Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

“Gender equality does not mean women ruling over men; rather it guarantees a level-playing field devoid of all forms of discrimination” – Oyinkan Olasanoye, Chairperson of TUC Women’s Commission

“A man suffering abuse may experience deep trauma that damages his work related productivity, resulting in job loss, or if he’s self-employed, client loss. Being a digital nomad, the latter happened severally to me due to relentless abuse from my ex-partner & secondary abuse (due to bias) from some support agencies. Ironically, these people still demanded I meet ALL financial obligations without fail! Clear proof they need EDUCATION on how abuse impacts mental health! – Tayo K. Solagbade

Prevailing stereotypes about Domestic Violence are making it so easy for cunning female offenders to get their male victims vilified as the abusers!

The shocking true story shared on Facebook (see screenshots below) is an example of how far an abusive woman can go to hurt a male partner.

[SOURCE: Shared by me at 3.40a.m Tuesday 15th December 2020 to my wall (from Abigail Olutusin’s wall). You can view the shared post on Facebook via www.tayosolagbade.com/woman-card ]

These manipulative women know how the system works, and they are “gaming” it to have their way at the expense of their intimate male partners.

Thankfully, we have females with integrity speaking out about this harmful trend.

And these fair minded females are demanding more recognition for DV Against Men. Most are mothers to sons and siblings to brothers who they’ve seen suffer serious abuse at the hands of female partners.

Many are joining the movement to inform and educate, as are the men in their lives. Two examples:

1. Toyin Omoniyi, a female Nigerian Lawyer in her excellent piece titled Domestic Violence Against Men by Toyin Omoniyi (TyLegal) – read it via www.tayosolagbade.com/toyin-dvam

2. Jane Felix Ogbonna, a relationship coach and passionate advocate for fair treatment of Men – watch her video at www.tayosolagbade.com/jfo.

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Verbatim Text Transcript of a Video Message by Jane Felix Ogbonna – a Relationship Coach

“…listen again, the topic today that men should take care of themselves from now on. As you’re training your children, as you e building houses, as you’re paying house rent. As you’re taking care of your…everything, your affairs – take care of your old age. Ask me why. Why are men dying before 60 years after retirement, after active service?

…This suffering that you’re suffering in your marriage now had been there for years – but you did not see it. The love of mother closed your eyes. You did not know that your mother is among these modern women. When that woman will brainwash your children and begin to tell them…and you know that every child – even you listening to me, even if you’re Baba, your mother is still alive, you still believe your mother. You don’t know the mothers tell lies. When they will sweet talk you.

Everything your Daddy do. They know how to manipulate their children. They know how to manipulate children. Even if the children is Obama, even if the child is Baba, this Buhari now, if the mother is still alive, s(he) know how to manipulate their children. And they capitalize on the love of children because the children, every children love their mother. They capitalize on that and finish the men.

God bring me into this world, to tell the men the truth and to open the eyes of the men, so that…God has told me that men, so many men die in pain. They die secretly in pain in their own home – people do not know. I’m telling you my message is to talk about men. The marginalization of men.

I beg you as you’re listening to me. Take care of yourself. So that you will not have high blood pressure. So that you will not have stroke. So that you can live long.” – Jane Felix Ogbonna | Watch the full video at www.tayosolagbade.com/jfo

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We need to protect women from abuse and empower them to actualize their full potentials. However, we must not do this blindly.

The needs and rights of men must also be protected. Reports indicate that some women do ABUSE their male partners and know how to game the system to cover their tracks.

“A man suffering abuse may experience deep trauma that damages his work related productivity, resulting in job loss, or if he’s self-employed, client loss. Being a digital nomad, the latter happened severally to me due to relentless abuse from my ex-partner & secondary abuse (due to bias) from some support agencies. Ironically, these people still demanded I meet ALL financial obligations without fail! Clear proof they need EDUCATION on how abuse impacts mental health! – Tayo K. Solagbade

There are “good” women/men and “bad” men/women. Some men lie. And some women do too.

If you have to mediate between disputing couples, regardless of the gender you advocate on behalf of (if at all), do the RIGHT thing.

Be objective. Take no sides – except the side of truth and justice. Refuse to let stereotypes limit your thinking. Give EACH party a FAIR and IMPARTIAL hearing then take decision without bias.

Otherwise you WILL damage the integrity of the service you offer i.e. true male victims of abuse MAY REFUSE to come to you or refer others to you – because they MAY conclude that you do NOT have their best interests at heart.

To those who BLINDLY support abusive women they see playing the WOMAN CARD, REMEMBER that you may have a male loved one (son, brother, uncle, father, cousin, friend, business partner etc).

What if one of them finds himself faced with false accusations from a “bad” woman? Would YOU be happy to hear others BLINDLY support his accuser when you KNOW he did NOTHING wrong?

Would you have the moral courage to defend him? This can happen to ANYBODY.

Think about it, and don’t let the desire to be politically correct make you shoot yourself in the foot.

“Do you ignore efforts/invitations to challenge Domestic Violence Against Men (DVAM)? Your Silence May Cause Your Son, Brother, Uncle, Dad or Other Male Loved Ones to Suffer Avoidable Abuse! Take a stand today. No man or woman – deserves abuse.” – Tayo K. Solagbade

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STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST MEN: JOIN THE MOVEMENT & SPREAD THE WORD!

A new generation of shrewdly manipulative and cunningly abusive women are using protective systems put in place by society to exploit males that are their intimate partners.

In other words, they are gaming the system and by so doing are making a mockery of the efforts to stop domestic violence by exploiting stereotypes about males being the only perpetrators, to abuse their partners at will while readily adopting the accepted posture of “victim in self-defence” when their actions come under scrutiny.

What they do, they teach other women and their own daughters, who rarely know better. We need to fight and stop this trend. Our sons, brothers, fathers, uncles and other loved ones who beloing to the male gender, remain at grave risk if we don’t.

That’s why I launched the page described below in 2017, based on my personal experiences…

Page Name:

Domestic Violence Against Men – Ideas for Identifying & Stopping It

Page Description:

This page is dedicated to empowering men who find themselves, by some accident of fate on the receiving end of abuse from an intimate female partner.

Page URL:

https://facebook.com/stopdvambytks

Tayo K. Solagbade

*Digital Nomad/Location Independent Multipreneur

**Publisher of the Stop Domestic Violence Against Men (DVAM) Advocacy Page & PDF Newsletter

Phone: +234-803-302-1263
E-mail: tayo@tksola.com
Web: www.tayosolagbade.com, www.tksola.com & www.discovercotonou.com