I asked the students of the University of Lagos who attended my VC Approved lecture (titled “Ten Ways You Can Use Self-Development to Create the Future You Want”) the following rhetorical question:

“Is your rich uncle really “stingy”, or is he being “frugal?”

To older persons, I would re-phrase the question as follows:

Kids Sometimes Choose Favorites for the Wrong Reasons E.g. Money

As children in Nigeria, many of us grew up frequently judging older persons around us based on their relative willingness to part with money.

There were those who were particularly generous, always giving large denominations for us to buy "sweets" etc. Those ones we loved to welcome whenever they visited our homes!

But, there were those who were less generous for (in our own assessment) no good reason. We were therefore never really excited when they visited, and would often have to be chased out of our rooms by our parents to welcome them!

It is not uncommon to hear children or young people describe some of their parents or relatives (uncles etc), as "stingy" because of the latter’s seeming reluctance to part with money.

What a lot of youths (perhaps because of their age) do not realise is that these (supposedly) "stingy" persons might truly not have enough money on them at the time the demand is made.

Help Your Kids Understand That Money Needs To Be Earned

Many young people tend to think their parents should hand over money to them as soon as they (the children) demand for it. Of course even if the parents were willing, it isn’t often that the parent’s will have it! And even when they do have it, more pressing priorities might make it necessary to give less than the child demands.

We need to teach our children, as early in life as possible, that money does not just fall into our hands from the sky. We need to help them learn that they must create "value" for money to come into their possession. We must also take pains to explain to them why we might not be able to give them money, sometimes, when they ask for it.

Now, for those parents and guardians who can afford to give children money whenever they ask for it, this warning is even more relevant, because the dangers are greater.

Keep giving them what they ask for, whenever they ask for it and you stand the risk of making them happy in the short term only to be unhappy in the longer term (They won’t forgive YOU for that!).

This is because, they would not have learnt the discipline of handling money, and especially how to earn it – and I don’t mean through paid employment.

I know the subject of money and how to spend it is one that interests and affects most people. I also know it is one that not many people really understand.

I do not however claim to be an expert on the subject, but I have read what others have said about it and learnt some hard lessons of my own too! That is why I offer the ideas in this write-up with so much passion!

Money Needs To Be Treated With Respect

In a past issue of his TIPs newsletter that I read many years ago, Philip Humbert (www.philiphumbert.com) described successful people as being very thoughtful about issues concerning money and how it is spent.

He said they treat money with respect, and that’s why they get more of it.

In fact, Philip described money as a very shy guest in people’s homes that will quickly make an exit if not well treated.

If there is nothing else you take away from reading this article, please take this piece of advice: Don’t spend without thinking!

The little book titled "The millionaire next door" describes the real millionaires in America (based on studies conducted by the authors) as not those people who appear on TV in flashy clothes, spending heavily etc.

I’ve found a lot of the book’s quite relevant to my non-American socioeconomic environment – with just a few exceptions. That’s why I suggest you get a copy of the book, if you do not already own one – and read it from cover to cover at least twice.

The book says the real millionaires in America are often not dressed flashily and will rarely be found flaunting their wealth via heavy unbudgeted spending etc.

In fact, the book specifically mentioned that the millionaires identified and studied confirmed that they kept very detailed records of how much they spent daily and regularly reviewed them.

In addition, the millionaires were found to be typically "bargain hunters" who would often go round comparing prices before deciding on what to buy and where to buy from.

One more thing: many of the male millionaires were reported to have acknowledged their wives as being very instrumental to their effective money management. The book described the wives of many of the millionaires studied as being very frugal.

Final Words:

Now, going by all that has been said above, isn’t it funny that those who do not even begin to approach being called millionaires in society are the ones who do the exact opposite of what the millionaires mentioned above do daily?

Look around you (and maybe at yourself?) and see if you find "someone" guilty of going shopping and buying stuff from posh places "just to look good" or "belong" for instance.

Your child’s attitude to money will be a reflection of how she sees you treat that powerful paper based medium of exchange. Coach her to see that money needs to be carefully handled, as pointed out above.

She’ll leave home better equipped to keep more of what she earns in her pockets – and in savings/investment accounts.

And she would be bettor off in the long run!

NB: This article is based on excerpts from Tayo Solagbade’s Self-Development Bible on sale as a 113 page print manual at www.lulu.com/sdaproducts. Subscribe to the mailing list – using the form below – to get the PDF version as a free download in your email box.

“Reading can be a powerful catalyst for thinking; it has the potential for stimulating wisdom.” – Michael Angier(www.successnet.org)

In Robert Kiyosaki’s book titled “If You Want To Be Rich and Happy, Dont Go To School?”, he wrote about how the traditional educational system was teaching American children to be mindless parrots”.

He also quoted R. Buckminster Fuller on how each of us and our children can protect our minds from being numbed by such experiences.

Fuller stated that despite the fact that he was bothered by -and therefore questioned – many of the things he learnt in school, he found it necessary to give his teachers their answers in order to ensure he went through school successfully.

He however made sure he never stopped thinking along the lines of what he felt to be true.

By so doing, Buckminster Fuller was able to protect his own genius from the damaging impact of the traditional educational system.

The rest of us can learn from this approach, and teach our kids to use it as well.

The World Needs Thinkers: Help Your Child Become One

“Reading without thinking gives a disorderly mind, and thinking without reading makes one unbalanced” – Confucius

There appear to be fewer real thinkers in this part of the world today.

One great thinker we had who passed on years ago, was Fela Anikulapo-Kuti, the legendary Afro Beat Musician whose music and life story is the subject of a successful broadway musical that now inspires millions across the world.

Even today, the lyrics of Fela’s songs show us how far ahead he had seen into the future of this country and continent.

He had reflected deeply over the problems of the black race in Africa, and tried to open their eyes to the folly of the ways they chose (or were advised to follow).

A few listened, but the majority missed it.

Why?

Because they found it difficult to comprehend what he was saying and understand his concerns.

So they simply stopped at enjoying his good music!

“The mind must be exercised if it is to grow and strengthen. The more you use your mind, the more it will improve your ability to think” – Jay Anderson

This inability (or unwillingness?) to think is not unusual.

A long ago, Henry Ford said:

“Thinking is the most exacting job there is, which is why so few people engage in it.”

To Encourage Them To Think, We Must Stop Our Kids From Cramming

Not all kids will be smart enough to protect themselves the way R. Buckminster Fuller did, as earlier described above.

And that’s why we need to discourage ROTE Learning (i.e. cramming) by our kids in schools.

It is important for them to “understand” what they learn so they can be equipped to put it to productive use in the real world.

For instance, you learn how to drive so that you can eventually drive your car around unaided.

As Robert Kiyosaki explained in one of his books, if we employed the traditional school approach, you would learn all the theory of driving by memorizing the steps involved.

But, you would actually spend little (if any) time practicing how to drive the car using your new knowledge!

When that happens, you end up unable to drive a car even though you’ve been to driving school!

Thankfully that is hardly ever the case, because it is easy to assess the value of the training given you in a driving school.

When you complete your driving lessons (and IF you have been a diligent student), you should be able to drive a car by the time you are leaving.

If you can’t, then you would have a right to challenge your driving teacher.

I have personally met many graduates of computer science from Nigerian universities, who after graduation go on to enroll for courses in private computer schools to gain basic computer appreciation skills!!

This is often because they discover that in the real world, the things they’ve been taught were irrelevant to current industry practice.

Cramming Makes Learning Unpleasant & Damages A Child’s Natural Learning Ability

The above is a major reason our traditional educational system does not really make kids enjoy reading and thinking.

They still have to memorize notes given by the teacher, and do a “verbatim return to sender” (like R. Buckminster Fuller wisely did) to get full marks in class!

Under such situations, whether the student can explain what he has written down, and apply it in real life to a productive end is never an issue as far as the teacher is concerned

Let’s consider for instance, the inter-schools debate competitions sometimes aired on our local TV stations.

I am constantly amazed by the ability of the students to make their arguments by reeling off one point after another, employing sophisticated vocabulary (that even university undergraduates would struggle with!) in the process.

The manner in which they deliver their speeches however often betrays the fact that they are simply reciting what they memorized!

Typically, the teacher writes the paper for the student to “upload to memory” for later “download” at the event. They therefore often do not understand the things they say.

Which explains why a student can get totally confused if it happens that she misses a line during her “recitation” at (what is meant to be a) debate!

Final Words

I have seen the above happen on more than one occasion.

My question is what responsible school teacher or administrator would allow such damage to be done to students’ thinking abilities in order to win a competition?

Please understand my argument here. I have not said all the schools and students have this problem. There are exceptions, as is the case with everything in life.

It’s just that the larger majority are affected by the problem I have described above.

This is why YOU as a parent must – for the sake of your kid – get involved in challenging her school, and teachers, to make a change for the better.

But don’t stop there.

“A chapter a day, keeps failure at bay” – Anon

More important is the role you can play in creating an environment at home that stimulates your child’s desire to read and think.

Get her books and movies that task the viewer to think e.g detective series or thrillers.

Engage her in discussion about the different titles and episodes.

Aim to get her used to thinking deep about issues instead of accepting things on surface value.

You’ll gradually discover she’s taking a natural interest in doing more qualitative thinking and reading, even beyond what you’ve taught her.

And it will give her a noticeable edge in interpersonal relations, compared to her peers.

NB: This article is based on excerpts from Tayo Solagbade’s Self-Development Bible available for purchase as a print manual on Lulu.com.

This article explains why today’s parents need to avoid the mistake of waiting for their kids to grow up before talking to them about ways of making money or earning income OUTSIDE paid employment.

The world as we know it today is very different from what it was when many of today’s parents were kids, over 2 decades ago.

Technology aided advancements have radically – and rapidly – transformed the way we live and work.

And that includes how we play our roles as adults in general, and parents in particular.

Decades Ago, Children Had Fewer Independent Sources Of Information For Making Career Choices

For example, about 30 years ago, I was a year away from becoming a teenager.

As a child from a middle class home, my awareness of opportunities the world of my country held for me was mainly limited to what I learnt from my parents, adult relatives, teachers and books.

Odd as it may be to admit today, I only read about computers in books and magazines.

It would be over 10 years later, in 1993, before I set eyes on a real desktop PC for the first time.

This was after I graduated from the university, and completed a year of compulsory national service.

I’d followed my instincts to enroll for an introductory course on MS-DOS, DBASE, Word Perfect and Lotus 1-2-3.

It lasted only for 4 weeks and touched mainly on the basics of each topic.

Yet less than a year later, I was rapidly implementing high profile PC based report generation solutions (in my spare time) while working as a shift brewer in a large corporate multinational manufacturer.

Another three years on, I became one of the earliest adopters of Internet technology in the company.

Back then in 1998, the company had not even given thought to providing Internet access anywhere on the premises.

Yet, within a week of learning that the first Cyber Cafe in my Benin city base was open, I’d become a customer, and soon after enrolled for private HTML webdesign coaching classes under the tutelage of a teenage cafe attendant.

Eight weeks after, while acting as Training & Technical Development Manager, I used my newly acquired HTML coding skills to create an information and news delivery network of web pages.

It served departmental engineering teams with best practice maintenance and training tips, and was hosted on the company’s intranet (with assistance from the local IT guys with whom I’d become friendly).

How Limited Information & Exposure To Opportunities Denied Me An Early Start In My Preferred Career

In reflecting on my performance in the above mentioned company, I realised that developing those valuable PC solutions came naturally to me.

As a result, even though I had no formal IT qualifications, I effortlessly excelled at it to the delight of my employers – and the appreciation of the company’s IT personnel.

The above fact remains evident in the work I do for clients, as it is on this blog, my websites, and in the unique solutions I provide e.g custom spreadsheet automation and web marketing systems development.

That’s why I’ve said in a previous write-up (based on the wisdom of hindsight) that if I had gained steady access or exposure to PCs earlier in life, I would most likely have never taken up paid employment – where I spent 7 years before finally quitting to take up my true calling

Give Your Children Adequate Information & Exposure To Guide Their Career Choices

Which brings me to my core message for this write-up.

Due to the negative outcome of the experience I had, I’ve resolved to do everything in my power to help my children avoid a similar fate.

That’s why I constantly expose them to everything I believe can guide them to make smarter decisions about what they want to do for a living – earlier on in their lives.

For instance, I regularly share with them about how I earn income providing a variety of web based solutions to people within and outside the country.

In doing this I highlight the fact that people of almost all ages earn income in the same manner all over the world.

Just today I told them about a trend recently reported by Lulu.com, in which parents are increasingly collaborating with their kids to jointly self publish storytelling fiction books.

Through the above process, kids get an early and fun based introduction to the book writing and publishing business.

And as the case studies of families featured in the report revealed, there’s a good chance the kids may go on to gain useful public speaking and public relations exposure as they record success with sales of their published works over time.

Incidentally, for about 5 months now, I’ve been challenging my 3 sons (who are 9, 11 and 13 years old respectively) to finish off the short stories they’ve been taking turns to type on the laptop.

To secure their interest, I’d told them we would get them published like my own books.

As you can imagine, the Lulu.com report has now provided a valuable boost to the relevance of my message to the kids!

My purpose is to make them see that today’s technology driven world provides ready opportunities for them to make an early start in life.

The days when kids had to wait to finish school, then get a job to start earning income are long gone.

Your child can still follow that formula if it appeals to you, or her.

However, it’s important to let her know she can do both i.e attend school, and simultaneously learn to earn income – using her creative skills for instance, by writing.

Remember that there’s a good chance that other parents will be doing exactly that for their own kids today.

Therefore, as a responsible parent, you owe your child an obligation to provide the access and exposure needed to help her make up her mind intelligently.

Then you must support her to act on/implement her decision.
By so doing, you’ll equip her to compete effectively with her contemporaries, from early on in life.

What If Your Child Knows A Truth That Could Save Someone?

Imagine your child witnesses a prank by a few of her peers on a teacher’s car, that causes some unintented damage.

Then let’s say some days later she learns that two innocent students from a rival group have been suspended by the principal over the incident, based on an anonymous letter that fingered them.

Can you confidently say you know what your child would do under such a situation?

Would she go to the principal and tell on her friends, to stop the wrong students from being punished for something they did not do?

Or would she choose to remain loyal to her pals, and pretend like she knew nothing?

Your ability to accurately predict what your child would do in a situation like this, is likely to be a reflection of the effort you’ve made to inculcate the right values in her!

Truth Telling Vs. The Need To Be Liked By Everyone

In today’s worid, the need to be liked (or approved of) now drives not just politicians but also everyday people.

We’re all keen to be socio-politically correct, so we can get along with others in our increasingly culturally complex world.

It’s gotten so serious now that even paid speaking professionals are reluctant to speak from the heart as often as they normally would.

The concern in their case being the real possibility of a loss of business, if existing or potential clients decide they do not like the “truth” as spoken by the expert speaker!

Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with speaking and acting with consideration for the interests and feelings of others.

That’s afterall an important part of what it means to be emotionally intelligent.

The problem I see however, is that many people are taking this business of political correctness to a negative extreme.

They are sacrificing their right to freedom of expression in order to be agreeable to everyone they relate with.

Rocking the opinion boat by voicing contrary views terrifies them.

And they actively avoid calling friends, associates or relatives to order no matter how disapproving they are of the latter’s conduct.

If You Truly Care For Someone, You Will Tell Them When They Go Wrong

The fact however remains that if we truly love and care for someone, the best thing to do WILL often be to speak truthfully to her about everything.

And that includes any wrongdoing we observe – especially when it’s repetitive!

In a perfect world, I guess giving corrective feedback the way I propose above, as and when due would happen.

Unfortunately, here on earth, we have our human limitations, or shortcomings which make us fall short of the above standard.

That’s why today it appears more good people are finding it harder to take a firm stand against falsehood, by speaking truth.

From politicians to business – and even religious – persons, being economical with the truth, or prevaricating, seems to have become a favourite past time.

You Can Disagree Without Being Disagreeable

I’ve sat in on discussions before, with people I thought I knew, only to hear them express agreement with warped views that they had privately told me they were against!

And sometimes I’ve seen persons I greatly admire and respect deliberately look the other way, when a friend, associate or relative blatantly abused the rights of disadvantaged others.

(One example: A manager who stayed quiet when his boss had an innocent employee put in jail for weeks – using his money and connections – even AFTER CCTV footage watched by them and the investigating police officer, showed nothing to indicate he took the money reported missing.)

In each of the above instances, my casual enquiries often revealed that they felt the other person was wealthier and/or more influential than they were, and was therefore beyond reproach.

To put it another way, they felt the other person was too big for them to correct or call to order.

And as such, they believed it would be wiser not to openly challenge or disagree with her views or actions.

Pity.

Ironically, doing that just ends up hurting everyone at the end of the day.

Including those we try to protect by acting without integrity in that manner.

I personally believe it’s wiser to agree-to-disagree, when you discover you are unable to find a meeting point between your views and those held by your counterpart.

That would be a more truthful and therefore honourable way to relate with others who hold contrary views to yours.

Your Kids Will Choose What To Do, More By Watching Your Actions, Than By Hearing What You Say

It won’t matter what you drum into their heads during prayer sessions or your daily interactions. Or what you make them read.

Kids want to see you practice what you preach, or walk your talk, without reservation or fear.

Once they see you doing that, they’ll naturally draw inspiration from there, to do the same thing anywhere they find themselves.

If they see you hang on to a friend who is perpetually rude to waiters or the hired help, they’ll assume it’s okay to keep such friends too – and even act the same way.

But if you make a point of tactfully correcting your potentially rude friend and insist he stop mistreating less fortunate others, your kids are likely to notice your efforts and toe the same line.

The key is to be an exemplary model in words and in action for them to follow, EVERY single day.

If you keep it up for long enough, you’ll eventually get to a point where you can confidently and accurately predict what your child will do under a particular situation, like the one described at the start of this piece.

Here’s one advantage of getting your child to the above mentioned “point”:

You’ll always be confident that your child will make the right choices or decisions, no matter whose Ox is gored (e.g in the case of the school prank, she would probably advise her friends to own up. If they refused, she would tell the principal the truth herself. Simple.)

There’s no better way to have peace of mind (when it concerns children) than that!

“I have succeeded in whatever I have undertaken, because I have WILLED it. I have never hesitated, which has given me an advantage over the rest of mankind” – Napoleon

A Quality That Separates Achievers From Others

One of the distinguishing qualities of people who excel is their willingness to do what few or no other other persons have ever done before. In other words, they tend to readily embrace risk taking.

They are the ones you’ll find stepping up when others draw back in the face of uncertainty, looming crisis or danger.

From entrepreneurs to sportsmen and even war generals, the risk taking proclivity of an individual is often what ends up separating her from the rest of the pack.

And it enables her succeed ahead of contemporaries.

But many who have succeeded this way will tell you that it was no easy achievement. A lot of struggle, pain and suffering frequently visits those who choose this path.

In my language (Yoruba), we have a saying : “Eni to ba fe se nkan t’enikan o se ri, a ri nkan t’enikan o ri ri”.

This literally translates to mean “He who wants to do what no one has done before, will see what no one has seen before!”

But Were They Like That From Birth?

Not every person who displays a penchant for risk taking in adult life actually had that disposition in childhood.

I’ve read accounts about people who today are regarded as tough, bold and daring, who relatives revealed to have been quite timid and introverted in their formative years.

And then maybe some personal crises or other potentially traumatizing experience may have led to her transformation. Sometimes she may have witnessed a loved one get hurt, possibly because she was too frozen with fright to take action to solve the problem.

And that memory or a feeling of guilt may have caused her to decide never to give in to fear again.

Sometimes They Take Emotional – And Not Just Physical – Risks!

Yes. Sometimes the achievers I refer to above, set themselves apart by being willing to take the risk of being different, being wrong…or failing in public.

Good examples are inventors who use their creative, and sometimes very contrarian thinking, to develop solutions that help the world’s societies progress.

Before being eventually proved right, those who mustered the courage to voice their inspired convictions were ridiculed.

In certain bizarre cases, some of such inventors were taken by friends and loved ones to have their sanity checked at mental health facilities.

This happened because the ideas they proposed were – at the time – considered ridiculous.

One good example that I’ve written about in the past is Robert Goddard (click to read), who today has the American Space Center named after him.

Read my article titledWhy You May Want To Rejoice When Others Mock You! (click to read)

Help Your Kids Develop Their Instincts

The above example proves that we need to tell our kids to follow their convictions, and never give up.

Napoleon’s quote, which I started this piece with, accurately reflects the mental attitude he had, which made him an exceptionally successful war general.

Historical accounts indicate that he was renowned for being non-hesitant in the way he waged war. And he often put himself in the line of fire, with a boldness that inspired fierce loyalty from his soldiers in battle.

Napoleon posessed keenly developed instincts based on years of applying himself to the rigours of his vocation as a soldier. And he formed a habit of following his instincts. This led him to record many great victories.

The key to your child’s success lies in his/her ability to competently decide when to follow gut instinct.

We humans have always been born with a sixth sense. It’s there, but only when we make conscious effort to develop it, does it really begin to serve us as well as it can.

And the best way to develop one’s instincts is to expose oneself to real-life experiences that test their abilities to their limits. Simply put, let them get a LOT of experience under their belts, in as many challenging fields of interest as possible.

Let them learn what it feels like to be on their own, taking decisions that will determine the outcome they seek.

Give them the opportunity to experience being away from your reassuring and controlling presence e.g. In boading school, as boys’ scout or girls guides members, by participating in competitive sports etc.

They’ll learn to think for themselves, and to decide what they really want in life. And they will eventually develop the conviction needed to decide what they will be willing to go out on a limb for.

That ability will serve them well later on in their adult lives, giving them an advantage over others. And it could even lead them to achieve notable successes in their chosen fields.

I have coached people of different ages and socioeconomic backgrounds – face to face and remotely – over the past 15 years.

During this time, kids have earned a special place in my “coaching heart” because I’ve found that they are the ones most like me.

By this I mean, for instance, that they share with me a crazy tendency to believe they can do virtually anything they set their minds to (the adults tend to believe the opposite).

For instance, kids will often act with blind faith based on their beliefs. (Just like I do, to the initial annoyance – but later admiration – of many well intentioned realists I’m lucky to be sorrounded with)

Kids Are Open Minded & Impressionable

The above happens because kids are generally less conditioned by society, compared to adults.

Think about it for a moment and you’ll agree with me.

However, they also often believe more or less anything they are told by adults.

And that’s why it’s so important that we watch what we (as parents), or other adults (like teachers) say to them!

Don’t Force Your Child To Blend In!

Sadly, many adults who have kids often spend their time trying to mould their kids’ thinking and behaviour to conform to the expectations of the society they live in.

One way they do this is by repeatedly telling their child to avoid drawing attention to herself by thinking or acting too different from others.

I think that’s a big mistake that could hurt such kids’ chances of excelling later on in life.

When you make your child feel it’s wrong to be different from others, you effectively set her up to suffer emotional conflicts that will arise from having to resist following her natural instincts!

Over time, if the child remains exposed to this kind of treatment, she could grow up confused, and lacking in self-confidence.

Even worse, such a child could end up going through life without achieving her full potential, because some adults (e.g the parents), would have convinced her to be reasonable and not try to do the impossible by pursuing a dream or vision she conceives.

A Solution: My 80/20 Principle For Coaching Kids

Coaching comes quite naturally to me.I love helping willing others discover how to perpetually improve themselves to succeed better, the way I do.

If you want to help your kids excel in life, resolve today to help them nurture their self-belief EVERY day.

One tested and proven way to achieve this is by Implementing my adaptation of Pareto’s 80:20 rule in relating with your kids.

What this means, is that 80% of the time:

1. You’ll deliberately focus on telling them how unique their God given talents and abilities make them, and why they must aim to achieve their full potentials in life.

2. You’ll closely study each child, to identify her strengths and major natural interest. Then devote deliberate effort to help the child consciously develop that ability e.g by enrolling her in a vocational centre.

3. You’ll deliberately challenge your child to see mistakes she makes, setbacks she encounters (and any other forms of adversity that come her way as she chases her goal) as stepping stones to eventual success.

The above steps will enable you inculcate the right values in your children over time.

And when they become adults, they are likely to be well equipped to go through life achieving their set goals, without succumbing to pressures to be like others.

If you’re reading this, you likely have kids; are expecting…or are thinking of making one.

In this article I outline 3 (potentially harsh) truths or realities you may have to contend with as a parent, offering experience-based suggestions to guide your decision making and actions.

Let me start by congratulating you, on your decision to bring lovely little versions of yourself into your life at this point in time.

Kids are great to have – and that’s why many of us go to great lengths to have them.

However, if you are someone with big dreams and ambitions you want to accomplish, the arrival (or presence) of your kids could have serious implications for your plans.

It’s crucially important, for your sake, and that of your kids that you are able to deal successfully with such realities as and when they occur.

That’s why you may wish to seriously consider each of the following points I discuss here, before you take the plunge into “Parenthood” from which there is no return…or for some people “no escape”!

And if you’re already wet in the pool, consider the points below to be friendly reminders of how to swim while keeping your kids safe and healthy – figuratively speaking of course

1. Your Goals & Priorities May Have To Take The Back Seat

Think back to when you were a child growing up with your parent(s).

Did you notice how they seemed to be focussed most of the time on you?

With few exceptions (as is always the case in life), kids are often the center of their parents’ universe.

Yours are likely to be the same for you.

The challenge you may then face will be, for example, how to do all you know you need to do for them, while still pursuing your own valued life goals e.g learning a new skill, getting a new job, starting a business, studying for an important exam etc.

It can be quite difficult juggling parenting responsibilities with pursuit of big, demanding goals.

Quite often, a real conflict may occur, and to avoid being a bad parent, you may have to make a personal sacrifice, by (temporarily) giving up your goals or dreams to ensure your child gets the support she needs in her formative years.

This is why some parents (especially mothers – bless them) effectively put their lives on hold till the kids are all grown up and able to fend for themselves.

Is that something you’re ready to deal with or accept? Not everyone is. Which is why you may wish to carefully reflect on your decision to have a child now.

And if you already have one or more, this is a reminder of the reality facing you.

Deal with it competently or you could end up letting your child down, and looking like a bad parent.

Not a nice label to get stuck with!

2. You May Have To Work Overtime, All The Time, For A Long Time

I’m a work-at-home Dad, and
I can tell you there’s almost no break to be had when you’re a parent.

How tough it gets depends on the perspective one adopts.

It also may depend on the age(s) of the kid(s) in question – though I dare say kids can be a handfull at almost any age!

A person with one child may experience as much “work” attending to the needs of a child, as would another with four.

Everyday I have to manage 3 energetic boys (9, 11 and 13) and two nearly tom-boy girls (3 and 6).

When they decide to go at each other, it sometimes feels like all hell’s broken loose!

Picture me calling out to them in pairs as they argue over trivial (to me anyway) issues, and repeatedly come crying or whining, to report one another just as I’m trying to claw my way back into writing (or software coding) mode!

You could choose to spank them to get them quiet, but that is likely to last only so long before they begin again. Make a habit of spanking, and they could begin to resent you.

The reality is that you’ll need to get used to doing more work, in addition to that you used to do before deciding to make babies

Believe it or not, you may have to learn to type your overdue article using only a thumb on your smartphone (like I’m doing right this moment), while using your left hand to pacify your wailing 3 year old who wants you to rock her to sleep!

Ah kids, what would we BE without them

Now, if the kind of scenario I’ve painted above terrifies you, I strongly urge you to reconsider your decision to bring a child into your life right now.

Of course the option of care givers could be explored, but not all aspects of parenting can be effectively “outsourced”!

The above suggestion naturally applies to persons who do not yet have kids. If you’re not ready to deal with that likely reality, don’t start making babies just yet.

And if you’re already a parent, I believe it’s reasonably safe to assume you’ve faced a bit of the reality described above.

Don’t let it get you down. You can make this work. Infact, you HAVE to make this work – for the sake of YOUR kids!

3. Your Interests May Have To Include MORE Of Your Children’s Needs & Less Of Yours For A While

Maybe you are passionate about your hobbies, vocation, job, business. Or other subjects that appeal to you or which you consider important, say for your personal growth and development.

Once kids come into the picture some of that may have to change.

Sometimes a lot.

You’ll have to develop a healthy appetite for checking and sometimes helping with your child’s “home work”.

If yours is still a toddler, getting to know vaccination dates, and many other dos and donts will have to interest you more.

If having to commit more conscious attention to anything outside your personal interests scares or upsets you, maybe you’re not quite ready to be a parent just yet.

And by the way, if you’re not keen to do all that “hard work” tending the kids, don’t expect that leaving it to a willing spouse or partner will work.

What happens for instance if her circumstances change (e.g. S/he gets – or loses – a job)?

That’s why you’ll need to think this through to be sure you’re up for it, before you get into it!

Final Words: Do What’s Best For Your Child

I realise the points raised above will vary in relevance and significance depending on societal cultures. And of course according to the gender of the parent – and possibly other factors that may not immediately come to mind.

However, one fact that remains obvious is that parenting is not an endeavour that can be embarked upon half-heartedly.

It is – at the risk of stating the obvious – a very serious undertaking which only adult persons ready to make the full commitment should take on.

We must remember, that the physical, emotional and psychological well being of a fragile human being is at stake here.

The quality of parenting provided in the child’s formative years ultimately determines, to a great extent, the kind of adult she develops into.

That’s why the truths discussed in this article are meant to be a combined warning(to persons aspiring to parenthood), and reminder or wake-up call (to those already with kids).

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In this post, I discuss – with reference to accomplishments of historic personalities – the importance of encouraging your child to think and dream big, about what s/he wants to achieve in life.

Dreaming big is about living with purpose. It’s important to discover one’s purpose in life as early as possible. By purpose, I mean the ultimate, overriding objective that you aim to achieve over your entire lifetime.

It has been said that a well-defined purpose is actually one that will keep a person busy trying to achieve it till he/she dies. However, that person would derive the greatest satisfaction and fulfillment not just from actualizing that objective, BUT also in the process of working towards that achievement.

In my Self-Development Bible™ print manual titled “Ten Ways You Can Use Self-Development to Create the Future You Want”, I explained that this kind of “purpose” has been described by some as a “Magnificent Obsession”.

As the examples provided below demonstrate, the benefits to be had are not just for you and your child. The larger society stands to benefit as well. And if your child starts working on her BIG dreams early, her chances of success will increase.

If we think of some people who have influenced our societies through their efforts, we can actually deduce what purpose they had.

Consider the following:

Great People Who Dreamt Big – And Won!

1. The late fiery activist Nigerian lawyer – Gani Fawehinmi – was obsessed with fighting for the emancipation of the rights of the common people – the masses, the downtrodden, the poverty stricken and the disadvantaged.

The fact that his purpose was his “obsession” was always obvious to all who saw the passion with which he spoke about it, every single time he has the opportunity. That was why he carried on his crusade successfully for so many decades! And that’s also why he enjoyed such a huge following.

2. Same applies to Fela Anikulapo Kuti – who is now celebrated worldwide for his music and human rights activism via Broadway dramatizations of his life story etc.

Fela chose to educate us through his songs about the folly of our ways and those of our governments/leaders, as well as the need for black people to avoid feeling inferior because of the colour of their skins.

He died living the values he so fervently advocated. Again, that was why he was so phenomenally successful – and acknowledged worldwide – in death – even by those he “preached” against!!

3. And of course there’s South Africa’s Nelson Mandela, who has really given meaning to the idea of living with purpose. Mandela famously gave up 27 long years of his life (in prison) to secure liberation from racial discrimination for people of South Africa.

Anyone who has tried staying in restricted conditions for one hour will know that it is NOT easy to give up your freedom – for half of your useful years on earth – to a cause that many must have told him was doomed to failure.

Yet, Mandela was convinced – and obsessed – enough to persist in pursuing that seemingly impossible dream.

Today, he is a living legend celebrated as an icon all over the world for his efforts and sacrifice.

These people mentioned above are just a few examples. Desmond Tutu, Martin Luther King Jnr., and so many others are other well known role models.

What “Purpose” Should Mean To Your Child

By “purpose” I refer to the special talent, skill, insight or ingenuity that your child might have to offer this world.

It is the exclusive niche she might end up – with proper guidance – carving for herself in her nation, on the continent – even across the globe.

That rare, unique quality which would make her name ring a familiar bell in the ears of people in her society or even all over the world…The way Mohammed Ali’s name today still rings very loud, familiar and pleasant bells in all our ears.

That is one man who – despite physical limitations now imposed on him by a nervous disorder – still continues to demonstrate the extraordinary courage and tenacity that has made him the greatest Boxing Heavyweight Champion who ever lived.

Visit www.throughtheeyesoftheworld.com to get some gist of a worldwide documentary about Mohammed’s life, and his impact on people across the world. Our Sports Station 88.9 Brilar FM regularly used some of Ali’s most famous “expressions” in its advertising e.g. "Yes I predict, and I know the score. I’ll be champ of the world in ‘64".

Mohammed has indeed lived the dream he once had!

I honestly believe the world – indeed our individual societies – needs more people with the courage to dream big dreams like these great people did from early on in their lives.

Final Words – My Challenge To YOU!

The purpose of this post is to challenge YOU to give your child the opportunity to dare to dream BIG, the way the great achievers mentioned above did in their time.

Then support her to experience the excitement of striving to accomplish that dream.

As in the Olympics, the joy – for your child – will not necessarily come from winning, but also from having participated. She will get fulfillment from giving it her best shot, and never having to look back with regret that she could have done better.

Let’s give our children that opportunity – even if we never got it when we were their age.

If you really love your kids, you’ll do this for them. And they’ll thank your for it …..all their lives…and who knows, if things go as planned with their BIG dreams, so will many others in your society when your child’s achievement ends up making their lives better!