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NB: This newsletter is published every Monday. Point your browser to www.tayosolagbade.com/sdnuggets to read at least ONE new post added to my SD Nuggets blog on a different category from Tuesday till Saturday (sometimes even Sundays) in line with this publishing schedule 
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IMPORTANT NOTE: THIS newsletter is published online on the “reincarnated” version of my Self-Development (SD) Nuggets blog. I continue to put finishing touches to the content. If you encounter ANY bad/dead links, and you can spare the time, email it to me via tayo at tksola dot com. Thanks in advance
No. 148: To Succeed, NEVER Let Worry Dominate Your Thoughts
On Monday 29th October 2001 at 2.00am in the morning, armed robbers “visited” the house where I was living with my family on Ikpoba Hill in Benin City. These guys numbered about five and ALL carried sawed-off shotguns! They didn’t call out for us to come and open the gates – they simply blew the locks off!
I’ll spare you the near-gory details…
…but I’ll tell you that they – more or less leisurely – went round all four apartments in the block and took all that could be taken.
In the end, they asked for the keys to my car (I had just bought it in August!!) and packed all the loot they had collected into it, eventually driving off at 4.30am. I honestly doubt that you can fully appreciate how traumatic it was for everyone involved.
I had my wife, my two and half year old son, as well as my 6-month-old baby with me that night.
As soon as we had confirmed that no one needed any emergency medical attention amongst the neighbours, we all went back in and WAITED till dawn broke.
Soon as it was light, (in true Nigerian fashion) people began pouring into the compound to “look” and say “Ah sorry O” etc.
Fortunately, I had other things that needed to be done quickly, and so easily excused myself from attending to any of the “news gatherers”. By 6.30am I was already on my way to the brewery where I immediately set out to do the following:
1. Prepare and circulate the department’s weekly report to all heads of departments. (My boss – Nic Bathie – the Technical Manager, was away on leave and I was covering for him).
2. Check and confirm the arrival of an expatriate training consultant due in Lagos from South Africa the night before. I needed to ascertain that she had been met at the airport and taken to the Lagos Sheraton Hotel as arranged.
3. Type and print out a list of the tasks I had planned to do for that day(before robbers forced a change of priorities on me!). I then left written instructions for one of my direct reports to implement them till my return.
4. To leave a note about the armed robbery incident for the brewery management, so they would understand why I would not be at the 9.00am brewery management meeting. Incidentally, my 3 neighbours in the same compound who had also been visited by the robbers were also Guinness staff, so I had to mention in my note that they would not be coming in to work for at least that day.
5. To help one of my neighbors telephone her husband (who was about 5 hours away in Port Harcourt) and inform him of what had happened.
I did all the above, and returned to the house at about 8.30 am.
Eventually, we got the police informed, and by the evening of the same day, we found my car abandoned somewhere in town – exactly where – quite surprisingly – one of the robbers had told me they would leave it!!
That’s another thing I still marvel about…
As they left, one of the robbers had actually returned and bent over me where I lay on the floor to whisper “Oga (i.e. “Boss”) don’t worry, we don’t need your car. We will leave it for you at Uselu market area” into my ears. “Some robbers do have hearts!” I said to myself. And for a long time after that incident I could not shake off a nagging feeling that the chap actually knew me personally.
I returned to work the afternoon of that same day…
This was due to a lot of issues arising, which required my involvement, since my boss was away.
I had checked with my wife and she assured me she would be okay.
The only thing was that we later decided to move into a hotel in the city center for a few days to make it easier for everyone to recover – especially after the robbers made another visit a week later!! (Sadly, their hearts were not good enough to make them stop doing their evil).
When I got back to work, not only did I do my work normally, but I also had many colleagues who spoke with me that same day come back to me hours later to ask: “Hey, Tayo! Is it true that….etc etc?”
After I’d answered in the affirmative, they would then go on to express surprise that I failed to tell them, or even behave as if something that serious had happened to me when they had met me previously!
I acted that way because I knew if I readily told people that kind of thing, it would not in anyway help matters.
They would only offer (unnecessary) expressions of sympathy etc and make visits to my home that would repeatedly remind me and my wife of the nasty experience (people always want to hear you tell exactly how it happened).
My wife would also have had to attend to guests, offer refreshments etc INSTEAD of resting and recovering from the shock.
So you see, I knew it would not help, and I decided not to tell people except a few close persons who needed to know.
Apart from the car, we never recovered all the other stuff that was taken away and I never let it bother me one bit.
In fact, it was just 2 days AFTER the robbery incident that I handed my resignation letter to the head of the brewery(Andy Jones) – in line with my plans.
If I had been significantly affected by that experience, you will agree with me that I would not have had the courage to continue with my plan to leave my job.
This is especially significant when one considers that I left, not for the security of a better job, but to the uncertain and risky option of starting-up my own business!
That is the power of having a MAGNIFICENT OBSESSION – nothing could make me change my mind about going ahead!!
So, by going back to work fairly quickly, and getting actively engaged in it, I was able to overcome the worry and fear resulting from the traumatic experiences I and my entire family had been through.
I must admit that having a VERY emotionally stable wife, and mother of my kids helped tremendously.
Nkechi’s calmness and self-control all through the two “visits” had amazed me beyond words!
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“Work, work, work, always work, is the only talisman” – Thomas Lipton
“I have always found, when I was worrying, that the best thing to do was to put my mind upon something, work hard and forget what was troubling me” – Thomas Edison
“If you are weak in a crisis, you are weak indeed” – Anon
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Final Words: Being a good speaker is one thing. But being able to deliver a great speech, regardless of the circumstances you experience, is quite another thing.
As experts-who-speak, maintaining clarity of thought, is a crucial requirement for delivering a success talk or lecture. When you let unpleasant or difficult circumstances distort your state of mind, your ability to deliver your message impact-fully is very likely to suffer.
In this article, I have explained, using a personal story, how you can maintain firm control of your emotions and thoughts, in order to carry out any tasks you need to.
Even though the examples I used did not include doing any formal speaking, I can tell you that I have achieved successful speaking impact, in spite of exposure to severe adversity, and even major crises, over the years.
Simply put, the ideas shared here will WORK under any situation or circumstances. I therefore urge you to make good use of them.
PS: This article is based on excerpts from my Self-Development Bible™ titled “Ten Ways You Can Use Self-Development to Create The Future You Want“. You can get the full book in print (delivered to you in a box, anywhere in the world) from my online store at Lulu.com. Or you can signup to join my mailing list, to get a full book in PDF format.
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Have a great week :-))
