Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

Personally, I prefer to call it a “Get Lost Response” – because sometimes such messages actually get sent by a conscious human being! I didn’t coin the expression in the title though. It’s what a well known online entrepreneur called them in a book I read. I’ve received a number myself in the past. And my case is probably peculiar since not even one was automated: They were all typed and sent by a thinking human being…sigh.

In Case You’ve Never Seen One, I Offer an Example

I once sent a copy of a new e-book of mine to a list of carefully selected email addresses belonging to mostly top bloggers in the niche for the e-book’s topic. I basically asked if they would be able to find time to read and possibly offer comments, ratings or reviews of the book that I could use in promoting it.

In exchange I offered to write a guest post on the same theme – or any theme within my areas of specialization – that each of them preferred. The responses came – some took a while. A few gave me useful feedback. But no one said YES.

However, one person who I had actually been in touch with before sent a reply that basically said :

“Great to see you’re doing XYZ. But I’m way too busy to ever have time to read your book. I have too many clients waiting to get my attention you see!”

Now that, was a Get Lost Response

The Sender’s Purpose is Often to “Put Down” The Recipient

Yep. That’s what it boils down to ultimately. The sender aims to putting the recipient back in (what the former considers the latter’s) place i.e. down, below, or beneath – certainly not at the level of an equal!).

In essence, the sender is asking “how you dare even think you qualify to write directly to me, talk less of actually getting an answer?”

In other words, it’s an undisguised put down, if there ever was one.

I said the sender’s purpose is “often” to put down the recepient – but not “always”. And it’s true. Some people don’t really mean to be rude. They just never stop long enough to think. But the effect is the same – and therefore each person must make the effort to think carefully about the potential impact of a message before sending it.

It goes without saying, of course, that my self-esteem is simply too well developed to let such a silly act by a small minded person get to me. If anything, it proves a sender possesses a less developed mind than one would expect from someone of his stature. Even if I’m busy, that’s not enough reason to send a tactless message to someone who takes the time to write you.

In fact, I would argue that it would be better to not send a response at all, than to send one that screams “Get Lost, Loser!” But then that is just my opinion. Compared to the “famous” email sender with poor manners, it probably counts for nothing.

Use People Who Behave Badly, To Learn How NOT To Behave

Back when I worked in paid employment, I learnt to use the bad conduct of some mangers to guard against becoming a bad manager like them myself.

Without the opportunity to watch them misbehave, I would never have foreseen the potential pitfalls that can derail a person’s career. And so, for that reason, I was grateful I got to know them.

That’s also why I’m grateful I’ve come across these people who send “Get Lost Responses” too

Understand that it’s not the “rejection” that saying NO implies that I am concerned with here. Instead, it is the manner in which the NO is said. You can say NO, and leave the “hearer” feeling unoffended – even feeling good! – about herself.

In some ways, the following definition of Diplomacy illustrates the above point:

“Diplomacy is the ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a nice way that he looks forward to the trip.” – Anon

Yes, why not be diplomatic in the above sense? If you can’t sincerely “feel” compassion and consideration, at least respond with diplomacy and tact.

Incidentally, doing so could save you future pain and embarrassment.

For instance, how can you be sure that person will not become more famous/successful than you in future? Who knows, one day in the future, she could be in a position to give an opinion about you – or to comment on your suitability as a role model  – to persons in decision making positions (e.g. a company thinking of having you endorse its products).

If she chooses to be ungracious or vindictive, you could end up looking bad. See how you can potentially shoot yourself in the foot by being rude and tactless? Not worth it I’d say.

How You Treat People You Don’t “Need” Shows Who You Really Are

But even if there can be no negative outcomes for sending a “Get Lost Response”, doing so says a lot about who you are.

Having said the above, I do not delude myself. I realize that some of those reading this post may also be people who send Get Lost responses, and probably always feel justified doing so.

Well, welcome to you

My hope is however that you will find (or have found), in this article, something to make you modify your approach, and deal with people with more consideration from today.

Even on the World Wide Web, simple courtesy and good manners still matter – at least in my personal opinion!

“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.” – James D. Miles