Let me be clear about this up front.

What I advocate in this article is not meant to endorse covering up dirty deeds or secrets. In other words, bad things you may know or discover about another person that s/he may wish to keep away from public knowledge.

For instance, a person who habitually shop-lifts, traffics drugs, sexually abuses children, diverts company or public funds for his/her private use etc.

Nothing like that is worth keeping shut about!

So, let’s keep it real here.

You may wish to try getting the person to stop at first.

And so you could refrain from telling anyone, and instead challenge him/her to stop, or own up etc. However, if nothing changes, you will have a duty and obligation to inform relevant persons about it. Possibly starting with his/her (other) loved ones.

Keeping quiet about another person’s dirty secrets, that have a negative impact on the lives of innocent others will make you just as guilty as that person, of those bad things s/he does.

Instead, This is About Respecting the Privacy of Others

When a parcel or envelope, email or letter is marked “Private and Confidential”, any competent user of the English Language knows that means the contents are not meant to be seen or read by just anyone. They will often primarily be for ONLY the addressee.

Now, if someone calls you to have a discussion in private about his/her affairs or plans, and tell you to “please keep this to yourself”, that means he’s being clear that he does not want anyone outside of yourself.

You do not have to be a lawyer to understand that!

Even if s/he does not say “keep it to yourself” (s/he may not even know that you have access to such information!), you should know that THAT would be the right thing to do.

For instance if the person is younger or less experienced that you are, YOU should offer him/her counsel along those lines.

You could say:

“Look, this kind of stuff is not what you’d want to let just anyone know about you. So I advice you limit those you tell based on a need-to-know basis, at least for now.”

That’s what a person worth confiding in should do. That’s what a person who respects the privacy of others does!

One Example: Let’s Say You Work in HR, and So Have Access to Personal Records of Employees.

As a result you know Mr. XYZ who is the new Sales Manager once lost his job, and remained out of work for over 5 years before reviving his career.

And during that period, he had marital problems due to an excessive drinking habit he acquired. This eventually led to a separation from his wife. But he managed to pull his life and career back on track when he got a new job.

Within a few years he recorded exceptional success as a sales representative, and was put in charge of training sales team members. Even more success followed.

And it was on the strength of that success, that he’d gotten the Sales Manager job with your company.

So, unlike most others who regard Mr. XYZ based  on his track record of success, a person with access to his personal file may feel s/he knows something “not-so-cool” about him, that others don’t.

But that information would be private, and often confidential. Telling others would be wrong – and sometimes even illegal.

Yet some people use their privileged access to other people, to channel what are often the unflattering details of their private lives/affairs to the attention of the public.

Most people do it for the ego boost it gives them.

They feel it makes them look and sound important, since what the reveal will often be shocking and surprising, and not known by those they tell.

It gives them bragging rights!

But when the benefit you seek to extract has to come at the expense of the well being of another person’s reputation, you harm yourself for the long term.

Even if they do not immediately find out who did it, they are likely to eventually learn it was you through one of those you tell. And that will colour their opinion of your sense of judgment forever.

And your career could just suffer for it – because even your peers and subordinates can contribute to feedback that your company can use, to decide whether or not to promote you.

If a position you’re in line for requires the holder to have the ability to keep confidential information, those who know of your past indiscretions may argue that you’re not competent to hold that post.

And they may go as far as writing a petition to the CEO.

My advice: No matter what you think you know about other people’s personal and private lives, be careful what you say, and how. Indeed keep your mouth shut about it if at all possible! Except an official request is made that you talk about it, you really should not!

Final Words

Outside paid employment this problem also occurs.

Some people go around yapping indiscreetly about what they think they know about others.I personally detest those I discover to be this way.

That’s not just because I feel they’ll talk about me.

It goes beyond that. You see I actually do not care for other people’s “secrets” they feel they’re “gifting” me with! They make me feel compromised – like some kind of partner in their crime of snooping in other people’s lives. That’s something I would never do!

Any good and honest associates such a person has will end up concluding they cannot afford to confide in him/her!

It is for the above reason that I end up EXCLUDING people who continually do the above, from my “inner circle of associates”.

My experience based opinion is that if one does not take such drastic action, they’ll eventually bring one down.