Category Archives: My DN Travel News

My DN Travel News, Public Speaking

Many Great People Were Laughed At Before Succeeding

Leave a comment

If you’ve ever been laughed at in public, you know it can hurt badly. When I was much younger, I readily took offence if people laughed at me, or my ideas. Today, I’m completely immune to laughter or mockery directed at me . How? Because I’ve found it can never stop me achieving my intended purpose!

Only Shallow/Empty People Laugh At Others

I’m not talking here about situations when you and others poke healthy fun at each other. In such situations, no one ever leaves feeling stupid, having been used as the butt end of other peopels insensitive jokes.

Two common examples…

a. Someone can take privileged information s/he has about a failing or shortcoming you have, and tell others about it in a comical manner. Just for the fun of it…!

b. That’s one. Another can happen with complete strangers. These are often egotistical, all knowing, but secretly insecure individuals. They get their kicks from putting others down, and typically feel threatened when they encounter another person with obvious potential.

When you’re still in your formative stages, such persons may seek ways to keep you down.

Knowing that most people dread being made fun of, they readily reach for that weapon. How you respond to that will determine how far you go in pursuit of your dream.

Kick The Fear of Getting Laughed At: Many Great People Had to Do That to Succeed

I say ignore them. In fact I advocate laughing along with them, then making sure you LAUGH LAST!

Many people with great ideas are terrified of voicing or implementing them because of this fear of getting laughed at. As a result, they choose to do nothing.

They rationalise that it’s safer. to go through life not having any embarrassing failures on record for people to recall and laugh at. Some even convince themselves that they are better off that way.

Then when they see someone else emerge victorious – despite failing and being laughed at (in some cases for years!) –  they feel resentment, and even say “That should have been me!”

I find that attitude quite funny.

Why resent someone who refused to let fear hold him/her back from pursuing a valued life goal?

Whose fault is it that you let the threat of people’s laughter cower you into giving up on yours?

You have only yourself to blame IF you let that happen to you!

It Is More The Norm, Than The Exception, for People to Fail/Get Laughed At BEFORE They Make It

That’s why James Cook (author of ”The Startup Entrepreneur”, a New York Times bestseller) said:

”If your ideas draw doubt or scorn, you are in good company!”

There’s an emotional/psychological process people needs to pass through, to discover success. Exposure to failure, which often attracts laughter from others, has been shown to accelerate that process.

Know therefore, that if you truly want to achieve great success, you must get used to being laughed at. That’s because you may have to fail now and then.

And when you do, there’s a good chance others will laugh at you.

But it never killed anyone. Get it?

The interesting thing is also that even though they laugh today, it does not mean they’ll always do so. Indeed, those same people will turn around to wildly cheer you, IF you persist and eventually succeed. They’ll completely forget they ever mocked you, or told you “it’s not possible”!

Strange…but true.

Therefore focus your energies on learning the lessons you need to succeed. Soon enough, you’ll be laughing last, while those who laughed at you, celebrate you!

History Is Replete With Examples of Great People Who Got Laughed At Initially: Study Them For Inspiration

I’ve compiled a list of links to get you started. When you learn that even the legendary Beatles, and Steve Jobs, failed before succeeding, you ‘ll know getting laughed at for failing can’t stop you!

1. Famous People Who Found Success Despite Failures

http://getbusylivingblog.com/famous-people-who-found-success-despite-failures

2. 15 Rich & Famous People Who Were Fired Before They Became Successful

http://addicted2success.com/success-advice/15-rich-famous-people-who-were-fired-before-they-became-successful/

3. Why the Best Success Stories Often Begin With Failure – Smithsonian

http://www.smithsonianmag.com/ideas-innovations/Why-the-Best-Success-Stories-Often-Begin-With-Failure-187932581.html

4. Failure Before Success: Even Famous People Fail

http://www.mefindinghappiness.com/failure-before-success-even-famous-people-fail/

5. 9 Things to Think About Before You Give Up

http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/11/02/9-things-to-think-about-before-you-give-up

6. 72 of the Best Success Quotes – Daring to Live Fully

http://daringtolivefully.com/success-quotes

Entrepreneurship, Farm Biz, My DN Travel News, Public Speaking

No. 104: Your Audience Needs Truth – Not Flattery

2 Comments

When a public speaker tells an audience of struggling business owners that “evil spirits”, and “enemies from the village” are the reasons they fail, s/he sets them up for longer spells of avoidable hardship! (NB: This issue of my newsletter features a priest, who – for 3 decades now – has provided world class Agri-business know-how to the world, from A-F-R-I-C-A!).

Telling them they’re doing nothing wrong, may win you their applause initially. But it may not endear you to many, if long afterwards they find their circumstances remain unchanged.

No one denies that there can be spiritual dimensions to life situations. It however takes more than spiritual awareness to make a success of business.
You need Savoir faire (i.e. real world relevant know-how)!

SCROLL DOWN TO READ FULL ISSUE

No. 104: Your Audience Needs Truth – Not Flattery

Click now to view the latest issue of Tayo Solagbade's Public Speaking IDEAS page

View Tayos video tutorials and demonstrations on Facebook Productivity Tips, Web Marketing, and for his Custom MS Excel-VB driven software applicationsConnect with Tayo on Facebook.comConnect with Tayo on Twitter.comConnect with Tayo on Google Plus

Is this email not displaying correctly?

View it in your browser.

Publication: Tayo Solagbade’s Weekly Public Speaking IDEAS Page (PSIP) Newsletter
Date: Monday 26th August 2013
No:104
Title: Your Audience Needs Truth – Not Flattery
Author & Publisher: Tayo K. Solagbade
Blog URL: http://www.spontaneousdevelopment.com/blog
Archive (For E-mail only version started 14th May 2012): Click here to view
Archive (For Blog version started 24th September 2011): Click here

Hi,

Please find below the latest issue of my Speaking IDEAS newsletter.

 

On Being a Master (PDF)...A Gift from Burt Dubin - Click now!

 

No. 104: Your Audience Needs Truth – Not Flattery

**** **********
NB: If you ever find yourself wondering what else I’ve written, some days after you’ve read THIS Speaking Ideas newsletter I send out on a Monday, here’s what you can do to find out: Point your browser to www.spontaneousdevelopment.com/sdnuggets to read at least ONE new post added to my SD Nuggets blog on a different category from Tuesday till Saturday (sometimes even Sundays) in line with this publishing schedule :-)
**********

When a public speaker tells an audience of struggling business owners that “evil spirits”, and “enemies from the village” are the reasons they fail, s/he sets them up for longer spells of avoidable hardship! (NB: This issue of my newsletter features a priest, who – for 3 decades now – has provided world class Agri-business know-how to the world, from A-F-R-I-C-A!).

Telling them they’re doing nothing wrong, may win you their applause initially. But it may not endear you to many, if long afterwards they find their circumstances remain unchanged.

No one denies that there can be spiritual dimensions to life situations. It however takes more than “spiritual awareness” to make a success of business.

You need “Savoir faire” (i.e. real world relevant know-how)!

A Priest Delivering Real-World Relevant Agri-business Know-How In Africa For Over 3 Decades

Father Godfrey Nzamujo is founder and catalyst of the world famous “Songhai” Integrated Agricultural Farming Centre (recognised by the UNDP). I consider him an excellent role-model for African experts.

Nzamujo is a Nigerian born Dominican priest with an engineering degree. His Porto Novo, Benin republic founding centre is now over three decades old. EVERYTHING there is recycled in a zero-waste system.

What’s more, trainees who graduate from it are taught “entrepreneurship” on top of time tested farm practices. This helps many go on to establish PROFITABLE farm-based ventures.

No wonder the Songhai model is being rapidly adopted by serious minded African governments!

I understand the most recent high profile visit – this August of 2013 – was from the President of Liberia herself (Ellen Johnson Sirleaf), in whose country a Songhai model centre already exists!

I doubt Father Nzamujo ignores the spiritual responsibility of being a priest in running his center. Yet his center’s success shows that he also does not neglect exploring better ways to run it more profitably.

In other words, he has been able to stike an intelligent balance that enables him achieve both goals.

Telling Songhai About Web Marketing Systems Development & Pineapple PEEL Based Drinks Production (My Story)

Sometimes what we may want to hold back from voicing truths we know need to be said. Maybe to avoid offending or upsetting those we speak to. Yet, to really add value to people, you must say what needs to be said.

I practice what I preach, and the following narrative offers an example of how.

I visited Songhai on Thursday 25th July 2013, and met (for the 2nd time in 4 months) Leonce Sessou – a key member of the team.

By the time I departed that day, a bottled sample of my Pineapple Peel-based drink, with copies of my "Tasters Feedback forms" was on his table. He said he would arrange for other members to taste the drink and fill the form.

In case you’re wondering, up till then, Songhai only produced pineapple juice from the core of the fruit for sale in bottled form.

Leonce confirmed that the large amounts of waste peels they produced, was only used for composting.  I knew this, and that was why I visited, to tell them how to make MORE PRODUCTIVE use of the peels.

When I explained how I make my drink using the waste pineapple peel obtained FREE from vendors, he told me and that they would invite me to show their team how to convert theirs to drinks as well.

…Other areas of collaboration were also discussed – such as web marketing. 

But How Did Leonce Know I Could Help Them With Web Marketing?

Well, four (4) months earlier, in my very first week in Benin Republic, I’d dropped off a proposal for Father Nzamujo. In it I offered to provide in-house Digital Information Publishing and Web Marketing coaching. This was to boost their ability to earn online income from their wealth of information.

Like I said on my Facebook post on this, contributing to the Songhai project is a dream I’ve nursed since 1987, as a 17 year old undergraduate of Agric. Extension Services in the University of Ibadan, Nigeria.

I first learnt about the founder – Father Godfrey Nzamujo – around that time when the African Farmer magazine I subscribed to, reported that he won the "Hunger Project Award".  I’ve closely followed Father Nzamujo’s progress since then. And that helped me identify solutions that would interest them.

But it’s not all about me making offers…

I also want to learn from them. It’s not easy to find large scale rabbit rearing operations that are profitably run. Songhai has one – and to finish a Commercial Rabbit Farming Guide I’m working on, I’m hoping they’ll grant me access to take photos, and interview them.

To Tell Accurate Truths, Study Every Client/Prospect’s Unique Situation to Get to Know Them Well

When you visit a doctor for consultation, you expect him/her to tell you the accurate truth about your state of health – and what to do to correct or improve it.

Luckily for us, most doctors do just that.

As an expert in your field, you are a “doctor” of sorts, for your client.

To succeed, you’ll need, just like a conventional doctor, to tell them accurate truths about their situation, and offer viable solutions.

Doctors will often examine your medical history, case files etc, in addition to conducting their own tests, before giving you an opinion on your ailment – or state of health.

Burt Dubin – a seasoned mentor of highly paid international speakers – recommends undertaking detailed examination of EACH client’s unique situation.

Apart from doing independent background research, he explains that you can request interviews with key members, to identify burning issues. From those you interview, you would ask for names of another set of persons you can interview. And so on.

Your purpose would be to sample opinions (on burning issues) that cut across relevant strata in the organisational hierarchy.

You would then develop your material around possible hot buttons you identify, and come up with viable ideas, solutions, and action plans to go with them.

By the time you deliver your program, your audience members are likely to feel you’ve competently addressed virtually all their concerns.

Final Words: Not Telling Your Audiences Accurate Truths, Can Make Them Conclude You’re Incompetent!

Some experts think giving “generic” talks (recycling same content with different client names on progam folders!) to their client audiences will always be adequate.

They forget that clients depend on them to come up with unique insights to improve their performance.

Such lack of commitment eventually hurts an expert guilty of it.

If another expert turns up and tells them the truth, with solutions, they’ll conclude the previous expert did not because s/he was incompetent!

In reality however, that expert could actually be competent, but s/he may have let fear keep him/her from telling them the truth.

Unfortunately, few – if any – clients will be willing to believe that by then!

Need More Details of How to Make The Above Ideas Work for YOU?

If you need more specific details of how to make use of the ideas I’ve shared in this newsletter, send me a message using this request form – with "Re: Your Audience Needs Truth – Not Flattery" in the subject line.

SD Nuggets Blog™

 New posts from last week that may interest you! *
Public Speaking
[Monday]:
No. 103: On Being a Master (A PDF Gift from Burt Dubin!

Entrepreneurship [Tuesday]:
3 Reasons to NOT Pay for Facebook Likes
Self-Development [Wednesday]:
Succeed Even When Nothings Working

Career Development [Thursday]:
Play for Your Workplace Teamand Not to the Decision Makers Gallery!

Parenting [Friday]:

Wise People Disagree With Tact
Writing/Blogging [Saturday]:
If You Really Want Success, Lack of Money Wont Stop You
Want me to write for you? Click here…

Click now

Have a lovely week!

Tayo K. Solagbade*

Self-Development/Performance Improvement Specialist

*Sole Agent For Burt Dubin’s Speaker Mentoring Service In Africa

Mobile: 234-803-302-1263

http://www.spontaneousdevelopment.com

Self-Development/Performance Enhancement Specialist – Tayo Solagbade – works as a multipreneurial freelance writer providing  zero risk article and report writing support for website owners, while travelling slowly across West Africa as a Location Independent Entrepreneur. 

He’s presently based in Benin Republic, where he’s preparing an English-French Language Guide, City Travel Guides, and a Commercial Rabbit Farming Guide.

In a previous life, before leaving to become self-employed, Tayo served for seven years as a high performing manager in Guinness Nigeria. He rose from Shift Brewer, to Training & Technical Development Manager, then later acted in senior management roles as Production Manager and Technical Manager.

When he’s not amazing clients with his superhuman skills (wink), Tayo works as the creative force behind his Self-Development Nuggets™ blog, and Public Speaking IDEAS newsletter (which he publishes to promote Burt Dubin’s Public Speaking Mentoring service to experts working across the African continent).

For a limited time, Tayo is available to speak to your group or organization for a moderate fee. Send e-mail to tayo at tksola dot com. You can also visit www.tksola.com to learn more. 

Connect with him on Twitter @tksola.com and Facebook.
==================

Have you been undecided about whether or not to become a paid speaker? Or have you been trying to get your speaking career off the ground with little success?

Here’s a tip: Burt Dubin works with people who want to be speakers, and with speakers who want to be masters. Click here to visit his website NOW and submit a contact form message telling him what challenges you’re facing, and how you’d like him to help you. Tell him I sent you, and you’ll get a pleasant surprise offer from him.

Comments?

What do you think of the above message? Do you have any personal experience to share on this subject? Are there some other points you feel can be added, to help persons looking for answers? Please share your thoughts!

Share this issue!

Do you know anyone who might benefit from reading this newsletter issue? Why not hit the forward button now, and send it to him/her with a short recommendation. You can also use share it via your social media channels. Thanks in advance.

View Tayos video tutorials and demonstrations on Facebook Productivity Tips, Web Marketing, and for his Custom MS Excel-VB driven software applicationsConnect with Tayo on Facebook.comConnect with Tayo on Twitter.comConnect with Tayo on Google Plus

What fears or doubts are keeping you from (a) taking up Burt Dubin’s monthly speaker mentoring, or (b) buying his products?

You can choose to purchase Burt’s mentoring at any of the three (3) levels listed below:

1. Top Shelf [Click here] | 2. Mid Range [Click here] | 3. Budget Delight [Click here]

Burt’s three mentoring packages can be likened to the seating options offered by airlines: Budget Delight (Economy); Mid Range (Business); and Top Shelf (First Class).

At least that’s how I like to think of them!

All three will get you to your desired destination of "speaking success-ville" – so long as you meet the requirements/play your part well (your fare, abide by the set guidelines etc). During the "flight", the seat you have will determine how much personal service attention and preference the provider will accord you. It’s that simple :-)

So, make your choice:1. Top Shelf [Click here] | 2. Mid Range [Click here] | 3. Budget Delight [Click here]

Send me an e-mail with your questions via tayo at tksola dot com. In the meantime, why not get started by subscribing here to get his 7-Part Course (How To Succeed And Get Paid As A Professional Speaker) .  . . and receive his monthly newsletter (Speaking Biz Strategies Letter) at no cost.

Get mentored by Burt Dubin - coach of some of the world's highest paid public speakers

For over 25 years, Burt Dubin has provided a variety of speaker mentoring products and services to clients worldwide.

Download this flyer as PDF:

http://www.spontaneousdevelopment.com/uploads/burt_new_flyer.pdf

Burt Dubin now offers his speaker mentoring service to experts based in Africa. Click now to download this flyer as PDF

My DN Travel News, Writing/Blogging

If You Really Want Success, Lack of Money Won’t Stop You

Leave a comment

Success in freelance writing – or indeed any other area of life – requires passion, backed by effort, commitment, diligence – and most importantly, relentless persistence. Except you want to cheat – your way to success (and some do!), the foregoing are a reality you must face.

But what if you lack money?

This article explains how the earlier mentioned qualities, combined with creative thinking, can still get you to your preferred destination.

When a Rich Person Says S/he’s Broke, It’s Rarely The Same Thing As What a Poor Person Means!

In other words, lack of money is often relative. It’s important that we always keep this in mind.

In the past I’ve had wealthy clients who paid hundreds of thousands for social pleasures like parties, holidays etc, right before my eyes.

And at the same moment they told me my fees, which were a fraction of those expenses I saw them make, were too high – offering to pay half or even less. When I suggested we wait till they had enough money to pay the fees I could accept, they insisted I start work, and that they would pay later.

The few times I ever accepted to do that taught me never to do so again. Getting them to pay up the difference was almost like trying to get the proverbial Camel to pass through the eye of a needle!

But in every single case, I did get my money.

Afterwards however, for such individuals, I simply adopted a 100% advance payment option – with 5 to 10% discount, if s/he accepted. Since they knew I was competent, those who truly needed it paid up.

In essence, I’m saying that we may not all mean the same things when we say we have no money!

So, What Do YOU Mean When You Say You Have No Money?

This is a function of how important your dream is to you.

Do a little hard thinking to see if there are areas you currently spend money that you can put on hold for now, to channel money from there to your goal.

I have done that many, many, many times – and at different levels.

For me, when it comes to pursuing my goals, I can be merciless with myself. I’m always prepared to get as along with as little as possible until my purpose is achieved. This mental attitude enables me get results when most other people would have thrown their arms up in frustration.

Believe it or not, I once went 48 hours without eating any food (drinking only water) – just to have enough money to continue working at a café, over a weekend. A client payment had failed to come in, and funds I was expecting had not arrived. I could have rightfully chosen to suspend my work online, but I felt too strongly about my work to do so!

That’s what it means to have heart i.e. so much love and passion for what you do, that you’ll endure any hardship to keep going!

Some Have Asked Me: Tayo “How do you do it?”….”What keeps you going?”

But even as I explain, I often see from the looks in their eyes, that most people would rarely accept to “punish” themselves (that’s how they see it) that way.

They however do point out0that I obviously get great fulfillment and joy from doing what I do. This could explain (at least in part) periodic observations by long term acquaintances, that I seem not to be aging :-)

Click to view on Facebook

Interesting, for a guy who "flogs" himself so mercilessly…to NOT look stressed, worn out or over worked?!

My experiences tell me the answer is in discovering your purpose i.e. what matters to you more than money. Then going after it!

That equates to adopting a “minimalist” existence, where/when necessary, in order to achieve what’s important to you.

I understand some call it being “Zen”.

Whatever name we give it, the reality is that all over the world, the global economic crisis is TEACHING more of us that it’s the wise way to live.

Those brought up in developed societies with the “Get it now and pay later!” mentality, are now adopting more prudent lifestyles. Couples are opting to share one vehicle to cut down on gas. More nature friendly ways of living are being adopted to save on power bills.

People are (wisely) giving up owning stuff, and sticking with the most essential… :-)))

Even more interestingly, many are relocating to Asia, and even Africa, to live – and work – more conservatively.

So, when you say you lack money to pursue your goals, have you considered making similar changes in your life?

This is about coming up with practical ideas about living smarter; to better pursue your goals.

But What If After Checking, You Find You Still Have No (or Not Enough) Money?

If that happens, first get this thought imprinted in your mind…now: YOU alone determine what stops you!

“Lack of money” has happened to some of the greatest people ever to walk the earth.

You’ve most likely heard or read their stories (If you haven’t, start with Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich”).

How did those great people overcome that potentially crippling obstacle?

The quote below, from Jim Rohn, offers an answer:

“Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that.” – Jim Rohn

In other words, they each settled on a goal they were passionate about achieving: People with "empty hearts" would not have been able to do that!

Those great people then did plenty of real world relevant “thinking” about how to get money (and ultimately “grow rich”) by solving other people’s problems: People with "empty heads" would not even make the effort!

NOTE THIS: They often did not get results overnight. Instead, when success delayed, they persisted – with unflinching faith.

Many authentically successful people have confirmed the above process is what it (i.e. achieving success when you lack money) all boils down to.

If you think adopting it would a waste of your time, then authentic success might just elude you – because you’ll most likely succumb to cutting corners, when success delays in coming.

My DN Travel News, Parenting

Wise People Disagree With Tact

Leave a comment

A facebook friend – Dauda Ayodele – recently shared a status update posted by a friend of his. It featured responses posted by two groups of people to the same potentially provocative statement.

One group (which I’ll call “A”) was from a society in which freedom is highly cherished. Not just freedom of speech or movement, but also of religious affiliation, and sexual preference or orientation.

The other group (which I’ll call “B”) belonged to a society that is – for the most part – split between two main religions – Islam and Christianity. And most times, adherents of each faith believe they owe God a duty to diminish the ranks of the other movement at any cost.

This makes the relationship between them like that of cats and dogs. Constant bickering tends to occur whenever people from both faiths meet. You can therefore imagine what happened when the die-hard Christians amongst them read the statement that suggested the Bible was a collection of half-truths!

That Provocative Statement Triggered a “Facebook War of Words”

Basically, the statement challenged the authenticity of the Bible, stating that research findings contradict its claims.

Specifically, it began by calling “anyone that believes in the biblical stories” – a “joker”! It then asserted that science offers no confirmation that snakes spoke during “prehistoric times”.

It also claimed key figures like Moses probably never existed, since no archaeological proof of their existence has so far been found!

And t here was more. Enough in fact to make the blood of most overzeloius or fanatical believers boil. And that apparently happened judging from responses posted in the coments by people from Group B!

In case you’ve not yet done so, click here to read the original post – complete with the two contrasting groups of comments.

It can be seen from the responses, that members of both groups apparently held strong opinions about the subject, and actively chipped in their points of view. It was however the massive contrast in the “tones of conversation” in the 2 different groups, that made the entire post worth giving a closer look.

You see in one group, people gave their views, including relevant details to support their claims. Even in disagreeing with one another, care was taken by discussants to be polite and friendly.

In other words, they were prepared to – and some did – agree to disagree on the matter.

Sadly, in the other group, right off the bat, insults were hurled like missiles at the person who “dared” to post the “blasphemous” statement. Among other things, he was told “Satan” was using him. And that he would be punished for even daring to question the authenticity of the bible.

Then amongst themselves they engaged in bitter exchanges. The conversation rapidly degenerated, and one person even promised to delete the person who posted the statement.

All this because of a statement someone posted?

If truth be told, many of those in group B can LEARN a lot about tolerance and self-restraint, from Tibet’s exiled leader, the Dalai Lama – who is neither Christian nor Muslim!


Even When You’re Wronged, Seek Redress With Tact (If You Must) – Or Respond With LOVE!

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not endorsing anyone casting aspersion on another person’s faith or religion. What I am saying instead is that people need to REMIND themselves to STOP and think, before acting.

I recall reading a sign someone made and went around selling to Bible believing Christians in Nigeria. It simply read “What Would Jesus Do?”…and that phrase was formed into an acronym: WWJD.

It is my considered opinion that ALL who truly practice Christianity, and who feel strongly about protecting it, need to emulate Jesus, who they follow. We all know Jesus would never resort to insulting another. The admonition he gave his disciples even when evil was directed at him, was to ALWAYS act in love.

“Forgive them, for they know not what they do”.

“Love your enemies”.

These phrases were said in a simple manner by Jesus. Yet the action they require one to carry out requires tremendous power to do.


Little wonder many who claim to follow Jesus’ teachings today often miss it!

(NB: if you’ve been reading my writing for a while, you’ll know I do not do religion. So this is not some sermon).

To you reading these words, I say this: Understand that you will meet many with different beliefs, and biases, differing from yours.

It is the way the world is. People will always differ. Apart from Islam and Christianity, so many other religious movements exist.

It has always been so. Get used to it!

In places like America, most practitioners of a religious faith, learn to get along with non-believers.

And in many cases they adapt to conversing competently, to the point that they can disagree without being disagreeable.

You would be wise to develop the ability to do that as well – and coach your child to do the same.

Career Development, My DN Travel News

Play for Your Workplace Team…and Not to the Decision Makers Gallery!

Leave a comment

Ambitious career persons sometimes get carried away by their desire for career advancement. So they do things more to impress decision makers, than to make useful impact in the workplace. Unfortunately, many end up sabotaging the careers they seek to progress in the process. This article offers ideas to help you avoid such a fate.

Wrong Motives Can Lead You Astray…and Cause You Pain

Human nature is like that. Sometimes what we strongly desire pushes us to act out of character. And if we lack access to sincere – and wise – people to call us to order, serious mistakes can happen.

It rarely matters what kind of work you do. What matters is how you play your part, in helping the organisation progress towards its goals.

If you’ve been reading my articles on career development, you’ll know I recommend you AVOID saying “But that’s not my job”…to most genuine requests.

Unless you intend to buy your way to the top, it’s just not a wise thing for a person with career ambitions to say.

But just as I advocate going out of your way, where possible – or necessary – to help out, I do NOT believe in the use of pretence. In other words, trying to curry favour by being a yes-man, or acting subservient, is not worth it.

Most straightforward minded people will see through such actions, and instantly conclude you’re not being sincere. That’s likely to colour their perception of any other thing you do subsequently.

Even when you do something useful, with no hidden motives, they’re likely to read meanings into your efforts. You would be second guessed – a lot…and it can become quite painful.

A Reputation That Makes Others Unwilling to Trust You Will Be Costly

Do not do anything to make people start questioning your motives at work.

Carefully evaluate any activity you wish to engage in, before you take action. Weigh the pros and cons, to see if going ahead will be justifiable, and beneficial to the company.

Consider any potential misinterpretations of your intentions that could occur. Ask a friend if you lack knowledge, insight or experience to do this as thoroughly as is needed. Doing so can save you pain!

Here’s why…

My experience in organisational settings taught me that “silent” (and sometimes not-so-silent) rivalries of all kinds exist. It could be between individuals, groups or even departments.

An employee wishing to flourish in the workplace must learn to navigate those “mine fields” of mistrust and suspicion, in carrying out his/her duties.

No matter how neutral you act/feel, if rivalry exists between your boss and another departmental head, for instance, you must exercise caution.

Let’s say you have a skill you’ve actively put to use to improve your department’s performance.

The other departmental head could request your help in developing similar solutions for her section.

Being a naturally team minded player, with the interest of the company at heart, you could say YES.

And it would normally be the right thing to do.

However, doing so and especially going ahead to use your skills to develop those solutions for your boss’ rival could spell trouble for you later on.

How?

Well, your boss could interpret your action as a betrayal of sorts. What’s more (and worse!), s/he could actually conclude you did it deliberately, or that you’re siding with his/her perceived rival.

Now, understand this.

At your level in the organisation, you may not be able to see what "prize" your boss and his/her rival are "chasing".

They could both be eying a single top management opening. Despite knowing they both need to work for the overall company’s interest, their personal ambitions could drive them to not cooperate as well as they could.

In such instances, if your boss discovers you, a subordinate, helping “the enemy”, s/he could get upset. Some of the bosses can do this subtly.

Instead of making a scene, s/he could make life difficult for you as a punishment.

Others simply let their emotions fly…such that a casual observer could ask: “But why does the boss always speak or act harshly towards you?”

I say all these based on personal experiences and observations.

Final Words: Avoid Interpersonal Complications – Like The Above Mentioned – Altogether!

Depending on how well managed a company is, a subordinate being victimised may – or may not – get “saved” from it.

That’s why it’s always better, to smartly evaluate potential implications of your intended actions, before you take them. That way, you’ll be better able to steer clear of sticky situations, that could derail your career ambitions in the long run.

Keep the above in mind, as you seek to make useful impact to advance your career at work!

My DN Travel News, Self-Development

Succeed Even When Nothing’s Working

Leave a comment

Does it feel like nothing is working the way you want? Can’t find (or keep) a job or client? Bungling important assignments at work? Or having problems with your partner?

This post offers ideas you can use to succeed, in spite of negative situations in your life.

Those Who Seek Success, Must Embrace Hard Times Along The Way

The only way you can avoid experiencing difficulties in life will be if you choose to give up ambition. In other words, you would adopt a “do-nothing-noteworthy” attitude to life.

People who do this often go through life making sure they rock no boats. They take what they are given, do what they are told, and generally stay out of the way of everyone else.

Here’s a quote I coined for them some time ago:

“Some people join the crowd in order to become hidden or protected from criticism or scrutiny. Since they also take care never to voice contrary (and at times ANY) opinion, they are rewarded with the anonymity they seek – and the insignificance that results from it.” – Tayo K. Solagbade

The above implies that making progress means you’ll have to confront challenges, difficulties, adversity and negatives in different forms. That process will mould you into the person you need to be, to achieve the progress or success you desire.

That’s why if you pursue progress, each time think you’ve seen the last, another “difficulty” forces its way into your life. It does not matter how hard you try to avert it. Some adversity is needed to help you prepare for success.

Hard Times Make People Fail, But Why Do Some People Seem Immune To Them?

It’s true. And it’s being that way since the beginning of mankind, and will always be so.

Even as you struggle to deal with your challenge, you probably know some people who rarely seem to let anything set them back.

It’s almost as if they are incapable of failing.

I do not refer here to people who stay in their comfort zone, and never venture out to do something new, different or daring. Nor do I mean those who achieve a level of material comfort, and then decide to live the rest of their lives playing it safe.

No.

Instead I am talking about courageous individuals who boldly set new and challenging goals, and fearlessly pursue them till they succeed.

These persons would often be seen to encounter great obstacles, which they ultimately surmount. Sometimes emerge victorious, despite being bruised and bloodied (figuratively/literally speaking) making others conclude they cannot fail.

The truth is however often that people who excel as above rarely attain that level of competence overnight. They would have invested time and effort, learning to endure and overcome adversity, to succeed. And that’s how their demonstrated mastery often results.

What You Can Do

The above process cannot happen via shortcut for anyone. Every person who desires authentic success must be prepared to pay the price to get it.

That price is EXPERIENCE i.e. firsthand experience that cannot be bought with money…or obtained by proxy.

You must undergo it in person – or as the French would say “Toi-même” i.e. yourself.

When you do, you’ll gradually develop the capacity to defeat adversity. If you persist long enough, you’ll arrive at a point where others conclude YOU are incapable of failing.

Why would they think that of you?

Because you would have discovered that relentless persistence is the key to achieving progress, even when (it seems) nothing’s working.

And you would act based on that knowledge every time you encounter difficulty, hardship, adversity, negativity etc.

In other words, you would have become unstoppable!

Entrepreneurship, My DN Travel News

3 Reasons to NOT Pay for Facebook “Likes”

Leave a comment

I’m intrigued by people – some big name bloggers too – who recommend “seeding” comments on blogs. That is getting friends etc to routinely post comments, using aliases, on your posts to entice visitors to comment. What value is there in doing that? Would it not be better to challenge yourself to write better, so as to naturally stimulate readers’ to comment?

But it’s not just the guys “manufacturing” blog comments. I’m also often amused by people who send me emails offering thousands of LIKES for sale. To me, indulging in any of the foregoing would amount to a needless waste of time.

I’m not passing judgement on anyone here – just stating my considered opinion.

Below are Three (3) Ways I Believe Buying Facebook Likes Can Hurt You

1. You Invite the Wrong People to Receive Your Marketing Messages

If you seek patronage from a serious minded and discerning target audience, buying LIKES is not for you.

To me, buying Facebook LIKES or “seeding comments” amounts to deception. Except the person who does it is willing to announce the fact publicly (which would defeat the purpose, of course!). If not, that’s deception, and in my candid opinion, a very unnecessary deception.

Do those who do it get LIKES based on their target audience profile? My checks suggest no reliable way of doing that exists.

Most times it’s just about getting numbers. The thinking is a large number of LIKES will make more people willing to LIKE your page.

Yes, that may be true, but I personally do NOT want people who need to see a crowd FIRST, before deciding what I offer is good for them! Instead, I seek to connect on Facebook with people who KNOW what they want, and when they see it, would not mind being the first to click LIKE.

I guess it depends on what each person is selling.

The solutions I offer via my pages are meant for the attention of a discerning target audience.

2. You’re Likely to Connect Less Effectively With Your Target Audience

Case study: My Excel-Visual Basic Driven Spreadsheet Automation Service Facebook Page

I prefer 39 quality LIKES to 10,000 purchased LIKES.

Yes, that’s all I have now – just a measly 39 LIKES on that page (as at the last count yesterday). But none of them was purchased. It’s taken about 18 months to get that small number!

But it’s less than numbers, and more about how quickly the LIKES came, that got my attention.

If truth be told, I only really began promoting the page with purpose, in the last quarter of 2012 (same applies to my Cost-Saving Farm Business Ideas Facebook page). This was just after I began using a blog on my website.

I use article marketing, video marketing, report writing, newsletter marketing etc integrated via a Web Marketing System to attract attention online.

Subscriptions to my Youtube channel, and LIKES on my page, began trickling in as I continued.

By paying close attention, I discovered that over 80% of those who clicked LIKE on my Excel Heaven page were from Asia – most from India. Many sent email enquiries too. A few are from America, South Africa, UK and Europe. If I recall correctly, only TWO are from my part of the world (Africa).

Insights I’ve gained from this very slow building of followers for my page, has helped greatly. I now better understand where to focus my efforts towards winning clients from that page.

3. You End Up Not Being Sure What Works

Having a page that people LIKED on their own makes discovering what they’ll buy easier. It may not happen overnight – and I’m not in a hurry. My purpose is to understand what works, and then use it repeatedly to increase the rate at which I get what I want = MORE LIKES…and eventually sales leads.

So what changed to cause this recent increase in my Facebook LIKES, and Youtube subscriptions?

I asked myself that question when I began noticing the trend.

Here’s what I came up with:

I’ve been doing a lot more writing since 1st November 2012, when I adopted my Daily Writing Schedule. And in as many posts as possible, I take pains to mention and link to relevant web based resources that talk about my services and products. E.g. videos, websites, facebook pages, PDF reports etc.

Over time, subscriptions from my blog to my newsletter mailing list increased. That indicated my work was getting noticed, and attracting interest. That eventually led to the facebook and Youtube visits.

I did not pay for any artificial stimulation of interest in what I do. This means what I’m getting is a good indication of what my TRUE audience wants. Little wonder I’ve been generating quality sales leads – like this one…

Isn’t that what we’re all after? Results?

My adopted approach takes longer…and more work. But I prefer it to one that could make me “look/feel” like I’m getting results (because of the large number of LIKES), when in fact I’m spinning my wheels!

Final Words: Web User Behaviour Varies from Culture to Culture

Those who preach use of web marketing strategies often ignore (or forget to consider) the influence of culture.

Yet the fact remains that Internet user behaviour varies greatly from society to society. And that affects the results one gets from implementing any particular online marketing tactic.

For instance, Nigerians – indeed Africans – often use the web VERY differently from Americans. The things that excite the latter on Facebook/elsewhere would often not get any useful response from the former.

I know this because I sell to both groups, and others. A sound understanding of the mental attitude of your online target audience is imperative, if you want to succeed.

This makes me very wary of adopting strategies indiscriminately. Especially doing something like…buying Facebook LIKES :-)

My DN Travel News, Public Speaking

No. 103: On Being a Master (A PDF Gift from Burt Dubin!)

Download Chapter 1 of Burt Dubin’s Forthcoming Book – FREE…below! 

On Monday 12th August 2013 at 16.32, Burt Dubin emailed me the PDF version of the first chapter of his forthcoming book – titled “On Being a Master” – with permission to re-publish it with attribution if I so wished.

After reading it, I decided it would be of great value to many who seek self-discovery/mastery. That’s why I’ve now made it available as a download (packaged as a 1.1MB PDF “trailer” of sorts) in this week’s issue of my Speaking IDEAS Newsletter.

SCROLL DOWN TO READ FULL ISSUE

Click now to view the latest issue of Tayo Solagbade's Public Speaking IDEAS page

View Tayos video tutorials and demonstrations on Facebook Productivity Tips, Web Marketing, and for his Custom MS Excel-VB driven software applicationsConnect with Tayo on Facebook.comConnect with Tayo on Twitter.comConnect with Tayo on Google Plus

Is this email not displaying correctly?

View it in your browser.

Publication: Tayo Solagbade’s Weekly Public Speaking IDEAS Page (PSIP) Newsletter

Date: Monday 19th August 2013

No:103

Title: On Being a Master (A PDF Gift from Burt Dubin!)

Author & Publisher: Tayo K. Solagbade

Blog URL: http://www.spontaneousdevelopment.com/blog

Archive (For E-mail only version started 14th May 2012): Click here to view

Archive (For Blog version started 24th September 2011): Click here

Hi,

Please find below the latest issue of my Speaking IDEAS newsletter.

On Being a Master (PDF)...A Gift from Burt Dubin - Click now!

 

No. 103: On Being a Master (A PDF Gift from Burt Dubin!)

**** **********

NB: If you ever find yourself wondering what else I’ve written, some days after you’ve read THIS Speaking Ideas newsletter I send out on a Monday, here’s what you can do to find out: Point your browser to www.spontaneousdevelopment.com/sdnuggets to read at least ONE new post added to my SD Nuggets blog on a different category from Tuesday till Saturday (sometimes even Sundays) in line with this publishing schedule :-)

**********

Download Chapter 1 of Burt Dubin‘s Forthcoming Book – FREE…below!

Click now to view what Joe Polish says about Burt Dubin

On Monday 12th August 2013 at 16.32, Burt Dubin emailed me the PDF version of the first chapter of his forthcoming book – titled “On Being a Master” – with permission to re-publish it with attribution if I so wished.

After reading it, I decided it would be of great value to many who seek self-discovery/mastery. That’s why I’ve now made it available as a download (packaged as a 1.1MB PDF “trailer” of sorts) in this week’s issue of my Speaking IDEAS Newsletter.

I have one other format planned for presentation of this same material, and once it’s ready, I’ll send out the link. If you’d like to be informed when this happens, email me via tayo at tksola dot com so I can add you to my mailing list.

Learn to be a Master…from The Master!

As an expert-who-speaks, you share what you know with your target audience. To do this effectively, you need mastery – not only of your subject, but also (and probably more importantly) of yourself.

Without mastery, it would be difficult for you to deliver consistent performances when you meet different audiences.

To achieve self-mastery, you must discover yourself…then get to know, and be comfortable being that person.

It requires diligent effort, and sincere commitment.

And it also requires a readiness to be honest with yourself. Otherwise, even when you eventually come face to face with the “self” you seek, you could (unconsciously) reject it – making the mastery that you seek, elude you.

No two persons are exactly alike, especially in terms of their individual personalities. Not even identical twins. It therefore follows that the road to self-discovery will necessarily be different for each of us.

But there are basic guidelines that we can all follow to find our paths in life. Burt Dubin is a master. And he has helped hundreds achieve mastery.

This makes him uniquely qualified to tell you the “basic guidelines” to follow – via this verbatim reproduction (on pages 3 to 6) of his new book’s “Chapter 1: Principles and Practices”.

Click here to start reading now!

Need More Details of How to Make The Above Ideas Work for YOU?

If you need more specific details of how to make use of the ideas I’ve shared in this newsletter, send me a message using this request form – with “Re: On Being a Master (PDF)…A Gift from Burt Dubin!” in the subject line.

SD Nuggets Blog™

 New posts from last week that may interest you! *
Public Speaking

[Monday]:
No. 102: Succeed by Showing You’re Special

Entrepreneurship [Tuesday]:
I Have NO FARM (Yet), BUT Farm Biz Owners BADLY NEED My Help – Here’s Why!
Self-Development [Wednesday]:
Problem Solving Makes You Smarter & More Confident

Career Development [Thursday]:
Smart Companies Rarely Neglect Older, Experienced Employees (3 Tips to Get More from Your Older Hands)

Parenting [Friday]:

How United Is Your Family?
Writing/Blogging [Saturday]:
Error-Free People Rarely Achieve Authentic Success
Want me to write for you? Click here…

Click now

Have a lovely week!

Tayo K. Solagbade*

Self-Development/Performance Improvement Specialist

*Sole Agent For Burt Dubin’s Speaker Mentoring Service In Africa

Mobile: 234-803-302-1263

http://www.spontaneousdevelopment.com

Self-Development/Performance Enhancement Specialist – Tayo Solagbade – works as a multipreneurial freelance writer providing  zero risk article and report writing support for website owners, while travelling slowly across West Africa as a Location Independent Entrepreneur.

He’s presently based in Benin Republic, where he’s preparing an English-French Language Guide, City Travel Guides, and a Commercial Rabbit Farming Guide.

In a previous life, before leaving to become self-employed, Tayo served for seven years as a high performing manager in Guinness Nigeria. He rose from Shift Brewer, to Training & Technical Development Manager, then later acted in senior management roles as Production Manager and Technical Manager.

When he’s not amazing clients with his superhuman skills (wink), Tayo works as the creative force behind his Self-Development Nuggets™ blog, and Public Speaking IDEAS newsletter (which he publishes to promote Burt Dubin’s Public Speaking Mentoring service to experts working across the African continent).

For a limited time, Tayo is available to speak to your group or organization for a moderate fee. Send e-mail to tayo at tksola dot com. You can also visit www.tksola.com to learn more.

Connect with him on Twitter @tksola.com and Facebook.

==================

Have you been undecided about whether or not to become a paid speaker? Or have you been trying to get your speaking career off the ground with little success?

Here’s a tip: Burt Dubin works with people who want to be speakers, and with speakers who want to be masters. Click here to visit his website NOW and submit a contact form message telling him what challenges you’re facing, and how you’d like him to help you. Tell him I sent you, and you’ll get a pleasant surprise offer from him.

Comments?

What do you think of the above message? Do you have any personal experience to share on this subject? Are there some other points you feel can be added, to help persons looking for answers? Please share your thoughts!

Share this issue!

Do you know anyone who might benefit from reading this newsletter issue? Why not hit the forward button now, and send it to him/her with a short recommendation. You can also use share it via your social media channels. Thanks in advance.

View Tayos video tutorials and demonstrations on Facebook Productivity Tips, Web Marketing, and for his Custom MS Excel-VB driven software applicationsConnect with Tayo on Facebook.comConnect with Tayo on Twitter.comConnect with Tayo on Google Plus

What fears or doubts are keeping you from (a) taking up Burt Dubin’s monthly speaker mentoring, or (b) buying his products?

You can choose to purchase Burt’s mentoring at any of the three (3) levels listed below:

1. Top Shelf [Click here] | 2. Mid Range [Click here] | 3. Budget Delight [Click here]

Burt’s three mentoring packages can be likened to the seating options offered by airlines: Budget Delight (Economy); Mid Range (Business); and Top Shelf (First Class).

At least that’s how I like to think of them!

All three will get you to your desired destination of “speaking success-ville” – so long as you meet the requirements/play your part well (your fare, abide by the set guidelines etc). During the “flight”, the seat you have will determine how much personal service attention and preference the provider will accord you. It’s that simple :-)

So, make your choice:1. Top Shelf [Click here] | 2. Mid Range [Click here] | 3. Budget Delight [Click here]

Send me an e-mail with your questions via tayo at tksola dot com. In the meantime, why not get started by subscribing here to get his 7-Part Course (How To Succeed And Get Paid As A Professional Speaker) .  . . and receive his monthly newsletter (Speaking Biz Strategies Letter) at no cost.

Get mentored by Burt Dubin - coach of some of the world's highest paid public speakers

For over 25 years, Burt Dubin has provided a variety of speaker mentoring products and services to clients worldwide.
Download this flyer as PDF:

http://www.spontaneousdevelopment.com/uploads/burt_new_flyer.pdf

Burt Dubin now offers his speaker mentoring service to experts based in Africa. Click now to download this flyer as PDF

Career Development, Entrepreneurship, Farm Biz, General, My DN Travel News, Parenting, Public Speaking, Self-Development, Writing/Blogging

Error-Free People Rarely Achieve Authentic Success

Leave a comment

“Success tends not to go to the person who is error-free, because he also tends to be risk averse. Rather, it goes to the person who recognizes that life is pretty much a percentage business. It isn’t making mistakes that’s critical; it’s correcting them and getting on with the principal tasks.” – Donald Rumsfeld

I meet them every now and then. People who take pride in saying nothing ever goes wrong with their plans. They always get it right. You never find them looking vulnerable. They are always cool, calm and collected – ever so sure of the outcome of whatever they are engaged in doing.

People who act as described above often want to be seen as – and some claim to be – perfect.

In Reality Being Without Fault – or Being Perfect – Would Be Too Boring to Bear on Earth!

In my opinion, a person whose activities have such predictable outcomes (i.e. who always gets everything right and never makes mistakes) will eventually bore not just others, but him/herself as well.

But the truth is that no human can really be perfect.

I’ve written elsewhere that once a person can achieve real perfection in life, s/he no longer belongs here on earth. It would be time for him/her to move over to heaven…or anywhere perfect beings live.

Not everyone is a soccer lover. But most people who are conscious adults living on earth today will have heard of Lionel Messi. He’s the small man who makes big things happen for Barcelona FC in Spain.

Back in April this year (2013) his team got beaten by a massive 0 – 4 margin. I refused to believe Messi was on the pitch that day. And not just him. That team has some of the world’s best players on it.

That they got beaten that badly was baffling. But guess what? Messi himself admitted that his fitness was not the cause of the club’s 0-4 loss to Bayern Munich.

It is this demonstrated ability to admit he can make errors that’s helped him become a great achiever.

Acknowledging Our Faults Creates Opportunities for Self-Renewal & Growth

We can all learn from that. Messi knew – from his champion mentality – that the loss, though bad, would not end the world…or his career.

Indeed, we students of success know that such big time failures often serve as inspiration for us to move to the next level of achievement.

As a Writer, Aim for Perfection, but Understand That You Cannot Achieve It

“Perfectionists rarely get anything done, because they often want to get everything right.” – Tayo K. Solagbade

A person can achieve exceptionally high levels of competence in the process of aiming for perfection. In writing (like any other field) therefore, one must set a goal that challenges him/her to pursue perfection.

You will continually identify areas where you fall short, then make needed adjustments, and try again.  

Sometimes You May Have to Review Your Set Goal

If after repeatedly making needed adjustments, you still struggle to achieve your goal, you may need to re-visit the goal you set for yourself.

Ask yourself some serious questions…like the following…

How did you settle on your chosen writing goal?

Let’s say you’ve set a goal to write 2 blog posts per day:

a. Did you consider how many words each post would be for example?

b. Was the time needed to research each topic for useful information/ideas factored in?

c. What about the time to be spent editing and proof reading?

d. How many days in week would you be able to write at that rate?

And so on…

When you give honest answers to the above questions, does the goal you set still look realistic for YOU, at YOUR current level of competence?

Hint: If yes, keep persisting, and you’ll eventually breakthrough. If “NO”, sit down and re-do your goal setting, this time based on the insights gained from the above question and answer session.

Final Words: Perfectionists Rarely Finish Writing (On Time)

Whatever you do, never delude yourself into believing you must make your writing “perfect” – because pursuit of perfection is a never ending journey for use here on earth.

What you will find is that by chasing perfection, your work will eventually get so good that others will hail your accomplishment as a writer.

But in order for them to see it, you’ll have to know when you’ve done enough to let it go out and be READ as your published work, by others.

Sadly, perfectionists rarely get to that point when they can let go.

Rather, they tell themselves it can still be made better, and keep trying to do so, without considering other factors e.g. total number to be written, and delivery deadline.

In the process they end up never finishing – at least not on time. That bad habit eventually leads to disappointed clients – and fewer referrals or opportunities for new business.

Don’t let that be your story!

My DN Travel News, Parenting

How United Is Your Family?

Leave a comment

What is the current state of YOUR marriage union – and family? This can be a very tough question to answer, for many people today. I say this from personal – and very painful – experience, as one who has been married for over 14 years, with kids.

In my part of the world (Africa), the global economic crisis has hit just as hard as elsewhere. We have less “cushion” systems in place (e.g. by way of unemployment checks for instance).

As a result, African societies are recording increasing numbers of family “break-ups” than before, our strong culture notwithstanding.

What Is the Major Cause of Wall Cracks in Many Families Today?

I hinted at it above already…I believe it’s MONEY. Directly or indirectly, it is OFTEN MONEY.

Some people will disagree. But if truth be told, very many homes would remain intact if the challenge of a LACK OF MONEY did not get added to any problems they face (Natural exceptions include cases of violence or abuse etc).

I say this with particular reference to Africa.

But even in developed societies, money (or a lack of it in enough amounts) often plays a powerful role in determining the shelf-life of marriage/family relationships.

Here’s one example:

About 2 months ago, I received an email broadcast starting with the story of a chap who recently recorded financial success online. Before this breakthrough, he had been struggling – badly – to make things work. Things got so bad that his wife said:

“Look, you can’t even pay the rent for heaven’s sake. If I don’t see any change by the end of this month, I’m moving out with the kids to my mother’s!”

Luckily for the guy, his breakthrough came just in time to prevent his wife from carrying out her threat.

Is It Right To Give Up On Someone You Love, When S/he Has Yet to Give Up on Him/Herself?

Something struck me as odd about the above story.

You see, I just could not understand how a wife could make that kind of threat; to a man she took marital vows with, in his darkest moments.

This man was apparently not lazy, and was trying to do better. It was a period any human being could have done with some morale boosting words of encouragement. Especially from his better half…like the wife of Sylvester Stallone’s Rocky Balboa did for him when he felt like giving up – leading him to make a great comeback to the ring!

I would have expected a spouse, to keep believing in her man. She could have asked her mother and anyone else in the larger family for their prayers, their suggestions etc. She could even have asked them to help find a cheaper place they could move to till things improved!

I mean, she could have gotten involved – instead of giving him an ultimatum. As if he applied to be her husband/father of her kids, and he had yet to meet the requirements!

It Seems Marital Vows No Longer Mean Much to Some People

The wordings of marriage vows people take at weddings have always intrigued me. They are of such a serious nature, that I honestly believe only people who know they can fulfil them should take them.

Yet, day in day out, people go through the ritual of saying those words to one another in front of a priest, and other witnesses. Then they turn around later and say “I’ve had enough”.

When a married couple have a disagreement, they can say nasty things to one another. I mean REEAALLYY nasty things.

I should know…I’ve said quite a number to my “madam”. But guess what, if you let yourself simmer down (sometimes your creator will intervene through the right people or circumstances), you’ll often find that you’re still able to give it another go.

The Words in Marriage Vows Can Provide Powerful Incentive for Preserving a Marriage/Family Union

The family serves as the “production” unit for society’s members. Regardless of the shape or form it takes (e.g. single male or female parent with one or more kids, living in rich or poor neighbourhoods etc), virtually every family ultimately turns out its members to participate in larger society.

Excepting possibly hermits and the like :-)

In other words, families generally play a key role in determining the quality of people that make up society.

I believe spouses should form the habit of regularly reviewing the wording of Marriage Vows. They will be more frequently reminded of the need to stay united and committed to one another – and to the well being of the products of their union i.e. kids.

I did not have a “church wedding” with my wife (and mother of my five kids). But I have found reading the words in marriage vows VERY useful during tough times we’ve had in our 14 years together.

Any couple will benefit from reading and re-reading them. There are variants, but the basic message remains the same (See an example below).

“I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life.” Source: Wikipedia

A husband and wife are a team. Along with their kids, they make up a bigger team. If they are able to establish and nurture a self-sustaining relationship of sharing and mutual understanding, it will be very hard for ANYTHING to break them apart. Reading/re-reading marriage vows can help that process.

Children in a marriage are likely to LEARN how to stay united from watching their parents do the above. The society they live in will be better off as a result.