Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

What If Your Child Knows A Truth That Could Save Someone?

Imagine your child witnesses a prank by a few of her peers on a teacher’s car, that causes some unintented damage.

Then let’s say some days later she learns that two innocent students from a rival group have been suspended by the principal over the incident, based on an anonymous letter that fingered them.

Can you confidently say you know what your child would do under such a situation?

Would she go to the principal and tell on her friends, to stop the wrong students from being punished for something they did not do?

Or would she choose to remain loyal to her pals, and pretend like she knew nothing?

Your ability to accurately predict what your child would do in a situation like this, is likely to be a reflection of the effort you’ve made to inculcate the right values in her!

Truth Telling Vs. The Need To Be Liked By Everyone

In today’s worid, the need to be liked (or approved of) now drives not just politicians but also everyday people.

We’re all keen to be socio-politically correct, so we can get along with others in our increasingly culturally complex world.

It’s gotten so serious now that even paid speaking professionals are reluctant to speak from the heart as often as they normally would.

The concern in their case being the real possibility of a loss of business, if existing or potential clients decide they do not like the “truth” as spoken by the expert speaker!

Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with speaking and acting with consideration for the interests and feelings of others.

That’s afterall an important part of what it means to be emotionally intelligent.

The problem I see however, is that many people are taking this business of political correctness to a negative extreme.

They are sacrificing their right to freedom of expression in order to be agreeable to everyone they relate with.

Rocking the opinion boat by voicing contrary views terrifies them.

And they actively avoid calling friends, associates or relatives to order no matter how disapproving they are of the latter’s conduct.

If You Truly Care For Someone, You Will Tell Them When They Go Wrong

The fact however remains that if we truly love and care for someone, the best thing to do WILL often be to speak truthfully to her about everything.

And that includes any wrongdoing we observe – especially when it’s repetitive!

In a perfect world, I guess giving corrective feedback the way I propose above, as and when due would happen.

Unfortunately, here on earth, we have our human limitations, or shortcomings which make us fall short of the above standard.

That’s why today it appears more good people are finding it harder to take a firm stand against falsehood, by speaking truth.

From politicians to business – and even religious – persons, being economical with the truth, or prevaricating, seems to have become a favourite past time.

You Can Disagree Without Being Disagreeable

I’ve sat in on discussions before, with people I thought I knew, only to hear them express agreement with warped views that they had privately told me they were against!

And sometimes I’ve seen persons I greatly admire and respect deliberately look the other way, when a friend, associate or relative blatantly abused the rights of disadvantaged others.

(One example: A manager who stayed quiet when his boss had an innocent employee put in jail for weeks – using his money and connections – even AFTER CCTV footage watched by them and the investigating police officer, showed nothing to indicate he took the money reported missing.)

In each of the above instances, my casual enquiries often revealed that they felt the other person was wealthier and/or more influential than they were, and was therefore beyond reproach.

To put it another way, they felt the other person was too big for them to correct or call to order.

And as such, they believed it would be wiser not to openly challenge or disagree with her views or actions.

Pity.

Ironically, doing that just ends up hurting everyone at the end of the day.

Including those we try to protect by acting without integrity in that manner.

I personally believe it’s wiser to agree-to-disagree, when you discover you are unable to find a meeting point between your views and those held by your counterpart.

That would be a more truthful and therefore honourable way to relate with others who hold contrary views to yours.

Your Kids Will Choose What To Do, More By Watching Your Actions, Than By Hearing What You Say

It won’t matter what you drum into their heads during prayer sessions or your daily interactions. Or what you make them read.

Kids want to see you practice what you preach, or walk your talk, without reservation or fear.

Once they see you doing that, they’ll naturally draw inspiration from there, to do the same thing anywhere they find themselves.

If they see you hang on to a friend who is perpetually rude to waiters or the hired help, they’ll assume it’s okay to keep such friends too – and even act the same way.

But if you make a point of tactfully correcting your potentially rude friend and insist he stop mistreating less fortunate others, your kids are likely to notice your efforts and toe the same line.

The key is to be an exemplary model in words and in action for them to follow, EVERY single day.

If you keep it up for long enough, you’ll eventually get to a point where you can confidently and accurately predict what your child will do under a particular situation, like the one described at the start of this piece.

Here’s one advantage of getting your child to the above mentioned “point”:

You’ll always be confident that your child will make the right choices or decisions, no matter whose Ox is gored (e.g in the case of the school prank, she would probably advise her friends to own up. If they refused, she would tell the principal the truth herself. Simple.)

There’s no better way to have peace of mind (when it concerns children) than that!