[Tip: This post is a Content-Repurposed version of a 2012 issue of my (now defunct) Public Speaking IDEAS newsletter. Even though the example used is based on public speaking, the ideas shared can be successfully applied in any other areas of endeavour]
In The Real World, Things Can Go Wrong – Sometimes Badly Too!
Even after we have done everything we think possible, to prepare ourselves for a speaking or project outing, one or more unexpected negative developments can still occur.
And it could affect upset us so much, that when we get on stage (or client premises), the speech (or job) we have prepared well for before the D-day, might not come out as desired.
Possible Occurrences That Could Make You “Upset” – Before You Give A Speech or Do a Client Job
I discuss a few possible examples below. It goes without saying that there are many others you may be faced with.
Know that the tips offered here can be applied to good effect in dealing with them as well.
1. BEFORE you have to go on stage :
Some years ago, I had to deliver a talk about 1 hour after I had engaged in a verbal (and near physical) exchange with my wife. It was so bad, that I left home late, and only managed to stop fuming minutes before I was called out to speak.
That took some major doing…but the tips I offer here made it possible!
Still another possibility:
You get some bad news via a phone call or SMS about a business deal, that’s fallen through. Let’s say you had been so sure you would win the bid. Imagine how deflated you would feel.
Now what if this news got to you, say 30 minutes before you had to step on the podium to deliver a speech titled “Nothing Is Impossible” to a group of startup entrepreneurs. How convincing do you think your delivery would be?
Depending on your temperament, it can be quite difficult to avoid letting your bad mood spill over to your interactions with other people.
Think about the times you have been upset by someone at home. Were there instances when it happened just as you were on your way out of the house? If yes, how well were you able to handle yourself in relating with others, when you got to work, or whatever your destination was?
2. When You Are Already On Stage &/or Speaking:
Imagine that just as you are about to start (or while you are) speaking, someone shouts an embarrassing comment insult at you from the audience e.g. a heckler. If s/he hits a nerve or sore spot you have, your reaction could be anger, resentment.
In a separate article, I shared the story about how I flopped at the National Finals of a competition for young managers, because I could not find a particular (transparent) slide I wanted to use.
A Story That Illustrates One Way To Give A Speech When You Are “Upset”
Imagine having to give a speech just after UNEXPECTEDLY losing an election (for public office or otherwise). This situation actually played out in a movie I watched recently. A young US congressman had maintained an intimidating lead in the opinion polls, over an older candidate widely regarded by the public as no match.
But just 24 hours to the election day, a photo published on the front page of a national daily showed the young congressman carrying out a very naughty prank on colleagues when he was in college, caused uproar. There was no time for his team to react. He got roundly defeated in the elections by the other guy, even in his own state.
Once the results were in, he excused himself, and retired to the men’s room to rehearse his speech. He had previously prepared a speech to cater for (what was then) the unlikely possibility of his losing the elections. Faced with the reality that he had indeed lost the elections, he walked round the men’s’ speaking out the words to himself.
When he finally got on stage, he delivered the speech as is, but later added stuff NOT on the script. He told the audience for instance, how some of what had said about his personal philosophy was not really true, and had been added to the speech on the advice of experts and consultants.
He went on to say a lot more, which amounted to “Standing Psychologically Naked Before The Audience” – to paraphrase “Burt Dubin” – creator of the Speaking Success System™. The audience loved it, and the media raved about his speech, saying it was likely to make voters back him in larger numbers in the next elections. Three years later, he ran again – and won.
What the congressman in the movie did was simple.
He used the setback of losing the election, as a psychological stepping stone to launch him into the future he desired. By refusing to let his loss UPSET him, and instead creatively adapting his prepared speech to “re-sell” himself to the voting public, he succeeded in making them overlook his college prank, and won them over towards his future campaign
.
You can do the same:
I would be the last person to say this will always be easy to do. But if one is to merit being called a “Professional” it becomes imperative that s/he be prepared to act like one, by developing the competence to effectively manage your moods, so as to ensure you deliver satisfactory performances, whenever you have to speak before an audience.
Before Speaking, Put AWAY Whatever Upsets You In “Little Mental Boxes”
One could infer that the congressman described above, probably applied a variant of this approach for his purposes.
In using it, I force myself to APPLY what I once read, about putting ANY worries one has, into separate little boxes in different corners of one’s mind
This is the method I use and it has repeatedly enabled me bring my feelings under enough control to ensure I have a good outing.
Indeed, it has enabled me function optimally in my interpersonal interactions in both my personal and work lives for over 2 decades now. In certain instances, close associates ( who are aware of potentially disturbing issues I’m dealing with) have accused me of unmasking a “steely” or “unfeeling” side!
Doing so helps you free the larger part of your mind, from the potential distractions that dwelling on the upsetting experience could cause.
But you don’t stop there. Later on, when at the right place and time, you can re-open any of your worry boxes, and reflect on ways to eliminate their contents, without the conflicting psychological pressure of thinking about giving a coherent speech!
Believe me – this worry/mood management technique has worked for me, for many years now. And it has enabled me go out daily during many dark periods of adversity, to deliver outstanding presentations to individual and group audiences.
Many of the clients I won during those periods would NEVER believe me, if I told them the psychological circumstances under which I won them over back then.
Summary
My message, in essence, is that in order to increase your chances of succeeding, when you speak to others, you really need to develop the capacity to manage your moods, under ANY circumstances. Even when you are upset, train yourself NOT to show it. You will be amazed at the level of deliberate self-control and mastery that you can achieve.
The ability to do this, will equip you to deliver compelling performances more often, regard.
One positive implication of being able to function in this manner is that clients and/or audiences will come to perceive you as someone who can be DEPENDED upon to DELIVER when it matters.
When they need a speaker at short notice, for instance YOU will naturally come to mind ahead of other possible candidates!
Final Words: Will You Be A “Choker” Or A “Big Match Player”? WILL YOU be Able to Deliver RESULTS When Failure Is Not An Option ?
Reflect carefully on this question, especially as it relates to serving your clients, who will be depending on you to bring the expertise they believe you have, to bear in the event that a problem arises.
In the real world, things may not always happen to plan.
Sometimes they will go badly wrong. When that happens, you ability to stay firmly in control of yourself will determine how you end up performing as a speaker – or indeed as an expert in your chosen field!
In sports, people who are able to deliver under pressure are usually referred to as “BIG MATCH” players
Those who always seem to cave in as they get closer to high pressure, psychologically tasking game situations in Golf, for instance, are called “Chokers”.
So, which do you want to be called, in the mind of your clients, and/or audience members?
A BIG MATCH player or a “Choker”?
The preferable choice is obvious. But to be able to manifest the attributes that will get you thought of in that manner, you MUST work on yourself, and develop the CAPACITY to absorb the shock from events or experiences that could upset you.
You can start from today – right in your home, with the kids, your spouse and relatives – maybe the annoying brother, sister or mother-in-law? Or that difficult colleague or business partner at work etc.
Promise yourself that you will NEVER let anything they do upset you to the point that you actually transfer it to another social environment you have to be in later on. Learn to leave it behind in a little worry box in one small corner of your mind.
Keep doing it for long enough, and you WILL become able to speak IMPACT-FULLY, to ANY audience, even when someone just (tried to?) upset you!
