The narrative of Domestic Violence has changed a lot in recent years.
Statistics reported by Lagos State’s Domestic and Sexual Violence Response Team (DSVRT) clearly show alarming increases in male victims reporting domestic abuse at the hands of their female partners.
READ: Incredible! Wives batter 138 husbands in Lagos
Considering the fact that men often shy away from reporting, the actual statistics are likely to be even more worrying. This means many more men are suffering in silence in their homes etc – and they have nowhere to go for help!
Over the past 3 years, and especially in the last 6 months, I have come to the painful realization that existing support systems in Nigeria, will continue to be skewed towards female victims of Domestic Violence (e.g Notice image and examples on the foregoing linked page ALL refer to male abusers!).
Abusive females know this and exploit it to make the lives of their male partners a living hell.
Most harmful is the ridiculous stereotype which makes people, including social workers insinuate that “he must have done something horrible to her, to make her do what she did. So he most likely deserved it”
This is very wrong and often not true. I say this based on my personal experiences as a survivor and observation of other victims.
With few exceptions I got the usual treatment everywhere I went for help. The DSVRT did what they could and I got useful relief for a while but it was not enough.
I realized others may not have my kind of resilience and would need more robust support systems.
So I launched my Facebook Advocacy page to share true stories, tips and strategies etc.
Read [DVAM] Domestic Violence Against Men by Toyin Omoniyi (TyLegal) – NairaLand.com & PraiseWorldradio.com: This excellent article by Toyin – a female Nigerian lawyer – accurately captured the key aspects of Domestic Violence I had come to be aware of. That’s why I used bullet point excerpts from it, to highlight examples of abuse on the cover photo for my page.
I also began researching both locally and internationally to see the statistics and other information about trends in DV reporting.
Last year (2018), I discovered the work being done by Mankind Initiative to support Male victims of DV in the UK and was inspired to learn that one of the founders was himself a male survivor of DV.
That made me resolve to launch a similar support service for victims out here.
Mankind Initiative have coming up next month, an event I really believe needs to be organized in ALL societies across the world, especially where men are becoming more victimized. The fact that the conference is in its 7th year, in my view, indicates that stakeholders interest has been sustainable, and that means REAL PROBLEMS are being solved!
Details of my tentative plans are to be announced.
For now, I would say this conference linked above is one of the kinds of events I hope to challenge stakeholders to participate in and, at some point even organize as well.
Male victims and their kids will benefit greatly as a result.
Click here to send me a message.
Alternatively, you can call me on +234-803-302-1263 or +229-66-12-21-36
Related Articles
- PII 135: Neglecting Domestic Violence Victims Can Cause Serious Tragedies – True Stories [Highlights from my discussion of “The Culture of Silence as it negatively affects male Survivors.” at the 2018 SYMPOSIUM IN COMMEMORATION OF THE LAGOS STATE DOMESTIC AND SEXUAL VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH]
- #SexForGrades Updates: The BBC Journalist “Kiki Mordi” Dropped Out of College Due to Sexual Harassment [Watch “Mr Lecturer” in which Eedris Abdulkareem rapped about #SexForGrades in 2002!]
- NPD – DVAM NEWS No. 004: Are There Children/Adults Suffering Emotional &/or Psychological Abuse Right Under Your Nose? [Subtitle: An Experience Based Discussion of The Frequently Overlooked Yet VERY TOXIC Personality of the Closet (or Covert) Narcissistic “Mother”]
- PII 178: Are You Confident That Your Child Can Stand Up to Peer Pressure? (Lessons from BBC’s #SexForGrades Video Documentary About University Lecturers)
- PII 165: [DVAM] So some social workers tell us “Children never lie” about sexual abuse? Garbage! Totally discredited herewith [READ THIS NEWS REPORT ABOUT A REAL LIFE USA COURT CASE]
- [DVAM] (Unwittingly) Coaching the children (to lie)
- [DVAM] HIGH‐CONFLICT CONTACT DISPUTES: EVIDENCE OF THE EXTREME UNRELIABILITY OF SOME CHILDREN’S ASCERTAINABLE WISHES AND FEELINGS – Family Court Review | An Interdisciplinary Journal
- [DVAM] When children lie and why they lie and why people who work with separated families should know that they lie and why
- [DVAM] Yes, sex is food, Nkechi Emmanuel tells married women – Here’s the URL for the ORIGINAL SOURCE of what I consider PURE WISDOM on relationships
- PII 147: Narcissists Can Harm Those They Live With – Especially Children [What You Need to Know]
- PII 142: Ideas for Unmasking and Dealing With Narcissists Anywhere, Anytime [Featuring “Inside the narcissist’s wicked mind and their make-believe world of illusions” – from HigherPerspectivesDotCom]
- Ignore the Macho Myth™: Asking for Help Means You’re Truly Strong [Advice for Battered MEN]
- PII 136: [DVAM] How to Identify & Stop Domestic Violence [Key Combination of Approaches to Create Massive Awareness In Society]
- [DVAM] More than 40% of domestic violence victims are male, report reveals – TheGuardianDotCom
- PII 134 – [DVAM] Ideas to Empower Women Without Emasculating Men [Five (5) Suggestions for women empowerment experts that may need to review domestic violence accusations while mediating between disputing couples]
- WebMD Dot Com Offers “Help for Battered Men” [Powerful Ideas for Identifying & Stopping Domestic Violence Against Men – DVAM]
- [DVAM] Man Writes Women Support Agency Saying His Estranged Wife is Teaching His Kids to Hate Him [Features Expert Articles/Research on the common problem of Parental Alienation]
- [DVAM] Who will save men from domestic violence?
- [DVAM] Group laments increase in violence against men
- [DVAM] EXTRA REPORT: Husband Battering, A New Face of Domestic Violence
- [DVAM] The Rising Women’s Domestic Violence Against Men: An Appraisal Of Violence Against Persons (Prohibition) Act, 2015 By: Hameed Ajibola Jimoh Esq.
- [DVAM] Experts Interviewed by Punch Newspapers Identify 5 Major Causes of Rising Domestic Violence Against Men, by Women in Nigeria
- [DVAM] Story of domestic violence against men is hidden, complicated and disputed – by By Cathy Moore on 23 November 2015 — 9:49pm for Brisbane Times, Australia
- [DVAM] VIRAL VIDEO > 1m Views – What It Really Means to Be a ‘Strong Woman’: Nigerian Woman Delivers Hard Hitting Message to Peers About Relationships [Download FREE Verbatim Transcript PowerPoint Slideshow created by Tayo K. Solagbade for www.facebook.com/stopdvambytks]
- [DVAM] How Women Destroy Love (Why Men Fall Out of Love) – by Kara Oh, US based National Relationship Expert | Download FREE VIDEO Based Transcript Slideshow created by Tayo K. Solagbade for www.facebook.com/stopdvambytks
- [DVAM] Women Who Emotionally Abuse Men
- [DVAM] The 3 Types Of Nagging That DESTROY Your Marriage
- [DVAM] Top 10 Things Women Do To Destroy Their Marriage
- PII 113 [AUDIO]: 1. One Serious Mistake Gov Ambode Needs to Stop Making If He Wants to Stop Domestic Violence | 2. Just Before You Blindly Join In Pointing Accusing Fingers at A Man Accused of Domestic Violence
- [RECOMMENDED] Do You Know How To Deal With People Who Mock And Ridicule You? (Syndicated Version)
- [DVAM] Woman As Aggressor: The Unspoken Truth Of Domestic Violence [There’s something very important that we’re not talking about when we talk about domestic violence. by Edward Rhymes]
- [DVAM NEWS UPDATE – FEATURE STORY] Man Reports Female Partner for Domestic Violence BUT Gets NAMED the Abuser, based on Lies & Edited Video Cooked Up by His Partner!
- [DVAM] VIDEO – Maryam Sanda arrested for stabbing husband to death [vanguardngr dot com – NOVEMBER 21, 201710:06 AM]
- [DVAM] Incredible! Wives Batter 55 Husbands In Lagos
- [DVAM] REAL MEN DO CRY ABOUT ABUSE
- [DVAM] Nigerian man narrates the domestic violence he faced in his wife’s hands
- PII 068: We Need to Stop Letting Naughty Females Succeed With False Accusations Against Men [Case Study: Woman Who Falsely Accused Brian Banks of Rape Ordered to Pay $2.6M]
- [DVAM] Domestic Violence: A male reader’s experience [“I feel ashamed to tell anyone. I don’t think they will believe me and she will never admit to it”]
- Human Beings Don’t Have On/Off Buttons Like Machines – We ALL Have Feelings & Will React Differently to Abuse!
- [HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!] People are posting an 8-ball emoji on Facebook – here’s what it means
- [RECOMMENDED] DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST MEN ~ ARE WE RAISING ‘ENTITLED’ DAUGHTERS – By Adeela Kasoojee-Gathoo – irtiqa dot co dot za/
- [DVAM] Your Silence May Cause Your Son, Brother, Uncle, Dad or Other Male Loved Ones to Suffer Avoidable Domestic Violence [Hint: Read These True Stories from batteredmen dot com]
- [DVAM] Violence against men – Wikipedia
- [DVAM] Women aren’t the only victims of domestic violence. Understand the signs of domestic violence against men, and know how to get help – MayoClinic.org
- [DVAM] It’s Time to Acknowledge Male Victims of Domestic Violence – By Bari Zell Weinberger, Esq. – huffingtonpost.com
- [DVAM] Domestic Violence Against Men by Toyin Omoniyi (TyLegal) – NairaLand.com & PraiseWorldradio.com
