Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

Do Experts Wash Dishes? Do YOU? You read that right: I mean YOU, reading this right now.

Regardless of your gender, or professional status, the above question is meant for YOU.

Here’s a more elaborate version of it:

As a startup or established expert in your field of interest or specialization, should you bother doing minor domestic chores like washing dishes and the like?

We Were Brought Up To Care About Chores

If you’re like most people, you were brought up by your parents to take responsibility for some domestic chores. Doing the dishes or laundry. Taking out the trash. Mowing the lawn. Washing the car. Cleaning your room, or even changing the baby’s diapers?

By the time we left home, many of us had gotten used to doing them without being asked.

But once we begin living alone, and as we achieve varying levels of success, some of us decide we’d rather not do such chores. So we get hired help. That’s not bad in itself, especially if doing so helps us to get more work done i.e. so we can be more productive.

However, the problem that can – and often does – arise is that some people let their success or the need to preserve a certain image/status convince them that being “domesticated” is not cool (or is undignified) for instance. So, they go out of their way to avoid showing that side of themselves. At a point even when they visit their own parents, they betray the same bias –to the latter’s surprise, and possible embarrassment!

Your Success Cannot Excuse YOU From Chores!

In a past issue of the Early To Rise newsletter, Craig Ballantyne shared memories from his childhood, of times he spent with his father. On specific school days his father would take him on outings instead of letting him attend classes.

According to his father, there were other things Craig needed to learn, which would not be taught to him in school. (That’s one truth I’ve also learned over the years, and which I apply in relating with my kids.)

But the most profound message I picked up from Craig’s anecdote, was his revelation that despite achieving significant success years later in life, his family still requires all members to do domestic chores – including menial ones like washing dishes.

In other words, whenever they come together as a family, regardless of their individual levels of personal success or societal status, each member still has to do those chores!

I believe the above provides a valuable lesson for families. We must realize that no matter how successful anyone of us becomes, the relationship we have with one another will remain basically intact.

In other words, your father will always be your father. The same goes for your mother. Regardless of how famous, or wealthy your success makes you, both parents will remain deserving of your respect, and service. As will your siblings – older, younger or same age (in the case of twins).

Nothing should change except, probably, your looks

Setting The Right Examples As Role Models

As experts we share expert knowledge and insights with others who often look up to us for guidance. Over time, people value our opinion so much that they’ll want to know what we think about current affairs and other general issues not directly related to our areas of professional focus. That’s when you get invited as a guest on a TV show etc. That will happen because you’ve become a role model who others look up to, for thought leadership.

The question to ask yourself is whether what they know about you in public, is the same they’ll discover about you if they came to your home?

Are you as fair and impartial in your dealings with those in your household, as you advocate in your talks and interviews, for instance? Do you really help out with household chores like you say your listeners should? Or is that just a strategy to get public approval by being politically correct?

The answers you come up with, will tell you a few things about yourself – especially with your status as an expert who, by extension, is also a role model.

Kids learn from watching us. When you’re a expert, it’s likely that at some point, you kids will see/hear you speak or write based on your proven expertise. Sooner or later they’ll come across people who have heard you speak or read your writing, or even interacted with you. What the latter tell your kids they heard you say can make a powerful impact in the latter’s lives.

But that impact can be either negative or positive, depending on how honest you are.

For instance as a specialist in racial diversity, you’re likely to advocate equal opportunities and fair play, no discrimination etc. The question is, at home, or in your private life, do those close to you see those same principles being applied by you?

A Man Who Set An Example His Kids Had No Problems Following

Here’s an example to illustrate this point: As parents we must raise our kids to see one another as partners. Sibling rivalry should never be allowed to take root. That’s why we must avoid playing favorites. If they see you always deal with issues concerning them in a fair and impartial manner, they will accept it as the right way to do things.

I know a family in which the father (who is now late) ran his – polygamous – household in the above described manner. Over a decade after his death, all the kids are grown up and married with their own kids. But they still stay in touch and congregate periodically.

When they do meet, the mutual respect and consideration they have for one another remains obvious You will not for instance find a younger one who’s doing better financially than an older one, being treated preferentially to the disadvantage of the latter. Instead, the former would readily serve (i.e. run errands for) the less prosperous big brother or sister, like s/he would have done when they were still in their father’s house.

What’s more, one sees no airs of superiority or attempts to outdo one another among them. It’s not a perfect family of course. They have their own disagreements and differences. But certain basic cultural ground rules remain in place and respected.

What’s more, when disagreements or conflicts do arise, this family has an excellent problem resolution system in place. They simply get themselves together as a group, and bring the erring/disagreeing members together to explain themselves/air their grievances.

Contributions would be allowed from members with ideas for an amicable way to resolve the problem. A group decision would be arrived at eventually, and the affected individuals asked to abide by the decision.

In all the years I have related with members of this family, I have never known this method to fail them. That was how their father did it. And seeing how it worked for him, they chose to continue with it. What better role model could one have hoped for?

Final Words

Are you now (or working towards becoming) a highly paid expert who serves high profile clients?

If yes, well that’s just great!

However, that should not make you feel you can no longer step into the kitchen and do the dishes while visiting your old and grey parents over a weekend, if there’s no helper around.

Taking out the trash/other chores also need not be abomination for you. And not just in your parent’s home, but also in YOUR own home.

Apart from making your folks – and spouse – happy and proud, your kids (and/or other people’s kids) will learn a valuable lesson from seeing you readily take on household chores if/when the need arises to do so.

But most importantly, you would be living a life based on values consistent with those you advocate to others you interact with in the course of doing your work.