Category Archives: Domestic Violence Against Men (DVAM)

Human Beings Don’t Have On/Off Buttons Like Machines – We ALL Have Feelings & Will React Differently to Abuse!

[This article was first published, yesterday Tuesday 23rd May 2017, as a status update on my Facebook advocacy page: Domestic Violence Against Men – Ideas for Identifying & Stopping It]

I’ve read and heard about some men being blamed for fighting back against a female abuser. The commentators typically argued that ‘a real man walks away” – no matter what (…Including when hot water is poured on his body causing painful burning peeling of the skin in affected areas lol!)

The question however to ask is this:

How much training or preparation do we give our male members in society to expect this kind of controlled behaviour from them?

if none or little (as currently happens), how can we realistically expect ALL our men (not being programmable robots) to arrive adulthood with this wonderful ability to “walk away” everytime, no matter how badly they are abused by female partners?

It is my considered opinion, that if we’re honest with ourselves, “walking away” again and again is easier said than done.

You see, it would be nice if everyone exposed to protracted DV (Domestic Violence) could take it all without reacting (especially in a society that offers little or no support service for abused men that he can get, compared to what females enjoy).

Unfortunately human beings differ in terms of temperament, self control, endurance limits etc.

This is why some people choose to commit suicide or run away/abscond when they feel they cannot take it anymore.

But not everyone will accept to go that route. A man’s ego may make him decide against taking that route, even as he stays conscious of the need to avoid being guilty of committing abuse himself in the process.

This is often the reality that faces many abused men in society due to the widely held bias that men are always at fault in matters relating to Domestic Violence.

The truth is that it takes being in it to know how it feels.

Indeed many of us, male or female cannot be certain what we will or will not do should we find ourselves on the receiving end of DV on a prolonged basis!

Men, just like women have feelings and nobody is Superhuman.

We all have breaking points.

A man just can’t leave himself open to relentless abuse – especially the vicious verbal, psychological kind combined with physical attacks or provocation that tends to happen in DV situations.

No one can emerge unscathed from such battering.

The above is why the Mayo clinic article linked below really merits careful reading with deep reflection..

They apparently understand the real psychological atmosphere that prevails in these kinds of situations.

Human beings don’t have On/Off buttons like machines!

They have blood running through their veins, and no matter how gentle people are, when pushed to their limits (we all have limits!) they will – eventually – react!

This Mayo Clinic article offers useful insights both men and women can learn from…

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/domestic-violence-against-men/art-20045149

 

[HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!] People are posting an 8-ball emoji on Facebook – here’s what it means

Facebook users are posting an emoji of an eight-ball – and it’s all part of a viral campaign to raise awareness about prostate cancer.

The black eight-ball emoji is popping up due to a viral message which is spreading via Facebook Messenger – urging men to post the image on Facebook.

pic-metro

 

The message says, ‘Hi mate,

Continue reading…

http://metro.co.uk/2017/03/08/people-are-posting-an-8-ball-emoji-on-facebook-heres-what-it-means-6496846/

[RECOMMENDED] DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST MEN ~ ARE WE RAISING ‘ENTITLED’ DAUGHTERS – By Adeela Kasoojee-Gathoo – irtiqa dot co dot za/

Surprisingly, and despite the typecast of female as the weaker sex – there are many men that endure daily abuse at the hands of their wives.

 

dvam-shot

“It is just not something we speak about”, says soft spoken * Hamza (*name changed to protect identity) who was abused so much by his spouse that he opted to leave his marriage as a result.

http://www.irtiqa.co.za/domestic-violence-against-men-are-we-raising-entitled-daughters/

READ  MORE ON MY PAGE: https://web.facebook.com/stopdvambytks/ [Domestic Violence Against Men – Ideas for Identifying & Stopping It]

[DVAM] Your Silence May Cause Your Son, Brother, Uncle, Dad or Other Male Loved Ones to Suffer Avoidable Domestic Violence [Hint: Read These True Stories from batteredmen dot com]

Do you ignore efforts to Identify and Stop Domestic Violence Against Men (DVAM)? Let’s hope your silence (or indifference) does not cause your son, brother, uncle, dad or other male loved ones to suffer like those who tell their stories on batteredmen dot com featured below:

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“It(DVAM) doesn’t happen.” “It only happens to a few guys–puny, little guys.” “Women who batter only do it in self-defense.” “I wonder what he did, to make her do that?”

There are a lot of myths floating around.

In these pages, we present men’s stories, in their own words.

Story 1:

Another man, whose story is not here e-mailed me:

“I have a problem.

I feel that, if I report my wife, I will be the one that winds up in custody.

When I mentioned dialing 911 while my wife was hitting me with a skilet this morning, she told me to “Go ahead – I will just tell them that I was defending myself”.

Story 2:

“My wife—in one of her drunken rages—took our daughter’s baseball bat and used it to smash the locked door to my study, where I was trying desperately to meet a deadline. And since I’m over 6 feet tall and muscular, I wouldn’t get much sympathy posing as a “battered man!”: I had thought of calling the police that night. When I recalled this incident to my divorce lawyer some time later, his response was: “It’s a good thing you didn’t, because the police probably would have arrested you.”
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Continue reading…

http://www.batteredmen.com/gjdvstor.htm

Learn more about DVAM on my Facebook page

stopdvam-fbk-banner

[DVAM] Violence against men – Wikipedia

Excerpts from this Wikipedia article offer insights into just how imbalanced the reporting and understanding of Domestic Violence Against Men (DVAM) really is….!

Violence by women against men is widespread and underreported. The official figure in the United Kingdom, for example, is about 50% of the number of acts of violence by men against women, but there are indications that only about 10% of male victims of female violence report the incidents to the authorities, mainly due to taboos and fears of misunderstanding created by a culture of masculine expectations.[9]

A report from Canada even found men to be more than 22% more likely to be victims of spousal violence than women.[9][10] Sexual violence by women against men is even more taboo and even less studied or recognized.[11]

Men who are victims of domestic violence are at times reluctant to report it or to seek help. There is also an established paradigm that only males perpetrate domestic violence and are never victims.[26] As with other forms of violence against men, intimate partner violence is generally less recognized in society when the victims are men.[27][28]

Violence of women against men in relationships is often ‘trivialized'[3][29][30] due to the supposed weaker physique of women; in such cases the use of dangerous objects and weapons is omitted.[3] Research since the 1990s has identified issues of perceived and actual bias when police are involved, with the male victim being negated even whilst injured.[31]

Writing for TIME, Cathy Young (http://time.com/3432838/emma-watson-feminism-men-women/) criticised the feminist movement for not doing enough to challenge double standards in the treatment of male victims of physical abuse and sexual assault.[22]

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violence_against_men

[DVAM] Women aren’t the only victims of domestic violence. Understand the signs of domestic violence against men, and know how to get help – MayoClinic.org

Prevailing stereotypes about Domestic Violence are making it so easy for cunning female offenders to get their male victims vilified as the abusers!

These manipulative women know how the system works, and they are “gaming” it to have their way at the expense of their intimate male partners.

Thankfully, we have females with integrity speaking out about this harmful trend (e.g Toyin Omoniyi, a female Nigerian Lawyer in her excellent piece titled Domestic Violence Against Men by Toyin Omoniyi (TyLegal))

And these fair minded females are demanding more recognition for DV Against Men.

Most are mothers to sons and siblings to brothers who they’ve seen suffer serious abuse at the hands of female partners.

Many are joining the movement to inform and educate, as are the men in their lives.

The information in the truly excellent (!) article published by the famous Mayo clinic (MayoClinic.org) – which is previewed/linked below – can help you get started learning what you need to know, to identify and stop DVAM

So I say this to you now…

If you’re male, lookout for the signs for YOUR own sake…

If you’re parent to someone who is male, and you really care for him lookout for the signs for HIS sake…,

If you’re uncle/aunt/brother/sister or relative to someone who is male, lookout for these signs for HIS sake…,…

Domestic violence against men: Know the signs – Mayo Clinic

Domestic violence against men isn’t always easy to identify, but it can be a serious threat. Know how to recognize if you’re being abused — and how to get help.

By Mayo Clinic Staff

Women aren’t the only victims of domestic violence. Understand the signs of domestic violence against men, and know how to get help.

Recognize domestic violence against men

Domestic violence — also known as intimate partner violence — occurs between people in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence against men can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse and threats of abuse. It can happen in heterosexual or same-sex relationships.

Continue reading…

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/domestic-violence-against-men/art-20045149

 

RELATED RESOURCE

A new generation of shrewdly manipulative and cunningly abusive women are using protective systems put in place by society to exploit males that are their intimate partners.

In other words, they are gaming the system and by so doing are making a mockery of the eFforts to stop domestic violence by exploiting stereotypes about males being the only perpetrators, to abuse their partners at will while readily adopting the accepted posture of “victim in self-defence” when their actions come under scrutiny.

What they do, they teach other women and their own daughters, who rarely know better.

We need to fight and stop this trend. Our sons, brothers, fathers, uncles and other loved ones who beloing to the male gender, remain at grave risk if we don’t.

That’s why I’ve launched the page described below…

Page Name:

Domestic Violence Against Men – Ideas for Identifying & Stopping It

Page Description:

This page is dedicated to empowering men who find themselves, by some accident of fate on the receiving end of abuse from an intimate female partner.

Page URL:

https://facebook.com/stopdvambytks/

DISCLAIMER: I Do Not Sell Fish etc!!! [Suspected Impersonator/Attempts to Discredit Me]

This is the 2nd or 3rd time I’m getting this kind of bothersome feedback.

It would appear some person(s) have been impersonating me in relating with Farm CEOs and other stakeholders.

A member of my Farm Business Ideas club – Tunde Okunuga – called me up at 08.56 this morning to say he’d referred his brother based in Ede to me a while back, and that the latter said he had been corresponding with me – claiming that I had even sold FISH to him!!!

Fish ke! Where would I keep them? Ede is a location I have never gotten a single call from. This made no sense at all!!

My mouth was hanging on the floor by this time, and I recalled a Real Estate CEO who’d told me a “Tayo Solagbade” – with a different photo from mine – had been sending him messages!

Beliow is the SMS I sent him after the call, which I post here as a precursor to a formal disclaimer I will publish later.

=Starts=

Hey Tunde.

I just spoke with MTN call center about your assertion that Alfa, in Ede, spoke with me on phone, noting that I never got such a call and have never heard that name or had an enquiry from Ede in my life.

Neither do I sell fish to anyone! The operative at my instance checked and found no active call direct on my line. A

s things stand it would be useful for me to speak with your brother to get a better idea of what’s going on.

Do respond.

Tayo

NB: I have since not been able to reach Tunde Okunuga on his line for some strange reason. And he has yet, as at this moment (4p.m) to reply my above SMS.

UPDATE (17th April 2017 @ 20:21): Tunde, who is on my newsletter mailing list, replied to the email broadcast version of THIS post, which I sent out, saying he would call his brother today, to find out what was really going on, noting that it did appear that someone was using my name. I’ll be posting any feedback he sends me, here, as soon as I get it,

[DVAM] It’s Time to Acknowledge Male Victims of Domestic Violence – By Bari Zell Weinberger, Esq. – huffingtonpost.com

[TIP: Yesterday, I formally launched my new Facebook page named “Domestic Violence Against Men – Ideas for Identifying & Stopping It“. The page is dedicated to empowering men who find themselves, by some accident of fate on the receiving end of abuse from an intimate female partner. Click here to visit it].

The Huffington Post article previewed and linked below, is yet another (like this one from yesterday) in a series that I’m compiling to SHOW clearly that DVAM is a major reality that is being ignored by most stakeholders, especially those tasked with duty of providing support and protection to abused persons.

This neglect of male victims of domestic abuse by females, is being exploited by a growing number of manipulative females to visit serious physical, emotional and psychological abuse on their partners, knowing prevailing stereotypes about domestic violence will make it easy to later claim to be the victims!

I have seen this happen MANY times over the past decade. So I speak from a position of personal knowledge and experience when I make these assertions. My mission is to influence a positive and permanent change in THIS unsatisfactory situation for the better.

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It’s Time to Acknowledge Male Victims of Domestic Violence – By Bari Zell Weinberger, Esq. – huffingtonpost.com

When we discuss domestic violence, it is often assumed that the victims are women. And the statistics are truly traumatic. The less-told story is that a striking number of men are victims, too, suffering physical, mental and sexual abuse in both heterosexual and same-sex relationships.

According to the CDC, one in four adult men in the U.S. will become a victim of domestic violence during his lifetime. That’s upwards of three million male domestic violence victims every year, or one man in America abused by an intimate or domestic partner every 37.8 seconds.

Highlighting these statistics is not meant to downplay in any way domestic violence among women. It is, however, intended to add to the growing conversation that anyone can be the victim of domestic abuse and everyone who needs protection deserves access to it.

Continue…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bari-zell-weinberger-esq/its-time-to-acknowledge-m_b_8292976.html

RELATED ARTICLES

 

[DVAM] Domestic Violence Against Men by Toyin Omoniyi (TyLegal) – NairaLand.com & PraiseWorldradio.com

[Starting yesterday Thursday 13th April 2017, I formally announced my public service initiative to research, investigate and publicize potentially useful information and education by competent expert authorities on Domestic Violence Against Men]

The article previewed below was published by a female Nigerian lawyer, I find its contents most accurate, and recommend it to members of both genders,
——

Domestic Violence Against Men by TyLegal: 2:22pm On Nov 19, 2015

Other forms of abuse are where a woman manipulates her man into granting her wishes or goes about spreading negative rumours about him to his friends or even on social media.

She might insinuate that her man beats her or does not provide for the family or that he is a ‘two-minute man’. She might also threaten to take the kids and disappear so that the man will not have any access to his kids. Women have also been known to drug their men or attack them in their sleep. If as a man, you are experiencing any of these, please get help fast.

Other forms of domestic violence against men are:
· Constant accusations of infidelity.

· Putting him down or insulting him.

· Seizing his medications as a form of threat.

· Trying to control what he wears, eats or how he spends his money.

· Verbally abusing him, be it in the presence of friends, colleagues or even within closed doors.

· Blaming the man for her violent actions or making him feel that he deserves such treatment.

Towards the end she writes:

This is not to give women ideas on how to abuse their men o. It is to create awareness that men also get abused and they also need to be protected. Men should be on the lookout to ensure that they are not in such a relationship otherwise it would shatter the man’s ego and leave him a shadow of himself.

====

What a wonderfully balanced mind this Nigerian Lady Lawyer has!

Read the full article at: http://www.nairaland.com/2748370/domestic-violence-against-men

Should You Quit Your Job or Start Your Business Part-time?

Click here to download this Quote-Story™ No. 1. Then study and share it with those you care about.

Click here to download the above Quote-Story™ No. 1. Then study and share it with those you care about.

FYI: James R. Cook, is a successful American entrepreneur, and author the New York Times bestseller titled “Startup Entrepreneur”. I strongly recommend you read that excellent experience based book.

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===============

Should You Quit Your Job or Start Your Business Part-time?

Preamble: The dilemma of choosing between quitting one’s job or starting up part time(while holding on to it) is one that countless entrepreneurs have had to contend with in the past. This difficulty confronts persons who are either approaching retirement or feel they do not want to continue working for someone else. Not many business ideas can be properly “tested” in the market place using “moonlighting” techniques – where an employee tries his/her hands at pursuing a fancied business career on the side, during his/her free time.

In this article I share the true story of HOW I took the decision to start my own business. I also provide insight into what others who have passed the same road did – and say. The truth however, is that no two situations are likely to be exactly the same, hence the intending startup must carefully weigh the options available in making up his/her mind. It is my hope that the reader will be able to use the ideas offered here to intelligently arrive at a decision that will facilitate the launch of a successful career in entrepreneuring.

(This article has been reviewed/slightly expanded – today 6th Nov. 2012, and is now relocated to the SD Nuggets blog, from it’s former static html page. The original version published in Apri 2006, and republished on Ezinearticles.com on Apr 03, 2006, is one of twenty-five(25) contained in Tayo Solagbade’s Ebook titled “25 Articles/True Stories On Self-Development, Entrepeneuring & Web Marketing To Help You Succeed More Often)

“No enterprise worthy of accomplishment would ever begin, if all obstacles
were first to be overcome” – Napoleon Hill

Let’s Start With My True Story – About How/Why I Did It

In attempting to help you come to your own decision about the better of the two options mentioned above(quitting your job vs. starting part-time), I will give you an insight into how I entered into the business of entrepreneuring. I start by reproducing the exact words with which I narrated the experience in an ebook I wrote back in 2003 titled “How To Help Your Child Discover His/Her Purpose In Life” (click the preceeding title/link to read an article based on the ebook).

“I struggled for over 6 years like I said trying to find out why I felt so dissatisfied working as a well paid young manager in a large, blue chip corporate multinational. Despite rapid advancement and numerous opportunities plus the promise of even better career options, I still found I was dissatisfied. So it was that right till the last 2 years of my stay as a Manager in Guinness Nigeria Plc, I continued to baffle family/friends with my frequent trips back and forth between Lagos, Benin, Ibadan, Portharcourt and other places.

I was variously following up advertisements for new jobs, opportunities for new starting up businesses, and possibility of getting admission to study overseas(I just KNEW I wanted to spend my time doing something other than the job I was being so well paid for!). I attended many seminars on wide ranging topics from manufacturing to computer/internet education etc. Then I sought out those who I heard had “made it”, and who offered themselves for consultation. I asked their advice on what to do. Slowly but surely, I began to gain insight.

Gradually the picture became clearer. Not long after – in late 1999 to be exact, I had the full picture of what I wanted to do in life clearly mapped out in my mind. But by then I was already 29 years old! Then I spent 2 whole years “preparing”(attending business startup seminars etc) before finally taking off fully! Having gone through all that, I am now thoroughly convinced that I could have done better, if only I had known much earlier that I had the option of deciding whether or not to go into paid employment.” – Excerpt from the ebook titled “How To Help Your Child Discover His/Her Purpose In Life

Now, the truth is that by the time I decided I wanted to run my own business, I was not sure exactly how I would start.

I knew I wanted to go into some form of speaking-training consultancy/educational work but I was not sure how to begin. Also, I knew that it would be useful to have a creative slant to my business offerings(building on my proficiency in custom spreadsheet programming/solutions development), so as to generate a diversified income stream. It was with these ideas in mind that I began attending all those seminars/courses over the two years before I quit my job.

I however did not just attend them and go back to my job to continue work. Being naturally action oriented, I went ahead and launched mini-versions of some business ideas I had settled for. They were Sealed Nylon Packaged Pepper production and Custom Branded T-Shirts Production (which I came up with by myself after doing some thinking). While on Annual leave, I then used practically all of my leave allowance from work, to run these micro businesses on a test basis.

It was tough, but I gave it all I had. In each case, I made little or no income, but the excitement of doing it all – printing ID cards, drafting sales letters/looking for buyers, designing T-Shirt labels, using an impulse nylon sealer to pack cartons and cartons of pepper (overnight sometimes!) served to give me some degree of satisfaction that it had been worth the trouble.

However, when I returned to work, the challenges of meeting my job as an employee soon made it obvious that I could not combine running either of the businesses with doing my salaried job. This was at a time when I was still a shift brewer, and as such had the advantage of getting off duty rest periods on weekdays, which I tried to use to pursue my micro business efforts.

By the time I was promoted in year 2000 to a normal, routine 9 – 5 job as Technical Training and Development Manager, I lost the little freedom I had left.

For close to one year, I tried to see if I could endure the change and the restrictions it had imposed on me, but soon realised that it would not work. So, I printed off and signed a fresh copy of the resignation letter I had presented to my former boss(who had rejected it back then) in 1999, while I was still a brewer , and handed it to the head(Operations Manager) of my brewery in his office on 31st October 2001(giving 2 months notice).

It’s been over four years now, since I quit my job to start my business – and I remain fully convinced that I took the right decision. This is(among other reasons) because, I have grown tremendously in ways that I could never have achieved had I still been tied to a 9 to 5 job. In addition, I look forward to doing my work on a daily basis, with an excitement much greater than any I ever felt while in paid employment. The feeling of liberation – being able to pursue what you have always dreamt of achieving beats description. The following quote I think describes what I believe I have achieved:

“Free yourselves from the shackles of corporate life” – Anon

Most people in paid employment will not be able to understand what I have said in the above paragraph.

For instance, sometime last year, I visited the office of a former senior colleague(who still works in the HR department of the company I left) to get a reference.

He told me “Many people still think you must have been mad to do what you did“. My response was along the lines of “My only regret is that I did not do it sooner!” – and I meant it.

While driving back home that day, I thought about the conversation with my HR manager “friend” and could not help feeling a bit sorry for him, because I knew from the way he said it, that he agreed with those who had questioned my sanity in quitting my job.

The sad reality however is that whether they accept the inevitable reality or not, they WILL have to go through the same process of “leaving” their jobs one day. When that happens, they will have to – like I did – “re-educate” themselves all over again to be able to survive in the real-world, outside the security of salaried jobs they have gotten used to. This is likely to happen when they retire, or have to resign.

The only difference will be that when they are starting up their own businesses, they will probably be past their prime in terms of age, maybe in their 60s. This may or many not present problems when they have to endure the adversity frequently encountered in the business startup phase.

As for me, I am glad I did it while I still had a lot of my youth on my side.

At 31, I quit a job that paid well, but made me feel unfulfilled, in order to start one that I get excited about everyday regardless of the challenges I face in doing it. If you also want to experience true happiness, you will have to do likewise i.e. follow your heart!

Interestingly, doing what you love WILL ultimately bring the ONE benefit(money!) that many people always seem to want to get first. I don’t care what any realists say. What they consider unprofitable today can become a goldmine tomorrow.

But experts will sometimes not see what you see!

WHAT PEOPLE SAID: There’s no market for it. If there were, major airlines would already be offering it. You won’t be able to find reliable couriers.” – Conclusion of advisors to Fred Smith, founder of Federal Express.

Some experts recommend going with a proven formula or model. I do not quarrel with that. But nothing new will be created or invented if everybody follows that line of thinking! We need people who will perodically follow their instincts and intuition to venture into untested business fields.

Those who will be visionary enough to see the opportunties tthat current experts are blind to. And who will be able to muster and sustain the courage to aim for business success in that area. A passion for the subject will make such individuals persist even when no immediate results are forthcoming.

Historical evidence stongly suggests that most people who do so eventually reap substantial rewards in fame, and fortune.

That’s why Marsha Sinetar said:

“Do what you love, and the money will follow” – Marsha Sinetar

A Question That Can Help You Choose A Business To Start

One of the most important questions that a person who wishes to choose a business to start needs to be able to answer is this:

What is that thing, which you would ENJOY doing for an UNLIMITED period of time, EVEN if you did not get paid to do it?

I found MY answer to that question quite easily, and that made it easy for me to continue happily working towards achieving my set goals in spite of countless rejections and setbacks. You are reading this article, at this point in time, because I chose to follow my heart and pursue my vision. You will need to do the same if you want to achieve sustainable, authentic success.

“If you don’t do what you love, you won’t have what it takes to stick with it. This lack of effort will cause you to fail. And fail big time” – Michael Boss

How Other Entrepreneurs Started Their Own Businesses

1. Quitting To Start – The Risky Way!

a. James R. Cook(Author, Startup Entrepreneur, New York Times Bestseller) did what many considered ill-advised and unthinkable. He simply quit a good job brimming with promises of career advancement. In his book, “The Startup Entrepreneur”, he explained that he did so in order to apply Napoleon Hill’s suggestions that the person desiring success “burn all bridges” – admitting that not everyone has to follow the same route as he did.

b. Henry Ford explained that after discussing with his wife, he chose to reject the offer to make him general superintendent of The Edison Company, if he stopped work on his gas engine project to focus on what they considered “more important” work. Left with no other option, he chose to leave his job(on August 15, 1899) rather than give up his automobile business idea. An interesting note added by Ford is the fact that aside from money spent on sustaining themselves daily, he and his wife put every penny they had into experimenting on the automobile, in the hope of making a breakthrough. That willingness to risk financial ruin, would later yield multiple fold returns. Every single person who drives a car today, should be grateful to this couple for refusing to quit!

c. William Lear opined that if a person is really sure about his business idea, he should mortgage every asset he owns to keep going. Using himself as an example, he explained that at one point, during a difficult time in his business, he felt like he owed more or less everyone in the country.

d. Fran Tarkenton also wrote that if you find it difficult starting your business while still in paid employment, seriously consider quitting in order to force yourself to focus better. BUT he also gives what I truly believe is a very VALID warning that in doing this: In quitting, you MUST make sure your family’s security is not jeopardised by the possibility of your business struggles, preventing you from playing your role as a parent or spouse.

2. Moonlighting -The Safe(?) Way

Some people might prefer to test their ideas on the side while they hold on to day jobs as employees. Lucky history shows that a number of people succeeded in starting their businesses this way. George Eastman for instance, who founded the Kodak company, remained in employment while he tested ideas for his film business.

I have also read articles on how Moonlighting techniques(where a person in paid employment launches a semi-entrepreneurial career on the side in his free time from work) can be successfully used by individuals keen to try out their business ideas.

In fact there is a growing trend today of people who start businesses which they engage third parties to run , while they(the owner) remain in paid employment.

So, Which Is Better: To Quit Your Job At Once, Or Start Your Business Part-Time?

In my opinion, the degree of success achievable in meeting client or customer needs by a person who starts up via moonlighting, will depend to a great extent on his/her level of commitment. This is especially because the demands of a routine 9 to 5 job can, for instance, limit a person’s ability(via late hours at work, and/or fatigue) to meet the expectations of a paying client or customer.

Then there is the issue of the type of business a person decides to startup on the side. If a person decides to start up a piggery or catfish business while employed on a full time salary job, s/he might struggle considerably to get a good feel of what it takes to manage the actual production process. A likely reason would be his/her inability to visit the farm as often as would be needed(due to day job work demands) to gain the needed “depth” of understanding. This could have implications for cost-effective and profitable operation of the business, as s/he might end up having to accept anything s/he is told by the hired hands.

Having said that, employing a competent manager to run the operation could reduce the need for worry in this area. I will however add that in the society I operate in as an entrepreneur, you would have to keep both your fingers and toes crossed at the same time, if you choose to go that way. A hint: Finding competent hands over here is one thing. Finding competent AND trustworthy ones can be another issue entirely!

But the truth about it is, no matter how long you test your business idea on the side, you will eventually have to take the plunge and launch out fully. In reality, many people never get to a point when they can muster enough courage to do that, giving various excuses. In the end, their employer helps them take the inevitable decision – and even then, they are seldom prepared!

Those Who Risk All Stand To Gain More

So, on the issue of which option is “better” , it is my considered opinion that most of those who take the “risky” route of quitting the security of their jobs, or “burning their bridges” are likely to emerge as better rounded entrepreneurs, capable of building businesses that outlast them. I say this based on my personal experiences as one who tried both approaches, and also drawing from many interactions I have had with business owners who followed the “safer” route in starting up. The mental attitude of people who belong to this latter group can be surprisingly different from that recognised as typical of persons considered to be “entrepreneurs”.

Specific scenarios include: how they see adversity(and the benefits it offers); their disposition towards risk-taking for the purpose of seizing business opportunities in the market place; and their capacity to visualise the future. In each of the three scenarios highlighted, I have repeatedly noticed that the “safe way startup” business owners frequently prefer to keep things as they are, never wanting to take any chances trying anything new – until they have seen many others do so successfully.

Seldom are they ready to be the ones leading the pack in visualising what next to do. And in some cases, there was a striking readiness to compromise their values (sometimes just “a teeny little bit”) in the face of opposition, in order to get what they wanted. This suggested the attributes of “integrity” and “persistence” were not strong points for them. I must add here that you could not easily deduce this from what they said, when invited to speak, or discuss on the subject. It was very often from the things they did – actions they took daily, yearly in relation to moving their businesses forward, that you saw real evidence of that they actually “believed”.

In contrast, many successful entrepreneurs who followed the “risky”, thorn filled path, have described how the long drawn periods of “suffering” they went through, helped them developed the “character” and “survival instincts” necessary for achievement of sustainable long term successes.

Quite a number have been described as “stubborn” or even “obstinate” – attributes which probably enabled them successfully defy adversity and opposition in the past to achieve startling successes. Entrepreneurs often believe they can always get what they want -if they stick with it long enough. Hardly will you find a true entrepreneur willing to cut corners in order to reach a valued goal. Apart from having a strong sense of integrity, the exciting prospect of defying all odds and opposition to reach the prize, would be simply too attractive for him/her to pass up.

Don’t get me wrong here! I am not implying that a person who did not quit a job or do something “risky” to start his/her business is not an entrepreneur. What I am saying is that a serious possibility exists, that those who start by holding on to the “security” of a life-line in form of a “job”, or other comforts, may end up not undergoing the full myriad of “educative” experiences needed to mature fully as entrepreneurs.

You can read my article titled Avoid Taking Lessons On Entrepreneuring From The Wrong Person(s) to learn more about why I believe NOT every business owner can be called an entrepreneur.

“You cannot acquire experience by making experiments. You cannot create experience. You must undergo it.”
Albert Camus

“It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.” – Eleanor Smith

Summary – The Choice Is Ultimately Yours To Make!

From reading my story, you will find that I did make effort to try juggling my new interests with the responsibilities I had as an employee, but with little success. In order to avoid destroying my credibility in my workplace by having divided loyalty(and also to ensure that I was more efficient in the use of my time and efforts), I chose to take an honourable exit from a company I had served for seven(7) years, while the ovation was still at its loudest.

That was one of the reasons why the overall head of the brewery where I worked, was able to say/write wonderful things about me (at the send forth ceremony organised for me, even though I had only reported indirectly to him for about 11 months) including the following:

Tayo, I honestly believe you are one of those who will succeed at anything he does. Your commitment and effort has been outstanding….Thanks for all your hard work since I’ve been here – you will be sorely missed. I don’t need to wish you good luck, you have the ability to make your own luck. – Andy“(R. Jones)*

*Operations Manager, Guinness Nigeria Plc Benin Brewery, December 2001(Handwritten comments in farewell/xmas cards sent to Tayo Solagbade following his resignation to start his own business).

My study of the writings and lives of many entrepreneurs in some cases support this option(i.e. quitting your job), while others lean towards the other. It is up to you, to consider the examples provided through this article’s narration of what others have done(coupled with its analyses), and then come up with your own decision. Back to top

“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade wind in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain