Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

I’ve told ALL of my kids this story more than once, to make them appreciate the wisdom inherent in avoiding fights of any kind. Children need to be taught this as early as possible, so they know how to handle potential pressure from their peers to act macho. Apart from keeping them out of trouble, this attitude can help them avoid serious injury or possibly save their lives.

When Ignorance May Not Be Bliss

Martial arts students are taught that the person who can walk away from a fight actually displays superior strength, than one who is quick to engage in one. I believe it’s true.

Unfortunately, when I was 17, I did not know this truth. And I paid a painful price for my ignorance. Hopefully, others who read my story will learn from it.

It happened in early 1987. I was a first year A(i.e Advanced)-level science student in Federal Government College, Kaduna. Physics, Chemistry and Biology were the subjects I was studying.

I was on my way out of the dorm when I noticed a junior student carelessly toss a piece of paper on the clean floor. I called out to him and said “Hey, pick that up right now!”. The boy turned around, looked me over and said in an arrogant tone “Or what?” I replied “Or I’ll ensure you get punished for acting dirty and being  rude.”

On hearing this, the boy simply laughed and began walking away. Angrily, I reached out and grabbed him on the shoulder from behind. At that moment I felt a hard and heavy finger tap me on the shoulder. I turned round to find myself looking up at the huge figure of Osahon (real name), who I’ve nicknamed “Mike Tyson” for his article.

“Do you know that’s my little brother?” he snarled.

(His uniform showed he was a form five student, and therefore technically junior to me. But since I was still in my first year as an A-level student, most students didn’t know me.)

I replied “So what? I intend to see that he’s punished for his bad behavious.”

Osahon’s counternance instantly changed and he said: “I just told you he’s my brother, and you’re still talking like that about him? You must be new around here, and I think I need to teach you a lesson.”

I Get The Beating of My Life

Suddenly he raised huge fists, went into a deep crouch then lunged towards me – all in one smooth and swift motion. I was caught totally off guard. But to be honest, even if I’d been prepared, I doubt that I could have fared better.

I remember seeing multicolored stars slowly rising up before my eyes after he hit me with a left hook. Even as the pain went through my head, I could not help thinking “So the stars shown in Tom and Jerry cartoons are not exaggerations!”. I kid you not

Before I could recover, “Tyson” followed up with a right. It was clear he had been trained to box. Had the vice-principal (who I later learnt was an ex-pro boxer) not come around by chance, and intervened, I’m convinced I would have been knocked unconscious.

Awonuga rushed at Osahon screaming “Hey, do you want to kill him? Can’t you see he’s no match for you, Osahon? Are you mad?”

Mr. Awonuga had Osahon taken away for punishment, and asked me to report to the school clinic. I felt pains all over my face. What I did not know was that I looked far worse than I felt. After leaving the clinic, I obtained permission (since it was a Friday), to go and recuperate at my guardian’s place.

A Lesson Taught By a Wise Guardian

I’ll never forget the way Mr. Adeniran – my guardian – reacted when he saw my face. “What happened to you?” he exclaimed. I sat down, made a show of shaking my head in self-pity, and told him the whole story.

When I finished, he patted me on the back and said “Well, thank God the V.P came in when he did. That boy must get properly punished for what he did. Don’t worry. I’m going to see the V.P about this when I take you back. Let me get the cook to make you some food”

After having my meal, I went to take my bath and for the first time got a good look in the mirror. I almost did not recognize myself! If you’ve ever seen a badly beaten boxer in a boxing ring before, with puffed up eyelids, lips etc, then you can imagine just what I looked like that day.

Looking at my bloated face, I suddenly understood why many of the students kept staring at me as I walked out of the compound that evening. I must have looked terrible. “Good. Osahon is going to get it. By the time Mr. Adeniran takes it up with the school authorities!” I thought to myself.

But I was in for another shock. On Sunday evening, my guardian dropped me off at school. Instead of coming down from his car (I’d assumed he intended to go in with me), he said “So, try and avoid getting into fights next time okay? If the other person refuses to listen simply report to the principal.” With a smile, he waved to me, and drove off: a lesson well delivered.

You Can Win Without Fighting!

 Like Sun Tzu says, you have to wait for the right opportunity. I went on to learn that lesson backwards, some months after I’d been beaten black and blue by Osahon.

By the time I completed my first year in that school, Osahon and his “gang” were among many students in the school who had come to regard me with respect and admiration. The main reason for this was that I had proven to be an asset to the school as a handballer.

I had played state level handball since I was twelve for Kwara state, winning a state wide age group competition with my school team in 1982, and getting called up to Kwara state camp for the 1985 National Sports Festival at  fifteen.

The first day I trained with the school team in Kaduna, my abilities on the court got me an instant first team spot on the school’s senior team.

But what really cemented my reputation was the work I did to build a junior team comprising eight handball novices over a few months. The senior team members kept mocking them, and saying they could never play well enough to win a match. I told the boys not to listen and encouraged them to train harder.

We worked hard even on weekends. Then when the jeering from my senior team colleagues became too much, I challenged them to a match with my team of juniors. They laughed themselves hoarse.

The junior boys looked at me in horror. I assured them they could do it. Some students heard about it, and told others. On the agreed day, the junior team outplayed the seniors (mainly due to the latter’s over confidence) and won by a single point.

That day, I felt the opposite of what I felt when I got beat up by Osahon. And it also occurred to me that if I’d been patient, I could have let Osahon’s brother go, and waited to use the above approach to gain recognition and leadership. Correcting wayward behaviour in any student would then have been much easier. And there would never have been a fight!

Below: Screenshot of an article excerpt that resonates perfectly with the above message.

The source article – by Steve Silverman – is aptly titled ““6 Badass Ways to Walk Away from a Fight”