In July this year (2013), I will be 43 years old. My 13 year old son will clock 14 in May. Between the two of us there is a healthy 29 year age difference. Little wonder that more than a few eyebrows get raised when people hear him always call me by my first name! This article explains why I believe demystifying authority figures in the eyes of our kids can prepare them to become powerful influencers and agents of positive change in society.

“Tayo, look what she’s done to my books!” my son once exclaimed, as he discovered his little sister had spilled water on his school bag. We were visiting at their grandparents, and a relative who was present immediately asked “They call you by name? Why do you let them do that?”

I always argue that times have changed greatly. Adults are becoming less reliable role models. And so children must be empowered to challenge erring adults. Otherwise society retrogresses. Some see my point, but refuse to accept my approach.

Traditional Culture In Societies Evolve – But Respect for Elders Is Still Valued/Required

In Africa, a younger person dare not call an older person (especially 10 or more years older) by name. Indeed many decades back, an age difference of two years between male siblings made it imperative for the younger person to call the older one “brother” – out of “respect”.

Today, the strictness with which such requirements are enforced is generally less. But the need to show respect remains important across cultures worldwide. A young person who wishes to be regarded favourably therefore knows better than to call an older person by name.

To Preserve “Respect for Elders”, Why Not Also Preserve Value Placed On Honesty & Integrity?

People belonging to my parents’ generation often say that in their time, if someone suddenly acquired riches elders would call him to explain its source. If his answers were not satisfactory, it could lead to great shame and embarrassment for his entire lineage. Stealing and dishonesty were not tolerated. Elders did not look the other way when convenient. They spoke truth without bothering whose Ox was gored.

But today a child would notice the opposite happening. He is told that stealing or cheating is bad. But sometimes he will see those who teach him that same rule doing the exact opposite. Sometimes they get caught and punished. In certain societies however, they seem to always get away with it. Sad, but true. A child in such a society may even see those who insist on being honest and upright ending up at the mercy of those doing wrong!

I believe that if elders (or leaders/public office holders) want respect from younger people (or followers/citizens) based on culture or tradition, they should also be willing to preserve the culture or tradition of rewarding honesty and punishing dishonesty.

The truth is however that elders in certain societies are driven by selfish motives – not a desire to do what is in the best interests of those they lead.

Societies That Make Progress Often Have Members Willing To Question Authority (Fela Anikulapo Kuti’s Example)

Societies that make progress are often those in which people are willing to question persons in authority who are not doing the right things. And they teach their children to do the same. The child who is not taught to be critical of the way things are being done, will get messed up by society.

In contrast, societies that fail to progress significantly are those in which not enough people are willing to challenge those in authority doing wrong. A young person who has been taught to be submissive or subservient, and to fear authority, will rarely be willing to challenge erring leaders.

He may also find that younger persons regard him the same way he views those older than him. If he happens to like it, you cannot reasonably expect him to fight the system!

Some traditional African cultures have this problem. In Yoruba land we have a saying that “Agbalagba o ki npa iro – which means “Adults do not tell lies”. That in itself is a BIG lie as you know. And yet, it’s sometimes ALL that keeps many young people in my part of the world from openly questioning an older person they are reasonably sure is doing wrong! This was one of many reasons I decided I would make my kids always call me by name and challenge me (see my reference to Fela Anikulapo Kuti and his kids below).

To Ensure Societal Progress We Need To Demystify Authority Figures!

Parents have to prepare their kids with the right mindset to question an erring older person or someone in a position of authority. Get the child to look beyond the trappings of office or power, and see the person there as the human being he is – not a perfect or infallible being.

A possible strategy would be to make the child call YOU by name (But only you. He need not call other adults by name). Then encourage her to respectfully – but fearlessly – engage you intellectually, on various issues, and to challenge you when she does not agree with a view you express, or a line of action you embark upon.

Fela Anikulapo Kuti made this a rule for his kids. Seun Kuti noted in a Channels TV (Lagos) interview some years ago, that if he or his siblings called Fela “Daddy”, they would not get their allowance.

Fela wanted to demystify adults and adulthood for his kids.

Why? Because he realised it was the adults who demanded respect (from young people like his kids) that he was constantly questioning over bad leadership, and corruption – which he called “Authority Stealing” in one of his songs.

Without helping his kids break away from tradition in that respect, he knew they could be coerced to accept bad conduct of wayward persons in authority.

But he wanted them to follow his example of courageously challenging wrong doing, and to demand better behaviour from leaders on behalf of the majority in society. Judging from the roles his sons – Femi (multiple Grammy award nominee) and Seun – have since been playing in society, as champions of the interests of the masses, Fela can be said to have succeeded to a great extent in this regard.

You don’t have to go as far as having your kids call you by name, if you don’t want to. However, it is crucial that you empower them to challenge persons in authority to change their ways, if/when they err.

When we are brave enough to teach a child to question authority, even ours, we insulate ourselves from those who would use their authority to work against each of us.” – Seth Godin