Self-Devpt. Nuggets™

We love our children, and always want the best for them. That’s why many parents readily give their kids things they did not have when they were young.

It’s not bad. However, sometimes we tend to go overboard. Especially on the material side, as compared to giving them support for emotional and intellectual – indeed personal – development to succeed in life.

1. To Give Kids Things, Or to Teach Them How to Get Them?

Which is better?

If you frequently give a child whatever s/he asks for – especially money or purchased items- you deny her useful opportunities to learn what it takes to get such things for him/herself.

The question then arises. What happens when she has to enter the real world as an independent adult?

How much experience will s/he have had in getting things like that for – and by – herself?

Giving kids anything they ask is easier. But it offers less useful and certainly short lived benefits to the child, than challenging them to learn how to get those items by themselves.

That’s the truth I’ve discovered from experience.

2. Making Kids “Work” to Get “Stuff” They Want, Can Boost Their Chances of Succeeding In Life

The more s/he’s challenged to put in some effort to get whatever s/he says asks for, the more likely it is that s/he’ll be able to tackle similar life challenge successfully.

Whenever something comes to us without effort, we rarely feel a need to take pains to study and understand it in-depth.

Only things that prove difficult to get – or keep – typically get our attention and stir up our curiosity. We feel a need to investigate what can be done to unravel them.

If something that used to come into our possession easily in the past suddenly becomes harder to find, our attitude of taking it for granted also changes.

A good example is money.

Undisciplined kids typically spend money with the mental attitude that if it runs out, they can always get more. This is common with kids from rich homes. Except those trained by smart parents to have a healthy respect for money.

In contrast, kids from average homes, whose parents employ frugality and prudence to provide for them, often act differently.

They strive to hold on to as much money as possible, because they realize that getting more may be difficult, if they run out prematurely.

That attitude often helps them succeed later in life.

A True Story That Perfectly Illustrates The Point Being Made

I once worked with someone who benefited from not having as a child. Within 3 years in the same company I worked, he saved up money and purchased a piece of land in his home state.

By our fifth year, he told me the house he was building on that land was almost completed.

It never ceased to amaze me how he managed it, because at the time, he earned LESS than I did, being on a lower management grade. In addition, he was married with three kids, while I had, at the time, just had my first child.

And if you asked me back then, I felt I had used my money as prudently as I possibly could!

My friend apparently knew some things I did not. And he shared a few with me – most being linked to frugality and financial prudence.

For example, he and his wife NEVER purchased disposable nappies (which were a bit expensive) for their kids. They considered doing so wasteful, especially given their high rate of usage.

Instead they used cloth nappies, which they diligently washed and sterilized to prevent the babies from developing rashes.

When he told me this, I recalled a couple living close to us. They spent thousands buying large bundles of disposable nappies – delivered in pickup trucks – monthly – to their home.

The savings my friend achieved from using cheaper alternatives in spending money in many areas, enabled him save the money he needed to implement his projects.

That mental attitude came, according to him, from years of not having.

He literally sent himself to school because his parents were poor, and had many kids to cater for. This meant he had to work and attend school at the same time.

That discipline helped him get a good job. And he also applied it to achieve his goal of building his own house.

Reflecting on my friend’s achievements, I realized that I had not done anything close to what he had achieved. And it struck me, that that was partly because I’d had most of what he’d lacked given to me!

Final Words

A child who always gets anything he asks for, is unlikely to be willing to change his expectations as an adult.

This can severely limit his ability to live within his means.

In the event of a change in fortunes (e.g. a job loss), he could suffer emotional trauma as a result. And loved ones, including even his parents, would experience the negative consequences.

This is why, as parents, it will often be wiser to coach our kids to develop competence in managing their need for money and material possessions.

A good way to do this is to moderate how often you give your child anything s/he asks for.

Employ creative ways to make him/her earn access to such things instead.

I suggest reading Robert Kiyosaki’s books (e.g. Rich Kid, Smart Kid). They offer proven ideas parents can use.