Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

“Edison was a poor student. When a schoolmaster called Edison "addled," his furious mother took him out of the school and proceeded to teach him at home. Edison said many years later, "My mother was the making of me. She was so true, so sure of me, and I felt I had some one to live for, some one I must not disappoint." – Excerpt from “The Life of Thomas Edison” (Online Biography)

Money Cannot Make Up For Absence of Parental Nurturing & Guidance

In today’s world, there’s a problem that’s increasing at an alarming rate.

The pressures of earning enough to care financially for the family are growing. This is forcing more parents to relegate their traditional coaching and mentoring roles to the background, in order to provide financially for the family.

As a result, they now depend on care givers and school teachers to provide needed “instruction” to their kids, while they are away at work. These kinds of parents frequently assume they can make up for their absence using money and things money can buy.

It goes without saying that money is needed to care for one’s kids. So, the parents are not wrong for going all out to get it.

What I however try to point out in this piece is the need – and an urgent one at that – for such parents to strike a balance in doing so. Without that, there’s a real chance that their kids will suffer negative consequences of parenting neglect that could limit them for life.

Help Your Child Develop These 3 Attributes & Boost Your Chances of Achieving Parental Success

1. Real World Relevant Know-How

Just today, I had a long discussion with my sister-in-law about parenting and the need to get more involved in coaching kids for success in life.

The emphasis on school learning to the neglect of life skills acquisition is making too many children enter adulthood poorly prepared to play their new adult roles.

What’s worse is that some misguided parents assume that they can throw money at the problem of ineptitude their child displays. So they literally open doors for her to get things she should normally compete for along with her peers e.g. job postings.

It’s always – for me at least – sad to see a young person who knows only “academics” and little or nothing about other socially relevant skills needed by adults for survival e.g. poor ability to assert herself, naivety or being too trusting etc.

These weaknesses can be exploited by more socially savvy counterparts to gain an unfair advantage over her in the real world.

In this regard, I’m saying that it’s a nice thing for your child to view the world through rose coloured glasses. However, it is wiser for her to recognize that not everyone in the world will view the world the way she does!

And that’s why she’ll need to develop the social skills to relate successfully with those who differ in their world views.

How do you help your child develop such know-how? I offer a few suggestions:

1. Discuss what YOU do and know with her.

2. Involve her in those activities you know enable you hold your own in the real world.

3. Think ahead and also reflect on what you had to learn and/or do better in order to function more competently as an adult in the real world OUTSIDE, and after school.

Once you’ve identified those specific things, make out time to coach your child to become competent in those areas.

By the way, do NOT succumb to the temptation of letting her grow up a little more before you start this. The earlier you begin the better for her – and for you.

I say this because kids – if you know them – don’t exactly assimilate what you tell or teach them immediately. There’s always a need for plenty of repetition. If you start early, you stand a better chance or instilling those qualities in her much earlier in life.

2. Positive Outlook & Mental Stamina

Your child will learn how to react to life from observing you, and those you associate with e.g. your friends, co-workers, business associates, relatives etc.

If she sees that you regularly complain about everything that’s not going the way you want, she’s likely to conclude that’s the right way to respond to life’s challenges for instance.

But here’s the problem with that kind of attitude: If that situation persists longer than she feels she can endure, there’s a good chance she might settle on an unhealthy approach to solving whatever problem she feels she has e.g. through joining bad company, or even stealing etc

Having a positive take on life implies you will always believe that no matter what misfortune befalls you, there will be a way to remedy it, if you look hard enough.

The above implies the need for mental stamina: That is, the ability to keep believing that what you want will happen, even as everything around you suggests otherwise. This – mental stamina – is an extremely important quality for any human being to have, as it can determine her ability to achieve any goal she sets in life.

When a problem or challenge occur in your life as a parent, try to bring it to the attention of your child. Explain to her what led to it, and how you’re trying to resolve it. As time goes on, let her know how you’re getting on with your efforts.

Encourage her to ask questions and even make suggestions towards solving the problem. Make it obvious you value her interest and input.

What will most likely happen over time is that she will believe that’s the right way to deal with adversity in life. Your example will therefore be a valuable source of inspiration to her whenever she faces challenges in life.

The likely result: most likely, she’ll go on to succeed in spite of any challenges she encounters, because you would have taught her to maintain a positive outlook/mental attitude even in adversity.

3. Visualisation

You will help your child find purpose in life, if you really wish to be a successful parent. Study her and identify what she’s passionate about.

Deveop strategies to help her develop that passion to a level where it can produce useful rewards – financially or otherwise – to her. Engage her in discussion about what she would like to do with that item, ability or activity she’s passionate about.

This process can lead you to successfully link her passion to a potentially useful outlet in the real world. We’ve read and heard of many parents who saw signs that their kids had natural abilities in certain areas, and who took action to help the child develop them, so that she eventually became a prodigy.

What is essential here is helping the child discover what she wants to do and/or where she wants to do it. With that “picture” clearly defined in her mind, she will become purpose driven – and every moment of her spare time will be readily devoted to pursuing that goal.

Final Words: None of the Listed Attributes Requires A Parent To Be Wealthy!

If you noticed, the attributes mentioned above can be developed by a poor person’s child just as well as a rich person’s child can acquire them. What is simply required is the INTEREST. And that can be aroused in any living being.

The foregoing implies that succeeding as a parent is not about how much money you have. Instead it’s about how much of an investment of your time, effort and knowledge you are prepared to make in your child, to prepare her for the real world.

If you’re wondering how I can be so sure the above will produce the results promised in the title of this post, I’ll tell you this:

For more than twenty (20) years I have employed the above strategies to SUCCESSFULLY coach young people ranging in age from about 15 to 25, to discover their purpose and go on to begin achieving it (it’s a continuous/never ending process).

We all have our gifts. Mine is being able to help others improve themselves to achieve their valued goals in life. To illustrate, here’s what one of those I’ve coached in the past wrote to me after we’d parted for two and a half years

====Start of email excerpt===

Date: Mon, 7 Jun 2004 05:08:15 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Emmanuel" To: “tayo” (Email addresses deleted for privacy)
Subject: update

Great Mentor,

You are really a great mentor. Your principles are real and they work. Since the beginning of this
year a lot of things have happened. Top among them is the writing of assessment tests for our
new line–Line 7. Out of 256 candidates, 75 were selected and out of the 75, 8 technicians were
selected to go abroad for training of which I was among. We’ve been to Germany, stayed for
3weeks and now we are back. Each step I’ve taken ever since you left has been with at least
one word from you. It is as if you knew before time the steps and so you left at least a word for each.

…text deleted for brevity and privacy…

====End of email excerpt===

I’ll end by saying that I did not write this post to preach at you.

Instead, my simple purpose is to share my tested and proven methods and insights with interested parents, so they can achieve similar successes to mine.

I employed the ideas described in this post to help other people’s kids succeed during the period I had contact with them. And I am ALREADY putting them to use with great enthusiasm for my own kids too – for obvious reasons!

Hopefully, you will choose to do the same for yours.

Comments?

What do you think of the above post? Share your thoughts in the comments – or send me an email via tayo at tksola dot com.

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