As the screenshot below shows, this piece – my first ever (500 word) attempt at writing a short story – was not short listed for phase 2 of the GKBCinc Short Story Competition that I entered it for on 31st December 2013, the LAST day for entries! But I’m glad I sent it in anyway.
I now invite you to read the 500 word story (it’s actually based on real events that happened to me), and let me have any comments, or suggestions you think can help me improve.
Compared to writing non-fiction (e.g technical agribusiness cases studies and reports) where I excel, I’m a baby in this field :-)) But I intend to write many more (click here to learn why). And I’ll take all the help I can get!
==STARTS===
The Deadly High School Students Street Fight
| 500 words (Excl. title)
It was almost 9p.m. Oyat was seeing Dele off to the train station, outside the school premises.
Suddenly, Dele said “You know, considering Dagbo’s threats after you got him suspended indefinitely, maybe you should not have come out this late. I hear someone who crossed him landed in hospital with a cracked skull, after being attacked by unknown persons!”
“I’ve heard similar stories too” muttered Oyat.
They reached the mango tree next to the ticket office. Dele went in.
As Oyat waited, he thought about what Dele said, and realised he was right.
Then, at that very moment, he felt like someone was watching him.
Looking round, he thought he saw a figure hurriedly step back into the shadows behind the mango tree. The person had a heavy set frame that, strangely enough, reminded him of Dagbo.
When Dele returned, Oyat looked back again, and saw a cat come out from behind the tree!
He felt stupid. Half-laughing, he turned to Dele saying “Now you’ve made me start imagining things. I thought I saw Dagbo hiding behind the mango tree, but it was just a cat!”
Dele laughed saying “Forget it. He can’t try anything with people around. Let’s sit. I’ve got a great story!”
Dele was a great storyteller. Though Yoruba too, he was born and raised in the famous Kano city, spoke flawless Hausa, and knew many fascinating northern folk tales. About twenty of their school mates soon gathered, as Dele mesmerized everyone.
Time passed quickly.
At a point, their school mates began leaving hurriedly, looking nervous.
Soon, they were down to just six!
Then they heard a bottle break, as a gruff voice snarled “Prefect Oyat! Today I’ll teach you a lesson!”
Their 4 remaining friends disappeared, as Oyat and Dele turned to see Dagbo, flanked by his gang members, holding broken bottles, knives, and sticks.
“So it was him I saw behind the tree!” thought Oyat. “The others ran off on seeing the gang approaching” he realised.
“Don’t say anything” Dele warned.
But Oyat, surprising even himself, suddenly screamed in anger : “Coward! Why not face me alone?”
Enraged, Dagbo began to charge towards Oyat, who braced himself, while imagining the next day’s headline reading “A Deadly High School Students Street Fight!” with a picture of him lying in a pool of blood.
Just then a high pitched train whistle rang out.
Passengers in the arriving train, and intending travellers approaching the tracks, soon saw the gang.
Knowing the police could be called in, Dagbo growled “This is not over!”, as they swiftly melted into the darkness.
Oyat heaved a sigh of relief.
Thanking Dele for his courageous show of friendship, Oyat waited till he boarded the train, then waved as it left.
Walking back to school with others, he reflected on Dagbo’s parting threat, and smiled to himself.
Having sat the final exams, he would not be coming back to this town.
Dagbo didn’t know yet, but this was destined to be: A Deadly High School Students Street Fight…That Never Happened!
==END===