“Either do wrong or feel guilty, but don’t do both; it’s too much work.” – Rudolf Dreikurs (1897 – 1972) Psychiatrist
There’s a lot of social pressure to get yourself liked and approved of in today’s world. Most people would love to be accepted by others. However, the truth is that this may not always happen for everyone.
No One Can Avoid Criticism – At Least No Living Person!
As long as you’re still alive, criticism can and will come your way. No matter how nice, friendly or good you are – or you try to be. It’s just the way the world is. If you’re always good, some people are bound to find fault with you for that. They might call you a “do-gooder” for instance.
You cannot be perfect. But even if you could be perfect, people would criticize you for being THAT way!
There will of course be times when people will criticize you for a good reason.
When they do (maybe for shortcomings you actually have) try not to argue or be too defensive. Take it in your stride. If you feel there’s been a misinterpretation of your actions, do your best to correct it, without being argumentative.
But again, don’t be apologetic for being yourself.
Here’s an important point: Quite often, criticism may come your way as you focus your efforts on achieving a set goal. Maybe you started spending less time with friends or family members. Not all of them may be willing to accept the “change” initially.
You will need to decide how important your goal is, and whether you’re prepared to abandon it to avoid criticism from them e.g. if you’re trying to start a new business.
Don’t Let Fear of Criticism Make You Neglect Your Goal
The best thing is to pursue your goal with focus and passion. That is what will see you through the dark hours of your struggles as an entrepreneur.
You cannot afford to subordinate your
focus on your goal, to every whim of those around you e.g. to routinely help with domestic chores, or play with the kids etc.
If you work from home for instance, they must be made to understand that your being around them, does not mean you are available to them. Do not try to please them by neglecting your ultimate goal.
Otherwise you will be surprised to hear those same persons who prevent you from focusing turning around to ask you how come you’ve not made significant progress!!
I once read about a category of entrepreneurs an author called “Super entrepreneurs”. People in this category were said to have total involvement in their work.
Willis H. Carrier, (inventor of air conditioning – Carrier Corporation) was an example. He “was considered dangerous at the wheel of a car when concentrating on the solution to a problem”. One account has it that he once totally forgot his intended destination, after boarding a train while deeply immersed in thought about a new idea!!
There is no doubt that Willis Carrier must have been criticized for his absent mindedness. But judging from the successes he achieved, that may have been an inevitable fallout of the intense focus he needed to have, in order to conceive his inventions.
Therefore, if you really want to make the most of yourself, you must accept that not everyone will view your actions in a positive light. And you will not always come across as being “cool”. At least not until your breakthrough occurs. Not everyone will be happy or satisfied with you. You must however understand that what you think, and how you feel matters more than anything others may say.
If It Gets Too Much, Find Ways to Be Alone i.e. To Get Some Quiet Time
Sometimes the criticisms and other distractions may become too much to cope with. That’s why making needed progress may sometimes require your choosing to be alone. At least until you finish doing the important tasks that will get you what you want.
Many people prefer to be around others. They want to feel wanted and to be noticed. They’ve been taught to believe that something’s wrong with them, if they stay alone.
The truth is however that a little quiet time away from the noise and distractions of normal society can do you plenty of good. Many successful people actually do it a lot, and most attribute their ability to re-invent themselves to the discipline of creating some quiet (or me) time for themselves.
It’s a great way to refine your focus towards achieving your goals.
Commit to getting away for some quiet time to work on your goals. When you’re done, you can return to the warm embrace of your loved ones until the next “session” is due. This way, over time, you’ll move closer to your goal, until you make it come true.
As I’ve said from the start of this article, not everyone will understand why you’re doing it. But there’s nothing wrong in carving out some private time for yourself, to work on what matters to you. So, don’t be afraid to do it, when the need arises!