Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

Have you ever wondered why we sometimes have single generation success stories in society? For instance you hear of a person(s) who rose from rags to riches, passing on. But their legacy of wealth subsequently dries up in a few years – despite offspring being in charge. How come the children lack life skills that made their parent(s) successful?

I believe it’s because some parents don’t take time to prepare their kids to take over the management of the wealth they amass.

Does Your Child Know What It Takes You?

It appears that as parents some of us tend to forget that our kids will eventually become adults. And when that happens, we’ll no longer need to do things for them. Instead, they will have to do things by themselves.

Think about it. As a mother for example you may have to work, do housekeeping, go to the bank, take them to/from school, attend meetings, plan finances for the week etc.

Now ask yourself. How many of these "adult" roles you play is your child currently consciously aware of? Does she really understand what you have to do, to keep things running smoothly? Or does she take them for granted. This is a mindset issue here.

Let’s take an example: When you and your husband keep your promise to take them on overseas on a trip to Paris during summer, does s/he appreciate the planning and budgetting that made it possible?

You may have had to defer spending on some other stuff on your own personal wish list(s) for instance, to save up for the trip. Does s/he know truly understand how much self-discipline it would have taken you to practice such delayed gratification?

Would s/he be prepared to act in the same manner should the need to do so arise today?

Question: Why today, and not when she becomes an adult?

My answer: Most skills one needs to function competently in society require practice. The earlier a child starts working on them, the more competent she’s likely to be as adult.

Between Delayed Gratification & Success (An Interesting Research Finding)

A brief elaboration on the benefits derivable from a habit of self-denial is appropriate.

In a study described in Daniel Goleman’s bestselling book on "Emotional Intelligence", it was discovered that kids who demonstrate the ability to practice self-denial (or delayed gratification), frequently do well as adults.

During the survey, two groups of kids were offered a reward on the following terms: “If you want it now, you’ll get a dollar to spend as you wish. If you’re willing to wait till next week, you’ll get two dollars to spend as you wish.”

The researchers who carried out the study then followed the respondents from the starting point in high school right into their later adult years.

Guess what they found? The kids who betrayed a preference for instant gratification mostly ended up struggling as adults later in life.

No surprises there. Quick fixes and shortcuts often hurt in the long term.

Transferring Life Skills Across Generations – One Family’s Example

The above findings are consistent with what happens in real life. Most adults know that being able to practice delayed gratification helps us get more out of life. An example: Saving up for retirement by being frugal, instead of living a high consumption lifestyle.

The ability to employ delayed gratification in pursuit of valued goals is a dimension of Emotional Intelligence, and a key attribute associated with startup business success.

It however takes self-discipline, constant practice, and time to imbibe this powerful habit. Many people want to be wealthy, but lack the discipline to do the little things daily, that are required to build their fortunes, sometimes slowly. If they had been coached as kids, doing it as adults would probably have come more naturally – or at least easier.

Going by biographical accounts, the Rockefeller family has – for years – successfully applied this philosophy to preserve their family’s wealth across generations.

One anecdote tells of how every Rockefeller child gets tasked from about age 3, to save part of any money she gets (e.g. as gift or allowance) in a piggy bank. Then she is tasked to use the remainder to start/run a real life micro-business e.g. rearing rabbits for sale.

Money made is then saved, and ploughed back into the business in the set sharing ratio. Over time, the child is also exposed to learning activities that teach other life skills.

The ultimate objective is always to make the child appreciate the value of money, and develop the competence to “grow” it. In this way, the Rockefellers ensure they have competent hands to manage the family’s wealth, from generation to generation.

It Sounds Straightforward, So Why Don’t More People Do It?

That’s the strange thing about us humans. Simple stuff can sometimes be so difficult for us to unravel

More seriously, it could be that some parents try to pass it on, but their kids would not listen. We know that can – and does – happen…sometimes for unknown reasons.

But then again, the method adopted by the parents could have been ineffective. For instance certain rags to riches parents have been known to make the mistake of over pampering their kids, saying they never want them to lack the way they did while poor.

This over indulgent approach can make a child fail to imbibe useful values from parents e.g. about being willing to work hard to get what you want. Instead, she could develop what I call an entitlement mentality. Such kids typically squander wealth they inherit.

But I personally believe the main reason this problem occurs, is that the parents do not invest enough effort in coaching their kids.So they fail to transfer their survival skills and knowledge (acquired via experience), which formal schooling cannot provide.

Parents who make the above mistake usually give the excuse that they are too busy. That attitude can however produce offspring who display poor competence, or a painful lack of interest in protecting the legacy their parents slaved to build.

You can avoid that unpleasant outcome for your family. While there’s still time, start helping your kids develop life skills to enhance their chances of success as adults.

Comments?

What do you think of the above message? Share your thoughts in the comments – or send me an email via tayo at tksola dot com.

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