Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

Yes.

It is my considered opinion, based on my personal observations over the past 25 years of my adult life (16 of them as a husband and father) that marriage is not for everyone.

You don’t have to get married to prove you’re normal. And when you’re a high performing achiever or “genius”, getting married successfully will require finding someone who often COMPLEMENTS you, making you better than you were – and who, in doing so will NEVER feel inadequate or threatened by the success that consequently accrues to YOU in the process!

Henry Ford and his wife; Andrew Carnegie and his wife (as mentioned in Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich) reportedly enjoyed that kind of blissful union.

As a result, when fame and fortune came into their lives, they kept their partnership going strong and did not lose focus on what mattered – which was the preservation of the true love, friendship and affection they began their journey with, no matter the conflicts or disagreements they had!

<h3>In Nigeria I consider Tunde and Wunmi Obe (TWO) to be an exemplary celebrity couple who undoubtedly will have LOTS of useful wisdom to pass on to couples – be they celebrities or everyday married people. </h3>

In Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich, he expounded (in a chapter dedicated to it) on the concept he called “Sex Transmutation”.

That phrase, despite the presence of the ever suggestive 3 letter word in it, has less to do with the act itself, and a lot more to do with the degree to which a couple can use their “sexuality” to connect “symbiotically” on a deep emotional and psychological level, that makes them flourish and excel, seemingly at virtually anything they do.

Check out Tunde and Wunmi’s many hit songs, videos – as well as photos of they share of their kids/family. Check out the way they “roll” in public and how they “flow” in private (even while still in public view).

Then go back and pay close(r) attention to the often very instructive messages in the lyrics of most of their songs, and you will begin to understand what I mean: those two (pun intended) are in sychrony with one another: the closest thing one will ever see to a perfect marital union – especially for a celebrity couple.

<h3>It takes two (pardon the pun…again) to make marriage work that way. </h3>

Everyone – man or woman, husband or wife – can and will make mistakes. What counts is not how loudly you prove you can scream when you feel genuinely aggrieved.

What really matters is how far you are willing to go to protect what you have, by trying your best to repair any damage that may be done by the other party, using the “connection” you share.

You would do the above within reason of course (however subjective that may be). You don’t, for instance, want to make yourself a willing accomplice in unrepentant visitation of abuse (physical, emotional or psychological) on your person. This is after all the 21st century.

<B>Not everyone is willing to adopt this kind of attitude however, and many believe they must prove they are right, and the other person wrong, before they can let things be. </b>

How very wrong!

<h3>The worst part of it all is the misguided belief majority seem to have that there is some kind of wisdom inherent in the act of putting your private affairs up for consideration in the “court of public opinion” e.g newspapers, TV, social media etc. </h3>

In most cases that simply ends up messing the relationship up the more.

The sad part is however that they forget their loved ones (parents, siblings, unclues/aunts/cousins, friends, associates, clients, business partners and more!) will also suffer major pain and embarrassment as a result of that singular move into the public space.

Quite often those people would have attended the couple’s engagement and wedding events, playing influential, often visible roles – with pride!

Most would have received the wedding videos and excitedly played it for guests to watch and admire the couple.

When it all falls apart, they will want to avoid being mentioned in relation to the former love birds!

The simple scenario I’ve painted above proves that the collateral damage that can result from going “public” with your marriage/private issues, can be far reaching, hard to quantify or contain, and often impossible to repair!

<h3>Case Study: There is story of a celebrity couple’s marriage collapse currently trending in the news…</h3>

As far as I’m concered BOTH of them are the losers. Neither is better off – especially with the court of public opinion session they have now started.

They may not admit it, but the pain and embarassment is there and it will continue eating at them for a long time to come. No one will ever look at them the same way again.

Could they – as well as their respective fans – have been better off if they had never gotten married?

On the benefit of hindsight…the answer seems to be an obvious YES.

That’s what doing what society expects of you can sometimes do to you e.g bite you in the you-know-where.

But nothing is impossible – so I hope they can find a way to make up, especially for the sake of the little child between them.

<h3>This is why I believe – and I’ve been hammering it into the heads of all my kids – that Marriage is not for everyone.</h3>

You don’t have to get married to prove you’re normal.

Alternatives exist and we have examples in history and many today to refer to.

If you’re keen to do, get all the help you can to choose the right partner, then be prepared to fight to keep your marriage: YES, be ready to fight!

Some smart thinking women with great visions and ambitions choose to stay single, but arrange to have a child or two via what today are available as “professional services”.

Many end up proving to be great parents, and raising well rounded and successful kids.

I won’t bore you by giving specific examples. I know you can think up a few, all by yourself

Single parent Moms and Dads can be found all over the planet.

Some chose the life, while others were forced into it via being abandonned by a partner or through the loss (via death) of the partner.

But they went on/are going on to make the most of it. So, it’s not impossible.

It may not be normal, but the risks of emotional trauma, pain and suffering are greatly minimised.

<h3>Not everyone can endure the B.S that staying married sometimes requires both parties to swallow from another at various times.</h3>

Such persons must therefore get real and consider that the marriage option is simply NOT for them: No be by force O!

In other words my message is this:

<blockquote>Unless you are damn sure you can deal with things not working out with the person you’re currently crazy and raving about, DO NOT get married to him/her!</blockquote>

Period.