Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

If you don’t like having to repeat yourself again, and again, maybe you should not plan to have kids anytime soon! Your child’s development of a healthy level of self esteem, and ultimately her ability to succeed, depends greatly on your understanding of the points I make in this article.

Adults Often Forget They Once Had To Learn To Walk Too

As children, and later as young adults, many mature persons today passed through various stages of growth and development. I mean that in the physical, intellectual and even spiritual sense.

It’s however interesting that once we’ve achieved reasonable competence or mastery, we often completely forget there was a time when we also did not know, and could not do stuff we are now so familiar with.

This is frequently reflected in the impatience we display in relating with others (young, and sometimes not so young) who have yet to reach our level of proficiency.

When your child makes another mistake while washing the dishes or struggles with elementary math homework you expect him to grasp easily, how do you react?

Especially if it’s happened a number of times before?

How long does it take you to get tired of “helping” her overcome that challenge?

Is there a point at which you’d write her off as being “untrainable”?

I hope not

Parenting Is Easier Said Than Done: Repetition Is The Key

It’s funny, but some parents sometimes out of frustration speak to, and about their child as if they’ve given up on them. But they later recover themselves.

I’ve been guilty of the above crime against my first child in a moment of passion. And I’ve seen others do it too. So I know it can happen.

What’s crucial is to ensure it does not repeat itself.

The truth is that giving parenting advice or talking about raising kids can be so easy to do. Most adults intuitively know what to do in many situations.

What I’ve however learnt (and I say this from painful personal experience) is that DOING it over the long term can be a test of one’s endurance.

With children especially, constant REPETITION – like my mother who taught kids for 30 years before retiring would say – is the foundation on which any nurturing you want to give your child must be based.

If you think there’s a predictable number of times you can tell a child something and expect her to “get it”, you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed

This is where the love you have for your child must come to play. You’ll need it to inspire yourself to keep telling and helping her, as she trips, stumbles and fumbles her way to achieve required mastery or competence.

What You Can Do

Here’s an idea: Think back to the times in your life when you had to learn whatever your child is struggling with now.

Except you were born perfect, it’s likely you recorded your own fair share of mistakes before you achieved proficiency.

Tell your child about your own failures back then. Recall for her benefit the pain, frustration and embarassment you felt each time you got it wrong.

Then share with her what you did to gradually improve, until you got it right.

You will do this to help your child appreciate that it’s normal and human to have to initially struggle to learn before becoming capable and competent in any area of endeavour.

Once she achieves that understanding, and also sees that you show your belief in the above truth by continuing to provide your loving support, she’ll be more willing to see the process through.

Bad Things Can Happen If You Don’t Take The Above Preventive Action

If you fail to do the above, your child will be forced to conclude she struggles because others have something she lacks, and which she has no hope of developing.

And that mental attitude can make her decide to cut corners – in homework or exams for instance – to get the needed results, believing she’ll never succeed by her own efforts.

The danger here is that corner cutting is often easier than doing the real thing. So it gradually makes those who do it lazy.

Whenever they’re challenged to go the proper way, they’re likely to think as follows:

“Why should I do all that hard work, when I can get the needed results easily without breaking a sweat?”

Once a child develops such a dangerous love of ease, you as the parent could be in big trouble.

And that’s because your child’s actions would be driven by a need to get something for nothing, which sooner than later could get her into all sorts of trouble academically, socially etc.

That’s why you need to pay her close attention now, to help her develop the right attitude to learning, to difficulty, to failure, and to life in general.

Your entire family’s future well being and happiness could depend on this.