Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

Dr. Benjamin Carson is a world renowned brain surgeon once described by ABC News’ Barbara Walters as one who “works miracles on children others have written off as hopeless”. In his bestselling book titled “Gifted Hands” he made the following statement about his single parent mother, who cared for him and his brother through years of grinding poverty:

“…my mother, Sonya Carson, was the earliest, strongest and most impacting force in my life. It would be impossible to tell about my accomplishments without starting with my mother’s influence. For me to tell my story means beginning with hers.” – Ben Carson in “Gifted Hands

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Mothers Have Always Had A Powerful Influence In Their Kids’ Lives (Real Life Examples)

Like any true student of success, anytime I see a successful person I admire, I strive to find out how he came to be who he is e.g. what experiences shaped him? So I purchase books written by – or about the person(s). And I also use the Internet to learn more.

I try to apply useful findings I make, to my own life, so I can become better. This is a habit I’m also trying to instill in my kids.

Over the years, an interesting trend has revealed itself to me about many of the successful people I’ve studied.

Many of them revealed that at least one parent (often the mothers) greatly influenced them to achieve the successes they did.

Some examples:

If you’ve watched the exciting Broadway show that dramatizes the life of Fela Anikulapo Kuti (the late Afrobeat music legend), then you must know that his mother was a central figure in his life. She was a major force to reckon with in Nigerian society herself, being wealthy, and an accomplished activist in her own right. That Fela followed in her footsteps to excel financially and also dedicate his life to fighting for the rights of the oppressed masses, is indicative of the impact of her influence on him.

In Nobel Laureate Wole Soyinka’s memoir, he made elaborate reference to the strong influence his mother (and also his aunt who happened to be Fela’s mother), played in inadvertently introducing him to activism. In a society traditionally dominated by men, those two strong women successfully challenged the status quo at the time by leading women in Egbaland to revolt against unfair taxes being levied against them.

The young Wole witnessed the entire series of events and apparently picked up more than a few lessons, as is reflected in his life of activism, mixed with his writing, that have since made him an iconic figure.

Barack Obama provides another case study. In the large book titled “The American Journey of Barack Obama” published by LIFE, we are told of the steadying influence his single parent mother – and her supportive parents – had on him. Their efforts helped him develop his innate potential at an early age, and he went on to excel right into adulthood.

In a different article, I pointed out that Thomas Edision, like Ben Carson, gave credit to his mother for helping him achieve self-actualisation. When a teacher declared that he lacked the mental capacity to learn, his mother angrily withdrew him from school, and proceeded to teach him at home by herself.

Edison would later say she so believed in him that he felt he “had someone to live for”, and who he could not afford to disappoint.

In Ben Carson’s book, he quoted Abe Lincoln as having said “All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my mother.”

And there’s also the late rap icon and legend, Tupac Shakur, who left us that great song he titled “Dear Mama”, in which he recounts the many heroic efforts his mother made to care for her family despite facing great hardships.

Parents Can Help Their Kids Achieve Self-Discovery

I want you to think about the above for a moment. These exceptionally great achievers shared a common experience of having had at least one parent who stayed around long enough to give them the psychological nourishment so essential to achieving self-discovery.

And it was most times their mothers who acted in that manner.

Now, I happen to be a father, and I found this amazing trend very instructive when I first noticed it few years ago. It made me resolve to pay special attention to the developmental needs of each of my kids. And today I remain commited to doing that.

As a matter of fact, my interest in offering self-development coaching for kids stems from the aforementioned concern I have. It’s also why I publish weekly articles on parenting (like the one you’re currently reading) on this blog.

Tony Buzan (in his book on “Speed Reading”) described some common reading problems which he said in 90% of cases were due to wrong methods people were taught to read, rather than the illnesses they were attributed to.

Here’s a true story about 2 famous sports personalties that demonstrates the important need for parents to actively intervene on behalf of their kids:

When teachers suggested that their hyperactive disposition was due to a learning disorder, the parents of both Daley Thompson (World/Olympic No.1 Decathlete for 10 years – shattering all previous world records) and Mary Lou Retton(Los Angeles Olympics Gold Medallist) refused to accept that that was why their children were having difficulties learning to read/write in school.

The teachers had complained of the kids’ inattentiveness and hyperactivity, and recommended use of tranquilising drugs to get them more subdued like other children. Instead the parents asked the schools to find ways to help the kids put their extra energy to productive use. This led to each child being introduced to sports. The rest is now history as they say!

When Parents Are Absent, Kids Suffer!

It’s important to realise that you can live physically in the same house with your kids, and still be absent as their parents.

Fathers tend to be more prone to making this mistake.

And that’s probably why mothers end up having to do all the hard work of providing emotional and psychological support for the kids. Then in cases when the parents separate, mothers find the load of responsibility gets even heavier.

Get More Involved As Parents – Fathers Especially!

Considering all that has been said above, it becomes obvious why mothers are described as the home builders.

Therefore, when a mother is absent from the home (maybe she’s a busy corporate executive) and/or fails to play her role correctly, a real danger exists that the kids may suffer for it – psychologically and emotionally.

This is why I believe fathers must, as a matter of necessity, change their attitudes towards parenting their kids. We need to show more active interest in knowing what’s going on with them daily.

If your wife keeps a busy or demanding corporate job like yours, both of you need to sit down and decide how you’re going to make up the valuable lost time to your kids.

Do not leave them at the mercy of teachers who already feel overburdened with the responsibility of attending to many children. Neither should you expose them to society without providing coaching to help them develop necessary interpersonal competence.

Bear in mind the fact that YOU may just be their only hope of learning what to do to permanently resolve problems they may be having!

Your child can be healthy and highly intelligent (just like Ben Carson’s mother always told him and his brother), and still struggle in school and/or society. It would be unwise to depend on teachers to fully address that problem your child has. At best, you could visit the school, and request certain actions be taken, to aid your child’s progress.

That was what the parents of Daley Thompson and Mary Lou Retton did. They did not just sit back and let the teachers dictate what would happen to their kids.

They got involved!

Sadly, some parents think their most important role is to pay school fees, and leave the teachers to do the rest. In addition, some believe that as long as they provide food, clothes and other material needs, their kids will develop normally.

Unfortunately, the psychological and emotional development of a child cannot be significantly enhanced by meeting just material needs.

Without proper attention to these crucial aspects of a child’s development, a lot can go wrong.

Final Words

Parents who neglect to do these things often love their kids but feel they cannot spare the time to spend with them.

So, when their kids start getting battered with negative comments about their shortcomings in and/or out of school, they may be unable to tell such busy parents what they are going through.

If you’re such a parent, something in your list of priorities will have to shift, so that you can fit your kids into your schedule, and possibly take turns to provide them the nurturing they need.

Fail to do it while the chance still exists, and your selfishness could come back to haunt you when your kids enter adulthood and begin to struggle!

Comments?

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