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NB: This newsletter is published every Monday. Point your browser to www.spontaneousdevelopment.com/sdnuggets to read at least ONE new post added to my SD Nuggets blog on a different category from Tuesday till Saturday (sometimes even Sundays) in line with this publishing schedule 
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No. 136: Stop Taking Failure Personally!
People who take failure personally, often fail to succeed. Some who succeed fail to continue succeeding, for the same reason!
Most people want things to work the way they want all the time. And when that doesn’t happen, they give up on themselves.
But people who succeed often do so, because they NEVER take failure personally!
Your mental attitude towards things that go wrong with your plans determines how each venture you embark upon in your life ends.
If you enrol for a professional exam and fail, it’s natural that you feel bad about it. However, it does you no good to use that experience, or any that may follow it, no matter how many times they occur, to imply that you are a failure.
Now, one of the things that tend to happen is that others could do things to make you feel like one.
I mean people around you who witness or hear/read about your unsuccessful attempt…or multiple unsuccessful attempts.
They could say things to your face or behind your back that suggest they consider you a failure.
Like any other human being, you are likely to find such feedback painful.
In some cases, such individuals may even go as far as putting you down, and even publicly mocking you. Indeed, those who do such things can often be loved ones e.g. relatives, close friends etc who have access to the details of your efforts and failures.
Typically, they are the ones who would have seen you fail more often than they have seen you succeed.
Many times such individuals will get to a point where they even consider themselves experts of some sort on you, and what you’re capable of achieving.
The irony is that virtually every one of us has a potential tendency to be guilty of doing the above. For instance, imagine you have a brother/sister, or son/daughter or friend who you know to be clumsy. Maybe s/he even stammers a lot as well.
Then one day s/he announces a plan to become a professional singer and dancer. How would you react? Especially when most of your memories of time with him/her are about his/her intermittent stammering, and also falling, or tipping things over?
The automatic response most of us would give is that we would never make fun of, or put anyone down.
But it’s our body language that gives us away to the person most times. The involuntary rolling of the eyes or raising of eyebrows, indulging smiles etc.
Those given such treatment will often not miss it, and it can do major negative damage to their sense of self-worth.
The truth is however that YOU alone can determine how you let others make you feel. And if you learn to believe in yourself, no matter what people say, or what happens to you, or what you do wrong, you’ll will ALWAYS end up better off.
When your plans go wrong in any areas of your life, understand that it NEVER means you’re bad or something is wrong with you.
Instead, know that it’s a sign that you need to go back and check what you need to do better or differently, and then try again.
I did not come up with the above piece of insight. It came from Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich. From the first day I read it and began to apply it in my life, I learnt to EXTERNALIZE failure.
By this I mean that I came to understand that nothing I failed at defined me. That it did not matter how others saw it.
What matters is, and will always be how I see it. And if I do not see what happens to me as the end of the world, then it will not be.
This mental attitude helped me successfully pass through years of prolonged hardship and suffering, as an entrepreneur, till I began to find success.
It equipped me to confidently pick myself back up each time I fell flat on my face in my efforts as an entrepreneur. It gave me to courage to start all over again, time after time, after I’d failed to succeed in taking my business to the next level.
When I found myself unable to fulfil my responsibilities to my wife and kids, to the point that I had to swallow my pride and ask for help from relatives, it helped me stay confident in my ability to bounce back.
Today, all who stood by me, and those who watched from a distance, while I struggled, acknowledge that I AM a success, and not a failure.
But I first had to FIRST think of myself as NOT being one, before they could see me that way, through the results I achieved.
You can succeed the same way too. Just stop taking your failures personally. They will happen, but they can never determine what you will become. They can never keep you from success.
Remember that always, and you’ll eventually have great success stories to tell…like I do on this website!
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Have a great week :-))
Tayo K. Solagbade*
Self-Development/Performance Improvement Specialist
*Sole Agent For Burt Dubin’s Speaker Mentoring Service In Africa
Mobile: +234-803-302-1263 (in Nigeria) or +229-66-122-136 (in Benin Republic)
http://www.spontaneousdevelopment.com
Self-Development/Performance Enhancement Specialist – Tayo Solagbade – works as a multipreneurial freelance writer providing zero risk article and report writing support for website owners, while travelling slowly across West Africa as a Location Independent Multipreneur.
He’s presently based in Benin Republic, where he’s preparing an English-French Language Guide, City Travel Guides, and a Commercial Rabbit Farming Guide.
He earns multiple streams of income providing clients with performance improvement training/coaching, custom MS Excel-VB solutions, web marketing systems, freelance writing services, and best practice extension support services (for farm business owners).
In a previous life, before leaving to become self-employed, Tayo served for seven years as a high performing manager in Guinness Nigeria. He rose from Shift Brewer, to Training & Technical Development Manager, then later acted in senior management roles as Production Manager and Technical Manager.
When he’s not amazing clients with his superhuman skills (wink), Tayo works as the creative force behind his Self-Development Nuggets™ blog, and Public Speaking IDEAS newsletter (which he publishes to promote Burt Dubin’s Public Speaking Mentoring service to experts working across the African continent).
For a limited time, Tayo is available to speak to your group or organization for a moderate fee. Send e-mail to tayo at tksola dot com. You can also visit www.tksola.com to learn more.
Connect with him on Twitter @tksola.com and Facebook.
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