Category Archives: Parenting

THE FOOL WHO THOUGHT HE WAS WISE (A 14 Year Old’s Useful Short Story On HIV-AIDS Prevention)

This insightful piece was written by a 14 year old boy – Amaechi O.S – 6 months ago. It was typed by him in MS Word format. The story delivers a powerful message regarding a dangerous misconception some people – especially kids or “uneducated” adults – may have about “how to wear” condoms to prevent HIV infection.

I’ve edited it for spelling, comprehension and grammar but added NOTHING to it, and published it here (i.e.www.tinyurl.com/AmeachiOnHIV). A PDF version is available via a download link at the bottom of this post. Please share it freely – and do let Amaechi have your feedback – if any – in the comments section or via email (see below)

Oh yes, one more thing: Consider this the VERY first guest post I’m publishing on my blog…LOL! And who knows…Amaechi may end up becoming another teenage writing genius – like Bamidele Onibalusi!!

======STORY BEGINS====

There was once a family. They had lived through many generations, and were rich, strong, God fearing people.

But one day, one of their offspring brought disgrace to the family.

His name was Leinad.

Leinad thought he was clever, but often did things that showed he was not very smart.

On that fateful day, armed robbers broke into the house where he lived with his family, and demanded for two million naira.

But they were fair with him, and gave him two options.

They told him to choose between being injected with a syringe containing HIV infected blood, or giving them the two million naira.

“We will be back in five days time”, said the men of the underworld.

After five days they came back asking him if he had made his decision.

He said, “Yes. I want to give you the money”.

“Where is it”, said the men of the under world.

“It is in my room”, he replied.

“Then bring it out now!” they said.

Leinad went to his room, but instead of getting the money, he wore a condom on his manhood, then went back downstairs, and said:

“I want the syringe, I want the syringe man!”

So, they tried to inject him in the buttocks with the syringe.

“No, on my hand” he said.

They injected him and left saying “You did this to yourself!”

But Leinad laughed saying: “Those fools they don’t know that I am wearing a condom”.

Two years later he died of HIV.

======THE END====

Send feedback to: amaechiOS at tksola dot com OR add your comments below…

DOWNLOAD THE PDF VERSION…

This insightful piece was written by a 14 year old boy – Amaechi O.S - 6 months ago. It was typed by him in MS Word format. The story delivers a powerful message regarding a dangerous misconception some people – especially kids or “uneducated” adults - may have about “how to wear” condoms to prevent HIV infection.

A Proven Secret for Defeating Failure (Lessons from 3 Great Achievers)

Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Abraham Lincoln. What do these three people have in common? The answer is that they achieved legendary success in spite of severely unfavourable circumstances e.g. crippling poverty, and lack of formal schooling.

Question: What ultimately separates those who succeed in life from those who do not?

Answer: It is the degree of persistence with which they pursue their goals.

Lack of access to f ormal schooling, or wealth, can never be a fatal handicap. It can slow you down, but it cannot stop you! History attests to this fact. That’s why we have so many stories of poor people, and school drop outs, who go on to excel at the highest levels in life.

The following are three well known examples:

1. Thomas Edison

Edison’s mother withdrew him from school, and began home schooling him, after teachers labelled him “addled” i.e. incapable of learning. You and I today have proof around us of the fact that Edison made the most of himself, despite having just a few months of schooling.

He was a hands-on person, and developed the expertise he became renowned for, by spending thousands of hours experimenting on his ideas. Lacking money, he started by siting his “lab” in a car! He never gave up, and reportedly failed about 10,000 times before discovering the tungsten filament for inventing the light bulb.

His experiences led him to make this famous – and insightful – statement:

“Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.”

2. Henry Ford

Compared to Edison, Ford could probably be said to have been even more disadvantaged. The history books describe him as having been a “stark illiterate”.

Yet he fathered the industry of automobile mass production: cars affordable by the non-rich.

It’s amazing that he achieved that feat without being a professor of automobile engineering!

That’s proof that lack of formal education cannot stop you from succeeding at anything you set your mind on.

3. Abraham Lincoln

Lincoln endured years of hardship, from his childhood, in the process of self-educating himself, to become a lawyer.

At one stage, he walked miles to and from the library, to borrow books which he read by candlelight.

Today, many readily surrender if they discover they lack money, or entry qualifications, to attend law school. Yet, Lincoln, despite challenges posed by his poverty, persisted and eventually became a lawyer – through self-study.

Then he went on to record a series of failures that would have daunted the average person, in business, and later in pursuit of elected office.

But he persisted, and kept aiming higher despite failure at lower levels. So much so that he eventually got elected into the highest office in the USA, as President!

Little wonder he was once quoted as saying:

“I may be a slow walker, but I never walk backwards.”

And it was also Lincoln who said:

“The world steps aside for the man who knows where he is going.”

He certainly knew what he was talking about!

This Blog (& Website) You’re Reading NOW, Is a Product of Fanatical Persistence

Yes it is. If you think the above subtitle is exaggerated, I assure you it is not. This is not an ego trip. I offer the details below, as evidence that I practice what I preach; I take my own medicine :-)

I’ve told all (mostly family) who have played a part in my entrepreneurial journey since January 2002, that I’ll be mentioning their names – and roles – in the book I’m writing on this.

I built this website in June 2005. And I’ve kept it online, and grown it tremendously, since then.

Not much money is required to run a website. However, when you lack money to meet your daily needs, even the little needed to keep your website up can be hard to find. I should know!

What’s more, it’s taken relentless investment of LOTS of effort, time, sleepless nights without rest (and sometimes DAYS without food!) – to keep this multi-disciplinary website going over the past 9 years.

During this period, I’ve consistently churned out content to serve my target audience.

Today what I offer has evolved to include special PDF reports (e.g. making drinks you can sell from fruit skin/peels), daily articles on 6 different topics, a weekly newsletter on speaking IDEAS, excel-visual basic software for payslips/feed formulation, and video tutorials on various useful subjects, among others.

Note that I’ve done all this alone, while sometimes still catering to the widely differing needs of clients in various industries.

Long ago, stories about Edison and others taught me that PERSISTING, no matter what, gets you to your goal. You’re reading this today, because I’ve always done that.

Diligent Persistence CAN Save You – and Your Child!

You – and your child – can apply persistence and end up telling even better stories.

I offer the following suggestions based on what I’m doing with my own kids:

Tell your children the stories of achievers like those mentioned above. There are many more of course – including the great Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Ghandi, and others Google can throw up.

Get your kids to go online (or do it with them), to read up even more details of how such people defeated extreme adversity, to achieve noteworthy success.

Point out the fact that it did NOT happen overnight. VERY important. They need to be ready for that.

Let them understand that they can also succeed with persistence – no matter how tough things get.

This message needs to be repeated to them as often as possible.

Challenge them, as the opportunity presents itself (and it will), to apply that understanding when they come up against even the most minor of challenges.

Final Words: Persistence Is a Habit You Can Learn – and Teach

This article used true stories to illustrate how ordinary people, starting wth nothing, achieved unlikely success using just ONE weapon: dogged persistence.

The following quote re-enforces the foregoing point:

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence; Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful individuals with talent. Genius will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent” – Ray Kroc (Founder of McDonalds)

Persistence can be taught. It’s a habit that can be developed.

YOU, as well as your kids, can use it to achieve your own goals. The earlier you start, the better.

At a point, you’ll begin to apply this ability to persist, more or less spontaneously – and seemingly without effort.

The uninitiated around you will consequently marvel at your seeming ability to defy failure.

And you will get to live your dreams.

Teach Your Child to be Brave Despite School

In Seth Godin’s manifesto – titled “Stop Stealing Dreams (What is school for?)” he wrote, under item 33, titled “Who will teach bravery?” as follows:

“Bravery in school is punished, not rewarded. The entire institution is organized around avoiding individual brave acts, and again and again we hear from those who have made a difference, telling us that they became brave despite school, not because of it.

Harvard Business School turns out management consultants in far greater numbers than it develops successful bootstrapping entrepreneurs. Ralph Lauren, David Geffen and Ted Turner all dropped out of college because they felt the real challenges lay elsewhere.”

Now, that’s a powerful indictment of traditional schooling – at the highest level too. And it’s not the first time we’ve heard of drop outs making it in life ahead of peers who finished formal schooling.

One would have expected it to be the other way round. And it used to be – back in those days when jobs in industries awaited such dedicated school finishers.

But so much has changed today. That’s why now, more than ever, parents need to help their kids get an education relevant to the new times we’re in.

Conformance and Obedience Will Not Save You – or Your Child

It’s been over ten years since I bought Robert Kiyosaki’s “If you want to be rich and happy, don’t go to school?” from Amazon.com using a Virtual MasterCard I acquired via Netspend.com. I still smile when I recall the phrase Netspend appended beside every commission they charged, in the transaction history.

It read “Small price for getting to the end of NO:-)

I imagine that was meant to make us (i.e. card users) feel good about letting them take about a dollar per transaction. For me however, it was okay. I was in Africa, and could not have obtained it any other way.

More seriously, back then I was just as passionate as I am now, about learning everything possible to empower my kids to discover their purpose early in life.

I got that book via internal company mail from the London office. It arrived in a box along with 2 others by Kiyosaki (“Rich Kid Smart kid” & “Rich Dad, Poor Dad“) during my final 2 months in Guinness, as Training and Technical Development Manager (I’d sent in my resignation, in November 2001).

Robert’s book confirmed my feelings about traditional schooling. That fuelled my desire to break whatever remained of the hold it had on me. So, embracing self-employment (something I’d dreamt of doing for years) became even more appealing to me – just as certain colleagues called me “crazy” for qutting my high paying job!

Ironically, I learnt some were laid off a few years later. They were apparently “replaceable”! Most never saw it coming. The fears that made them avoid preparing for that possibility eventually made them lose out – despite the fact that they obeyed, and conformed, as school taught them!

Times Have Changed – But Our Schools Are Reluctant to Catch Up

We owe our kids a duty to prepare them to take smarter decisions in their lives. And we cannot pass that duty to anyone else.

It will never be wise to leave such an important responsibility to our kid’s teachers.

Many parents have gotten away with it in the past – especially during the industrial age. Back then, schools taught kids to be the kinds of employees industries needed. However, since then the world has moved on. We are now in a fast changing information and technology driven global community.

The nature of teaching our schools need to provide has also changed.

Sadly, many school administrators, teachers and parents still fail to realise what this means for them.

Many kids are entering the real world as adults, only to realise they’ve been very inadequately prepared for the challenges they are confronted with.

Seth shared a quote published in the New York Times, credited to Rebecca Chapman, literary editor of “The New Inquiry”, an online journal:

“My whole life, I had been doing everything everybody told me. I went to the right school. I got really good grades. I got all the internships. Then, I couldn’t do anything.”

I have experienced what Rebecca describes above first hand – as a graduate job seeker, and even worse when I became an entrepreneur. And I hated it.

We Must Not Let School Impact Our Kids In The Same Negative Manner!

I’ve vowed to do everything in my power to control the impact of formal schooling on my kids.

I urge you to do the same for your child. Teach and encourage her to be brave in spite of whatever she sees or hears in school. Let her understand that risk-taking and courageous acts in particular, are not to be avoided.

For example:  Asking questions others may be scared to ask; proposing alternative ideas others may be afraid to voice; exploring subjects, issues or places others are reluctant to investigate; taking steps to achieve goals or objectives or dreams that interest or appeal to her. And so on.

Doing things like the above will enable her achieve valuable self-education, and ultimately gain extraordinary insights into life.

You must also make yourself also a worthy role model by walking your talk, so s/he can be inspired to follow your example.

If you do the above, your child will enter the world better prepared to succeed, in any area of endeavour s/he ventures.

And YOU will harvest peace of mind from that knowledge alone.

When You Have No Money, You’re No Good…Right?

Wrong! This dilemma confronts many people in their daily lives. And yet it’s such a simple thing to master. Just adopt the right mode of thinking – and your ability to achieve any goals you set your mind on, will be dramatically enhanced.

Aside from being ostracized for my clothes, the kids called me poor a lot. And to their thinking, if you were poor, you were no good.” – Ben Carson in “Gifted Hands”

Insights from the Life Story of Ben Carson (the Famous American Brain Surgeon)

As a child, Carson had to pass through school struggling with crippling poverty. He and his brother had only their mother to care for them.

And she, lacking formal education, was a bit limited in her ability to provide for all their needs. So, quite often, Carson had to attend classes in clothes that got him picked on by classmates. And they also called him poor.

Like he noted in his book (“Gifted Hands”), many of those who did the name calling were actually not better off, and therefore really had no basis on which to call someone else such names.

He however added that being a teenager at the time, that little bit of insight escaped him. What’s more, he also (wrongly) assumed that those kids were better than him because they had 2 parents and he had one.

The points made in the above paragraph, are worthy of note for parents.

What we take for granted may be life saving “education” we can give our kids. Mrs. Carson gave her sons a lot of pep talks about being self-confident and never feeling inferior. But they did not always apply it. Thankfully however, they put it to use often enough to achieve noteworthy success in life.

Carson’s story indicates that our kids needs to be constantly reminded that not having – or being poor – does not make them less than anyone.

Ironically, sometimes even we, as parents, need to remind ourselves of the same thing :-)

But What If You Lack Clothes & Suddenly Get Invited to Dinner With Rich Associates You Just Met?

This can – and does – happen. If it happens to you, take heart. Many have been there, and survived.

Some people may be lucky to have friends or relatives they can call to loan them clothes or shoes to wear. Or even to lend them money to go shopping.

But others may lack access to such helpers.

You probably believe attending that meeting could lead to the change of fortunes you desire. Yet presenting an appearance that creates a poor impression could derail everything.

What is one to do in such a situation?

I’ll tell you: Your ability to express yourself in an engaging manner (i.e. your conversational skills) CAN save you.

Learn to communicate in a manner, that commands the serious attention and interest of anyone in your company – no matter how sophisticated they may be.

You will not need special clothing to make an impact on people in this manner.

And compared to your dressing, and looks, your words have the power to leave a more lasting impression on those you relate with.

Here’s a true story that illustrates the above point quite effectively.

A “Tramp” Uses His Speaking Prowess to Befriend a Rich Businessman & Get a Job (True Story)

This story is taken from Dale Carnegie’s excellent book titled “How to Win Friends & Influence People by Public Speaking”.

One rainy day, a man (let’s call him John) dressed like a tramp knocked on the office door of a successful business owner (call him Jack).

When Jack first saw John standing in the rain, in his tattered clothes, he almost asked him to leave. But something in John’s manner – the way he carried himself, and looked at him – made Jack decide to speak to him.

John proceeded to express himself in impeccable English language, that instantly captured Jack’s attention and interest.

As they spoke, Jack’s impression of John completely changed. He no longer thought of him in terms of his outward appearance. John explained the circumstances that led to an unexpected change of fortunes for him. By the end of their conversation, Jack was so impressed that the next day, he arranged for John to be given a job!

Moral of the Story: Your Lack of Money or Material Possessions is NOT a Fatal Handicap

Never let anyone make you feel less than you are. It does not matter who they are, or what they have.

I know from personal experience however, that this can be quite difficult to believe – or remember. Especially when you have no money in your pockets. Or you’re wearing cheap (or deteriorating) attire, around people dressed exquisitely.

It’s even worse if they turn out to be snobs, who go out of their way to belittle you.

So yes it will be hard to do. But when you have no alternatives, put your persuasive speaking skill to use.

That’s what John did in the above story.

If you do not yet have it mastered, start today, to develop your ability to express yourself convincingly.

It is a competence that cannot be bought with money. Yet it can gain you access to money – and a whole lot more e.g. respect, recognition, admiration, fame, great friendships, leadership etc.

Dale Carnegie’s book offers a wealth of information that has helped many people reap such benefits. Read others as you go on.

Good luck.

Should You Worry If Your Child NEVER Gets In Trouble? (4 Tips)

What I propose in this piece is likely to be a bit controversial. But you probably already know I have no problems voicing my opinion :-)

Read this article with an open mind and you will see the point I’m making.

I’ve explained in past articles that intelligent mistake making is an effective way to learn. It is also my experience based opinion, that the best time to learn is when your failures result in minimal damage.

And one such period is during childhood.

1. Succeeding In the Real World Requires Strength of Character

My failures (and they are MANY!!) as an entrepreneur, convince me I’m right about this.

These devastating failures came despite the fact that I’d excelled academically right through university…and also enjoyed rapid career advancement for 7 years as a well paid, high performing manager in a large multinational.

But one thing saved me during those periods of severe trials and tribulations.

It was the mental toughness/character I formed in my teens.

Without it, this daily Self-Development Nuggets blog or my weekly speaking IDEAS newsletter would not exist. Neither would my books, custom Excel-VB spreadsheet software, Web Marketing Systems development service, YouTube educational/demonstration videos, or Cost-Saving Farm Business Support Service.

My point is: I’m just one guy. But for over 2 decades, people have asked me how I manage to do many different things so well – and at the same time – with seemingly endless passion.

If truth be told, it has to do with a decision I took early in life, due to a crisis I suffered (See 2. below).

And that is why I’m convinced getting in trouble early in life can be VERY useful preparation, for succeeding – in spite of adversity – in adult life.

2. How Getting In Trouble Helped Me Develop Strength of Character (True Story)

I started getting into trouble very early – before I clocked 10 years e.g by stealing money from my mother’s purse, and pieces of meat from her pot. I eventually got caught and punished.

At the age of 10, in my first secondary school year, I stupidly let four older classmates copy my answer scripts (and they did so verbatim!) in the promotional exams. We got caught and asked to repeat the year.

My parents moved me to boarding school, in another state (six hours away), to start over.

I did well right into my final year – and even got appointed Health Prefect.

Then I got into trouble again….and was suspended for 2 weeks!

I (along with another prefect, and others) skipped classes. Then we caught, roasted and ate bush rats (and even chickens reared by teaching staff – including the principal’s) – in the dormitory!

We got suspended just a few months to the final certification exams.

Thankfully, I passed the exams, due in no small way to a threat by my Dad. He basically said that was the only way I could get his forgiveness.

Facing the consequences of my actions forced me to toughen up mentally.

Knowing others are whispering about what you’ve done can be painful. I loathed myself!

While serving my 2 week suspension, I resolved never to let myself feel that way again. That decision has since helped me overcome many great temptations in my adult life (no exaggeration).

3. A Child Who Never Gets In Trouble: Is That a Good or Bad Thing?

Real character is formed – and tested – through exposure to challenges.

It may be hard to accept, but getting in trouble is one of the most effective ways for kids to learn what not to do. And as long as they are repentant, kids who get into trouble often turn out okay.

Many even tend to mature into better rounded adults, than those who don’t get into trouble.

If you think back to your own childhood, you may probably recall it was the same for you.

A child who gets into trouble, give us an opportunity to peek into his/her true tendencies.

As a parent (and I always tell my kids this), I prefer a child who periodically gets into trouble, to one who never does.

Sounds crazy I know, but it’s not.

Reflecting on my personal experiences and studying others makes me believe this.

A child who NEVER gives problems can be a time-bomb waiting to explode in adulthood.

I’m not saying a child who does not get into trouble will end up badly. No. But s/he may end up lacking the capacity – and competence – to deal with adversity in adulthood.

It is also my considered opinion, that the parent of a child who does get into trouble, if attentive, can gain useful insights into what the child will or will not do.

And that can be useful.

4. How You React As a Parent Is Very Important

Smart parents will use the opportunity to mould their child’s evolving character.

That’s what my parents did for me, with the feedback they gave me each time I went wrong.

And that’s why I’m already doing the same thing for my kids – starting with my 14 year old son.

Do the same for your kids. Avoid excessively rebuking (or worse, condemning) them.

If you check properly, it’s likely that some people in living history have done similar (or worse) things, and still gone on to noteworthy achievements in life.

So, when your child gets into trouble, aim to help him/her do the same.

At the end of the day, that’s really what life is all about.

F-Y-I: Google Confirms Hacker Attacks On This Website

I’ve periodically announced the fact that I believe that – this website (spontaneoudevelopment.com) – is a target of selectively orchestrated online attacks. Well, this past Wednesday 22nd May 2013, I got a detailed email from Google Web master Support confirming some of my suspicions.

Below is the detailed hacker email alert sent me by Google, and also the email I’ve since sent to my web host – in line with the advice given by Google.

I’ve also already commenced taking action to clean out the mentioned sites.

(Yesterday a power blackout lasting from about 8.30a.m till 10pm across Benin Republic meant I was unable to start earlier).

Subject: [Fwd: [Webmaster Tools] Message summary]

From: tayo at spontaneousdevelopment dot com

Date: Thu, May 23, 2013 10:57 am

To: support at hostgator.com

Cc: tayosolagbade at gmail dot com

Priority: High

Read receipt: requested

Hi

Google just gave me this heads up (see forwarded email below).

A few days back, I got an email that suggested efforts were being made to

sabotage my website. This confirms it.

See a blog post I put up about it:

http://spontaneousdevelopment.com/sdnuggets/fyi-orchestrated-sabotage-campaign-against-this-website/

Can you give me any ideas of how to proceed in resolving this problem.

Would appreciate any help you can give.

Thanks in advance,

With kindest regards,

Tayo

PS: Sometimes I even get the feeling my emails are being intercepted and

blocked. But again, I can’t prove it. Maybe this has something to do with

it.

—————————- Original Message —————————-

Subject: [Webmaster Tools] Message summary

From: wmt-noreply at google.com

Date: Wed, May 22, 2013 7:37 pm

To: tayo at spontaneousdevelopment dot com

————————————————————————–

Google Logo

Message summary

Webmaster Tools sent you the following important messages about sites in

your account. To keep your site healthy, we recommend regularly reviewing

these messages and addressing any critical issues.

Notice of Suspected Hacking on

http://www.excelheaven.spontaneousdevelopment.com/

Dear site owner or webmaster of

http://www.excelheaven.spontaneousdevelopment.com/,

We are writing to let you know that we believe some of your website’s pages

may be hacked. Specifically, we think that JavaScript has been injected

into your site by a third party and may be used to redirect users to

malicious sites. You should check your source code for any unfamiliar

JavaScript and in particular any files containing “counter.php”

style=”visibility: hidden; position: absolute; left: 0px; top: 0px”

width=”10″ height=”10″. The malicious code may be placed in HTML,

JavaScript or PHP files so it’s important to be thorough in your search.

The following are example URLs from your site where we found such content:

http://www.excelheaven.spontaneousdevelopment.com/buy_xl_software.htm

http://www.excelheaven.spontaneousdevelopment.com/pu_coaching.htm

[deleted text]

Notice of Suspected Hacking on http://www.iff.spontaneousdevelopment.com/

Dear site owner or webmaster of http://www.iff.spontaneousdevelopment.com/,

We are writing to let you know that we believe some of your website’s pages may be hacked. Specifically, we think that JavaScript has been injected into your site by a third party and may be used to redirect users to malicious sites. You should check your source code for any unfamiliar JavaScript and in particular any files containing “counter.php”

style=”visibility: hidden; position: absolute; left: 0px; top: 0px”

width=”10″ height=”10″. The malicious code may be placed in HTML,

JavaScript or PHP files so it’s important to be thorough in your search.

The following are example URLs from your site where we found such content:

http://www.iff.spontaneousdevelopment.com/feb06.htm

In addition, it’s also possible your server configuration files (such as

Apache’s .htaccess) have been compromised. As a result of this, your site
may be cloaking and showing the malicious content only in certain

situations.

We encourage you to investigate this matter in order to protect your

visitors. If your site was compromised, it’s important to not only remove

the malicious (and usually hidden) content from your pages, but also to

identify and fix the vulnerability. A good first step may be to contact

your web host’s technical support for assistance. It’s also important to

make sure that your website’s software is up-to-date with the latest

security updates and patches.

More information about cleaning your site can be found at:

http://support.google.com/webmasters/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=163634

Sincerely, Google Search Quality Team

Here’s My Understanding Of The Discovery Made By Google About Attacks On My Websites

I’m sharing all this information to help others, who now, or in future, may have similar experiences. It always helps to read about what others faced, and measures they took to recover.

The malicious code discovered on my websites by Google, was found to be (selectively) redirecting people who visit my website to possible scam – or spam – websites.

So, when someone visits my website from Google, they may even get a virus or malicious code warning about my website. And this will make the intending visitor quickly leave! They never arrive at that page. But I won’t know its happening.

In the meantime, Google will exclude that page from their searches – and I will receive less visits, enquiries and subscribers. That’s been happening – but my consistent blogging has helped cushion the effects a little bit.

See how complicated this whole issue is – and it’s devastating effect on my ability to earn more income?

Additional Insights Into The Negative Impact Of This Hacker Attack

It’s with this Google confirmation that I’m now able to put 2 and 2 together, to make sense of the strange experiences I’ve been having.

Burt Dubin has – as usual – kindly written in, on learning of this new development. My thanks to him – and my friends/family – for all the moral support, as I tackle these different efforts to pull me down (and they are MANY I tell you – without exaggeration).

There’s a consistent odd/tell tale trend I’ve noticed in these attacks. And those I’ve pointed it out to agree with me, that it is a good sign that these attacks are being done (or sponsored) by people who know me, and who want to discredit me. They are not the usual random attacks.

For instance, specific pages and documents on my website (e.g. my PDF resume, learning event PDF flyers and other pages specifically used to showcase my products and services for sale) are selectively attacked – not the entire website!

They also attacked my popular articles (which I still have on HTML pages) that attract a lot of readers. Those pages used to come up in Google, now they don’t.

The obvious purpose is to prevent me from gaining enough credibility to convert more visitors into buyers (like I did with the Canadian Farm Project Manager priest – to their surprise I’m sure).

It’s even affected my efforts to gain marketing traction for my learning events and new products here in Benin Republic. I’ve had so many in-person meetings that started out looking promising.

Then we would part by exchanging cards, and the prospects would promise to visit my website as agreed, in readiness for a follow up meeting.

As you can imagine, a visit to the website that results in a virus warning or a scam offer will NOT inspire any confidence in a prospect to pursue furthr relations with the owner!

Now consider the REAL possibility that ALL those I’ve been sending my Guest Posts, English-French Guide CDROMs and Seminar proposals to have been having that experience?!!

Our Websites Need To Be Protected – And We Will Often Need All The Help We Can Get

I’m not giving details of the solution I’ve settled on.

But the trends I’ve noticed in these attacks strongly suggest implementing it will make a lasting world of difference. Where I’ve been using this planned solution, I’ve NEVER had this problem, so I intend to simply extend it to the rest of the website.

Sadly, all this has prevented me from building on my success from a few months back.

It took a lot of work to get that far. I’d continued work to build on it. But I found it so strange that everything just came to an almost complete halt.

Google has now helped show why this happened, with this email advice they sent me. I’m now working hard to clean up the entire website to (as they correctly put it) protect my visitors/users.

Most of what I’m trying to achieve in my business (online and off the web) depends on how my website presents me.

That’s where I put up most of my marketing material to support even my offline efforts. Today, people readily Google you, and check your website out to make up their minds.

Mine has helped me earn decent income (and achieve great marketing mileage/exposure) while spending VERY little – even from Nigerians who find it hard to trust themselves talk less of others.

They’ve sent me money from different parts of the country. I have CEOs in Lagos, Niger, Kano, Ibadan and other places who own businesses (e.g. farms, and other companies) that have bought my handbook and subscribe to my newsletter, and are now friends but we’ve never met!

Someone I’d never met before even sent N35,000 (approx. $230 USD) into my bank account, two full weeks before travelling from over 8 hours away in Akwa Ibom, to meet me in Lagos. It was on a Saturday, and I spent about 4 hours putting him through practical Feed Formulation at a feed mill in Oko Oba, late last year.

Why Would A Stranger Send Me Payment 2 weeks Ahead For An In-Person Training? It Was Simply Based On What He Read On My Website.

And That’s How Powerful Your Writing Can Be!

If you own a website, you probably depend on it to achieve similar goals.

That’s why when your website is not in a good state of health, your chances of making useful progress are limited.

So, this kind of attack is something we all need to protect ourselves against. And we will often need all the help we can get to do so successfully.

When focussing on the serious business of attracting clients for your services, it can be annoying to discover “hidden”
attacks like these diluting one’s efforts. This has been an on-going battle for close to 2 years now.

Everytime I
clean it out, they come right back. I’m determined to make this
the last.

I’m grateful for the support provided by Google via their Webmaster tools email alert, and for my web host (Hostgator)’s usual amazing support.

PS: Oh, by the way, I know the “bad guys” are on my newsletter mailing list, and also possibly tune in via RSS etc. So they’re always lurking, with malicious intent.

Well, Here Are Some FINAL WORDS for Those Haters to Chew On

A proverb in my language (Yoruba) says:

“Ota o le pa kadara mi da. Won kan le fa owo ago pada si ehin ni”

Literal translation: Enemies/haters/evil-doers cannot change my destiny. They can only pull the hands of the clock backwards”.

Contextual translation: “People who try to hurt/stop you can never succeed unless you let them. The best they can do is to slow you down. Eventually, if you don’t stop, YOU will wear THEM down.”

And of course, I hope you know that your “destiny” is what you make of it?

Yes it is!

Like Williams Jennings Bryan said

“Destiny is not a matter of chance, but of choice. Not something to wish for, but to attain.”

Sigh. If these guys knew where I draw my inspiration from, they would have quit long ago. But becasue they are so DAFT, they persist in wasting their time.

How do you stop a guy who simply does not understand how to give up?

Your best bet is: Shoot him…and make sure you don’t miss!

The problem you will have is MY creator will not let ANYONE succeed in doing that to me.

Evil can never triumph over GOOD. Falsehood can never defeat TRUTH. Period.

So “haters”, if you can find better things to do with your time, I’d really advise you do SO NOW. You will NOT win this war. I’m in this to the end – and by then I’ll be the last one standing. Believe it.

The Trick About Parenting (Based on A Tip from Robert Kiyosaki)

Oprah Winfrey once had a number of unusually successful child geniuses on her show, some as young as 5 years old (and I think even younger!). Despite their ages, these kids were already earning huge amounts of income, because of special skills or talents discovered early and encouraged/nurtured by their parent(s).

It is my considered opinion, that children who discover purpose in life that early, often have parents who KNOW the “trick of parenting”.

But What Exactly Is The “Trick About Parenting”?

Robert Kiyosaki* says:

“The trick about parenting is to find ways to make a child want to learn rather than forcing the child to learn”.

*Note: Robert Kiyosaki is a 4th generation Japanese American whose ideas about educational reform have transformed the thinking of millions of parents and educators. If you’re interested, you might want to get a copy of his bestseller “If you want to be rich and happy, don’t go to school?” and “Rich Kid Smart Kid” (Google the titles). Both books offer very good value for money – and will help any serious parent easily empower his/her child to tackle key life challenges.

So How Do You Apply This “Trick” To Help Your Kids?

What follows is my experience based opinion as one who has had to be a parent to five kids during the most turbulent period of my life (believe me).

Like I tell all who care to listen, I LIVE for my kids. Everything I do is driven by my desire to equip myself to be the best possible parent to them. And that is not limited to financial and material provisions.

Development of sound emotional and intellectual capacity to function effectively in ANY socioeconomic environment, is something I consider even more important.

I don’t want them going through life at the mercy of people or circumstances. What I’ve seen out here tells me that can happen if they lack proper preparation.

You need to find the way that each child prefers to learn, and use it to pass on whatever new knowledge/skills you want him to acquire. This requires making out time to be with your child, and carefully observing him/her over time.

NOTE: If you really love your child, then spending time watching him/her will certainly not be a boring or difficult experience for you – NO MATTER HOW BUSY YOU ARE.

Once you begin helping your child develop that passion, encourage him/her to apply what s/he learns – and not be afraid to make mistakes at first.

To really make a success of this, inculcate in your child the understanding that intelligent mistake making is a useful way to learn. That will remove a major potential “block” from her thinking, that would otherwise hold her back for years – if not throughout life!

You Have To Believe Irrationally In Your Child – And Infect Her with the Same Belief

There’s a good example in history. And who better than the author of a book that has sparked the self-development thinking revolution to show us how to do this?

Napoleon Hill – the legendary author of the best selling “THINK and GROW RICH” – dared to envision a normal life for his own son who was (unfortunately?) born without physical evidence of ears!

Hill passionately willed that his son would go through life, not feeling inadequate in anyway because of his physical handicap.

Somehow, that “silent communication” – and some actions Hill took – got through to his son.

It would later result in the deaf boy acquiring the ability to speak/hear normally. But that was not all. His son would also go on to play a VERY influential role, in the successful introduction of a special hearing device for use by other deaf people across the world.

The full details are in Hill’s book – Think and Grow Rich. Get a copy and read it.

I have met/listened to many people who claimed to have read that book. And yet when I asked them about this story, not one could recall reading it – NOT A SINGLE PERSON!

To be fair to them, I actually believe they read it, and subconsciously chose to forget it, because it sounded too improbable.

And yet we know that it happened just as Hill wrote it – else it would not have been published in that book and reproduced for decades like it has!

Hill’s amazing success story with his deaf son shows that he knew the trick about parenting.

His example shows what the power of your passionate desire for a purposeful existence for your child can do.

Your Child’s Future Depends Your Use of “This Trick”

Bring your life lessons about succeeding in the real world, to bear in coaching your children. Do this along the lines of THEIR natural interests/talents – to give them the best possible chance of excelling in life, as independent adults.

That’s my take on the trick about parenting.

And I believe that if I fail in doing that – for even ONE of my kids – I would have failed as a parent. That realization drives me every day in “parenting” my kids.

Give your child a chance to discover him/herself fully, and subsequently live a life of complete fulfillment, doing things that really bring joy and satisfaction to him/her.

That child will reward you in many ways – among other things, by becoming phenomenally successful, and telling others the role you played.

Just like Michael Jordan and John Maxwell acknowledged their fathers – or as Fela Anikulapo Kuti and Tupac Shakur credited their mothers.

Other examples abound in autobiographies.

Think of your child, and the uncertain future that awaits him/her if you fail to do this. You still have a good opportunity to make the necessary difference for him/her.You can use the ideas offered in this article to plan how to prepare him/her to succeed.

I sincerely hope your conscience guides you to take the right decision about how to “parent” your child.

FYI: Orchestrated Sabotage Campaign Against This Website

The email (in the screenshot below) is a 419 – that is scam – message being circulated disguised as if it’s from my website email (tayo at spontaneousdevelopment.com).

Believe it or not, this one came right into my inbox yesternight – got me wondering why I would send myself an email, till I read the contents…

Click the screenshot below to view my detailed illustration

Click now

This is the 1st bit of proof I’m getting to confirm the suspicions I’ve had that my work online is being sabotaged.

2 days ago, I discovered one of the websites I’ve earned income from had deleted my account without notice*

*******!

NB: Just this evening, I got a response from the above mentioned website to my enquiry saying my account had been reactivated. (See screenshot below). So that’s ONE less to worry about. But the big matter of the scam emails above remains…

Click now

*******

Earlier LinkedIn.com locked my account accusing me of “suspicious activity”.

This has been a serious running battle for me for a while.

A group of people are orchestrating these attacks to stop the obvious growth of my website traffic, and my profile.

These are mostly sponsored attacks. And it’s difficult to trace them

See (below) the links to articles I’ve had to publish on my website each time I’ve been punished for what I did not do as above.

Below the links is a message I included in an application I just submitted to a network. It gives details.

1. http://spontaneousdevelopment.com/sdnuggets/if-you-cant-find-me-on-linkedin-com-heres-why/

2. http://spontaneousdevelopment.com/sdnuggets/how-to-unmask-defeat-blood-sucking-vampires/

One thing is certain. They can never stop me.

==BELOW: The message I submitted to an online forum in which I had to warn the owners about the above situation==

I need to say this.

I’m having a running battle getting some bad guys off my back with regard to my website and blog. It’s costing me access to income earning and reputation building networks.

If you accept me into this forum PLEASE know that I do NOT do any kind of spamming, scamming or illegal stuff online.

LinkedIn.com and now constant-content.com (where I used to earn income as a writer) have recently locked me out of their websites.

I still do not know why – but LinkedIn replied to say they noticed “suspicious activity” in my account.

Just this evening I got a fake lottery email I apparently sent to myself from my domain based email (tayo at spontaneousdevelopment.com)!

Then it began to make sense!!

Basically they use my emaill address in place of the name for the sender.

Except for Internet savvy recipients, who think to check the email BEHIND the sender name (which they used my email to replace) most people will conclude the scam message came from my email, click to label it spam – and my website gets whacked by Google and co.

The problem is I don’t know how to stop them from sending those messages out to others – who will naturally think it’s me.

I’m saying all this here UPFRONT to help you decide if you’re comfortable having me on. There are orchestrated attempts being made to destroy my work online.

This is not the first time. I remain focussed on my goals.

And it’s even one of the reasons I relocated from Nigeria to Benin Republic.

Each time this problem has cost me tangibly (E.g. linkedIn and constant-content) I’ve written a blog post about it.

It’s the only form of defense I can think of. If after reading ALL this you’re OK with having me around, I’ll be glad to be a useful contributor to your forum – as (name of ebook) is one reason why I’m still alive and kicking despite the concerted efforts of people who want to pull me down.

Sorry about the epistle.

==End of message I submitted to online forum==

RELATED ARTICLES:

If You Can’t Find Me On LinkedIn.com Here’s Why

and

How to Unmask & Defeat Blood-Sucking Vampires!

Actualize Your God-Given Potential By Thinking for Yourself (6 Tips for Your Child)

Preamble

My son is celebrating his 14th birthday today (in Nigeria, while I’m here in Benin Republic) – and his uncle, my brother-in-law, is a year older as well :-)

I’m preparing to send him a special happy birthday song (MP3) I will record in French, with a couple of friends out here in Calavi, Benin Republic :-)

This article is based on a “sermon” I’ve always preached to him.

As most people in my family know, while I rarely forget anything related to my work, I readily forget even my own birthday! Sometimes it’s when someone sends a birthday wish via SMS or email that I remember :-)

Definitely nothing to be proud of. I’m working hard to change. This article is proof of it…LOL!

Now, to the message for my son…and possibly your child, if you think s/he can benefit.

Dear (insert child’s name here)

First of all, Happy Birthday to you and your Uncle!

I’m sure you’ll agree that today is an even more special day because I actually REMEMBERED it’s your birthday…Hurray!!

I’m not perfect. There are many shortcomings I need to work on in my life. This selective forgetfulness is definitely one of them.

However, despite all my weaknesses, I have ONE strength that gives me the needed edge to forge ahead in life. I have spoken to you about it a lot.

It happens to be the greatest GIFT I am capable of giving you. With it, you can more successfully manage yourself and your affairs in relation to others you meet.

I’m hoping this message helps you grasp its importance fully, so you can use it more effectively.

The GIFT? It’s YOUR Ability to Think for Yourself!

The greatest power any person can have is the power to think for him/herself. By implication, the greatest disservice you can do to yourself is to let others do your thinking for you.

I offer below, 6 tips you can follow, to actualize your potential, by thinking for yourself

1. When You Can Think for Yourself, You Will Never Be at the Mercy of Others.

This is because you will not be "needy", constantly seeking the opinions of others. To make up your mind about what you should or should not do. About what is right or not right for you. Regarding who to associate with or not. What (or who) to believe in, or not. And so on

.

You will always be in control of the choices and options you settle on. And that includes deciding who to vote for anytime there are elections at any level. Whether in your school, or elsewhere.

Even when you lack money or other material possessions, no one will be able to offer them as an enticement to get you to do what you normally would not do.

It’s the way your creator made you. That’s why he gave a you a brain that is NOT connected to other people’s brains! Yours is meant to function INDEPENDENTLY of others. Every time you use it that way for your thinking, you will get closer to actualizing the potential he put in you.

2. Thinking for Yourself Will Help You Learn More/Faster – by Discovery

Have you ever known anyone who could do (almost) nothing on his/her own? The kind who always need someone else to help them think through the tiniest decision making challenge?

Who will never be confident or comfortable enough to go ahead and take action based on his/her independent thoughts and assessment of a situation?

I have. And it can get very tiring – even when it’s a loved one. Don’t get me wrong. I’ll always be ready to answer your questions. I know there’s a lot you need to learn.

But I also want you to develop the ability to LEARN BY DISCOVERY.

This means being willing to go out and find answers to your questions by yourself. And not always believing you need to swallow what others say hook, line and sinker. That way, even when someone you ask is not forthcoming, you will always be able to discover alternative ways to get reliable answers.

You will then use those answers to add value to others – including me! – via intellectually stimulating discussion. You see, I want to learn through YOU as well, because I cannot know it all!

Every human being has – built into him or her by the creator – an inherent ability to do anything s/he thinks about.

3. Thinking for Yourself Can Inspire Others to Support (and Believe In) You

Our societal upbringing makes looking inward for solutions to your daily challenges a bad thing.

You’re told you cannot know it all. No one is an island. You can’t do it all by yourself.

Well, that’s all true.

However, at some point you have to be able to step out and take a stand on something. You cannot keep reaching out for “thinking” support like a child learning to walk.

At some point in your life you have to start applying your UNIQUE God-given intelligence to come up with your own original thoughts, ideas and solutions.

Funny enough, taking ownership of your thinking in this manner can even inspire others to support you. I say this from personal experience.

4. Don’t Make the Mistake of Discounting Other People’s Experiences

But don’t overdo it. There will come times when it will be wise to seek the input of others. The thinking you’ve done will help you better assess the potential usefulness of the ideas they offer.

What is important is that you should take ownership of the process. Don’t just take orders about what to do with your life – no matter how successful or knowledgeable the other person seems.

5. FLEE…From Anyone Who Tries To Dictate What/How You Think!

If you ever come across anyone – associate, acquaintance, partner, friend, or relative, who continually seeks to think for you, and rarely approves of what you come up with through your own thinking…watch out!

That is a sign of a manipulative individual.

Quite often the purpose is to keep you feeling inadequate, making you believe you lack the capacity to do any productive thinking on your own. That’s the biggest lie anyone can tell you about yourself. Reject it with passion!!

6. Thinking for Yourself Will Equip You to Fight Your Own Battles In Life

In conclusion, I want to remind you never to be comfortable with having others fight your battles for you like you’re an invalid. Never accept to be an observer when issues concerning your life are to be decided.

Even the physically handicapped refuse to let themselves be treated in that manner.

Do that and know that I will ALWAYS have your back.

But I will be even more proud to know that you can hold your own – anywhere – even in the face of pressure from your peers.

That you can come up with intelligent strategies to recover from setbacks you encounter; and also handle bullies, as well as members of the opposite sex.

That you have a mind of your own, and will never be afraid to use it – regardless of whose Ox is gored to death as a result!

It would give me great pleasure to see you demonstrate that ability competently.

And when you are able to do THAT, YOU should feel proud of yourself!

I love you.

When Is The Right Time to Start Having Kids? (3 Checks You Can Use)

Not everyone will agree with what I’m going to say here. But it’s the truth.  It is generally accepted that one needs to be financially capable of playing the role of a parent, before one begins to have them.

In certain cultures, this need to be financially capable makes some men especially wait till they are well past middle age, before they get married – talk less of having kids.

picture of parents with a little kid

Why? Because it sometimes takes them that long to build the kind of financial capacity they believe they need to keep a wife and kids.

That’s when you see a father at 65, whose first child is still in primary or secondary school. Or the 75 year old who still has a child yet to finish from school.

In other climes, these are age ranges in which many parents already have grown children who have left home and started their own families.

It’s Not a Matter of Age or Marriage

It is my considered opinion that age is not what determines whether or not a person can start having kids. Most of us likely know, or have heard, of rather young persons getting married e.g teenagers.

The world did not come to an end when it first happened. And it continues to happen even today. And some of them actually make a success of their marriages – raising great kids too!

But being married may not mean you’re ready to start having kids – not even if you have all the money you’ll possibly need. And I explain three considerations that justify this view later in this piece.

It’s Not a Matter of Money

Some argue that being financially well off makes it easier to venture into parenting.

Again I argue that this does not really follow.

Just as being old enough does not mean a person is ready or competent, being rich does not qualify a person to become a parent.

I’m sure you can think (or have heard) of people of different ages who do not have money problems (including religious leaders), but who have (or had) major parenting issues.

That’s proof that it’s not just about money. Once again, I say there’s more to it than that.

It’s a Matter of What You Can Give – and How Well You Can Give It, To Help Your Child Succeed In Life

The truth is that there are people who – in terms of age – are well qualified to be parents, but who are doing badly as parents. And these are sometimes people with the money and means to care for kids.

So, it’s not necessarily about age or money – even though these matter as well. There’s more to it than that.

I believe an intending or aspiring parent needs to be ready to give of him/herself to kids. Parenting in my experience and opnion is at least 80% self-sacrifice.

You have to be ready to give of yourself to succeed.

That is the most important realization you need to have. Parenting requires constantly giving of yourself to help a younger version of yourself learn the ropes to succeed in the real world.

a. You Must Be Ready to Give Time and Attention

You must be ready to give time and attention to your kids

No matter how busy you become, once you have kids – if you want to succeed as a parent – you must create time and attention for them. They may not always ask. Yet doing it will often make their day.

Sometimes they WILL demand for your time and attention. It could be to ask your help with school work, or a toy that won’t work right. Or they could have a series of questions they need answers to.

If you’re busy, you can (gently) defer attending to them. But you must consciously create time at some point to give them the attention they request.

That simple gesture will make them feel valued by you. And it might just prevent them from giving in to pressure from friends outside the home, to get attention from adults who may be bad influences.

If you don’t think you’re ready to deal with (repeated, sometimes relentless) demand for your time and attention, do NOT start having kids now.

b. You Must Be Ready to Provide Coaching

Children are in the formative periods of their lives. During this phase, they need to be given emotional and psychological nourishment. Children who do not get the right mix of the foregoing are often those who become insecure adults with poor self-knowledge.

Think back to your growing up years. You will remember that there were some many things you were unsure about, or simply did not know. And you wanted – indeed needed – answers to them.

Responsive parents who take time to have coaching conversations with their kids, will often produce mature and emotionally balanced adult offspring.

If you’re not ready to sit your child down and share your philosophies about life with them, don’t have kids now!

Anytime I listen to – or watch – Femi and Seun Kuti for instance, I often see the influence of Fela Anikulapo Kuti’s coaching. Some of that coaching by Fela was done via “remote control” by being a great example/role model.

By this I mean that his kids got to watch him do things they learnt from. He lived a life that challenged others – including his kids. And they responded by growing up to do the same.

Talking alone will not be enough for your child. S/he will learn even more from you when s/he sees you in action.

If you’re not prepared to step out and set real-world relevant examples (i.e. walking your talk), don’t have kids YET!

c. You Must Be Ready to Keep Your Promises

As a parent, issues concerning your child’s schooling and personal development will constantly require your attention.

An open day when your child will be performing before her class will not go right for her if you miss it. You may not be able to attend all her events. But you must let her see that you care enough by showing up often enough.

If you’re not ready to make the commitment of keeping promises to a little child, do NOT start having kids now!

Final Words

It goes without saying that the ideas I express here are my personal opinion.

They are based on deep reflection on my experiences as a parent, as well as my observation of others playing their parenting roles.

I hope you find use for some of them.