Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

FACT: You can be a genius and still fail due to a "close friend’s" betrayal.

This week, I’m teaching my kids about this. "Et tu Brutus?!" Caesar’s famous exclamation is one of the classic examples of how great people responded to discovery of acts of betrayal by those closest to them.

In my personal opinion, I believe enduring the betrayal of our closest allies, friends, relatives etc, and going on in spite of it, to achieve our important goals in life, is the greatest way to succeed.

Until you have had to deal with such a situation, you probably may never know for sure just how tough you are, or how much you really want to succeed. This article offers ideas for the interested individual about how to turn this type of situation to his/her advantage.

Have You Ever Had A "Judas" In Your Life?

Have you ever had to associate with certain individuals who you later sensed and went on to discover were in the habit of giving out your personal information, or even telling what you consider confidential or "secret" to others they knew from relating with you, you did not approve of?

Some would do this in order to gain the favour of those they passed the information to. Others could do it to spite you – for instance, maybe they feel they need to bring you down, for being (what they consider) ‘too proud" or "overconfident".

Have you ever discovered that a certain person you allowed to get close to you/confided in, turned out to have sought you out so as to gain your confidence and then betray you to those who "sent " him/her? This happens all the time – especially between people or groups that compete against one another. Individuals and large corporations, nations etc all play this game in one form or the other. This article offers ideas for the interested individual about how to turn this type of situation to his/her advantage.

IMPORTANT NOTE: You may not be consciously competing with anyone. However, those who observe you may feel what you are doing affects them one way or the other. This could make them decide YOU are THEIR competition. That makes YOU a target! How do you deal with that situation when it develops? Read on for some ideas.

Welcome A “JUDAS” Into Your life!™

Let me make what should (hopefully) be a humorous addition to this chapter that might make it easier that story and you will find that it was said that Judas was "chosen".

In life, you can decide to see each person that chooses to play "antagonist", "critic" or "enemy" as the "unfortunate Judas" in your own life who is destined to help you achieve another level of success or greatness though one or more acts of "betrayal"!

Now, I will tell you that in my experience, this really does happen. And many times I have personallydiscovered that the "Judas" of my life at any point in time usually lives or works in fairly close proximity to me – denying me the convenience of avoiding him/her! As a result, I am forced to find a way to relate with the person without compromising my position.

Your Judas Will NOT Be Your "Friend" But S/he Can Help You GROW!

The truth based on the above, about the individuals described is that event they they made out to be your "friends", their actions were not those a friend would take. They were in fact more consistent with what an "enemy" would do!

So, what do you do, when you find them out? I say it depends on the circumstances. In my other articles titled, "Do You Know How To Deal With Those Who Mock And Ridicule You?" and "Why You May Want To Rejoice When Others Mock You", I suggested that the reader consider limiting his/her contact with persons who adopted a negative stance of mockery and ridicule toward him or her.

However, in this article, I am referring to persons who have taken it upon themselves to go against you – not just to taunt, mock and ridicule, but to bring you down or even harm you. Such persons would be correctly described as enemies. But rather than run away from them or hide, I want to ask you to see them as quite useful to have around!

The Dalai Lama Believes We Need Enemies

The Dalai Lama is the spiritual leader of Tibet, who has (I understand) been in exile for some decades now, since the Chinese occupation of his country. There is a quote I read somewhere credited to this great sage, that have personally found quite instructive:

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“Enemies test our ability to feel compassion, and strengthen us in doing so” – Dalai Lama.
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The Dalai Lama Is Right

It is my belief that we need "enemies" or antagonists in our lives. They help us to keep our heads from going into the clouds, and by so doing help us stay "human" especially when we’ve been successfully forging ahead in pursuing our magnificent obsessions!(To learn what I mean by "Magnificent Obsession", read the article version of my 113 page self-help print manual titled Ten Ways You Can Use Self-Development To Create The Future You Want.)

Personally, I would “get worried” if everyone around me keeps saying they like me, and I never run into anyone who feels or acts differently. I once heard it said that “a little dose of paranoia is healthy”. My point is that it would be folly for anyone to expect that everyone else would like her. I said this earlier and I’m saying it again: there will always be people who will not like you (or will not want to work or cooperate with you). You MUST prepare – and learn how – to deal with such people.

Also, it is my opinion that we need the periodic ”tests” of our abilities posed by those people who refuse to “like” us and who give us a hard time. Just imagine if everybody liked you and always gave you an easy run. Imagine if everybody said you were their favorite and there was no single person who expressed reservations about you, or was cynical about what you could or could not do (?).

What If We Stopped Having Bad People Or Bad Things In This World?

Maybe I’ll take it a bit further – what if we suddenly stopped having "bad people" or "bad things" happening in the world? It would be quite boring and unchallenging to continue living here wouldn’t it? We lock our cars because someone could gain easy entry if we didn’t. We watch what we say because a mischievous person might report to others when we say things that are not exactly "nice" about them.

Simply put, “bad” people – or the possibility of a bad thing happening – keep us alert and “on our toes”. It is this same consciousness that makes us teach our children what they need to do to stay safe and out of trouble when they are away from us. Without the knowledge gained from the previous so-called "bad" experiences in society, we would not be wiser about how to live in this world – talk less of being able to advise our children – would we?

Now, a person that perpetually antagonizes us might eventually push us to a point where we actually develop an intense dislike (or hatred) for him. The Dalai Lama however challenges us NOT to harbour such feelings towards anyone – even when it is someone that obviously takes delight in causing us pain or discomfort. It’s ironic that most religions actually advocate this philosophy for adoption by believers and YET, many believers find that they are often unable to really practice it!

Why? Because they are human, and it actually takes tremendous effort and commitment to maintain a compassionate disposition to people who make things difficult for us, or do not like us! It’s so much easier, for instance, to read the portion of the bible where the believer is asked to "turn the other cheek" than to actually do what it says. I am sure many who read the foregoing statement will understand what I mean. When it comes to "doing" it , a lot of people “struggle”.

The secret to mastering the art of feeling compassion for one’s "enemies" or "antagonists" is to ALWAYS remember this:

Without the "threat" of a bad thing or person coming around to do us "harm", we are likely to relax to the point where we lose grip of the things we already have in control. Think about sports – the team or individual that usually wins is not necessarily the one that scores first. No, it is often the one that gets in the lead, then STAYS ALERT to – and thwarts – all attempts by the opponent to equalise till the game ends!

Like I said earlier, the Dalai Lama is right because ALWAYS, at the end of it all – maybe when I’m moving on – I find that I have become stronger due to the perpetual presence of my "Judas(es)".

Some typical benefits include increased "mental stamina", "thickened skin", "self-control" etc.

This has been my personal experience.

I am sure you will find that yours will be similar (or better) if you adopt this philosophy towards your "enemies" or "antagonists".

"To Laugh Often And Much, To Win The Respect Of Intelligent People And The Affection Of Children, To Earn The Appreciation Of Honest Critics And Endure The Betrayal Of False Friends, To Appreciate Beauty, To Find The Best In Others, To Leave The World A Bit Better, Whether By A Healthy Child, A Garden Patch, Or A Redeemed Social Condition; To Know Even One Life Has Breathed Easier Because You Have Lived. This Is To Have Succeeded!" – Ralph Waldo Emerson

So, are you ready to welcome a Judas into your life today? It could be the start of your climb to a new level of personal success!

PS: This article is based on excerpts from the original piece written by Tayo K. Solagbade in October 2006.