I asked the students of the University of Lagos who attended my VC Approved lecture (titled “Ten Ways You Can Use Self-Development to Create the Future You Want”) the following rhetorical question:

“Is your rich uncle really “stingy”, or is he being “frugal?”

To older persons, I would re-phrase the question as follows:

Kids Sometimes Choose Favorites for the Wrong Reasons E.g. Money

As children in Nigeria, many of us grew up frequently judging older persons around us based on their relative willingness to part with money.

There were those who were particularly generous, always giving large denominations for us to buy "sweets" etc. Those ones we loved to welcome whenever they visited our homes!

But, there were those who were less generous for (in our own assessment) no good reason. We were therefore never really excited when they visited, and would often have to be chased out of our rooms by our parents to welcome them!

It is not uncommon to hear children or young people describe some of their parents or relatives (uncles etc), as "stingy" because of the latter’s seeming reluctance to part with money.

What a lot of youths (perhaps because of their age) do not realise is that these (supposedly) "stingy" persons might truly not have enough money on them at the time the demand is made.

Help Your Kids Understand That Money Needs To Be Earned

Many young people tend to think their parents should hand over money to them as soon as they (the children) demand for it. Of course even if the parents were willing, it isn’t often that the parent’s will have it! And even when they do have it, more pressing priorities might make it necessary to give less than the child demands.

We need to teach our children, as early in life as possible, that money does not just fall into our hands from the sky. We need to help them learn that they must create "value" for money to come into their possession. We must also take pains to explain to them why we might not be able to give them money, sometimes, when they ask for it.

Now, for those parents and guardians who can afford to give children money whenever they ask for it, this warning is even more relevant, because the dangers are greater.

Keep giving them what they ask for, whenever they ask for it and you stand the risk of making them happy in the short term only to be unhappy in the longer term (They won’t forgive YOU for that!).

This is because, they would not have learnt the discipline of handling money, and especially how to earn it – and I don’t mean through paid employment.

I know the subject of money and how to spend it is one that interests and affects most people. I also know it is one that not many people really understand.

I do not however claim to be an expert on the subject, but I have read what others have said about it and learnt some hard lessons of my own too! That is why I offer the ideas in this write-up with so much passion!

Money Needs To Be Treated With Respect

In a past issue of his TIPs newsletter that I read many years ago, Philip Humbert (www.philiphumbert.com) described successful people as being very thoughtful about issues concerning money and how it is spent.

He said they treat money with respect, and that’s why they get more of it.

In fact, Philip described money as a very shy guest in people’s homes that will quickly make an exit if not well treated.

If there is nothing else you take away from reading this article, please take this piece of advice: Don’t spend without thinking!

The little book titled "The millionaire next door" describes the real millionaires in America (based on studies conducted by the authors) as not those people who appear on TV in flashy clothes, spending heavily etc.

I’ve found a lot of the book’s quite relevant to my non-American socioeconomic environment – with just a few exceptions. That’s why I suggest you get a copy of the book, if you do not already own one – and read it from cover to cover at least twice.

The book says the real millionaires in America are often not dressed flashily and will rarely be found flaunting their wealth via heavy unbudgeted spending etc.

In fact, the book specifically mentioned that the millionaires identified and studied confirmed that they kept very detailed records of how much they spent daily and regularly reviewed them.

In addition, the millionaires were found to be typically "bargain hunters" who would often go round comparing prices before deciding on what to buy and where to buy from.

One more thing: many of the male millionaires were reported to have acknowledged their wives as being very instrumental to their effective money management. The book described the wives of many of the millionaires studied as being very frugal.

Final Words:

Now, going by all that has been said above, isn’t it funny that those who do not even begin to approach being called millionaires in society are the ones who do the exact opposite of what the millionaires mentioned above do daily?

Look around you (and maybe at yourself?) and see if you find "someone" guilty of going shopping and buying stuff from posh places "just to look good" or "belong" for instance.

Your child’s attitude to money will be a reflection of how she sees you treat that powerful paper based medium of exchange. Coach her to see that money needs to be carefully handled, as pointed out above.

She’ll leave home better equipped to keep more of what she earns in her pockets – and in savings/investment accounts.

And she would be bettor off in the long run!

NB: This article is based on excerpts from Tayo Solagbade’s Self-Development Bible on sale as a 113 page print manual at www.lulu.com/sdaproducts. Subscribe to the mailing list – using the form below – to get the PDF version as a free download in your email box.

“Reading can be a powerful catalyst for thinking; it has the potential for stimulating wisdom.” – Michael Angier(www.successnet.org)

In Robert Kiyosaki’s book titled “If You Want To Be Rich and Happy, Dont Go To School?”, he wrote about how the traditional educational system was teaching American children to be mindless parrots”.

He also quoted R. Buckminster Fuller on how each of us and our children can protect our minds from being numbed by such experiences.

Fuller stated that despite the fact that he was bothered by -and therefore questioned – many of the things he learnt in school, he found it necessary to give his teachers their answers in order to ensure he went through school successfully.

He however made sure he never stopped thinking along the lines of what he felt to be true.

By so doing, Buckminster Fuller was able to protect his own genius from the damaging impact of the traditional educational system.

The rest of us can learn from this approach, and teach our kids to use it as well.

The World Needs Thinkers: Help Your Child Become One

“Reading without thinking gives a disorderly mind, and thinking without reading makes one unbalanced” – Confucius

There appear to be fewer real thinkers in this part of the world today.

One great thinker we had who passed on years ago, was Fela Anikulapo-Kuti, the legendary Afro Beat Musician whose music and life story is the subject of a successful broadway musical that now inspires millions across the world.

Even today, the lyrics of Fela’s songs show us how far ahead he had seen into the future of this country and continent.

He had reflected deeply over the problems of the black race in Africa, and tried to open their eyes to the folly of the ways they chose (or were advised to follow).

A few listened, but the majority missed it.

Why?

Because they found it difficult to comprehend what he was saying and understand his concerns.

So they simply stopped at enjoying his good music!

“The mind must be exercised if it is to grow and strengthen. The more you use your mind, the more it will improve your ability to think” – Jay Anderson

This inability (or unwillingness?) to think is not unusual.

A long ago, Henry Ford said:

“Thinking is the most exacting job there is, which is why so few people engage in it.”

To Encourage Them To Think, We Must Stop Our Kids From Cramming

Not all kids will be smart enough to protect themselves the way R. Buckminster Fuller did, as earlier described above.

And that’s why we need to discourage ROTE Learning (i.e. cramming) by our kids in schools.

It is important for them to “understand” what they learn so they can be equipped to put it to productive use in the real world.

For instance, you learn how to drive so that you can eventually drive your car around unaided.

As Robert Kiyosaki explained in one of his books, if we employed the traditional school approach, you would learn all the theory of driving by memorizing the steps involved.

But, you would actually spend little (if any) time practicing how to drive the car using your new knowledge!

When that happens, you end up unable to drive a car even though you’ve been to driving school!

Thankfully that is hardly ever the case, because it is easy to assess the value of the training given you in a driving school.

When you complete your driving lessons (and IF you have been a diligent student), you should be able to drive a car by the time you are leaving.

If you can’t, then you would have a right to challenge your driving teacher.

I have personally met many graduates of computer science from Nigerian universities, who after graduation go on to enroll for courses in private computer schools to gain basic computer appreciation skills!!

This is often because they discover that in the real world, the things they’ve been taught were irrelevant to current industry practice.

Cramming Makes Learning Unpleasant & Damages A Child’s Natural Learning Ability

The above is a major reason our traditional educational system does not really make kids enjoy reading and thinking.

They still have to memorize notes given by the teacher, and do a “verbatim return to sender” (like R. Buckminster Fuller wisely did) to get full marks in class!

Under such situations, whether the student can explain what he has written down, and apply it in real life to a productive end is never an issue as far as the teacher is concerned

Let’s consider for instance, the inter-schools debate competitions sometimes aired on our local TV stations.

I am constantly amazed by the ability of the students to make their arguments by reeling off one point after another, employing sophisticated vocabulary (that even university undergraduates would struggle with!) in the process.

The manner in which they deliver their speeches however often betrays the fact that they are simply reciting what they memorized!

Typically, the teacher writes the paper for the student to “upload to memory” for later “download” at the event. They therefore often do not understand the things they say.

Which explains why a student can get totally confused if it happens that she misses a line during her “recitation” at (what is meant to be a) debate!

Final Words

I have seen the above happen on more than one occasion.

My question is what responsible school teacher or administrator would allow such damage to be done to students’ thinking abilities in order to win a competition?

Please understand my argument here. I have not said all the schools and students have this problem. There are exceptions, as is the case with everything in life.

It’s just that the larger majority are affected by the problem I have described above.

This is why YOU as a parent must – for the sake of your kid – get involved in challenging her school, and teachers, to make a change for the better.

But don’t stop there.

“A chapter a day, keeps failure at bay” – Anon

More important is the role you can play in creating an environment at home that stimulates your child’s desire to read and think.

Get her books and movies that task the viewer to think e.g detective series or thrillers.

Engage her in discussion about the different titles and episodes.

Aim to get her used to thinking deep about issues instead of accepting things on surface value.

You’ll gradually discover she’s taking a natural interest in doing more qualitative thinking and reading, even beyond what you’ve taught her.

And it will give her a noticeable edge in interpersonal relations, compared to her peers.

NB: This article is based on excerpts from Tayo Solagbade’s Self-Development Bible available for purchase as a print manual on Lulu.com.