles published for sale on that website, no longer listed them. Clicking my name, I arrived at a page that said I basically did not exist as an author on that website. Huh?

Yep. The LinkedIn.com Saga All Over Again. EVERY Time Anything Like That Happens, I Will Talk About It In a Blog Post.

But at least LinkedIn sent me an email. These guys said nothing (?) I’ve written them, since making this discovery yesterday, and certainly hope this time I won’t simply be told (like LinkedIn did) that they “noticed suspicious activity” in my account. 

This time around I was able to readily identify the likely cause. Less than 2 weeks ago, in a bid to be my usual helpful self, I’d shared a lot of information with certain young chaps I spent time with out here.

They’d asked about ways they could earn income writing online. I’d told them about what I did, and sent them links to my profile on the above mentioned website.

That was the first and so far the only time I’ever EVER given out that kind of information to ANYONE in over 3 months. Indeed, since arriving Benin Republic over a month ago, not once have I logged into my account on that site.

From the day that I sent them that email, I noticed ALL email updates from that website which often came daily simply stopped coming to my Gmail in box. I recall thinking it was strange, but told myself, “maybe they have things they’re doing “, and forgot about it.

Then yesterday I find out my account’s been closed. Make what you will of that. I don’t know what to think…yet.

Yes, It’s Possible to Do Too Much Good, & Hurt Yourself In the Process !

Lord knows I try to be so likeable. I really do. I can’t help wanting to share the little I know to help others who I go out of my way to offer ideas, information – even more than I should. Yet some, thinking I won’t find out, turn around and STAB me –viciously too – in the back.

So, it’s possible to do too much good, and hurt yourself in the process. Don’t be like me :-)

I thought I left all that (back-stabbing) behind in the corporate world. Well, all of this has been a reminder that human beings are the same everywhere. Good and bad, and few in between. And they come in all shapes, forms and colors too. No exceptions.

Acting “Naive” to Unmask “Silent Haters” – A Simple Strategy You (& Even a Child) Can Use Successfully

You can subtly, and accurately discover how those you relate with really feel about you. It involves doing a little acting, and carefully observing how they react. Especially when you’re succeeding or need help.

When you announce a major accomplishment to your “friend” how does s/he react? Does s/he really share your excitement? It’s hard to fake that.

What’s s/he like afterwards. Warm, and welcoming? Or subdued, even irritable? Does s/he mention your victories to others, like you do his/hers?

Listen to your instincts – your gut. Do NOT ignore any signals or red lights that come on.

What about when you need help?

Even if you don’t need help, periodically pretend you do – just to see. Make sure you come across as convincing as possible in your acting. S/he really has to believe you are in dire need. This is what will bring the real person to the fore!

You can request any kind of help. Just make sure it’s the kind that will take some doing. The kind that can test a person’s true committment to another.

Money is an obvious one (depending on how much). But there are others just as usable. You could request support of any sort. Even a simple extension of the hand to help you up when you fall. And I mean that both literally and figuratively speaking.

Be reasonable in your expectations though. What you ask must be consistent with the relationship you have. And it must, of course, be in line with what YOU can readily do for him/her as well!

A Useful Analogy: Picture in Your Mind, a “Friend”, “Buddy”, “Associate” or “Acquaintance”

Imagine you’re walking together and you suddenly find yourself in quick sand. What do you think your “buddy” or “pal” would do if as you begin sinking you turn and reach out to him for help to get out.

If you cannot confidently say s/he will do everything in her power (like s/she would for a loved one) to get you out, there’s a potential problem there.

You cannot hang around people you cannot count on!

Truth is, when you’re most vulnerable, and it is obvious to others around you, their innermost feelings towards you will often emerge unclothed. And many times you WILL be shocked by what you see.

Begin, from Today, to More Closely Observe Those You Relate With

I’ve found it’s quicker and easier to confirm who I can trust by simply acting naive as often as possible.

I do this especially with new people I’m not yet sure about.

This strategy helps me put them at ease.

The naughty ones basically conclude I’m one of those socially un-savvy, but otherwise intelligent individuals.

And sooner or later they begin trying to take advantage of my perceived naivety. I play along, and at different points I make innocent requests or enquiries to gauge their responses.

Very often I would already know what to expect if they were not being insincere. And 8 times out of 10, I’ve been able to unmask “silent haters” in this manner.

I don’t bother facing them with my findings. Instead I simply use it as a guide to dealing with them. It helps me know just how far I can go in doing stuff with them.

A True Story That Illustrates How to Do It

A guy introduces me to a potential investor in an idea I have. The latter pays to have me transported to his little town for a discussion with me. Four hours later, he’s talking excitedly about how he believes the two different proposals I made would work out.

And so we part, with him saying a meeting would be held with my friend who would get back to me.

Almost two weeks pass. I hear nothing. And I do not ask – even though I see my friend almost daily. Each time we meet, he repeatedly asks “So, how’s business? Everything okay?” At a point I get uncomfortable, as it feels like he’s checking for something.

Then one morning (about 10 a.m.) he calls me while I’m in the middle of an article and says “Hey Tayo, can you quickly stop over at my place for a discussion”. 

I reply that I’m busy and promise to see him in the evening. At 6p.m I arrive his place. I notice he’s rather fidgety, seeming to be in a hurry to get started.

Pulling up seats for both of us, he blurts out that the prospective investor asks if I can draw up all the process flow diagrams for the factory operation to be setup. I reply saying “Of course”  – smiling (even as I’m thinking “Hmm…here it comes!”).

Then I watch, as if in a movie, as he pushes a few sheets of paper across to me, with a pen and basically says “Here draw it all on there, so I can send it over to him. He’s waiting to get them.

At this point, I look directly at him, still smiling, and ask him how doing that will not hurt me, as a person who seeks to be compensated as a consultant offering his expertise for setting up a factory operation.

He turns away from me, unable to hold my gaze, and appears to think for a while. Few seconds later he picks up the phone, speaks in his local dialect which I do not understand, for about 15 seconds. I suspect it’s the “prospective investor”.

Ending the call, he turns to me and asks “How much will it cost for you to simply prepare all needed drawings and other information for him?

There and then I confirmed what I’d suspected. They had decided they did not want to have me implement the project, but thought they could get the information off me via trickery!

My point: That someone who called me his friend could readily accept to try that trick on me, spoke volumes about the thoughts/feeling he had towards me!

Note that he would never have tried it, if for one moment, he thought that I could see through his plans – or that I suspected anything.

The truth is that he felt I was so gullible that I would simply not think giving up that kind of information amounted to making myself useless to them!

Pity. That smacked of REAL naivety on his part :-)

Get Real: You May Never Be Perfect at This

From the first story I told, it’s apparent I’m not even close to being perfect. Otherwise I would not have given out so much information that others could use to hurt me, before I got to know them well enough.

But you can learn – with practice – to do it well enough to protect yourself.

Every now and then I totally fall flat on my face from failing to use this skill as and when due.

If/when it happens to you, dust yourself off, make a mental note of the new lesson learn, and move on.

“Silent Haters” Can Never Stop You, Unless You Let Them – or The Fear of Them – Stop You

No one can stop you from achieving your goals, or becoming who you want to b e -except your creator.

And guess what?

He will never do that, because every time you actualize your potential at new levels it gives him great pleasure. That is what he desires each one of his creations to do.

Read the little book written by Donald D. Wattles (Google “Science of Getting Rich pdf ”). It explains why every time you “feel” like doing something, it’s a sign that you can, and you should.

THAT, is your God-given instinct to grow, and become more, that’s seeking expression through you.

Do not stifle it, and never let any bunch of hating losers make you either. Start using the strategy of deliberate naivety to subtly discover who they are today. Then order your affairs with them accordingly.

Good luck!