Category Archives: Parenting

Creative Writing Boosts Kids’ Learning

Do your kids write outside school? Come to think of it, maybe I should start by asking if YOU have been writing since leaving school (?) I mean creative writing, and not school related stuff, of course. Do you do any such writing? Does your spouse? Your kid(s)? If you said NO, read this article to learn why it’s – especially – in your child’s interest that s/he can say YES, to that question!

Traditional Schooling Stifles Creative Instincts

If I were to judge from my personal experiences passing through the conventional schooling system, writing was not so enjoyable. Neither was reading. Both tasks were directly linked to the need to earn credits or passing grades to get to the next level in school, or university. And of course to “graduate”.

Exams presented the mother-of -all reading and writing challenges for students.

In my case I was gifted with academic abilities, and did quite well right through my schooling years. But I never really derived pleasure from reading and writing for my studies, or the exams.

I noticed something back then: My deepest interests got stirred whenever I was able to put my own twist to things I had to read or write.

In other words, I discovered pleasure during my schooling years (especially in university) whenever I was able to apply my creativity.

But I knew not all my lecturers were likely to reward my “creative excesses” in this regard.

So whenever I took their tests or exams, I gave them back what they gave me (We joking called doing that, "return to sender" at the time).

But I held on to the extras I’d discovered on my own, to use in the real world.

This mental attitude helped me “protect” my innate creative instincts, from permanent damage in our educational system. I was lucky to emerge without having had my creativity beaten out of me.

Creative Writing Can Help Children Learn Better

More and more in today’s world, it’s become obvious. Creative (fiction and non-fiction) writing has useful benefits to people across all ages.

One key benefit is that it makes the writing process (and reading) more pleasurable.  And humans, being what we are, anything that genuinely gives us pleasure, can get our undiluted attention.

That’s why movies, food…and sex, tend to rate highly for many people. They can stay awake for them, even at the risk of endangering their health :-)

Now, if at an early age people are taught to find pleasure in exploring their minds in creative ways, they could do magic. It’s already happening with kids (like these) whose parents have adopted this approach.

You Can Help Your Child Read/Write Better in Class, By Challenging Her to Write Outside Class

Once again I emphasise that it’s not necessarily strictly school related writing that I refer to here. Instead, it’s helping the child develop a sound writing (and thinking/reading) reflex that’s crucial. Once s/he makes that successful connection, independently applying it to his/her studies will take little or no effort.

For you, the priority will be to gently, and subtly, use incentives of all sorts to stimulate your child’s interest in writing something for you (and others) to read.

Stories often work best.

Tell him/her to come up with a different version of a story that s/he read or heard.

It could even be based on a real life movie you both watched. One that you noticed really caught his/her interest.

It May Take Time, but Keep at It, and Your Child Will Benefit

Make the gentle suggestions every now and then. Note however, that if my personal experiences, and observations from working with my own kids are anything to go by, you’ll get ignored for quite some time.

But, if you keep asking, you’ll be rewarded sooner than later, with a few scribbles on a page. When that happens, give encouraging feedback, and offer pointers on how s/he can improve.

Remember: Not everyone arrives fully formed with writing skills. So, exercise considerable patience. It’s not his/her prose that matters at this stage, but the story “ideas” s/he comes up with.

Coach him/her to present those ideas more articulately. Over time, s/he will become more proficient.

Your child may not go on to become a professional writer through this experience. The process is however very likely to boost his/her ability to read/write both in – and especially out – of the classroom.

And that would prove a useful combination of skills in adulthood.

Mutual Benefit Proposition for Sponsorship (Low Cost Microbrewery Drinks Production from Peels of Pineapple & Other Fruits)

[mpoverlay]By Tayo K. Solagbadewww.tayosolagbade.com | www.tksola.com | COTONOU, 22ND AUGUST 2013 @10:00a.m

Your organisation needs to market/sell your products, while building brand loyalty and long term repeat customers. What I propose below can positively influence your target customers, while also advancing your marketing objectives.

NB: See download link to a FULL PDF version of this paper (plus details of a Business Plan Presentation), at the bottom of this page.

What I Propose

That you sponsor formal Microbrewery production startup of a natural drinks range I created (fermented and non-fermented) using waste peels from Pineapples and other fruits, abundant in Benin Republic (and possibly Burkina Fasso).

Photo taken of a non-fermented vesion of my home-made Pineapple based drink

The prduction process I’ve developed, for creating different recipes/forms (e.g. concentrates, “dried tea” etc) is to be patented. Continue reading

Wise People Disagree With Tact

A facebook friend – Dauda Ayodele – recently shared a status update posted by a friend of his. It featured responses posted by two groups of people to the same potentially provocative statement.

One group (which I’ll call “A”) was from a society in which freedom is highly cherished. Not just freedom of speech or movement, but also of religious affiliation, and sexual preference or orientation.

The other group (which I’ll call “B”) belonged to a society that is – for the most part – split between two main religions – Islam and Christianity. And most times, adherents of each faith believe they owe God a duty to diminish the ranks of the other movement at any cost.

This makes the relationship between them like that of cats and dogs. Constant bickering tends to occur whenever people from both faiths meet. You can therefore imagine what happened when the die-hard Christians amongst them read the statement that suggested the Bible was a collection of half-truths!

That Provocative Statement Triggered a “Facebook War of Words”

Basically, the statement challenged the authenticity of the Bible, stating that research findings contradict its claims.

Specifically, it began by calling “anyone that believes in the biblical stories” – a “joker”! It then asserted that science offers no confirmation that snakes spoke during “prehistoric times”.

It also claimed key figures like Moses probably never existed, since no archaeological proof of their existence has so far been found!

And t here was more. Enough in fact to make the blood of most overzeloius or fanatical believers boil. And that apparently happened judging from responses posted in the coments by people from Group B!

In case you’ve not yet done so, click here to read the original post – complete with the two contrasting groups of comments.

It can be seen from the responses, that members of both groups apparently held strong opinions about the subject, and actively chipped in their points of view. It was however the massive contrast in the “tones of conversation” in the 2 different groups, that made the entire post worth giving a closer look.

You see in one group, people gave their views, including relevant details to support their claims. Even in disagreeing with one another, care was taken by discussants to be polite and friendly.

In other words, they were prepared to – and some did – agree to disagree on the matter.

Sadly, in the other group, right off the bat, insults were hurled like missiles at the person who “dared” to post the “blasphemous” statement. Among other things, he was told “Satan” was using him. And that he would be punished for even daring to question the authenticity of the bible.

Then amongst themselves they engaged in bitter exchanges. The conversation rapidly degenerated, and one person even promised to delete the person who posted the statement.

All this because of a statement someone posted?

If truth be told, many of those in group B can LEARN a lot about tolerance and self-restraint, from Tibet’s exiled leader, the Dalai Lama – who is neither Christian nor Muslim!


Even When You’re Wronged, Seek Redress With Tact (If You Must) – Or Respond With LOVE!

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not endorsing anyone casting aspersion on another person’s faith or religion. What I am saying instead is that people need to REMIND themselves to STOP and think, before acting.

I recall reading a sign someone made and went around selling to Bible believing Christians in Nigeria. It simply read “What Would Jesus Do?”…and that phrase was formed into an acronym: WWJD.

It is my considered opinion that ALL who truly practice Christianity, and who feel strongly about protecting it, need to emulate Jesus, who they follow. We all know Jesus would never resort to insulting another. The admonition he gave his disciples even when evil was directed at him, was to ALWAYS act in love.

“Forgive them, for they know not what they do”.

“Love your enemies”.

These phrases were said in a simple manner by Jesus. Yet the action they require one to carry out requires tremendous power to do.


Little wonder many who claim to follow Jesus’ teachings today often miss it!

(NB: if you’ve been reading my writing for a while, you’ll know I do not do religion. So this is not some sermon).

To you reading these words, I say this: Understand that you will meet many with different beliefs, and biases, differing from yours.

It is the way the world is. People will always differ. Apart from Islam and Christianity, so many other religious movements exist.

It has always been so. Get used to it!

In places like America, most practitioners of a religious faith, learn to get along with non-believers.

And in many cases they adapt to conversing competently, to the point that they can disagree without being disagreeable.

You would be wise to develop the ability to do that as well – and coach your child to do the same.

Error-Free People Rarely Achieve Authentic Success

Success tends not to go to the person who is error-free, because he also tends to be risk averse. Rather, it goes to the person who recognizes that life is pretty much a percentage business. It isn’t making mistakes that’s critical; it’s correcting them and getting on with the principal tasks.” – Donald Rumsfeld

I meet them every now and then. People who take pride in saying nothing ever goes wrong with their plans. They always get it right. You never find them looking vulnerable. They are always cool, calm and collected – ever so sure of the outcome of whatever they are engaged in doing.

People who act as described above often want to be seen as – and some claim to be – perfect.

In Reality Being Without Fault – or Being Perfect – Would Be Too Boring to Bear on Earth!

In my opinion, a person whose activities have such predictable outcomes (i.e. who always gets everything right and never makes mistakes) will eventually bore not just others, but him/herself as well.

But the truth is that no human can really be perfect.

I’ve written elsewhere that once a person can achieve real perfection in life, s/he no longer belongs here on earth. It would be time for him/her to move over to heaven…or anywhere perfect beings live.

Not everyone is a soccer lover. But most people who are conscious adults living on earth today will have heard of Lionel Messi. He’s the small man who makes big things happen for Barcelona FC in Spain.

Back in April this year (2013) his team got beaten by a massive 0 – 4 margin. I refused to believe Messi was on the pitch that day. And not just him. That team has some of the world’s best players on it.

That they got beaten that badly was baffling. But guess what? Messi himself admitted that his fitness was not the cause of the club’s 0-4 loss to Bayern Munich.

It is this demonstrated ability to admit he can make errors that’s helped him become a great achiever.

Acknowledging Our Faults Creates Opportunities for Self-Renewal & Growth

We can all learn from that. Messi knew – from his champion mentality – that the loss, though bad, would not end the world…or his career.

Indeed, we students of success know that such big time failures often serve as inspiration for us to move to the next level of achievement.

As a Writer, Aim for Perfection, but Understand That You Cannot Achieve It

“Perfectionists rarely get anything done, because they often want to get everything right.” – Tayo K. Solagbade

A person can achieve exceptionally high levels of competence in the process of aiming for perfection. In writing (like any other field) therefore, one must set a goal that challenges him/her to pursue perfection.

You will continually identify areas where you fall short, then make needed adjustments, and try again.  

Sometimes You May Have to Review Your Set Goal

If after repeatedly making needed adjustments, you still struggle to achieve your goal, you may need to re-visit the goal you set for yourself.

Ask yourself some serious questions…like the following…

How did you settle on your chosen writing goal?

Let’s say you’ve set a goal to write 2 blog posts per day:

a. Did you consider how many words each post would be for example?

b. Was the time needed to research each topic for useful information/ideas factored in?

c. What about the time to be spent editing and proof reading?

d. How many days in week would you be able to write at that rate?

And so on…

When you give honest answers to the above questions, does the goal you set still look realistic for YOU, at YOUR current level of competence?

Hint: If yes, keep persisting, and you’ll eventually breakthrough. If “NO”, sit down and re-do your goal setting, this time based on the insights gained from the above question and answer session.

Final Words: Perfectionists Rarely Finish Writing (On Time)

Whatever you do, never delude yourself into believing you must make your writing “perfect” – because pursuit of perfection is a never ending journey for use here on earth.

What you will find is that by chasing perfection, your work will eventually get so good that others will hail your accomplishment as a writer.

But in order for them to see it, you’ll have to know when you’ve done enough to let it go out and be READ as your published work, by others.

Sadly, perfectionists rarely get to that point when they can let go.

Rather, they tell themselves it can still be made better, and keep trying to do so, without considering other factors e.g. total number to be written, and delivery deadline.

In the process they end up never finishing – at least not on time. That bad habit eventually leads to disappointed clients – and fewer referrals or opportunities for new business.

Don’t let that be your story!

How United Is Your Family?

What is the current state of YOUR marriage union – and family? This can be a very tough question to answer, for many people today. I say this from personal – and very painful – experience, as one who has been married for over 14 years, with kids.

In my part of the world (Africa), the global economic crisis has hit just as hard as elsewhere. We have less “cushion” systems in place (e.g. by way of unemployment checks for instance).

As a result, African societies are recording increasing numbers of family “break-ups” than before, our strong culture notwithstanding.

What Is the Major Cause of Wall Cracks in Many Families Today?

I hinted at it above already…I believe it’s MONEY. Directly or indirectly, it is OFTEN MONEY.

Some people will disagree. But if truth be told, very many homes would remain intact if the challenge of a LACK OF MONEY did not get added to any problems they face (Natural exceptions include cases of violence or abuse etc).

I say this with particular reference to Africa.

But even in developed societies, money (or a lack of it in enough amounts) often plays a powerful role in determining the shelf-life of marriage/family relationships.

Here’s one example:

About 2 months ago, I received an email broadcast starting with the story of a chap who recently recorded financial success online. Before this breakthrough, he had been struggling – badly – to make things work. Things got so bad that his wife said:

“Look, you can’t even pay the rent for heaven’s sake. If I don’t see any change by the end of this month, I’m moving out with the kids to my mother’s!”

Luckily for the guy, his breakthrough came just in time to prevent his wife from carrying out her threat.

Is It Right To Give Up On Someone You Love, When S/he Has Yet to Give Up on Him/Herself?

Something struck me as odd about the above story.

You see, I just could not understand how a wife could make that kind of threat; to a man she took marital vows with, in his darkest moments.

This man was apparently not lazy, and was trying to do better. It was a period any human being could have done with some morale boosting words of encouragement. Especially from his better half…like the wife of Sylvester Stallone’s Rocky Balboa did for him when he felt like giving up – leading him to make a great comeback to the ring!

I would have expected a spouse, to keep believing in her man. She could have asked her mother and anyone else in the larger family for their prayers, their suggestions etc. She could even have asked them to help find a cheaper place they could move to till things improved!

I mean, she could have gotten involved – instead of giving him an ultimatum. As if he applied to be her husband/father of her kids, and he had yet to meet the requirements!

It Seems Marital Vows No Longer Mean Much to Some People

The wordings of marriage vows people take at weddings have always intrigued me. They are of such a serious nature, that I honestly believe only people who know they can fulfil them should take them.

Yet, day in day out, people go through the ritual of saying those words to one another in front of a priest, and other witnesses. Then they turn around later and say “I’ve had enough”.

When a married couple have a disagreement, they can say nasty things to one another. I mean REEAALLYY nasty things.

I should know…I’ve said quite a number to my “madam”. But guess what, if you let yourself simmer down (sometimes your creator will intervene through the right people or circumstances), you’ll often find that you’re still able to give it another go.

The Words in Marriage Vows Can Provide Powerful Incentive for Preserving a Marriage/Family Union

The family serves as the “production” unit for society’s members. Regardless of the shape or form it takes (e.g. single male or female parent with one or more kids, living in rich or poor neighbourhoods etc), virtually every family ultimately turns out its members to participate in larger society.

Excepting possibly hermits and the like :-)

In other words, families generally play a key role in determining the quality of people that make up society.

I believe spouses should form the habit of regularly reviewing the wording of Marriage Vows. They will be more frequently reminded of the need to stay united and committed to one another – and to the well being of the products of their union i.e. kids.

I did not have a “church wedding” with my wife (and mother of my five kids). But I have found reading the words in marriage vows VERY useful during tough times we’ve had in our 14 years together.

Any couple will benefit from reading and re-reading them. There are variants, but the basic message remains the same (See an example below).

“I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life.” Source: Wikipedia

A husband and wife are a team. Along with their kids, they make up a bigger team. If they are able to establish and nurture a self-sustaining relationship of sharing and mutual understanding, it will be very hard for ANYTHING to break them apart. Reading/re-reading marriage vows can help that process.

Children in a marriage are likely to LEARN how to stay united from watching their parents do the above. The society they live in will be better off as a result.

Acknowledge Others, and You Will Be Acknowledged

[Quick tip: I recommend YOU adopt the habit described in this article as a way of life – AND coach your kids to do the same.] Some of the most successful people in the world habitually acknowledge one another – even rivals! This happens in sports, entertainment, academics, business and other fields. In certain cases, competing parties go as far as cooperating to evolve better ways of doing what they do – a strategy called co-opetition (from cooperative competition).

The above means that even when you compete, you can still work together to achieve mutually beneficial progress in your areas of focus and interest.

Many of Us Forget How Important It Is to Recognise/Acknowledge Others

It takes little or nothing to tell someone “Well done…or that was great”. Yet many who should don’t.

We sometimes feel we cannot spare the time. In addition, a few of us let our egos get in the way. They fear that acknowledging others could make then appear less important or inferior.

That is why getting a facebook page “LIKED” by people, can take major doing. And it is what makes buying “facebook” page “LIKES” a “quietly important” past time for many :-)

Exceptions Usually Occur Only In Relation to Celebrities, Close Friends and Loved Ones

When your favourite singer, best friend, or pouse wife puts up a facebook page, it’s likely you’ll instantly click LIKE.

Many other people will however be deserving of your acknowledgement. They could include professional colleagues, contemporaries…and even rivals.

I believe it takes a fully evolved and liberated mind, to formally recognise good work done by such persons, without worrying that we’ll look smaller as a result.

What Should You Do When You “See” Total Strangers Doing Great Things Worthy of Praise?

It’s easy to acknowledge people we already know. However, with the Internet bringing people – and their works – closer to us each day, we will inevitably  come across “strangers” doing great things too.

When that happens, I argue that nothing should stop us from acknowledging such persons – once we ascertain that they are who they say they are.

It is for this reason that I frequently Google new people I come across online doing things I find noteworthy. Once I get enough information to confirm their authenticity, I rarely hold back from letting them – and others in my social circle – know that I appreciate them.

Doing so costs me nothing more than some seconds to a few minutes. And yet I know – from being on the receiving end of such “feedback” – that it can boost his/her drive to continue adding value that way.

Unfortunately, many of us have become too conditioned by society, to do this. Instead, we are so focused on ourselves, and the things that matter to us.

Yet we keep expecting others to show interest in what we are doing! How ironic…and selfish.

Should they pay us attention, if we rarely pay them any? Not all. There’s no reason for them to!

Final Words; You Have to Give, In Order to Get

We have been repeatedly told that the favourite subject of people is themselves. That’s why to win them over, it’s best to get people talking about themselves while we do more listening.

In the same vein, If you want people to develop a liking for you, a smart way will be to offer them honest compliments when they do something you truly consider noteworthy.

Note that flattery has no place in what I propose here.

I refer instead to a situation in which you formally recognize useful works and contributions of others. In my case, I often give direct feedback to persons who impress me, in addition to announcing it to others in my social circle.  I do this both online, and in my daily interpersonal interactions.

A trip through my Facebook timeline and Twitter feeds will provide useful indication of what I mean.

For instance, over the past 12 months, I’ve actively shared news about Nigeria’s teenage blogging genius Bamidele Onibalusi, Patrick Meninga (the man who found fame by selling his blog for $200K) and others, whose achievements greatly impressed me.

Guess what? Even though I asked nothing in return, I’ve already been rewarded in many ways – by way of feedback, from them, and from others who came across what I wrote about them.

And that’s really how the world works. You have to give, if you want to get from others.

I did (and continue to do) that, without wanting any thing in return.

I did (and continue to do) that, to inspire others to achieve authentic success, by overcoming any challenges they encounter.

If you want to reap rewards similar to mine: Go and do likewise.

Do You Need Schooling to Own a Bank Account?

Sounds like a funny question does it not? Do you have a child in school (or due to start)? This article highlights what smart parents will help their kids learn outside formal school, to better prepare them to achieve financial independence in adulthood!

Schooled and Unschooled Persons Can Own and Operate Bank Accounts.

Hopefully, the above is stating the obvious. All you need to have is enough money.

Most of us can easily think up a few known names of wealthy people who never even stepped into a school. For different reasons they “missed” getting access to formal schooling, but still went on to achieve financial fortune, and in certain cases major fame.

I’ve always been intrigued by such people. In studying them (via reading and observation) I found they succeeded mainly via mastery of some unique skill or vocation.

Examples are readily found in fields like trading (buying/selling), sports, entertainment, hospitality, business/entrepreneurship, and even science and technology.

By choice, or force of their unique circumstances, these people developed unique skills and abilities to a level that enabled them acquire wealth.

Many unschooled persons who find fortune this way, usually have to be helped to open a bank account, and taught to use cheque book etc.

No one tells them “Oh you need to get a degree certificate before you can open a bank account Sir/Ma.”

Imagine telling a street kid turned multi-million dollar earning Football star, that not knowing how to read or write disqualifies him from opening an account?

No smart bank would do that. Instead, they always find a way to help that “loaded” customer make use of their banking facilities.

When You Have the Money, The Bank Will Help You Find a Way

I certainly do not qualify to teach anyone how to use the bank or a cheque. My purpose here is simply to provide a background on which to discuss this further.

To issue a cheque, the owner writes recipient name, and amount of money in numbers and letters. Then most importantly, s/he signs and dates it.

Writing a cheque is easy. But successfully exchanging it for the equivalent of cash written on it requires presenting it at the relevant bank – which should also be easy to do.

However, if there’s no money in the account on which the cheque is to be drawn, that “normally easy” task can become difficult.

Such a cheque would not be “valid” for clearing at the bank!

That’s when bank officers write on the cheque you’re given acronyms like “DAR”…meaning Drawer’s Attention Required. I’ve not seen one of those is A LONG while, but if I recall correctly, some people call that kind a “Bounced Cheque”…:-)

Now, even a rich person can issue a cheque that bounces. It could be due to an error, or a change of mind which makes him instruct the bank not to pay after giving it out. Or there may be no money in the account (maybe he’s broke, or used the wrong bank cheque

But the most important point I wish to make here is this:

Old, illiterate mega trading women in Lagos state of my home country, Nigeria, are actively courted by bank officials, to open accounts with them.

These bank workers are often degree holders who can rarely boast financial resources comparable to what these mega trading market women own.

But they are smart enough to know that getting those accounts in would boost their bank’s performance. For this reason, when the women object that they cannot read etc, the bank officers assure them they have other means to help them authenticate transactions e.g. thumbprint identification etc.

And when the women need to pay others from their accounts, the bank makes special arrangements to ensure nothing goes wrong. They simply confirm there is money there.

In other words, as long as you have money, people – be they schooled or unschooled – will be willing to look beyond your lack of formal schooling, to give you what you want.

Final Words: To Have Money, Alternative Income Earning Abilities Are Essential

In my Parenting Articles, I strongly advocate that parents avoid letting their kids receive only conventional schooling.

You need to strike a balance.

Identify your child’s natural interests, talents and abilities, which can be developed to enable him/her earn useful income. Do this while s/he attends formal school.

Do NOT make the common mistake of wanting to “wait till s/he finishes” schooling!

Let him/her get used to making money using that ability before then. That way, it will add a useful income stream if/when s/he starts job hunting.

What’s more, when s/he gets a job, it can be used to earn additional income that can only boost progress towards financial independence.

How to Achieve Parenting Success

Are you driven by a need to make your kids successful in life? Does helping them learn how to make a headway in life deeply interest you?

Any parent that says yes to these questions can be said to be living for his/her kids.

Diligently doing so will make you a successful parent in the long run.

Living for your kids is the key to giving them the support they need to succeed in llfe.

It means actively going out of your way to acquire useful information, education and experiences, that you can return to share with them, so they can get better.

If you’ve been reading my writing a while, you’ll know that I often mention the fact that I live for my kids.

Everything I’m doing today derives from my strong desire to coach my kids to do a better job of living as Independent adults.

Most of us know that the world we encountered after leaving school turned out to be different from what we expected.

And it was not just academically, but also in terms of how people in the world outside school (the real world) behave.

This cycle of “culture shock” needlessly experienced by young people inadequately prepared to succeed in larger society has persisted for years.

I’ve experienced the “culture shock” myself, and felt the pain – and humiliation – resulting from being unable to deal with it.

That’s why I resolved to always do my best to help others learn to intelligently adapt to unexpected situations they encounter in the real world.

The sight of my kids often boosts my determination to find solutions to such societal challenges.

Such efforts will help them learn how to handle themselves under such situations.

And that is very important to me as a parent.

If any of my kids demonstrates ineptitude in his/her attitude or interpersonal interactions, I would take it as a challenge to do more to help him/her improve.

That’s why I say I live for my kids. Their welfare – physical, emotional and psychological – matters greatly to me.

I want them to succeed in better ways than I am doing, or have done.

What about YOU?

Do you live for your kids?

If no, consider doing so from today, so you can succeed better as a parent.

FYI: If You Experienced Difficulties Accessing This Blog’s Content between Monday 15th July 2013 to Saturday 20th July 2013, This Could Be Why…

NB: Let me start by saying this post is being made for information purposes only. And it applies specifically to the period between Monday 15th July 2013 to Saturday 20th July 2013.

In case anyone’s experienced difficulties accessing articles/content on my blog in the last few days…hostgator has now confirmed they’ve completed the migration of all customer accounts:

” onto brand new, more powerful hardware which will include the latest versions of cPanel and CentOS.”

Alert email notice announcing start of upgrade

Screenshot of email notice announcing start of upgrade

Screenshot of email notice announcing start of my hosting account migration

Screenshot of email notice announcing start of my hosting account migration

In response to my enquiry, they’d replied thus:

“…there may be some performance issues for the server since the migration process will have an impact on the communications performance of both systems. This effect should be temporary.”

The screenshot below shows their email notice that the upgrade has been successfully completed for my account.

Screenshot of email notice announcing successful migration

Screenshot of email notice announcing successful migration

To Be Truly Happy, Never Submit to Abuse

Find out just what any people will quietly submit to, and you have the exact measure of the injustice and wrong which will be imposed on them.” – Frederick Douglass

Nothing is worse than an adult who lets other people use him/her as a door mat. No one deserves to be subjected to abuse in any form – by anybody. Sadly, some adults – who have kids of their own – are so insecure and unsure of themselves. They get intimidated into adopting a second class existence, in deference to the ego of some other persons.

This situation is worse in certain societies than others. Yet, even where it is worse, YOU always have a choice.

In this article I offer insights you can use, against the backdrop of a true story.

What If Someone Tries to Oppress or Intimidate You? (A True Story)

What I share below is based on excerpts from comments I made on a similar theme in a recent online discussion.

Over a period of six years, a hotel client used an Excel-VB driven Hotel Management Software I built specifically for them. The owner (who happens to be about 10 years older than I am) paid me to build it in November 2005.

Upon completing the staff training, I sent in an invoice for my balance, but he refused to pay up. Eventually, I stopped calling to ask.

Three months later, they had problems with the software and called. I told them my balance had to be paid up, before they could be eligible for support.

On learning of my response, he called me on his mobile, to say I had no respect for elders.

I pointed out that self-respecting elders did not refuse to pay younger ones struggling to fend for their own families, for completed work!

After making threats, this CEO arranged for police officers to pick me up in a (rickety) jeep. Their boss, the Divisional Police Officer, turned out to be a graduate of the University of Ibadan. Not surprisingly, he asked for my side of the story.

On hearing me out, he requested that I resolve the problem the hotel had. I replied that I wanted my balance paid.

Again, acting like the enlightened man he was, he sent an officer with me to the hotel, who told them my request. When they agreed to pay, I got behind a terminal, and eventually resolved the problem.

The accountant promptly handed me the balance in cash, and I signed for it.

The hotel owner (who though “rich” is poorly schooled), later said to me: “Tayo, you’re a very stubborn young man.” My reply was that I acted that way, only to persons who I felt wanted to cheat or intimidate me.

From that day in 2006, up till 2011, they continued using the software.

Each time they had a problem and called me in, the normal agreement was that my call out support fees would be paid – in cash.

Yet, every now and then he tried to stop me getting paid – even after I’d worked on the reported problem for hours – AND resolved it.

Sometimes he crossed out the fee on my invoice and wrote over it a figure 60% less!

But my ready willingness to confront without being combative ensured I got paid my full fees each time. I knew he did not like that. But I was not scared of him either.

This is important. Believe wholeheartedly that your creator will support you against such abuse, when you fight back in this manner. Never let fear control you!

Among other things, I knew giving in would be the beginning of a very bad treatment. I saw enough to warn me, each time I visited.

He once traveled before Christmas, without paying his staff salaries. And he returned in February! I’ve also heard him speak abusively on many occasions to staff. Guests hear him scream “MAD DOG!” at some of them.

What I find most hard to comprehend is the fact that some have worked with him for years. I often see them fidgeting fearfully anytime they have to face him.

A few have told me they have no choice. Yet many are young and able bodied.

The way I see it however, they only feel they have no choice because they are LAZY.

In addition, they also lack self-esteem and dignity.

It’s the only reason any sane person would accept let anyone subject them to abuse everyday at work. I feel little sympathy for people who choose to live in this way.

Their unwillingness to choose a more dignified path in life makes them undeserving of pity or sympathy. I say this without apology.

God did NOT create anyone to be stepped upon by another – no matter how rich!

I’ve since told that client I’ll no longer support his company’s use of the software.

It all came to a head after I had to defend myself against another attempt he made – using his police connections – to try intimidating me to work without due payment in 2011.

That’s however a story to be told some other time. Suffice to say though, that I wrote complaint letters to the Governor, State Security Service and eventually the Attorney General’s office to get him off my back!

Final Words

Here’s my point:

In society, one will always come across good and not-so-good people. It’s not a crime to view life through rose coloured glasses – believing that others will treat you right.

But even the bible records stories of people who were bad, and used their position, money and power to subject harmless/innocent others to abuse.

It therefore goes without saying that you must prepare to stand up to such individuals as the need arises. Or you’ll doom yourself to being oppressed by them!

You deserve better than that. And so does your child.

Being gentle, easy going, and not wanting any trouble, does not mean you have to be someone else’s door mat.

Learn to assert yourself – by confronting without being combative, when necessary.

And teach your child to be the same way. It’s the key to living a truly happy and fulfilled life.