Photo: My 16 year old son and I stand outside a GT Bank branch in Lagos, after I showed him how to use the Fast Track service (with an ATM card issued by the bank), to by pass long queues and quickly withdraw cash in the banking hall.
Like I always say, I LIVE for my kids. Every day of my life is spent THINKING of how I can share with them, ALL that I know about how to function competently in EVERY aspect of life.
In the case of my son, for instance, I know he will interact with his peers, when I’m away. So I pay diligent attention to the kinds of friends he keeps (I request to meet them). We have had HARD sessions in which I got him to stop seeing certain friends who were a bad influence.
I do this because I know kids in their teens can be easily misled. The many mistakes I made when I passed through that phase remain vivid in my mind – and I’ve told my kids about them.
In spite of all my experiences however, I was shocked to my bones by the news story I read this morning, about the teenage boy (same age as my son!) who killed a 4-year-old boy In Lagos, removing his kidney and intestine”…
It was shared on Facebook by my friend Chima Ejiofor…
I was still trying to process that bit of news when another friend emailed me this link (click) to a news report from Ogun state titled “Baby stolen at naming ceremony”. This second story had a wicked twist to it because as the baby was being looked for, freshly cut human body parts were discovered in the compound next to the venue of the naming ceremony!
If truth be told, this kind of macabre news has become commonplace across Nigeria for several years and it’s only getting worse as the offenders are getting younger!
Even in Benin Republic, where I live amongst people who are 80% animists and therefore do not attend church or mosque, I have NEVER once heard of anything remotely resembling this – talk less of it happening with the frequency it does in Nigeria!!!
The above is what drives me to maintain a firm parenting hold on my kids, and to empower them with real world relevant knowledge, attitudes and skills.
Painful memories of the VERY humiliating experiences I had in the initial stages of my career as an entrepreneur, as well as the progressive societal decay mentioned above convince me I MUST do this for them.
Incidentally, this societal decay did not happen overnight. It’s been incubating for about 2 decades…
I don’t know about you, but I saw the signs…over 15 years ago. Others saw them too, but most of us ignored them since we were not involved. We failed to appreciate the negative impact it would later have on the society at large.
Today, the decay that began many years ago has turned Nigeria into a hell on earth for most people who would be considered NORMAL in other sane societies.
In my case, up till the time I chose to leave paid employment, I’d been able to leverage my formal schooling related abilities to excel. The environment in the corporate multinational I worked in particular was quite well managed to ensure that most times the MOST competent and deserving employees moved UPWARDS in the company’s hierarchy of positions.
Before then, during my time in the university, and before that time as well, I’d also experienced a reasonably normal society where lecturers rarely misbehaved (and if they did they got called to order accordingly) and one could be reasonably sure of the quality of learning to be had.
Then I went for my National Youth Service Corps assignment in Niger state…
There I found myself getting mocked by SS3 students for saying I would NOT come to tell them the answers during the exams proper.
When I got back to Lagos and raved about the fact that I saw the head teacher of the school I served actually standing in the middle of the hall reading out answers to the students (just like they’d told me he would).
My sister who I told laughed in my face and told me Lagos had even more graphic examples (she had just taken the exams herself at the time), and that it was “normal”.
But I still refused to believe it was that bad: this was way back in 1993!
Well if I was shocked by what I saw back then, what I see today, in 2015 simply leaves me numb – every time.
Just when I think I’ve seen or heard the worst story of social decay, someone hits me with news of yet another one on a higher scale.
If you’re a Nigerian living in Nigeria, I am sure you know what I mean by the above.
When I got into trouble between the ages of 10 and 16, adults who did not even know me or my parents were the ones who disciplined me and notified my parents I was keeping bad company.
Today, I am a positive change agent because those (mostly nameless) Nigerian elders/adults chose to set me right, when my own parents were not there.
In contrast to what obtained back then however, today it’s difficult to find adults with the strength of character to set young people on the right path, when they stray…
If anything what we tend to see at an alarming rate, are adults who CORRUPT innocent youths by engaging them to do all sorts of wrong things.
It’s happening at all levels of Nigerian society too!
What most people fail to realize is that many who were corrupted by BAD adults, 10 or more years ago as kids, are TODAY now parents to their own kids!
As you can imagine, most of them cannot but teach their kids the BAD things they learnt from those corrupt adults. In many cases, it’s often all they know how to do. Indeed many of them would have used those BAD habits to get to their current stations in life.
That’s why today we see people in various positions in public and private sectors of Nigeria misbehaving in unspeakable ways.
The LOVE of money is ONE major reason why this mess is happening!
Our collective unwillingness as a people to look beyond material possessions, and carefully scrutinize the moral character of every member of our society, has led us to this DARK place.
The worst part, for me, is however the fact that the few among us who still retain our sanity now find ourselves to be an endangered species.
Those who do the rubbish that’s killing our society see those of us who do NOT conform as a threat, and they instantly make us a target to be dealt with at the slightest opportunity.
I have experienced such discrimination and attacks VERY many times…
In my earlier years as an entrepreneur, I suffered major harassment and abuse at the hands of certain clients in the mould of the idiots I mentioned above. It took me great courage and determination to fight back and free myself from their clutches.
Those experiences, which I vowed I would never expose myself to again made me POUR my heart and soul into building a Web Marketing System that – today – enables me earn 80% of my income online, without having to work on client premises or meet face to face with most of them.
The above is what makes me determined to equip my kids with knowledge, skills and abilities that will make it UNNECESSARY for them to ever have to work for anyone.
Yes.
That is my goal. It is the best protection I can give them against the MADNESS I see taking place daily in the Nigerian society that they have had to grow up in.
It’s also why I am resolved to ensure they relocate with me to Benin Republic so they can experience a contrasting socio-cultural environment to Nigeria’s insane version.
Since many of their peers in Nigeria have already been sucked into that MAD culture (note that it begins with the THINKING HABITS they adopt), I know my kids need something to enable them RESIST the pull.
That “something” is a healthy level of self esteem based on sound awareness of their spiritual connection with God for guidance.
That “something” also includes the experience based confidence and ability I will help them develop to get whatever they need by themselves, without cutting corners.
The key to successfully coaching a child to succeed in life, is to SHOW him/her – via practical involvement – as often as possible, and as early as possible in life – how to do EVERYTHING s/he will need to do in adulthood.
Smart parents of today teach their kids as much as possible about life early on in their lives.
Let them SEE the world through your eyes, and let them LEARN through you how to DEAL effectively with pressures that will be imposed on them as they grow up and relate with peers.
You will periodically NEED to PUSH them HARD (e.g. scolding even punishing: my son and I have boxed and wrestled!) at various stages, when they display character FLAWS you know can be exploited.
You will need to do the above so as to toughen them up. When they leave home, that is ALL they will have to draw upon. And if nothing is there to draw upon, they WILL go astray!
Stop thinking they have to finish school before you tell them about people asking for and giving bribes at job recruitment centres, examination venues or police check points.
Don’t wait till they finish school (NOT even primary school!) before you start teaching them about money and what they can do to earn it…especially outside salaried employment.
In other words, waste no time in helping them develop entrepreneurship abilities.
Why? Because the MADNESS we see today in Nigeria is mostly due to people desperate to make money by any means!
You see, if you coach your child to develop his/her talents and abilities to MAKE money – especially outside paid employment – s/he will feel no pressure to use crooked ways to get it!
Only parents who do this hard work when it matters most, during the formative years of their kids, can look forward to having reasonable peace of mind when their kids grow up.
They are the ones who will be reasonably confident that their kids will do the right thing, even when others do the wrong thing. They will be confident that their child is telling the truth (and therefore support him/her) when s/he says “I did not do it” if/when falsely accused by others.
That is the kind of parent I want to be: I want to CLONE myself in each of my kids so that they can go into the world and function as positive change agents in every society they venture…like I DO or even better than me!
If more Nigerian parents were to adopt a similar philosophy, ALL this madness that we see around us – like the 2 news stories mentioned above – WILL die out in no time!