Ha…I love that title! It probably got you thinking strange thoughts: Like where on earth did he learn to do that? Okay, enough fooling around. The real title for this piece is “How (Deliberate) Naivety Can Help YOU Unmask People Who Secretly Want You to Fail”.
Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos
Sorry to deny you a good dose of entertaining (?) blood curdling fiction 
But when you really think about it, both titles mean the same thing essentially. Vampires never announce their bad intentions up front. What they do is feign goodwill, while plotting and scheming to “destroy”.
By way of interest, I first encountered that phrase (“Blood-Sucking Vampires”) in one of Chris Guillebeau’s ebooks. He credited a friend of his for coming up with the “label” for people like that.
You Need This i.e. The Ability to Skillfully Detect Those Who Harbor Ill Feelings Towards You.
Developing this ability is the key to having peace of mind, good health, and longevity. I happen to cherish all three beneifts just mentioned. The ideas I offer in this article help me work towards having them daily.
A proverb in my language (Yoruba) says:
“Ifura ni ogun agba”.
Translated contextually, that means:
“A well developed sixth sense is what an old person uses to detect (and/or avert) danger/problems.’
It’s Possible to Do Too Much Good, & Hurt Yourself In the Process (My Story)
Talking about them may sound self-defeating. But I also realize there WILL be good people being attacked by “blood sucking vampires”. And some may need ideas about how to defend themselves. Consider my very recent experience: My account with a website – www.constant-content.com where I’ve already earned income as a writer, got shut down without my knowledge.
UPDATE(17th May 2013 at 9.14p.m): Just this evening, I got a response from the above mentioned website to my enquiry saying my account had been reactivated. (See screenshot below). So that’s ONE less to worry about(Update: Nope. About 2 weeks later, they “banned”/”expelled” me from using their website, in an email that said a new article I submitted was too poor quality. I do not even want to “think” about these guys anymore).
On to the big matter of the scam emails above…
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Below: Screenshots of a payment I received from a sale of usage rights for my popular 10 Item Employee Morale Guage Quiz article on the website – www.constant-content.com.
Below: Screenshot of an infibeam.com online store showing the above mentioned article – see item 14 on the contents list – published (with my permission) in a journal titled “Employee Morale: Concepts And Cases” by ICFAI university.
Below: Screenshot of my one page PDF flyer for promoting the above article. See the new PDF flyer for a learning event based on it, that’s titled “Getting Employees to Consistently Deliver Results You Want! (What Every Executive, and Entrepreneur Should Know)“. View the FRENCH version of the PDF here.
I only found out yesterday (14th May), when I noticed the plugin that displays (here on this blog) my articles published for sale on that website, no longer listed them. Clicking my name, I arrived at a page that said I basically did not exist as an author on that website. Huh?
Yep. The LinkedIn.com Saga All Over Again. EVERY Time Anything Like That Happens, I Will Talk About It In a Blog Post.
But at least LinkedIn sent me an email. These guys said nothing (?) I’ve written them, since making this discovery yesterday, and certainly hope this time I won’t simply be told (like LinkedIn did) that they “noticed suspicious activity” in my account.
This time around I was able to readily identify the likely cause. Less than 2 weeks ago, in a bid to be my usual helpful self, I’d shared a lot of information with certain young chaps I spent time with out here.
They’d asked about ways they could earn income writing online. I’d told them about what I did, and sent them links to my profile on the above mentioned website.
That was the first and so far the only time I’ever EVER given out that kind of information to ANYONE in over 3 months. Indeed, since arriving Benin Republic over a month ago, not once have I logged into my account on that site.
From the day that I sent them that email, I noticed ALL email updates from that website which often came daily simply stopped coming to my Gmail in box. I recall thinking it was strange, but told myself, “maybe they have things they’re doing “, and forgot about it.
Then yesterday I find out my account’s been closed. Make what you will of that. I don’t know what to think…yet.
Yes, It’s Possible to Do Too Much Good, & Hurt Yourself In the Process !
Lord knows I try to be so likeable. I really do. I can’t help wanting to share the little I know to help others who I go out of my way to offer ideas, information – even more than I should. Yet some, thinking I won’t find out, turn around and STAB me –viciously too – in the back.
So, it’s possible to do too much good, and hurt yourself in the process. Don’t be like me
I thought I left all that (back-stabbing) behind in the corporate world. Well, all of this has been a reminder that human beings are the same everywhere. Good and bad, and few in between. And they come in all shapes, forms and colors too. No exceptions.
Acting “Naive” to Unmask “Silent Haters” – A Simple Strategy You (& Even a Child) Can Use Successfully
You can subtly, and accurately discover how those you relate with really feel about you. It involves doing a little acting, and carefully observing how they react. Especially when you’re succeeding or need help.
When you announce a major accomplishment to your “friend” how does s/he react? Does s/he really share your excitement? It’s hard to fake that.
What’s s/he like afterwards. Warm, and welcoming? Or subdued, even irritable? Does s/he mention your victories to others, like you do his/hers?
Listen to your instincts – your gut. Do NOT ignore any signals or red lights that come on.
What about when you need help?
Even if you don’t need help, periodically pretend you do – just to see. Make sure you come across as convincing as possible in your acting. S/he really has to believe you are in dire need. This is what will bring the real person to the fore!
You can request any kind of help. Just make sure it’s the kind that will take some doing. The kind that can test a person’s true committment to another.
Money is an obvious one (depending on how much). But there are others just as usable. You could request support of any sort. Even a simple extension of the hand to help you up when you fall. And I mean that both literally and figuratively speaking.
Be reasonable in your expectations though. What you ask must be consistent with the relationship you have. And it must, of course, be in line with what YOU can readily do for him/her as well!
A Useful Analogy: Picture in Your Mind, a “Friend”, “Buddy”, “Associate” or “Acquaintance”
Imagine you’re walking together and you suddenly find yourself in quick sand. What do you think your “buddy” or “pal” would do if as you begin sinking you turn and reach out to him for help to get out.
If you cannot confidently say s/he will do everything in her power (like s/she would for a loved one) to get you out, there’s a potential problem there.
You cannot hang around people you cannot count on!
Truth is, when you’re most vulnerable, and it is obvious to others around you, their innermost feelings towards you will often emerge unclothed. And many times you WILL be shocked by what you see.
Begin, from Today, to More Closely Observe Those You Relate With
I’ve found it’s quicker and easier to confirm who I can trust by simply acting naive as often as possible.
I do this especially with new people I’m not yet sure about.
This strategy helps me put them at ease.
The naughty ones basically conclude I’m one of those socially un-savvy, but otherwise intelligent individuals.
And sooner or later they begin trying to take advantage of my perceived naivety. I play along, and at different points I make innocent requests or enquiries to gauge their responses.
Very often I would already know what to expect if they were not being insincere. And 8 times out of 10, I’ve been able to unmask “silent haters” in this manner.
I don’t bother facing them with my findings. Instead I simply use it as a guide to dealing with them. It helps me know just how far I can go in doing stuff with them.
A True Story That Illustrates How to Do It
A guy introduces me to a potential investor in an idea I have. The latter pays to have me transported to his little town for a discussion with me. Four hours later, he’s talking excitedly about how he believes the two different proposals I made would work out.
And so we part, with him saying a meeting would be held with my friend who would get back to me.
Almost two weeks pass. I hear nothing. And I do not ask – even though I see my friend almost daily. Each time we meet, he repeatedly asks “So, how’s business? Everything okay?” At a point I get uncomfortable, as it feels like he’s checking for something.
Then one morning (about 10 a.m.) he calls me while I’m in the middle of an article and says “Hey Tayo, can you quickly stop over at my place for a discussion”.
I reply that I’m busy and promise to see him in the evening. At 6p.m I arrive his place. I notice he’s rather fidgety, seeming to be in a hurry to get started.
Pulling up seats for both of us, he blurts out that the prospective investor asks if I can draw up all the process flow diagrams for the factory operation to be setup. I reply saying “Of course” – smiling (even as I’m thinking “Hmm…here it comes!”).
Then I watch, as if in a movie, as he pushes a few sheets of paper across to me, with a pen and basically says “Here draw it all on there, so I can send it over to him. He’s waiting to get them.”
At this point, I look directly at him, still smiling, and ask him how doing that will not hurt me, as a person who seeks to be compensated as a consultant offering his expertise for setting up a factory operation.
He turns away from me, unable to hold my gaze, and appears to think for a while. Few seconds later he picks up the phone, speaks in his local dialect which I do not understand, for about 15 seconds. I suspect it’s the “prospective investor”.
Ending the call, he turns to me and asks “How much will it cost for you to simply prepare all needed drawings and other information for him?”
There and then I confirmed what I’d suspected. They had decided they did not want to have me implement the project, but thought they could get the information off me via trickery!
My point: That someone who called me his friend could readily accept to try that trick on me, spoke volumes about the thoughts/feeling he had towards me!
Note that he would never have tried it, if for one moment, he thought that I could see through his plans – or that I suspected anything.
The truth is that he felt I was so gullible that I would simply not think giving up that kind of information amounted to making myself useless to them!
Pity. That smacked of REAL naivety on his part
Get Real: You May Never Be Perfect at This
From the first story I told, it’s apparent I’m not even close to being perfect. Otherwise I would not have given out so much information that others could use to hurt me, before I got to know them well enough.
But you can learn – with practice – to do it well enough to protect yourself.
Every now and then I totally fall flat on my face from failing to use this skill as and when due.
If/when it happens to you, dust yourself off, make a mental note of the new lesson learn, and move on.
“Silent Haters” Can Never Stop You, Unless You Let Them – or The Fear of Them – Stop You
No one can stop you from achieving your goals, or becoming who you want to b e -except your creator.
And guess what?
He will never do that, because every time you actualize your potential at new levels it gives him great pleasure. That is what he desires each one of his creations to do.
Read the little book written by Donald D. Wattles (Google “Science of Getting Rich pdf ”). It explains why every time you “feel” like doing something, it’s a sign that you can, and you should.
THAT, is your God-given instinct to grow, and become more, that’s seeking expression through you.
Do not stifle it, and never let any bunch of hating losers make you either. Start using the strategy of deliberate naivety to subtly discover who they are today. Then order your affairs with them accordingly.
Good luck!