Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

“Either do wrong or feel guilty but don’t do both. It’s too much work.” – Anonymous

Wherever You Are, Be There!

I doubt that there is any human being on earth that does not at one time or the other worry – even if only a little bit. Worrying, I believe is a part of our nature. But like all other things, we humans have the ability to CONTROL it.

Jim Rohn once said, “Wherever you are, be there”. A number of factors can cause a person to worry. Examples include financial difficulties, problems in the family or workplace etc. Sometimes we become so worried or pre-occupied by certain things that we inadvertently let them affect our behaviour or performance elsewhere. This is not only avoidable, but also often potentially harmful if not quickly checked.

Let Me Illustrate With The Following Analogy

Let’s say Mr. A has financial problems, which have caused – among other things – a strained relationship between him and his wife at home (not an uncommon occurrence!). Let’s assume his wife is a full time housewife, and as such does not currently contribute income towards the upkeep of the family.

When things fail to improve over time, Mr. A begins to worry about how he will cater for the family. So, he goes to work with this problem weighing so heavily on his mind that the “quality” of his workplace performance drops noticeably.

His boss (Ms B) who had been proposing to senior management that Mr. A be considered for a promotion tries repeatedly to get him to improve, but to no avail. When eventually Senior Management signals approval of Ms B’s proposal regarding Mr. A, she is no longer so sure he will be able to deliver in his present state of mind. His performance has not improved, and she is worried that it might do him more harm than good to get promoted to a higher, more demanding position at this time.

In summary, Mr. A ends up losing a long awaited opportunity for significant career advancement.

This happens because he allowed the discouraging developments in one aspect of his life to spill over, and negatively impact on another TOTALLY DIFFERENT aspect.

What makes this more tragic is the fact that Mr. A failed to realise that sustaining his good workplace performance could have led to a promotion or salary increase etc that would possibly have helped with his financial problems! And even if it did not help his finances, he would at least have still been rated highly by his boss and senior colleagues.

Don’t Let Your Problem Give Birth To Babies!

Please note my emphasis on the singular: Problem …NOT Problems. Keep EACH and EVERY problem you have in its place. Don’t let it sneak out through the back door and jump into other areas of your life. Make sure it always has to ask for your permission to do so.

And like you would do with your child when trying to stop him/her doing something wrong, be ready to ALWAYS tell it NO, when it asks. Problems can be very naughty, and without staying alert to this reality about them, just ONE of them could literally mess up your day, week or entire life!

The way I drive home this point during my talks is this: Why should you let the fact that you had an unpleasant experience at home turn you into a “grouch” or incompetent person at work? What is the point of starting off with ONE problem (whether gigantic, big, small, tiny or even microscopic) in your home, and letting that negatively affect your ability to do your job and relate with people you meet when you leave home?

Why let it spill over to other areas of your life that could otherwise go on normally if you made conscious effort to control yourself?

Doing that does not help you in anyway. If anything, you actually worsen your predicament because your problem eventually multiplies itself (i.e. gives birth to – what can be VERY – fast-growing “babies”!) so that you upset other people, or do other things wrong, and get yourself even more worried!

Jim Rohn’s “Wherever you are, be there” to me, means leave that domestic problem at home, and face your job at work squarely or be yourself wherever else you go soon as you leave home. Do your job and relate with others as well as you would have – or even better than – if you did not have a problem at home. (This requires a lot of mental discipline and effort, but you will find it is well worth it).

When you get back home, you can then continue trying to resolve the home front problem.

That way, you will be able to lead a normal life in all other areas of your life and eventually, that could even help you focus better to sort out the problem on the home front – and vice versa.

Fail to do this, and your problem will assume multiple dimensions since you will allow it spill over to, and negatively affect other aspects of your life. If someone upsets you before you leave work, quickly put aside your feelings of hurt, anger etc once you leave there, and ensure you’re FULLY yourself again by the time you get home.

What If Someone Runs Into Your Car?(Based On A True Story)

If your car gets run into on your way to work, or to give a lecture or attend a meeting etc, ensure you get a grip on yourself BEFORE you arrive at the venue. Going there with a scowl or frown on your face will not be a new or unusual achievement.

Instead, arrive there smiling and looking at ease with yourself. Only mention what happened maybe at the end – probably if someone sees the car and asks. Or maybe someone asks why you were late. By the time you narrate whatever transpired as a result of the accident, you are likely to gain the respect of your listeners, because they will marvel at your apparent ability to put such an experience aside and still give a good showing at the event!

And just in case you’re wondering about the “car accident” example, I’ll have you know that this happened to me during my last few weeks as an employee in Guinness Benin Brewery back in late 2001.

What follows is a narrative of the experience as I told it in my management research paper on Self-Development titled “Self-Development As A Tool For Achieving Career Advancement(A Practical Guide Based On Experience)” which is available as a FREE download on my website at http://www.tayosolagbade.com.

~~~~~~~~~~~Start Of Excerpt~~~~~~~~~~~

“Let me tell a short story to illustrate the point I want to make here. I bought my first car only about 4 months ago, and yet in the last 3 months since I began driving it between Lagos and Benin City, I have had quite a number of major car problems. There was the case of a burnt alternator cut-out (resulting in a battery rundown around Ore in Ondo state), which combined with major engine valves failure, to cause me and my wife and two sons to arrive Benin City after midnight!

Then there was a master clutch failure on Benin-Sapele highway which took over 7 hours to resolve (by now you must know the car is “Tokunbo” i.e. “imported second hand”!), and a serious accident in which someone ran into me from behind and almost drove the trunk of my car into its back seat.

The last one took us two weeks to get the car back in shape. By that time, Nkechi (my wife) had become quite knowledgeable about panel beating and spray painting, having developed a rapport with the workers from staying with them while I was away at work.

In each case, after coming to terms with the reality of the problem, we simply settled down and got involved with the mechanic, panel beater, painter etc who were engaged to carry out the repair work on the car. I would help hold the spanner, wrench, torchlight etc – and keep asking them questions about why they were doing what they were doing etc.

My logic was this: If I was going to be stuck there from 1.00pm till 10.30 p.m. (as happened with the Ore incident) watching these guys take my engine apart and put it back again, I could as well come away from it with some new knowledge and skills that would prove useful tomorrow, to me – or someone else. After all, it’s not everyday you get to “enjoy” the luxury of having you car engine stripped down for you to see the insides!”

~~~~~~~~~~~End Of Excerpt~~~~~~~~~~~

That was the story. Now, about 10 minutes after seeing the bashed-in “behind” of my Toyota Carina, I was back to my usual self – cracking jokes and making fun of the guy who had run into me – telling him how I symapthised with him (his car was a write-off)! I later overheard one of my wife’s friends (who had stopped by upon seeing us) say to her: “And your husband can still laugh?!”.

Of course I could laugh. Fela Anikulapo Kuti, the late Afro beat Music legend, once sang(in his usual pidgin english) “Why I dey laugh? I no fit cry”(translated “Why am I laughing? I cannot cry!”). Yes, why not laugh it off? It’s happened already, so you might as well review the damage done and decide on the next line of action. There’s nothing to be gained by dwelling on time-wasting arguments or worrying about how it could have been avoided etc.

Summary : Control your thoughts!

Some of us have a natural tendency to worry about what “people” say (or will say) about us. For instance someone we know (or think?) dislikes us suddenly makes friends with one of OUR own “friends”. We immediately begin to worry that s/he might “poison” our friend’s mind against us.

I’m sure you know what I mean. In the corporate world for instance, there is what Robert Kiyosaki called “vicious backstabbing” that perpetually goes on between and amongst managers, executives etc.

The fact however remains that you can NEVER know who is going to do that to you next – or when (except you’re psychic!).

As such you won’t be helping yourself in any way by worrying about it. What you CAN do is to keep doing what you do as well as you can, and it will only be a matter of time before you’re vindicated through your work.

By then, your detractors would have been identified and known for what they are. On the other hand, sometimes things are not always as they seem and your fears may actually be unfounded. Maybe what you think is happening is not actually so!

My advice is: Control your thoughts, and steer them away from the negatives that will cause you to worry.

A healthy level of self-esteem will enable you permanently eliminate the influence of what others say or do on you – whether it be good or bad.

“Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are” – Dale Carnegie

FINAL WORDS: Your personal situation may differ from those under which these ideas have so far been applied.

As a result, it is impossible to guarantee you will get the same results I have every time.

Nevertheless, I will say that EVERY SINGLE THING I have said in this article is based on what I have done VERY successfully from my days as a process manager in a challenging fast-paced manufacturing workplace (before then I was a “WCW” i.e. World Class Worrier!), right up till this moment in my own life.

It works, and I continue to reap great benefits from having applied this same philosophy since becoming an entrepreneur. I repeat: IT WORKS, so USE IT!

NB: This article was first published online on October 26, 2006. It is based on excerpts from Tayo Solagbade’s 113 page paper back(print) manual – “Ten Ways You Can Use Self-Development To Create The Future You Want” available for purchase from either of the Self-Development Academy’s online store at Lulu.com http://www.lulu.com/sdaproducts (e-book and in print. Get a FREE PDF version when you subscribe review here).