Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

If you’re reading this, you likely have kids; are expecting…or are thinking of making one.

In this article I outline 3 (potentially harsh) truths or realities you may have to contend with as a parent, offering experience-based suggestions to guide your decision making and actions.

Let me start by congratulating you, on your decision to bring lovely little versions of yourself into your life at this point in time.

Kids are great to have – and that’s why many of us go to great lengths to have them.

However, if you are someone with big dreams and ambitions you want to accomplish, the arrival (or presence) of your kids could have serious implications for your plans.

It’s crucially important, for your sake, and that of your kids that you are able to deal successfully with such realities as and when they occur.

That’s why you may wish to seriously consider each of the following points I discuss here, before you take the plunge into “Parenthood” from which there is no return…or for some people “no escape”!

And if you’re already wet in the pool, consider the points below to be friendly reminders of how to swim while keeping your kids safe and healthy – figuratively speaking of course

1. Your Goals & Priorities May Have To Take The Back Seat

Think back to when you were a child growing up with your parent(s).

Did you notice how they seemed to be focussed most of the time on you?

With few exceptions (as is always the case in life), kids are often the center of their parents’ universe.

Yours are likely to be the same for you.

The challenge you may then face will be, for example, how to do all you know you need to do for them, while still pursuing your own valued life goals e.g learning a new skill, getting a new job, starting a business, studying for an important exam etc.

It can be quite difficult juggling parenting responsibilities with pursuit of big, demanding goals.

Quite often, a real conflict may occur, and to avoid being a bad parent, you may have to make a personal sacrifice, by (temporarily) giving up your goals or dreams to ensure your child gets the support she needs in her formative years.

This is why some parents (especially mothers – bless them) effectively put their lives on hold till the kids are all grown up and able to fend for themselves.

Is that something you’re ready to deal with or accept? Not everyone is. Which is why you may wish to carefully reflect on your decision to have a child now.

And if you already have one or more, this is a reminder of the reality facing you.

Deal with it competently or you could end up letting your child down, and looking like a bad parent.

Not a nice label to get stuck with!

2. You May Have To Work Overtime, All The Time, For A Long Time

I’m a work-at-home Dad, and
I can tell you there’s almost no break to be had when you’re a parent.

How tough it gets depends on the perspective one adopts.

It also may depend on the age(s) of the kid(s) in question – though I dare say kids can be a handfull at almost any age!

A person with one child may experience as much “work” attending to the needs of a child, as would another with four.

Everyday I have to manage 3 energetic boys (9, 11 and 13) and two nearly tom-boy girls (3 and 6).

When they decide to go at each other, it sometimes feels like all hell’s broken loose!

Picture me calling out to them in pairs as they argue over trivial (to me anyway) issues, and repeatedly come crying or whining, to report one another just as I’m trying to claw my way back into writing (or software coding) mode!

You could choose to spank them to get them quiet, but that is likely to last only so long before they begin again. Make a habit of spanking, and they could begin to resent you.

The reality is that you’ll need to get used to doing more work, in addition to that you used to do before deciding to make babies

Believe it or not, you may have to learn to type your overdue article using only a thumb on your smartphone (like I’m doing right this moment), while using your left hand to pacify your wailing 3 year old who wants you to rock her to sleep!

Ah kids, what would we BE without them

Now, if the kind of scenario I’ve painted above terrifies you, I strongly urge you to reconsider your decision to bring a child into your life right now.

Of course the option of care givers could be explored, but not all aspects of parenting can be effectively “outsourced”!

The above suggestion naturally applies to persons who do not yet have kids. If you’re not ready to deal with that likely reality, don’t start making babies just yet.

And if you’re already a parent, I believe it’s reasonably safe to assume you’ve faced a bit of the reality described above.

Don’t let it get you down. You can make this work. Infact, you HAVE to make this work – for the sake of YOUR kids!

3. Your Interests May Have To Include MORE Of Your Children’s Needs & Less Of Yours For A While

Maybe you are passionate about your hobbies, vocation, job, business. Or other subjects that appeal to you or which you consider important, say for your personal growth and development.

Once kids come into the picture some of that may have to change.

Sometimes a lot.

You’ll have to develop a healthy appetite for checking and sometimes helping with your child’s “home work”.

If yours is still a toddler, getting to know vaccination dates, and many other dos and donts will have to interest you more.

If having to commit more conscious attention to anything outside your personal interests scares or upsets you, maybe you’re not quite ready to be a parent just yet.

And by the way, if you’re not keen to do all that “hard work” tending the kids, don’t expect that leaving it to a willing spouse or partner will work.

What happens for instance if her circumstances change (e.g. S/he gets – or loses – a job)?

That’s why you’ll need to think this through to be sure you’re up for it, before you get into it!

Final Words: Do What’s Best For Your Child

I realise the points raised above will vary in relevance and significance depending on societal cultures. And of course according to the gender of the parent – and possibly other factors that may not immediately come to mind.

However, one fact that remains obvious is that parenting is not an endeavour that can be embarked upon half-heartedly.

It is – at the risk of stating the obvious – a very serious undertaking which only adult persons ready to make the full commitment should take on.

We must remember, that the physical, emotional and psychological well being of a fragile human being is at stake here.

The quality of parenting provided in the child’s formative years ultimately determines, to a great extent, the kind of adult she develops into.

That’s why the truths discussed in this article are meant to be a combined warning(to persons aspiring to parenthood), and reminder or wake-up call (to those already with kids).

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