Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

I recently read an article that used these 2 interesting acronyms to explain the behaviour of social media users: FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and JOMO (Joy Of Missing Out). In this article, I why the latter is better for YOU, PLUS how being Self-Directed will help you achieve it!

FOMO is often felt by persons who are social media addicts…

I believe most people suffering from FOMO don’t even know they do. So, the first thing will be to outline signs that indicate one has IT 😉

Social media addicts are persons who get their validation from BEING on social media, and who when unable to BE there, feel terrified they’ll miss out.

For them, being denied access to what often tends to be an adoring, indulgent CAPTIVE audience, will often be like torture.

It will often affect their mood, and their general state of mind.

Indeed, from what I’ve seen, some individuals could even develop real life symptoms of illness if forced – by uncontrollable circumstances – to be away for prolonged periods!

Being around them during this period may tend NOT be a pleasant experience.

But why do they act this way?

I’m no psychologist or behavioural analyst. However, my close study of human behaviour, plus years of personal experience using social media, tell me it has to do mainly with “insecurity”.

Insecure people inwardly feel inadequate. They therefore cherish outlets that help them feel relevant, important, useful, needed etc.

Facebook in particular is so popular because it addresses the above needs so well.

You can see it from the way people use the NUMBER OF LIKES to gauge the importance or relevance – even CORRECTNESS – of anything and everything!

[NB: A downside to the foregoing is of course that if the greater number of LIKES come from a misguided group, or worse via some “vendor” of Facebook LIKES, many may be misled! This does happen – click here to read Huffington Post’s How Facebook Likes Get Bought And Sold”]

A system, in which virtually anything you say can earn you a LIKE can be intoxicating.

Naturally, a person with feelings of inadequacy, if s/he LEARNS what people like to “read” from him/her that will make them click LIKE, will tend to do more of it.

It goes without saying, that there’s nothing wrong with that ordinarily.

However, some take it to extremes in which making pointless posts like “Drat…I just broke a nail” are made, knowing they will get LIKES for it, and even build comments thread as well!

Only on social media, especially Facebook, does this extreme form of ego massaging happen so readily, and frequently

[By way of interest, an article I recently read, quoted one of the platform owners as reportedly saying “pointless posts” are one of the reasons they are considering charging per post in the near future – click here to read more.]

Human beings by nature LOVE it, and many get hooked, to the point of NEVER wanting to miss out. Sometimes they also don’t want to miss posting in response to LIKE minded others too.

The author of the article I referred to at the start of this piece, argued that people need to periodically aim to experience JOMO.

That is by staying away from social media, and feeling good about themselves in doing so.

I agree.

The reality however for most social media addicts – especially on Facebook – is that if they stay away at all, it will often be due to unavoidable situations. Not that they choose to.

In my estimation, JOMO will mainly be experienced by Self-Directed persons.

I used to experience FOMO in the past too.

But when I saw that staying on Facebook “just to be seen/involved” was getting to be more important to me than going there to ADD value, I realized I needed to make a change.

So, I asked myself how I would use Facebook without getting addicted to it.

I decided I wanted to be able to “participate” in moderation, by periodically add tangible value to others via my posts, and commenting on other people’s posts as I felt the need for it.

I believe more people need to use Social Media like that i.e. with DELIBERATE PURPOSE.

That means you DO NOT have to be there everyday, or get involved (“sucked in”?) every time.

Once you have a set purpose for coming to Facebook, it will guide you to know how long to stay and when to get off. And when you’re off you’ll experience no pressures to get back on, UNTIL you need to.

Today, I use automation of my Facebook posts, in conjunction with RSS syndicated publishing of my website blog posts to my wall, to help me STAY AWAY longer.

And it’s worked perfectly!

Even when I do NOT login to Facebook for days, my daily posts on this blog automatically appear on my wall and Twitter feeds, enabling me offer the value I have to others.

When eventually I do log on, I read through friends’ posts, contribute if need be, and move on!

Final Words: Self-Directed persons NEVER let people or situations OUTSIDE of them control their thoughts or actions.

Anyone who is able to arrive at this level of self mastery will earn the priceless reward of PEACE OF MIND – no matter what happens in his/her life.

Even if his/her Internet connection goes off for a week, or work demands take him/her to an area where there’s no Internet access, s/he will feel no negative emotions as a result!

But the benefits of being Self-Directed apply to life outside Social Media as well…

Self-Directed people tend to enjoy emotional balance, because they feel good about themselves regardless of whether they are alone, or with others.

They do not depend on EXTERNAL validation to shore up their INTERNAL sense of self-worth.

This is why such persons can often be trusted to take the right and/or hard decisions as leaders – regardless of where they are, or who is involved.

People who are NOT Self-Directed, tend to suffer from FOMO, and tend to be unable to risk “offending” or “losing favour” with others.

This happens because they have TOO GREAT a need to be LIKED.

Sadly, that also makes them poor leaders.

I choose to be Self-Directed, so I can be happy/stress-free, while adding value to others.

What about you?

The excellent quote – in the image below – is by Gen. Collin Powell (from his18 lesson “Leadership Primer”). It underscores the message I’ve tried to pass across in this article…