Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

This morning I came across the following quote while reviewing past tweets by Corey Jahnke (@CWJahnke):

“The only man who makes no mistakes is the man who never does anything.” – Eleanor Roosevelt.

Do you have dreams or ambitions that haunt you because you keep letting a fear of making mistakes hold you back? Are you one of those who start each year setting ambitious resolutions only to falter when others question your sanity or ability to achieve? Have you ever felt “isolated” by disapproving friends and family members because you persisted in the pursuit of your valued goal, in spite of their advice to the contrary?

If yes, know that you are not alone. People, who achieve success by achieving the uncommon, often have to travel a lonely road to success.

Ask Nelson Mandela about the 27 years it took him (while “roasting” in jail) to bring apartheid rulers round to his line of thinking. The truth – as all success conscious people know – is that your conviction is what will see you through. Mandela’s conviction about his purpose led him to become a living legend today. But the road was not smooth.

When many people start out, they will often have heard stuff like those I’ve outlined above. However, as human beings we hear a lot, but consciously apply too little. Today’s fast paced world makes us even more distracted. We never pay close attention until something hits us where it hurts. Then we start looking for solutions – often desperately.

Human beings have a need to experience things in order to retain what they learn for the long term. That’s the reason why even when we were told as kids that the kettle is hot, very many of us never really listened to our parents until the day we got burnt while fooling around in the kitchen. The cycle repeats itself with our own kids.

To consistently succeed at anything you set your mind on, you must accept that intelligent mistake making will help you learn. You’ll need to take risks. Leave your comfort zone. Do the unfamiliar. Without going out on a limb, it is unlikely that you’ll be doing anything out of the ordinary or note worthy.

Making mistakes means you will not always come across as being “cool” to those other “safe playing” friends, relatives or associates watching from the sidelines. During the time you’re trying and failing at reaching your goals, some may be sneering or laughing in the background…sometimes to your face.

After the news has filtered out that you have (once again) “failed” at your new attempt, even those who stayed in touch may begin to carefully distance themselves. The could for instance fear mockery from others.

It is important that you welcome and relish periods like this, because they present you a perfect opportunity to know those who really like you for whom you are, and NOT just for what you are (e.g. a celebrity) or what you own (riches).

A lot of people miss out on gaining this extremely liberating insight into life. I come from a culture in which “friends” and relatives (no matter how distant) frequently announce their relationship to successful people to gain the respect and admiration of others.

Indeed, some celebrities get accused of failing to pay such friends and relatives visits whenever they are “in town” for instance They’ll say: “So, you’ve forgotten us so quickly now that you’re successful? When was the last time you visited us at home? You’ve got to come over and stay the weekend next month. We absolutely insist.”

Fast forward to 2 years later, after the “celebrity” has run into a patch of bad times. Maybe he’s been the victim of an elaborate scam that forced him to adopt a modest lifestyle while trying to start over. The news would have spread quickly.

And when he shows up at the same relatives’ place to ask for a loan, he may be accorded a guarded reception. Suddenly there may be little if any enthusiasm to see him. And the entire proceedings during the short lived visit would be tense and uncomfortable for all present. When he gets up to leave, they most likely won’t ask: “What, you’re leaving so quickly?” If anything, they will appear in a greater hurry to get to the door than he is!

And that’s probably the closest most people not afflicted with leprosy, may ever get to experiencing what it feels like to be a leper. Like I tell people based on my personal experience, if you want to know those who really like you for who you are, watch what happens if/when bad times appear. If such times don’t show – and you’re keen – try the trick of “pretending” that things are not going well for you.

Note that it may take a while to see the ripple effects. People like this generally stick around to see if things will get better. If you keep it up long enough, they’ll show their true colours. Some will come to see what they can get off you in your vulnerable state. But most will simply disappear – and won’t even return your calls. You would have become a leper in their eyes. And no matter how “friendly you try to act, they’ll be resolute about keeping you at more than arm’s length.

The irony is that when a person is successful, but won’t let them get close to him/her, these same friends and relatives (and even strangers!) readily accuse him/her of being “unfriendly”.

Isn’t it funny how the successful person who chooses to be friendly and makes him/herself available to them, gets conveniently dumped or even ostracized as soon as misfortune befalls him/her?

Here’s what you should take away from this: You can never be sure why people choose to befriend or associate closely with you – especially when you’re doing well. Develop the ability to better identify those who seek you out for selfish gain, so you do not waste energy investing emotionally or otherwise in building relationships with them.

To become successful – and stay that way – you must surround yourself with the right kind of people. True friends will readily support you regardless of what happens – even if you get falsely accused and it’s in the news. When the inevitable challenges come, if you don’t have such people in your inner circle, you could end up being a friendly leper no one likes!