Publication: Tayo Solagbade’s Weekly Public Speaking IDEAS Page (PSIP) Newsletter
Date: Monday 31st December 2012
No: 70
Title: Manage Your Relationships Smarter, To Succeed Better!
Author & Publisher: Tayo K. Solagbade [234-803-302-1263]
Blog URL: http://www.spontaneousdevelopment.com/blog
Archive (For E-mail only version started 14th May 2012): Click here to view
Archive (For Blog version started 24th September 2011): Click here
Hi,
Please find below the latest issue of my weekly Public Speaking Ideas page for 2012.
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SD Nuggets Blog™
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New posts from last week that may interest you! |
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Entrepreneurship [Tuesday]:
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Self Development [Wednesday]:
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Career Development [Thursday]:
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Parenting [Friday]:
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Get The NEW Excel-VB Ration Formulator!
All existing owners get FREE Updgrade(terms apply) : Happy New Year in advance to you all. This new version has additional error handling.
And it allows you to store 3 RATION FORMULAS you derive for easy future retrieval.
By 16th January 2012 the price goes up to N12,500.
You can still get it for N10,500 (with my Feed Formulation Handbook) – here.
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No. 70: Manage Your Relationships Smarter, To Succeed Better!
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NB: If you ever find yourself wondering what else I’ve written, some days after you’ve read THIS Speaking Ideas newsletter I send out on a Monday, here’s what you can do to find out: Point your browser to www.sdacademy.org to read at least ONE new post added to my SD Nuggets blog on a different category from Tuesday till Saturday (sometimes even Sundays) in line with this publishing schedule 
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It’s the last day of the year today. In this final issue of my Speaking IDEAS newsletter for 2012, I discuss the importance of managing your relationships, to boost your chances of speaking success.
Your eloquence, qualifications, certifications or even talent or natural abilities matter. But most crucial to your success in ANY area of endeavour – including paid public speaking – will be your mental attitude! And THAT can often be directly affected by what you see and hear around you.
Consider this quote:
“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence; Talent will not; nothing is more
common than unsuccessful individuals with talent. Genius will not; the world is full of
educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent” – Ray Kroc (Founder of McDonalds)
The truth is you REALLY need to pay serious attention to anything that can affect your state of mind – an important example being your relationships with others.
You May Have What It Takes To Succeed – But Your Relationships Can Hold You Back
It’s possible you have all the attributes required of a good speaker. And that if – under normal circumstances – you found yourself before the right audience, you would WOW them with your performance.
But you have to find the client willing to pay you to speak first don’t you?
Are you going about it the right way? Who are those you spend time with? Are you able to get good advice from them, to help you along (like a tested and proven mentor would give)? Would you be willing to keep going for as long as may be necessary to find the clients you need?
And what about when you finally win that paid speaking invitation? What if on the VERY day you have to speak, someone upsets you before you leave home?
Maybe your spouse says something nasty that REALLY gets to you. I mean REEALLLY NAASSTY, that you have to go away to calm yourself down :-)))
Or maybe it’s not your spouse.
Maybe someone runs into you from behind as you’re driving to the venue of your speaking event :-)))))))
Yet you have to speak in a few hours from then, at an important event!
How well would you handle yourself out there? Would you be able to deliver at your best?
What can you do to PREVENT such a thing happening to you, and potentially messing up your big opportunity?
I say the key is to control the relationships you have with others.
Thomas Alva Edison – the great inventor – when asked for advice about success did not talk about mastering scientific principles.
Instead he said:
“Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration”.
Edison did not say manifesting genius required a high IQ, a university degree or some other unique academic qualification. Instead he recommended 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.
Considering that this great man was home-schooled by his mother, it goes without saying that one would be wise to believe his words!
Here’s why:
According to an online biography I read some years back, when he was in school, Edison’s teachers concluded he was “addled” (a term used derogatorily to mean a person’s brain was not functioning normally).
Thankfully his mother refused to accept what they told her, and angrily withdrew him from school, to tutor him at home.
If she had agreed with those “lazy minded” teachers, we probably would not have Edison’s 1091 inventions with us today – including the light bulb and electricity!
The above illustrates an example of a beneficial association between a child and an adult – in this case, the parent.
But others have it the other way round. At least Edison’s mother believed in him. Those closest people to us can sometimes be the greatest unbelievers in our abilities.
Some successful people failed to get support from home, and actually found total strangers more willing to believe in them!
Cynthia Kersey (Author of UNSTOPPABLE 45 Powerful Stories of Perseverance and Triumph from People Just like You) wisely noted in her book, that sometimes the negative – unbelieving – person in your life may be someone you cannot eliminate.
A good example is your spouse or father/mother/sibling!
When you share your dream of speaking success, they may feel they’ve known you for so long that nothing you say you’re trying to do can improve on the blunders they’ve seen you make in the past.
As Kersey noted, the saying that a prophet is without honour in his own home is relevant here.
If you have the mental capacity to deal with that kind of situation, and still get on competently with your work, then there’s probably nothing to worry about.
However, if you feel staying exposed to such persons will significantly affect your state of mind, take action to limit your contact with them.
This is not the time to be needlessly sentimental. It’s your life we’re talking about here!
You have every right to make the most of your God-given ability. Letting some insensitive person toy with your feelings and ruin your enthusiasm for pursuing your dream is simply not acceptable.
I Was Ridiculed For Thinking I Could Sell My Excel Software – BEFORE I Started Doing It!
“It’s not enough to be competent or qualified; you must also have the right mental attitude to deal successfully with the challenges/difficulties that will come up when you are engaged in your chosen endeavour. “ – Tayo K. Solagbade
Towards the end of 2004, I had a painfully raw experience of being used as the butt end of jokes – to my face – over an ambitious goal I’d set for myself.
A friend of the family – who had worked for years as a self-employed IT professional – heard I was visiting at the office of a relative and stopped over.
Within minutes of arriving, he began making jokes about my expressed intention of developing software solutions using MS Excel that people would pay for.
When I explained that I believed I could get paid N100, 000 for an app I was showing my relative a demo for, he said “Tayo, we must sell this your software O…we must!”. He repeatedly said this in a mocking tone, bursting into laughter intermittently (and joined by others who sat around – including my relative, and his employee).
You can imagine how that “demonstration” ended for me…:-)
But today it’s on record that I’ve been paid twice that amount by companies, to develop custom spreadsheet software for them.
Like Napoleon Hill noted, people sometimes resort to tactless attempts at humour without considering the impact on the person it is directed against. That singular experience NEVER left my memory. And I successfully used it to push myself to achieve a breakthrough.
Today, I have literally single handedly created a niche for myself as a provider of custom Built-In Excel solutions in Nigeria.
What’s more, I have also achieved name recognition as the developer of certain unique Excel-VB driven spreadsheet software products e.g. my popular Livestock Ration Formulator (built to facilitate automated computation of livestock rations based on the Pearson Square Computation method described in my popular Feed Formulation Handbook) and my Payslip Generator respectively.
Both applications have been purchased by individuals and organizations across the country – and in the case of the former (i.e. the feed formulation software), by international buyers.
It’s possible the family friend who mocked me now realizes how wrong he was.
But whether that will be enough to stop him from treating someone else the same way in future is however a different matter.
And that’s why it’s important for people who set challenging goals for themselves, to adopt what James Cook called a “guiding philosophy” that will help them persist no matter what obstacles they encounter.
Get this: All your degrees and certifications will NOT help you deal with the potentially crippling psychological/emotional effects of mockery, ridicule, and repeated setbacks. You need to “protect” your state of mind, by controlling the environments (relationships with others) you expose yourself to.
Who Do YOU Spend Your Quality Time With?
Demand integrity from all associates. Would you go sailing in a leaky boat? Would you drive on a tire that would not hold air? Then, steel yourself: In cold blood dump unworthy others. – Burt Dubin (Internationally acclaimed mentor of some of the world’s highest paid speaking professionals)
This self-examination must begin from your homes – those closest to you. Your spouse – and kids if any. Then the larger family comprising siblings, parents, uncles, aunts, half-siblings, grandparents and so on.
Next we have your friends, coworkers, and former colleagues, as well as business associates, partners – and also neighbours!
Which of these groups of people do you spend your quality time with? And how do you feel AFTER you’ve been with them?
Do you come away feeling more excited and rearing to give your set goals another go? Or are you left reeling from exposure to multiple put downs or outright ridicule of your ideas and ambitions.
Maybe you find yourself drained of enthusiasm from being told by some that it’s taking you too long to “succeed” – and that you need to pack it in and do something else.
Note those who leave you with negative feelings. Or those who refuse to respect your need to create time to pursue your valued goals.
Resolve to spend less time with them.
In my case, I resolved to keep my distance from all those who’d been involved in making fun of me about my Excel-VB software development. I knew from past experience that THAT was the only way to keep my mind free from distractions, discouraging thoughts and doubts.
However, sometimes your circumstances may limit the options open to you. And you may have to endure remaining in contact that negative person for longer than you want.
For instance it may be difficult to avoid contact with your spouse if you live together!
In that case, you may find reading books that nurture your self-belief (like Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich) very useful.
Anytime you’re feeling deflated, pick up that book and read, and I guarantee you’ll soon feel better – and rearing to go again!
Final Words
Let me summarise as follows:
Your eloquence, qualifications, certifications and status matter. But most crucial for achieving success in ANY area of endeavour – including paid public speaking – will be your mental attitude!
And THAT can often be directly affected by what you see and hear around you.
Therefore your RELATIONSHIPS matter very greatly!
When you see and hear people dismiss your ideas, it can have a lasting negative impact on your mental attitude. Your academic degrees, certifications, and talents will STILL be yours. But you’ll find yourself feeling LESS capable of succeeding!
You do NOT have to let that happen. Don’t let others impose their limitations on you.
Give yourself the best possible shot at speaking success in the New Year: Adopt proven strategies – like those shared above – and start managing your relationships smarter from today!
Here’s wishing you a happy and truly prosperous New Year in advance!
Tayo K. Solagbade*
Self-Development/Performance Improvement Specialist
*Sole Agent For Burt Dubin’s Speaker Mentoring Service In Africa
Mobile: 234-803-302-1263
http://www.spontaneousdevelopment.com
Tayo Solagbade is a Performance Improvement Specialist & multipreneur. He works with individuals/businesses who want to achieve highly profitable outcomes, and also with parents who want to raise real-world competent children.
Tayo earns multiple streams of income providing clients with performance improvement training/coaching, custom MS Excel-VB solutions, web marketing systems, freelance writing services, and best practice extension support services (for farm business owners).
When he’s not amazing clients with his superhuman skills (wink), Tayo works as the creative force behind his Self-Development Nuggets™ blog, and Public Speaking IDEAS newsletter (which he publishes to promote Burt Dubin’s Public Speaking Mentoring service to experts working across the African continent).
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Have you been undecided about whether or not to become a paid speaker? Or have you been trying to get your speaking career off the ground with little success?
Here’s a tip: Burt Dubin works with people who want to be speakers, and with speakers who want to be masters. Click here to visit his website NOW and submit a contact form message telling him what challenges you’re facing, and how you’d like him to help you. Tell him I sent you, and you’ll get a pleasant surprise offer from him.
Comments?
What do you think of the above message? Do you have any personal experience to share on this subject? Are there some other points you feel can be added, to help persons looking for answers? Please share your thoughts!
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What fears or doubts are keeping you from (a) taking up Burt Dubin’s monthly speaker mentoring, or (b) buying his products?
You can choose to purchase Burt’s mentoring at any of the three (3) levels listed below:
Burt’s three mentoring packages can be likened to the seating options offered by airlines: Budget Delight (Economy); Mid Range (Business); and Top Shelf (First Class).
At least that’s how I like to think of them!
All three will get you to your desired destination of “speaking success-ville” – so long as you meet the requirements/play your part well (your fare, abide by the set guidelines etc). During the “flight”, the seat you have will determine how much personal service attention and preference the provider will accord you. It’s that simple
So, make your choice:1. Top Shelf [Click here] | 2. Mid Range [Click here] | 3. Budget Delight [Click here]
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