I believe, from years of careful observation, that: People Who Always Get Helped Without Being “Taught” Seldom Stop Needing Help. The following quote explains why…

“The more is given, the less the people will work for themselves, and the less they work, the more their poverty is increased” – Leo Tolstoi (1892)

For some reason, people who get “help” READILY handed out to them in an atmosphere that does not CHALLENGE them to LEARN how to take control of their situation so as to eventually become self-sufficient, SELDOM (if at all ever) stop needing help.

In contrast, those who get help that includes being TAUGHT HOW TO develop/empower themselves and others like them, to overcome the limitations of their circumstances, quite often end up become self-dependent and highly motivated.

It is a common fact of life that certain persons will sometimes need “help” to achieve progress they seek in some areas of their lives.

Over the years, I have taken time to carefully study – as the opportunities presented themselves – how such people over time fared.

One thing came out quite clearly: For some reason, people who got “help” READILY handed out to them in an atmosphere that did not CHALLENGE them to LEARN how to take control of their situation so as to eventually become self-sufficient, SELDOM stopped needing help!

In contrast, those who got help that included being TAUGHT HOW TO develop/empower themselves, to overcome the limitations of their circumstances, quite often ended up becoming self-dependent and highly motivated.

Why does this happen? I personally believe it is due to the fact that when people get used to being given things to cope with the difficulties or limitations they face, they become CONDITIONED to expecting help to come in that manner.

With the exception of a few individuals who may have “spirits” that make them reject being dependent on others for long, many people tend to be quite content to wait till they are given rather than wanting to LEARN how they can on their own find/get what they need.

In my country, there is a very common practice of “helping” less fortunate relatives, friends etc by giving them cash gifts.

A successful person out here will often find him/herself besieged with demands for money for schooling, feeding etc from various members of extended families – and even beyond. If s/he happens to experience any setback that negatively affects his/her income source, there is a rippling multiplier effect down through the chain of dependency that’s been formed.

The irony is that few if any of those who had been receiving money regularly from him/her would at this point be able to turn around to offer help in return. This is because in most cases they often spend it all and begin preparing to come back for more!

Incidentally the point being made here is one that I strongly believe can help many charities/donor agencies MODIFY their approach in providing “help” to their respective target groups, so they can record MORE sustainable successes.

In the next section I explain my perspective on this issue, and what I believe can be done to help those dependants we care about from falling into this kind of trap.

Gradually Teaching Your Dependants To Make Money, Helps Them Better Than Giving Them Money ALL The Time!

I believe VERY strongly that my peace of mind is MUCH more important than the “opportunity” to feel important by having those who need something from me KEEP coming back to me.

I don’t want to have anyone chasing me around for money. I would rather quickly show him/her how to make the money s/he sees me making so s/he can get out of my hair.

I would NOT want anyone harassing me every now and then to help him/her type a letter on the PC. Instead I will ask him/her to commit to a programme to learn from me – FREE if necessary – how to do it.

If s/he fails to honour the commitment, I would be justified to refuse to type any documents for him/her in the future. Same applies to the guy who every week wants me to use MS Excel to help him prepare a weekly report he sends to members of his cooperative.

Same applies to…YOU get my drift by now I’m sure.

I love helping people, BUT I prefer showing people HOW TO help themselves, because by so doing, I help them EVEN MORE – and in the process I HELP MYSELF too!

Think about it. Not only will those YOU “help” in this manner be grateful to YOU for a long time, they will also tell others about what YOU did for them.

Most importantly for me however, I would have my FREEDOM from worrying about when next she, he (or indeed THEY!) will be coming back to ask for more help, in whatever form or shape!

If more people in a society form the habit of coaching and influencing others around them in order to make such persons MORE self-sufficient and independent, THAT society will over time achieve major progress.

PS: Manny NGOs that habitually dole out so called “aid” (to non-disaster victims) will need to give the argument presented above some serious consideration, if they really want to achieve useful IMPACT for the long term!

PPS: This article is based on a piece that was first published online on 17th May 2007