Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

Drawing from my experiences initially as an employee, and later as an entrepreneur, I describe the psychological challenge that confronts a person who runs out of money, while married – and doing business. I then offer practical for surviving such periods of financial adversity, without losing dignity.

Do you have a spouse?

If yes, do you think you him/her very well – intimately?

Would you boldly say you know what your spouse will or will not SAY or DO to YOU, regardless of how bad things get – especially financially?

For many couples, the correct answers to those questions would be difficult to predict. That’s the truth.

In certain societies, when people court each other towards getting married, one of the prime considerations is often the “net worth” (if you can call it that) of the other person.

Your friends, relatives, colleagues etc want to know “If s/he has a job; Where? Does s/he get good pay?” etc. If they like what they hear, they then congratulate you.

Very few will ask you if you love each other.

If you’re the type that needs others to “approve” of you, you might “find” a way to choose someone that would be “acceptable” to those whose approval you seek.

The sad result is sometimes that two fundamentally incompatible, but outwardly well-matched people tie the knot, and embark on what becomes a turbulent marital adventure.

I have worked closely with someone who frequently stayed out late, after work, just so as to get home when his spouse had gone to bed.

There were in fact situations where extended family members repeatedly had to intervene in squabbles between this husband and wife.

One thing that often tends to be at the root of this problem – whether the couples readily admit it or not – is MONEY.

I won’t bore you with any stories or details.

But if you think you know your spouse (or “fiancé/fiancée), especially where it has to do with money and its ready availability, I’d say…don’t be too sure!

My advice is that you try and get to see your partner at his/her worst, in relation to “lack of money” as soon as possible BEFORE you start the venture you intend.

This will prepare you for the worst.

Some people KNOW that their spouse’s “love” for them is directly correlated with the “ready” availability of money.

This knowledge is what keeps them from taking the “risk” of starting their businesses – much as they would have loved to.

It could be suicidal if you decide to go ahead without “testing”, and making sure about this for yourself. Assuming s/he will “understand” if things are difficult initially would not be a smart thing to do.

The books may not say this often, but many marriages have disintegrated during the tough start-up phases that a spouse’s new business had to go through.

The other person would have tried to share in the vision/endure the “suffering”. But somewhere along the line, s/he probably could not hold faith any longer.

So, the “fights” begin – the “tired” partner saying nasty things to his/her already embattled entrepreneur spouse – and they eventually separate.

When you read the autobiographies of some successful entrepreneurs, you’ll find that they never mention their spouses at any point all through the book.

The problem described above is probably the reason why…

So, I ask you again. Do you KNOW your spouse well?

Do you KNOW what s/he will or will not do should things get really tough in the process of starting-up your business? Remember that when difficulties arise, you will need all the support and encouragement you can get.

Be sure that the closest person to you is the type that will actually give you that.

The last thing you want, when you’re trying to keep an upbeat mental state, is someone telling you how stupid you were to have made this or that mistake.

Or reminding you of how the family could have been better off, if you hadn’t insisted on plunging all your savings/benefits into your “hair-brained” idea for a venture.

My purpose here, is to help you eliminate “grey areas” in your thinking about where problems will likely come from, when you start your business.

Oh, and by the way, if you also have kids, PLEASE make sure you set aside adequate funds to cater for them, all through the start-up phase.

If you cannot do this, then seriously consider waiting till you can. Do not jeopardize the security of your family. 

A lot of worrying issues that you never anticipated might just come from the home front.

Believe me when I say I KNOW what this feels like. I have experienced SEVERELY prolonged periods of heartbreaking lack of money.

What I went through during those tough years of struggling as an entrepreneur, really tested my marriage relationship to its limits.

The fact that my wife and I are still together today, in spite of those experiences, makes it possible for me to write this piece!

You would be wise to get yourself well and truly forearmed.

Lastly, what about YOU? Will YOU be the problem in YOUR home when you have no money?

NB: This article was first published online in 2006, and is one of twenty-five(25) contained in Tayo Solagbade’s Ebook titled "25 Articles/True Stories On Self-Development, Entrepeneuring & Web Marketing To Help You Succeed More Often"