I have a relatively tiny Facebook friends list (<300). So one would imagine I’d readily accept every friend request I get. Instead, accepting a friend request – for me (especially since I moved to Cotonou in April 2013) – actually involves SCREENING people as if for employment…those I subject to that process just NEVER know it…LOL!
But seriously – you will NOT believe the lengths I go to check – and DOUBLE check them, and their backgrouds – in every way possible.
I do this ONLINE (and even OFFLINE), going as far as reaching out to friends of friends to the person who added me as a friend.
I rigorously screen friend requests as above, because I want GOOD QUALITY people, who can ADD VALUE to me as “friends”…
I want that because I WORK HARD to be that kind of friend to others – both on and off the web.
The above is why I also periodically WEED my friends list.
For instance, I’ve had funny “conversation” attempts by some friends I made about 2 years ago…
Some send messages like “Sup…!” and “T-boy…!” – without saying much else.
And then, if in a bid to be polite (thinking maybe the connection cut off the full message), I respond with a “Hi…can I help you?”… they follow up with some silly link etc…argh!
Look I don’t know about others out here on the web, but I want to be PRODUCTIVE, and I need to be connected with people who can help me do that.
If achieving the above means I’ll end up with a micro-sized friends list, SO BE IT!
I’d rather have top quality interactions with 5 clued up friends several days in a YEAR, than endure mind numbing relations with 5,000 “air heads” every day!
NB: It goes without saying that I am comfortable with having the same rules applied to me by those who have ME on THEIR friends list.
But why am I making a case based on Facebook in particular, you wonder?
Actually, I’m only using Facebook as a point of reference.
Generally, my message is directed at all people as they relate with one another online or offline.
However, we all know that a vast majority of today’s population across the world go through daily life glued to their PC and Internet related tools and resources.
Most of them use Facebook – which now has users across the billon mark.
But they also use several other platforms.
On their phones they are constantly messaging one another via “Whatsapp”, “Messenger” etc.
In essence, so much talking is happening today and a lot of it is in small chunks of often severely abbreviated words.
I once read somewhere that we now have some people who think and speak in “Tweets”, and I agree!
My observations indicate that some of them are even journalists, whose spelling skills now “suck” as a result – thereby punishing readers!
The situation is so bad now, that those who feel what should be a normal “need” to think, speak and write words normally, struggle to “get through” to such “Tweet” brained persons.
The latter’s minds can often not hold a train of thought beyond the volume allowed for Tweeting.
I exaggerate not: There ARE adults and young people like that out there today!
And they are in such numbers that those who are NOT like them appear to be the ones who are NOT normal.
Ultimately, this is why the quality of thinking and social interaction today is deteriorating.
To protect myself from the decay, I choose to filter out people who are THAT shallow from getting too close in my social space.
In this article, I’m asking you to do the same thing too – for your own good.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t condemn or reject them. And I’m NOT asking you to either!
For those I perceive to be willing to be coached and influenced to IMPROVE themselves, I make the effort to stay connected.
But if after a while I get the impression I’m “pouring water in a basket” (i.e wasting my time/efort or “Mo nda omi si akpere” – as the Yorubas would say), I generally avoid them.
The truth is that it is unwise to try and save the world, if those in it are NOT interested.
Make it clear that you are available, to any persons who are willing to be helped. If anyone comes, do what you can.
Otherwise, keep your peace. You have enough to occupy you in pursuit of your own self-improvement and ultimate self-actualization.
Final Words: My message in this piece is for both adults and their kids.
To achieve your goals in life, especially in a way that adds value to others and the society, you will sometimes need to be ruthless in the way your choose those you spend your time with.
Not just in person, but also on the web.
Those you give your conscious attention to (e.g. online) determine the THOUGHTS you nurture.
If they are “no-good” people (and you know what I mean by that I’m sure!) then you are going to end up with MORE “no-good” (aka useless) thoughts that you need.
By implication, you will be wasting your valuable, and non-recoverable, time!
Life is just too short to spend it with people UNWILLING to add value to YOU or society.
Challenge them to step up, and if they don’t seriously consider WALKING AWAY!
Like we say in Africa: A word is enough for the wise!
