[This article was first published, yesterday Tuesday 23rd May 2017, as a status update on my Facebook advocacy page: Domestic Violence Against Men – Ideas for Identifying & Stopping It]
I’ve read and heard about some men being blamed for fighting back against a female abuser. The commentators typically argued that ‘a real man walks away” – no matter what (…Including when hot water is poured on his body causing painful burning peeling of the skin in affected areas lol!)
The question however to ask is this:
How much training or preparation do we give our male members in society to expect this kind of controlled behaviour from them?
if none or little (as currently happens), how can we realistically expect ALL our men (not being programmable robots) to arrive adulthood with this wonderful ability to “walk away” everytime, no matter how badly they are abused by female partners?
It is my considered opinion, that if we’re honest with ourselves, “walking away” again and again is easier said than done.
You see, it would be nice if everyone exposed to protracted DV (Domestic Violence) could take it all without reacting (especially in a society that offers little or no support service for abused men that he can get, compared to what females enjoy).
Unfortunately human beings differ in terms of temperament, self control, endurance limits etc.
This is why some people choose to commit suicide or run away/abscond when they feel they cannot take it anymore.
But not everyone will accept to go that route. A man’s ego may make him decide against taking that route, even as he stays conscious of the need to avoid being guilty of committing abuse himself in the process.
This is often the reality that faces many abused men in society due to the widely held bias that men are always at fault in matters relating to Domestic Violence.
The truth is that it takes being in it to know how it feels.
Indeed many of us, male or female cannot be certain what we will or will not do should we find ourselves on the receiving end of DV on a prolonged basis!
Men, just like women have feelings and nobody is Superhuman.
We all have breaking points.
A man just can’t leave himself open to relentless abuse – especially the vicious verbal, psychological kind combined with physical attacks or provocation that tends to happen in DV situations.
No one can emerge unscathed from such battering.
The above is why the Mayo clinic article linked below really merits careful reading with deep reflection..
They apparently understand the real psychological atmosphere that prevails in these kinds of situations.
Human beings don’t have On/Off buttons like machines!
They have blood running through their veins, and no matter how gentle people are, when pushed to their limits (we all have limits!) they will – eventually – react!
This Mayo Clinic article offers useful insights both men and women can learn from…