Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

“There is no greater leadership challenge than parenting” – Jim Rohn

Do you consider yourself a good leader? At work? How about in your home – to your kids in particular? It’s not about how much money you have to buy them things. As the Gladiator movie shows, a slave who owns nothing can be a more successful leader than a king who has wealth. Read this article with an open mind. There’s a good chance you’ll reap ideas about how to be the best leader you can possibly be, to your child.

1. Size or Age Never Really Matters – Only What You Have Inside You Counts

Maximus – the Spaniard (aka “Gladiator”) – the character played by Russel Crowe, was a larger than life character. For me, at least, he was really impressive. And I picked up quite a few lessons from watching that movie (again and again too).

This movie demonstrated how an ordinary looking guy (he wasn’t big or exceptionally muscular) – can win the loyalty of others by showing bravery, valor and integrity.

In a scene between the Spaniard (Maximus) and Ceaser (Marcus), the latter – speaking about Commodus (his son)’s lack of leadership qualities – said:

“Commodus is not a moral man. You have known that since you were young. Commodus cannot rule. He must not rule. You are the son that I should have had. Commodus will accept my decision. He knows that you command the loyalty of the army. “

2. Loyalty Is Never Secured Through Coercion. Obedience Is.

To lead others successfully, seeking their obedience alone will not work. They will only conform for as long as they can find no alternative.

One example: After Commodus had murdered Marcus (his father), he sent for Maximus to view the body saying (when the latter arrived):

“Lament with me, brother. Our great father is dead.”

Then he tried to intimidate Maximus to accept his leadership by saying:

“Your emperor asks for your loyalty, Maximus. Take my hand. I only offer it once.”

Those words in themselves betrayed the fact that he felt inadequate next to Maximus, and wanted to assert authority by virtue of the power of Caesar’s office over the latter.

But that state of imbalance can only hold if the other person feels he has no choice.

And that’s exactly what happened with Quintus, who obeyed Commodus’ orders until the last stages in the movie.

Here’s what happened: Commodus visited Maximus in his cell, and pretending to embrace him, stabbed him in the side with a knife. Then he instructed Quintus to hide the wound, and dress Maximus up to fight him (Commodus) in the arena.

During the fight however, despite being wounded and weakened, Maximus successfully disarmed Commodus. Turning to Quintus, and the other soldiers in desperation Commodus said:

“Give me your sword!”

Quintus, at this point deciding he had a choice and wanting fairness to prevail, shouted to the soldiers

“Sheath your swords!”

And so the inevitable happened – Maximus killed Commodus. Then few minutes later, he also died from blood loss after passing the wishes of Marcus to Quintus.

3. Real Loyalty Cannot Be Bought – It Has to Be Earned

Loyalty is not something you can buy with money or material possessions. A scene in the “Gladiator” movie illustrates this:

When Commodus is received by the senators on arriving Rome, “Falco” says:

“Rome greets her new Emperor. Your loyal subjects bid you welcome.”

Commodus responds saying:

“Thank you, Falco, and for the loyal subjects. I trust they were not too expensive.”

The above statement shows that Commodus himself was smart enough to know that he did not have the qualities that would command loyalty from others. As a result, he was certain they must have been “bought” over.

4. People Will Put Their Lives on the Line Based On Loyalty

On a negative extreme, terrorists demonstrate loyalty through suicide bombings.

A more positive example is the story of how George Washington famously kept a rag tag army together in the face of crippling odds. This was during the war that leads to the creation of what is now the great USA.

In the “Gladiator” movie, we again have a useful example:

Towards overthrowing Commodus, Maximus was taken to meet with Senator Gracchus, by Lucilla (sister to Commodus). When Maximus demands that the senator get him outside the city gates, so he can get to his army and launch an attack on the city, Lucilla expresses doubts about chances of success saying:

“But the legion is under new commanders, loyal to Commodus.”

Maximus replies confidently saying:

“When my men see me alive you shall see where their loyalties lie.”

Note that he did not say “WE shall see”. He said “YOU shall see”. He was confident that “his men” would be willing to risk disobeying their commanders, and by implication Commodus himself, despite dire consequences of doing so.

That’s not a small expectation to have of others is it? Yet he was so sure!

The above is a contrast to the situation with Commodus when he spoke to Falco. Here, Maximus – a true leader  – demonstrates clear awareness of the loyalty of his followers.

Every leader must be able to arrive at similar level of knowing, to really succeed. This is because if you’re not confident that you command the loyalty of your followers, you will find it difficult depending on them to implement any plans you conceive.

And that would ultimately lead you to failure. This is an important understanding that the most successful war generals, and business/organizational leaders have locked down.

Achieving a similar “knowing” where it concerns your child is equally crucial.

Question: How sure are you of what your child will do or say when things come to the crunch? For instance, during a crisis are you confident your child will do what is right? If NO, this is the time to explore ways to help her develop the needed competence.

5. Be Human, But Never Stop Being Noble & Principled 

The “Gladiator” movie teaches so many useful lessons about life – the importance of principles, patriotism, values, ethics, courage, valor and bravery. And also the need to avoid greed, jealousy, envy, negative ambition, cheating etc.

When Lucilla visited Maximus in his cell to persuade him to meet with Senator Gracchus, and he refused, she said to him:

“I knew a man once. A noble man. A man of principles, who loved my father and my father, loved him. This man served Rome well.

Maximus replied:

“That man is gone. Your brother did his work well.”

The scene eventually ends with Maximus calling the guards. But later on in the movie, he would re-discover himself and take action based on the principles Lucilla had referred to. The lesson here is that despite being feared and courted by all, Maximus was still a human being capable of feeling frustration, despair, and of (temporarily) losing hope.

But he did not stay that way. He later re-discovered himself and went on to fulfill his promise to Marcus by killing Commodus, and “saving” Rome.

Final Words: To Lead Her Successfully, Spend Quality Time with Your Child

I now offer some personal examples. Note that this is not attempt at bragging. I simply offer personal examples to give others ideas based on what I do.

I live for my kids – and always seek ways to share EVERYTHING I know with them(click to read  post). I also constantly challenge them to learn from my successes and failures. As often as possible, I watch movies with them. Movies with useful lessons (especially those based on true stories).

At different stages, I pause the movie (and they often look forward to this), to discuss on lessons to be had from different scenes we’ve watched. I’ve learnt that getting through to kids is best done by creatively weaving some form of fun into what you want to teach.

Once that element is there, they won’t mind doing even tough tasks (like taking turns to cut the grass where we live or at their grandparents’ home). I believe that’s why I enjoy great closeness with my kids. Among other things, they call me by my first name, because I insist (I explain WHY in a different article).

The rapport we have as a result surprises people who know how busy I often am. They cannot understand how I manage to connect with the children at that deep level.

Like I always tell them, it’s the QUALITY of interactions you have that matters. I know each of my kids quite well. What they like, dislike, what they are likely to do under different situations. And they know me too in the same way.

I seize every opportunity I find to coach my kids about what they are likely to encounter in life. For instance, I’ve taught them to use polite questions to resist paying illegal “taxes” to buy petrol into kegs (while smiling politely).

My 14 year old son and his 12 year old brother have gotten good at it by working as a team. They simply play the fool, until the petrol attendant gives up and sells to them without asking extra

I wish you well in your efforts to lead your children more successfully as a parent.