Category Archives: Parenting

He Called Me “Voleur” (Thief)!

[PDF] He Called Me Voleur! - Click to download PDF version of this article and read offline

In this article, I discuss one big mistake some non-Nigerian Africans seem to be making in thinking about Nigeria. To do this, I share a true story about a Francophone African undergraduate in his 20’s, who called me a thief – and meant it. Why? Because he daily saw me typing away on an Internet connected laptop, and I never seemed to go out to “work”…LOL!

According to him, working that way (i.e. selling information products, custom Excel-VB driven software, web marketing systems development, and writing services online) was only possible in developed countries.

To him, that meant that I had to be engaged in 419 i.e. Internet scam business.

And since he already knew I was a Nigerian, that made perfect sense…LOL!

It did not matter what I showed him on my website, or where I told him I’d been (as detailed in my 11 page resume).

Indeed, the little effort I made, to educate him about potential opportunities awaiting him online, simply put him off. He repeated – angrily:

“Vous êtes voleur!”

Why Did He Say This? (Here’s What Led to Our Exchange)

Since I’d met him in April, he would once in a while ask me for money – and I’d give him. He was a student. Over 20 years before, I’d been on campus like him. I knew things could be tough for students, away from home.

That day however, I refused to give him money he asked for. This was because I’d noticed he never did anything useful with whatever one gave him. He spent recklessly, and also kept bringing a girl friend to sleep with, in a room he shared with the rest of us.

He left, and we never talked about it. But he kept behaving the same way. I tried to ignore his excesses, but I felt I had a duty, as an older person, to set him right.

So, one day I called him, and told him what I saw. Then I warned about the uncertain future, in terms of a post-university job search – which he needed to prepare for.

He assured me countless jobs awaited him in the labour market of his country:

“It’s not like Nigeria, where you don’t have jobs. Isn’t that why you moved here?”

(NB: In saying the above, he failed to recall what I’d told him in the past: That my clients were either foreigners based in his country, or who connected with me online. I relocated to take advantage of the stable power supply and polity. In reality, most people in his society could not afford my services!).

I told him about a personal friend, who’d graduated for years, and – like many others – had been unable to secure a decent job, despite his qualifications.

(NB: This friend, today, manages a mobile phone shop for an expatriate owner…with a”university degree”. But he’s actually better off than most others!)

My young friend countered that God would not let him have such an experience…!

I asked him if he thought that he alone knew “God”. In addition, I asked him, if all other graduates walking the streets, years after graduating, did not also pray to “God”, like he did (I actually meant to say “IF” he did pray – given his apparent lifestyle!).

That was where I hit a nerve.

He asked “What do you know about God? Do you even have a university degree?

He went on:

“Look, you’ve always questioned the usefulness of traditional formal education. Maybe you feel bitter because you did not attend university.”

He said the above, in apparent reference to what I’d told him, and his colleagues, about “schools killing creativity” – and why self-education must be embraced, even as one goes through school.

I’d never imagined I would have to show proof of my university level education to anyone!

(In my mind I said “Yepa. Chineke! This guy is challenging me to prove that I have a university degree? Mo baje!”)…LOL!

I was speechless for a few seconds, as I tried to think of how to express myself to get through to him.

You must understand that we were conversing in French, and I still struggled in some areas.

“How could he not know I had a degree, from all the time we’d spent together?” I wondered.

Then I remembered he was Francophone, and could barely read/speak/understand a word of English!

As a result, he would not have comprehended most of my website’s content, all the times he’d watched me updating it on my laptop. (I’ve been reluctant to use an online language translation service on my website, because of the absence of contextual interpretation – which can change intended meaning).

Then it also struck me that, he’d actually never even visited the website once, despite my telling him to!

As far as he was concerned therefore, I could be no different from Nigerians who came across the border to sell things in their country.

In fact, he said we were all the same, and that:

“Ghanaians speak proper English, while you Nigerians only speak Pidgin English!”

Proudly turning to his friend, he added:

“Yes. I was in their country. They don’t know how to speak good English. What they speak is Pidgin!”

“Where did he get that impression from?” I wondered.

A university level student thinking everyone in a country like Nigeria cannot speak “good” English?

“Incroyable!” I said to myself :-)

Then I remembered the story he told me of his one time visit to Nigeria, few years back.

During a long holiday period, he’d visited a distant relative in a remote part of South West Nigeria. They’d passed through Lagos on their way to and fro. And while there, they’d worked with locals and some farm hands.

You can imagine the calibre of people he must have spent his time with under such circumstances. The poor guy never got a chance to move around enough to “hear” anything but Pidgin English!

But drawing conclusions based on that, is NOT smart thinking expected of a “university undergraduate”!

I asked if he realised some of the most competent users of English, in Africa, were from Nigeria. I mentioned Chinua Achebe, Wole Soyinka and others.

He had no clue who they were. And he bluntly told me:

“Forget it. You people can’t speak good English, In fact I speak better than most of you!”.

All this from a guy who needed my help to translate a 300 word message from French to English? That day, because (again) he had no money, I had to use my personal bulk SMS mailing account, to send it to his relative’s mobile number in Nigeria. The latter called him within seconds of receiving the message.

That happened less than a week earlier. So it was not that he’d attended some crash course in English, to justify claiming he could speak English. He was simply deluded (for want of a better word)!

And that was when I knew I was wasting my time with him.

The Entire Exhange Pointed Me to One SAD Realisation

Many young Africans (even some adults) in Francophone Africa, have no inkling of what the web can do for them. They are all so closed up in their ordered, and stable societies. So much so, that they do not know using their creativity online, can have a direct impact on their income earning capabilities.

What’s more, they fail to realise they can START NOW, and need not wait to finish from school!

NB: I said “many” have this wrong orientation. I did NOT say “all”. That means I accept that there are exceptions. And I’ve met a number :-)

This is Why I’m Glad, and Proud, That I Was Born & Raised in Nigeria!

I do not mean to claim superiority over any other nationals. I repeat: my purpose here is NOT to put down people from other nations. Doing so, would serve no intelligent or useful purpose.

However, I believe the propensity of Nigerians to adopt – and make productive, income generating use of PC and Internet technology, is unparalled in Africa.

This is my considered opinion, based on years of experience, and careful observation.

The average Nigerian’s level of Internet awareness, outstrips that of most other Africans – especially in West Africa.

Do I have any specific statistics to back up my claims? Not any that I personally compiled.

But I’ve travelled quite a bit over the years, and actively interacted with people from different parts of Africa, and the world.

In addition, through my web marketing, over the past 10 years, I have related actively with people from various parts of Africa, and beyond.

The truth is that the rate of adoption of PC and Internet technology, for personal and business use, is phenomenally high in Nigeria.

Many surveys published about technology, social media, mobile phone usage etc in Africa, also attest the truth of what I’m saying here.

The only thing holding Nigeria back from using the above strengths, to realise its full potential as a true giant, is its shaky leadership.

BUT…and this is a big BUT…

…The mistake I see some other Africans making, is that they seem to think that Nigeria’s problem will never be solved. And as a result, they believe their economies will keep enjoying influx of EXTRA income, resulting from Nigerian/foreign owned solo-entrepreneurs and “companies” based in Nigeria, relocating to their countries.

Some even seem to take delight in using the “poor reputation” of Nigeria/Nigerians, to discredit honest Nigerians making productive use of the web, to earn a living – LIKE ME.

Well, for anyone guilty of the above, here’s some friendly advice: STOP doing that, and start thinking what you’ll do when things change!

I say this because WHEN (NOT if), Nigeria sorts out its leadership problem, its people will turn its fortunes around in the twinkle of an eye, making it a global leader.

That’s how self-empowered and ready Nigerians are. (NB: The Keyword is: “Self-empowered”!)

By then, Nigeria WILL become a safer and more cost-effective destination for investors. More Nigerians will also stay back and/or return home to do business. AND, as a result, Nigeria will start keeping more of the money generated by its businesses within its borders.

Remember: Nigeria is the largest market in Africa. So that’s a lot of money we’re talking about here!

I doubt the same can be said for many African countries – especially in West Africa – whose manpower remain grossly un-empowered. They’ve remained like that, despite the relative peace, orderliness and stability of leadership, and infrastructure they enjoy in their mostly smaller economies – compared to Nigeria.

Can someone please tell them to wake up, and do MORE, with what they have currently going for them! PLEASE!!!!

FINAL WORDS

I know. It’s true that many Nigerians seem currently more disposed to doing wrong, to get what they want.

But that’s just a phase.

With the growing number of “honest” positive change agents fighting to set Nigeria right, such Nigerians will eventually adopt positive avenues that will be created, to achieve their goals.

Why You Need to Give Your Children “POWER”, Before You Give Them Money

“Give your children power, before you give them money.” – Robert Kiyosaki

I had a completely different article in mind for today, on parenting. But when I shared Robert Kiyosaki’s above quote on Facebook earlier today, Efe Ohwofasa asked a question that made me respond with an epistle of sorts :-) By the time I was done, I realised it would make useful education for other parents.

Below: Screenshot of my posted quote and Efe’s question

Screenshot of my posted Robert Kiyosaki quote on Facebook, and Efe’s question...

He basically posted this question: “Power in what terms?”.

An excellent question. Because, for the un-initiated readers (i.e. those unfamiliar with Kiyosaki’s writing), the word “power” could mean many things.

And that could result in mis-interpretation of that quote – or confusion in the mind of the reader.

What Follows Below Is a Paraphrased Version of the Response I Gave on Facebook

The word “power” in that quote, refers to the ability to make finer distinctions in life.

In other words, one with such power would be able to think independently from the crowd. S/he would consequently be able to take smarter money management decisions, to achieve financial security.

The quote therefore implies that Kiyosaki  believes that’s the kind of power parents need to give their kids.

And I agree fully with him – based on my experiences as a child, and also drawing over 10 years as a parent (to 5 kids).

Giving Children Such “Power” Early In Life, Will Free YOU From “Parenting” Headaches Later In Life!

And that’s something any wise parent should aim to achieve.

No parent wants to worry about his/her grown up children, in old age. I know I don’t!

Empowered children will handle themselves and their affairs proficiently. Even when they encounter setbacks or difficulties in life, they will have the physical and intellectual capacity to recover/progress.

Simply put, a child given such “power” will often make the right choices, to reap success in life.

Virtually every one of Kiyosaki’s books, offers information and education to “EMPOWER” readers – especially parents – and their kids.

I bought the following three (3) books authored by him in 2000, from Amazon.com back in 2000:

“Rich Dad, Poor Dad”, “Rich Kid, Smart Kid”, and “If You Want to Be Rich and Happy, Don’t Go to School?”

I know there are others. But those are the ones that have made the most impact on me.

The 3rd one remains my favourite (i.e. If You Want to Be Rich and Happy, Don’t Go to School?). This is because it validates my argument about major defects in our traditional schooling system.

My argument is that formal schooling as done in most societies today, is NOT enough to prepare kids to achieve BALANCED success in the real world.

Many thought leaders apart from Kiyosaki, have said the same thing in recent times.

Two excellent examples are Sir Ken Robinson – knighted by the Queen of England for his work on education, and Seth Godin himself.

Both have repeatedly called attention to the fact that conventional schooling kills creativity in kids.

Ironically, Kiyosaki’s “If You Want to Be Rich and Happy, Don’t Go to School?” which raised these serious issues, has not gotten as much attention from parents, as the others!

This is especially so in Nigeria/Africa – where I live and was born/bred in.

The reason for this apathy is that “formal education” provision out here has become big business.

As a result, learners are no longer the centre of attention. They consequently emerge from “formal schooling” LESS than empowered. That’s why the typical “graduate” roams the streets, complaining about lack of jobs.

When challenged to consider self-employment s/he further moans: “I have no capital”.

In reality however, s/he struggles mainly because s/he cannot create solutions people want in society!

Creative Thinking is Not Necessarily a Function of Formal Educational Accomplishment

That’s why history has records of many who did not attend school, or who dropped out, that got rich.

And they did so by creating stuff we wanted.

Indeed, as I’ve mentioned earlier, most people who pass through formal schooling, tend to leave with LESS creativity, than they came in with.

It is for this reason, that those who know (like Kiyosaki, Godin and Sir Ken Robinson), are saying our current school systems kill creativity!

A Child Who Can Use His/Her Creativity Productively Has “Power”

S/he will know exactly what to do with money when you give it to him/her – and will not waste it.

I’ve been applying a lot of Kiyosaki’s ideas in coaching my kids. I explain how in my articles. For instance:  The Trick About Parenting (Based on A Tip from Robert Kiyosaki).

I’ve also come up with a few of my own ideas and concepts too. Read my article titled: Schools Can Kill Your Child’s Creativity – IF You Don’t Apply These Tips.

Interestingly, a stunning demonstration of creativity that my kids recently put up, has proven that this approach works. With respect to the foregoing, see a recent article I wrote as a tribute to them, titled: 10 Year Old Uses Dead Laptop Battery, to Build Home-Made Rechargeable Lamp.

The above story proves that “empowered” kids will naturally evolve into self-directed achievers!

To Empower YOUR kids, Start UN-LEARNING Anything From Your Schooling That May Impede You

“The illiterate of the 21st century, will not be those who cannot read or write. They will be those who cannot learn, unlearn or relearn.” – Alan Toffer

I recommend reading my parenting articles on this theme. Also read articles and/or watch videos by Robert Kiyosaki, Sir Ken Robinson, and Seth Godin on the same subject.

Incidentally, I mention, and link to many of the above authors’ works, in my parenting articles.

Here’s wishing you good – “parenting” – luck!

10 Year Old Uses Dead Laptop Battery, to Build Home-Made Rechargeable Lamp

This article is a tribute to my kids. Especially my 10 year old boy, who recently championed the use of my “dead” laptop battery to make a rechargeable lamp – which uses NO external power source for charging! This true story proves that coaching others to be super achievers at work , applies just as well, to parenting of our kids at home. Perhaps even more!

Are you a parent? If yes, know that to succeed, you MUST do all in your power, to coach your child to actualize his/her full potential. To do otherwise, would be to fail.

Don’t ask me how I know. I just do. And ever since I began to act in line with that insight, I have known a kind of peace that truly beats the imagination. I often feel so sure about how to parent my kids to achieve self-discovery.

I also intuitively know what to expect. So much so, that I am very rarely surprised by the results I get.

Let me share the following true story, to make this example more real.

My 10 year Old Boy – and his 12 year old brother – are Infected With the “Hands-On” Creativity Bug!

Yesterday, I returned from another trip to Nigeria. This time to install the completed Poultry Farm Manager application I built for a client’s farm in Ekiti state. While there, I trained two farm managers to use it.

On my way back, I spent Independence Day with my family in Lagos.

And what a truly fulfilling experience it turned out to be!

I cannot share everything now, as we’re planning to publish an online video presentation. There will also be a PDF publication, with full details of what they’ve discovered and developed.

But I Will Narrate the Story Below, to Give You an Idea of What These Creative Kids Did

The 10 year old has always been keen on taking things apart, and fiddling with them, to learn how they work. This includes electronic devices of all kinds.

Back when I was a young graduate trainee in Guinness, I used to carry around a fibre glass briefcase. At some point I stopped using it – but each time we moved house, I took it with me.

By the time we moved to Lagos, my 10 year old took it over and began filling it with pieces and parts he picked up from stuff I (or neighbours) threw out. After a while, he began trying to couple things back, after taking them apart. We laughed at him at first. But over time everyone in the house has come to trust his abilities.

Today, he actually does fix things. When the plug for a device fails to work, his mother calls on him. And he confidently takes a look and often gets it working. No exaggeration.

On return from school, he does his assignments, and then turns his full attention to his box of gizmos. This young man will link wires of all kinds together, and begin explaining – to an imaginary audience! – how the linked devices work!!

We Initially Laughed at His efforts – But His Unshakeable Passion Has Made Us “Believers”!

Now he’s buildings things that actually work – mostly by trial and error, with a problem solving focus.

Not long ago, he got broken sections of a rechargeable lamp – the part where the LEDs bulbs are mounted. He then linked AA batteries together in series in a wooden rack,built from pieces of wood.

This was then connected to the terminals of the LEDs from the damaged lamp.

And they came on!

Let me explain why the above was significant, for him, his siblings, and even for us their parents.

You see, our home is in Nigeria – where steady power supply remains a problem.

Hence when it’s dark, it’s either you use a kerosene lantern, candles or a generator, to light up your home. All three options require spending money. No matter how small the amount, it all adds up.

Sometimes, we have to share available light sources, if the generator is not used – or if a bulb in one room is bad.

That drove my son to explore alternative sources of lighting up the room he and his siblings use.

He knew if he could “make light” without having to ask his parents for money, no one would bother him.

I’ve seen him literally sit for hours, fiddling with jumbles of wires, and electronic parts/components. Most times he does this while completely unaware of his surroundings.

From the first time I saw him do this (at the age of 7), I knew instantly, that he was born to do it.

I’ve always studied ALL my kids, to carefully determine each one’s true interests and passion. And I always do my best to encourage or guide them.

That’s why, in the case of the 10 year old, my damaged electronic or computer devices always get passed to him. Not once has he ever turned them back. Instead he instantly start “working” on them!

He’s Now Used My Dead Laptop Battery to Build a Home-Made Rechargeable Lamp!

My Toshiba latop’s battery recently “died”. It could no longer keep my laptop on. If you removed the power cord, the laptop would simply go off. A computer village engineer sold me a new one, and I told my wife to give my son the “bad” one that was taken out.

To be honest, I never thought anything could come of it at the time.

But when I got home on the night of Monday 30th September 2013, I witnessed a demonstration that left me stunned.

My 10 year old (who has now co-opted his equally intuitive/creative 12 year old bother), put on a show that made me so proud!

He showed me a box made of carton in which he’d placed batteries taken from inside the laptop battery I’d given him. They look like much larger sized versions of AA batteries.

Now, I would never have imagined the batteries looked like that. It has never occurred to me to open up the black, rectangular “thing” we all call “laptop battery” to see what was inside.

Below is a picture of the kind of laptop battery I purchased

My 10 yeard old Boy Used My Dead Laptop Battery to Build a Home-Made Rechargeable Lamp - Without ANY External Power Source (Not Even Solar!)

This is just to give you an idea of what the one I gave him looked like. Notice the shape. Ever thought to open one up to see what was inside? I never did. But my 10 year old not only thought it. He did it, and then used the batteries to make a rechargeable lamp!

Here’s What He Told Me…Including How He Actually Recharges The Batteries Without ANY External Power Source (Not Even Solar!)

He linked the ends of the batteries (which were connected in series), to the terminals for the LEDs from the bad rechargeable lamp.

The light that was produced was extremely bright – almost blinding me at first (Below are some pictures I took as they demonstrated it. Note that they were showing me all this at past 11p.m on Monday 30th September 2013. The next day, Tuesday, was Independence Day, and a public holiday).

The light that was produced was extremely bright - almost blinding me at first...click to view larger image

Below: Another view of the lighted lamp, as they set it up for me to see.

Another view of the lighted lamp, as they set it up for me to see...click to view larger image

The first question that came to my mind (and probably yours!) was:

“How did he get a “laptop battery” I thought had “died” up to work like that? How did he charge them?”

The 10 year old explained that since there was no electricity, he began experimenting with alternative ways to charge the batteries.

NB: Being a child, “realistic” thinking that a “dead” battery could not be charged, did not occur to him!

One day, he found that rubbing certain objects together with the batteries, made them retain a charge.

When that happened, he did more rubbing together. They soon got so well charged, that he was able to use his new “light source” in his room at night – even when power went off.

In fact, the night I arrived, it was his “lamp” that was used in the kitchen, because the generator had a fault (the normal lamp was in their mother’s room).

The 12 year old holds the home made lamp up for me to see...click to view larger image

Coming Soon: A Video Interview and Presentation With My 10 Year Old Son – and His Siblings

The above story is just about ONE of three impressive demonstrations my kids put up for me that day.

We’ve decided we’ll be putting up a proper online presentation in PDF and video. In it, they will be interviewed (by me) in detail, on how they recorded those achievements.

This is not to be an ego trip of sorts. There is serious useful purpose to it. Among other things, I want them to have the experience of teaching others to do what they do. Beyond that, I intend to help them “refine” the finishing of their “lamp”, to make it more presentable. And also explore ways to make the “battery charging by rubbing” happen more efficiently.

a. I do all this, to make them realise what they’ve done is commendable, and therefore inspire them to do more.

b. I also want to do it, so serve as an example to other parents and their kids of what is possible.

Therefore consider this article to be a “written trailer preview” of what is to come, regarding the above.

A Question for YOU: Are Your Kids Studying the Right Subject, Topics or “Things”?

Do you know your kids?

Are you interested in what they do?

Do you know what their talents, interests and capabilities are?

If not, I urge you to develop interest in learning all of that now, to help them reach their full potentials.

The earlier they find their calling, the better.

Don’t let your child waste years studying “medicine”, only to graduate and turn to Fashion Design!

Make smart use of your money, and your child’s early years.

Let her study where her passion lies – so she can truly excel in life!

Final Words: In Case You Didn’t Know, Spontaneous Coaching™ Can Help You Do The Above

By way of interest, my kids did not arrive at doing the above by accident.

You see, I make a habit of constantly observing them. Working at home really helps me do this effectively. As a result, I am able to identify the “instinctive tendencies” of each child.

Over time, I carefully guide them to do more, using what I refer to as Spontaneous Coaching for Self-Development™.

I’ve done this mainly with my 3 boys, who are now 14, 12 and 10 years old respectively, from the age of 5 (I’m now exploring ways to do same for their sisters – who are 7 and 4 years old respectively).

So you see, my passion for writing parenting articles is not by accident…and it’s certainly not forced!

By the time I relocated to Benin Republic, the 12 and 10 year old had “caught the bug”, and become self-driven.

And that’s why each time I go home, they often have something new to show me.

I’m however still working to get the 14 year old to tune in properly, to his passion.

[Update added Oct. 4 12.59: I feel a need to add this. The 14 year old is actually likely to mature into a thinker/writer kind. That’s why I sent him on a 6 month (weekends only) manual type writing coaching course over a year ago.

Since then, I’ve pushed him to try writing short stories – on the PC – based on the reading he does. He’s quite good at recalling stuff he’s interested in (e.g facts about wildlife such as sharks).

Like I’m doing here for his siblings, I put up his first “completed” short story on my blog, some months back. Click here to read it. Getting him to stay focussed and do more has however been the problem.]

He’s struggling right now, but I know we’ll get there – eventually. No one said it would be easy 😉

You too can learn to use Spontaneous Coaching, to help others – your kids especially – excel in life.

Start by reading my article on it here.

Then get in touch if you want to learn or know more.

Good luck!

PS: Note that I deliberately did not show my kids’ full photos, with their faces in this article, unlike past ones. They will of course appear in the video soon to be put up on this subject.

When Cultural Beliefs Make Truth Telling a Taboo, Society Stagnates (True Story)

Doing reliable social research in societies where people tell “unnecessary lies” in responding to questionnaires, can be a frustrating endeavour.

University of Ibadan’s Professor Janice Olawoye (a white American married to a Nigerian), in a paper she published over 30 years ago, explained the real life experience of a popular researcher who visited a Nigerian village.

Across the various cultures in the world, people’s beliefs and practices differ greatly.

For instance, in the society I was born and bred (i.e. Nigeria), opinion polls don’t often work the way they do in a place like the USA.

You see, majority (of course not all) Nigerians in Nigeria are heavily influenced by what they know is the popular position or thinking, at any point in time.

Sometimes they do this because of potential rewards they think they can get. Or the negative consequences they may feel a need to avoid.

As a result, seldom do majority respond to “surveys” based on how they really “feel” about issues.

Don’t ask me why this is so. I have no idea.

Read the story below, told by Professor Olawoye, who also wondered why…

True Story: Getting Nigerian Women in a Village to Say How Many Children They’ve Had – An Impossible Task?!

As one of her students in Agricultural Extensions Services in 1991, I got hold of a copy of a paper published back in the ’80s, byProfessor Janice Olawoye.

In it she discussed the problem created by unwillingness of Nigerian village women to be “truthful” about their child bearing history.

Among other examples, she narrated the experience of a well known researcher from abroad, who travelled down to conduct a survey.

The researcher expressed frustration on being told that answers provided by village respondents to questions like “How many children have you given birth to?” were NOT totally truthful.

The reason was that some village women had lost babies at birth, or their children had died later in life.

They believed it was degrading to count children born that were no longer alive!

So, a woman may actually have given birth to six children, two of whom died of malaria for instance. She would however respond in the questionnaire that she had only ever given birth to four children!

According to Prof. Olawoye, the visiting researcher could not understand why they thought this way and exclaimed:

“How can one ever carry out an accurate survey when people do not give the truthful answers to the questions?”

I still feel his pain – even now.

But just like anything else started by human beings, changes can always be made. And that is the point of this article.

The limited thinking of the women made them adopt that mindset about talking about their dead children.

They did not realise telling the truth in the survey, could help them prevent future child deaths.

For instance, the research survey findings could highlight frequent cases of infant mortality. Researchers could pass that information to policy makers in the health sector. A corrective programme could uncover improper practices by health workers or midwives. This could make government organise better training and/or supply of improved equipment.

Sometimes the survey information could catch the attention or interest of other bodies e.g. NGOs, and even relevant arms of the United Nations.

A decision could be reached to donate a grant or some improved health centre to cater to the needs of children, infants and child bearing mothers.

The Need for Regular Orientation and Education of Citizenry on Issues

I’ve used a health issue as an example here. But the same thinking should apply to current affairs (politics, voting rights and responsibilities etc) and so on.

The above case happened in a village. That does not mean it cannot happen in the city. Variants of it do! And that’s why HIV/AIDS still spreads despite readily available information about how to prevent it.

We must not wait till when an event – like a research survey – happens.

Rather, on a regular basis, we can progressively inform and educate those who need it. We will do so in a way that reduces the influence of wrong cultural beliefs, and practices, in their decision making.

When people are empowered to think responsibly and competently, they will take smarter decisions. Instances of adopting thinking that amounts to shooting themselves in the foot will no occur less.

Parents can help solve (or even prevent) problems by exposing kids to the good sides of culture, while encouraging them to challenge any questionable beliefs and practices.

We must let children know they have a choice, and urge them to exercise that right to make a choice.

No one can force them to accept a line of thinking, if they do not feel it serves them well.

We can do that for them as early as possible in life. By the time they leave home, they will have grown accustomed to thinking and acting based on the training we’ve given them.

And they will influence others to do the same – resulting in a society free from limiting beliefs!

One Zero Start-up Cost Lucrative Business YOU Can Do

You should read this article if:

(a). You have formal training and/or experience in Accounting/Finance and wish to acquire a new skill to double your income.

(b). You (or someone you know) lack a job and need to earn income. \

(c). You (or someone you know) is retired or preparing to retire or resign or have been laid off.

You can learn to do what I do (and do better than I am doing) – earning good income by developing useful custom MS Excel Visual Basic driven software for those who need them.

I have no formal IT training or certifications. Yet my work continues to attract newer and higher profile clients.

At the risk of sounding like I am bragging, the truth is I have also come across many people with all the formal IT qualifications.

Many hold on tightly to salary jobs. They often cannot demonstrate practical problem-solving competence that comes close to mine.

That proves you do NOT need any formal qualifications to learn to do what I do.

Just be interested enough to diligently apply what you learn.

I Make This Offer Especially to Persons Who Think Lack of Money or Capital is a Problem

I assure you it is not. I wasted all the money I left Guinness with, after I resigned to start my business in 2002.

It was subsequently, IN SPITE of my…

  1. lack of capital
  2. lack of an office (up till this day)
  3. lack of financial backing
  4. …and lack of people who believed I could make money providing spreadsheet solutions…

… that I built this brand which is now gaining wider recognition in the market place.

A Warning: This is Not a "Fast-Food" Income Earning Opportunity

The natural human instinct makes us lean towards business opportunities that offer the great rewards FAST, with minimal effort.

Lots of online offers one sees today make such promises.

Most are scams.

The opportunity I describe here does NOT fall into that category however.

It requires those interested, to expend generous amounts of intellectual and physical glucose.

They will have to:

(a) learn and become competent and…

(b) deliver results to clients/customers…

…so that they are PROFITABLY rewarded with money and other benefits.

One Thing I Can Tell You: If You Put in The Required Effort, you WILL Get The Rewards

I have ample evidence to back up ALL the claims I make here about this vocation.

And I would welcome any invitation to furnish details at any venue, and before any audience.

This is a business that I have been personally engaged in as a service provider since 2002 – over 10 years ago.

I started it from Lagos, Nigeria. But I’ve been based in Benin Republic since April 1, 2013.

Yet, this business is responsible for my being here in Nigeria for my 4th day running.

Right now, I’m in the farm house of a client farm business owner at 3.42a.m, typing this article.

My transportation, feeding and accommodation are being taken care of by him (AFTER my fees have been paid).

This business is called "Preprogrammed and Custom Spreadsheet based solutions Development"…or "Built-In Excel Solutions Development"

But prior to my starting-it-up, it did not exist in any tangible form here in Nigeria.

Today, I’m still yet to run into anyone offering this unique service, formally, as a service provider our here.

You can quote me on that. I have had to create a market for this service single handed.

In the past I used to get laughed at by friends, relatives and prospects.

But I adopted variants of intelligent business marketing techniques like Power Positioning and Top Of Mind Awareness, as well as Public Speaking for Business Marketing, combined with smart Web Marketing Systems implementation.

Today, prospects seek me out and engage my services AFTER discovering me via what I did for others, or through the Internet.

Just How Profitable is This Line of Business?

Let me answer this way:

Clients have also paid me as much N250, 000 (divide by N162 to get dollar equivalent) to purchase my existing customisable applications, or have me build one from scratch in 30 working days.

If you have lived/worked in Nigeria a while, you will know that getting paid that kind of money to develop custom software of this kind – without "connections" – means the clients believe you offer true value.

If You Have Formal Training and/or Experience in Accounting/Finance, Pay Attention!

You can dramatically boost your income earning potential as a consultant, if you develop proficiency in spreadsheet solutions development.

Around 2008, the Lagos state Government intensified its tax collection drive, requiring companies to fulfill their obligations in this regard.

New and old clients have sought out and paid me handsomely to build/modify my applications to compute their taxes, as a result.

One example was a project in which I built custom Excel-VB driven software to automatically compute Monthly Profit & Loss Report (i.e. Manufacturing Account, Trading Account etc) for a Lagos based small scale factory with a N5million monthly turnover.

I worked closely with a seasoned financial consultant to finish that project. Imagine what YOU can do!

But It Goes Beyond Financial Data Management – You Should Build Enterprise Information Systems (EIS)

Before you start thinking this is about building software equivalent to off-the-shelf accounting software, let me add this.

Most of the work I do today has to do with developing application to generate Key Performance Indicators for managing the "operations" and "processes" in businesses.

Non-financial data handling (e.g. medical records, client records, farm production records) are the major areas I’ve had to develop solutions for. To give you a good idea of how the applications I build help day to day business decision making, click here to watch two videos:

1. A video demonstration of a Poultry Layer Farm Management software I built this month (September 2013), for a farm business in South West Nigeria

2. A video presentation of a mind-map describing the benefits of adopting a Best-Operating Process Management System (BOPMS) – based on a custom EIS.

Get in Touch to Learn How I Can Help YOU Acquire This Competence.

You can start earning income EVEN…

a. without quitting your day job

b. without having capital

c. and without owning a PC of your own

When I first started there was a 12 month period when, I did not own my own PC. I got clients to provide everything, including power supply!

Visit my Excel Heaven mini-site at : http://www.excelheaven.spontaneousdevelopment.com  to learn more about what I do – including the coaching service I offer.

Are Businesses Faking Online Results?

Yes they are. Apart from my experience-based opinion, this article features real life evidence in form of a Channel 4 TV Dispatches investigative video report exposing how businesses manipulate social media statistics.

It’s a sad reality. But I doubt that any conscious adult would really be surprised to learn this is happening. It’s however the scale on which it’s occurring – given the capability of the web – that’s mind boggling.

They Say One Thing & Do Another

When I first started using the web as an entrepreneur in 2002, I saw everything through rose coloured glasses. It was a perfect world, where everything worked as people said it did.

Over the years one scale after another has fallen from my eyes. Steps prescribed by many (but of course NOT ALL!) experts yield nothing like they promise or claim to get.

A lot happens behind the scenes that the average person cannot detect or unravel.

If no one is buying back links, why do people still keep sending so many emails offering them? And if no one is buying Facebook likes, Youtube views etc, how come I still get such offers?

They’re obviously getting patronage – else they would have gone out of business long ago!

In light of the above, how do I know that expert did not BUY his own thousands of LIKES and VIEWS?

Yet he may offer to “teach” me how to get similar results by writing articles and publishing a newsletter!

A Real Life TV Report That Confirms What I’m Saying

So you can have someone using doing naughty things Google says not to e.g. buying links. They go to great lengths to cover their tracks.

The idea is often the same. To do everything possible (legal or not) to get themselves in front of as many eyeballs as possible online.

Click here to watch this shocking investigative TV report video trailer. In it, film-maker Chris Atkins uncovers how some businesses purchase fake Facebook ‘likes’, Twitter followers and YouTube views to promote themselves.

Click here to watch this shocking investigative TV report video trailer. In it, film-maker Chris Atkins uncovers how some businesses purchase fake Facebook 'likes', Twitter followers and YouTube views to promote themselves.
Click here to watch this shocking investigative TV report video trailer. In it, film-maker Chris Atkins uncovers how some businesses purchase fake Facebook ‘likes’, Twitter followers and YouTube views to promote themselves.

See what I mean??

For me, what’s important here is that we will probably NEVER know those who have used the services of the crooked guy  in the video. Even worse, many of us may have taken serious business decisions based on the results people like that have shown us!

When I took care to begin studying these groups of people, I noticed they had a few things in common.

They often employed hype in their copy and offers, targeting large numbers of people promising to turn your fortunes around overnight.

 And you rarely needed to do anything, know anything or how to do anything!

Just jump on by paying a little cash and you’d be made for life.

Now, in my candid opinion, only greedy and/or lazy people take up such offers. And I’m neither. Which explains why I’ve never been “had” by them.

Of course what they offer rarely works as promised. But these guys are good at “selling” their stuff :-))

They always have a follow up that explains what steps you need to take to improve your luck. At some point they’ll also bring in another “expert” who’s decided to do YOU a favour, by sharing some new “secret” formula with you.

You’re asked to jump on to his/her list to learn the new XYZ formula. Eventually, you may have to pay a little cash to LEARN…and LEARN…and LEARN….!!!

Right now, in my honest opinion, there’s a webinar and teleconference pandemic on the web. Everybody is teaching something someone else needs to learn.

For the bad guys amongst those offering these events, it seems to me that their key strategy is building of mailing lists. Then they relentlessly “work” those lists.

Someone’s bound to buy something eventually – especially when they keep sending tempting offers that will be potentially appealing to the more lazy/greedy of their subscribers.

NB: Keep in mind that some of these guys have mailing lists running into hundreds of thousands of subscribers. You can therefore imagine how lucrative this whole arrangement can get!

Google’s Algorithm Updates Confirmed My Suspicions

Yep. Must give thanks to the good guys at Google. They sometimes set-up things in ways that punish innocent website owners too. But very often that ends up being only a temporary side effect of any new measure they take, to sanitize the results they give their users.

In time, if the good guys who are affected keep doing the right things, they eventually get plenty of love from Google. I know this because that’s what I’m getting today.

About a year ago, I certainly could not say that!

So What (and/Or Who) Do YOU Believe Now?

Sorry, but I can’t help you there. You will have to do your own thinking

A good first step will however likely be to purge yourself of any laziness or greed. That way, when they come with their offers, your thinking will be much smarter!

However, having watched the above mentioned video, my worst fears have been confirmed. I no longer know what to believe about certain aspects of using the web.

If one man with 1,000 facebook IDs can work overnight to add LIKES to a client’s page, imagine how many people MUST be using his services!!

That’s why I never let the number of Facebook likes or Youtube views anyone waves in my face, sway me.

But that’s not the only thing I NOW question: Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m just too daft to get it right…or some “dark forces” are against me :-)

You see, after taking time and great pains to test/develop something that works for me online, I sometimes deliberately announce it in an article. Just to see what will happen.

On more than one occasion, I’ve noticed some strange occurrences.

One example:

Up till 20th August 2013, my Excel-Heaven Custom Spreadsheet Software Development Service facebook page had been getting steady trickle of LIKES weekly. This began mainly after I began linking to it, and the related website, more often in my blog posts and email newsletter issues.

But since the day I wrote an article criticizing buying of Facebook LIKEs, and also highlighting the new results I’d been getting without buying LIKEs , NOT ONE SINGLE new LIKE has been added to that page.

“Strange” does not even begin describe it. Scary is more like it. I mean, what kind of coincidence is that???

Note that the day Iwrote the article, it already had 39 LIKES. On the day I published the post, the page had gotten 42 LIKES. Just within a 48 hour interval.

But from that day I published thepost discussing those results, NOTHING…

Hmm…make what you will of that.

As for me…”I know what I saw“(like the guy in the horror movie told his disbelieveing friends!)

So, What About Me. How Can You Be Sure I’ve Not Been Lying (or I’m Not Doing So Now)?

It’s only fair that anyone ask me the above question. I may be screaming foul play and still be a part of the whole mess.

People do that in real life – that’s what “duplicity” entails.

The simple answer in my case is however “No”.

I do not, have not, and will not lie about what I do online – or the results I’m getting.

I have no need to.

You see, I’m based in Africa. Over here, Internet use remains a fairly expensive venture for most people. And connectivity can be often quite erratic – making it even more costly.

This means I need to ensure I make the most productive use of my time online.

I’ve kept my website – www.spontaneousdevelopment.com – constantly updated, via relentless web marketing, since July 2005. Over 8 years!

If I was not getting decent rewards for my web marketing efforts (by way of sales of my products and services), I would have shut it down long ago.

I would not be so committed to publishing articles Mondays to Saturdays (sometimes Sundays) here.

But that’s not all.

My clients would NOT pay MORE money for me to write (or re-write) their website content. Or to ghost-write articles/special PDF reports on their behalf, for web marketing systems I setup for them.

That’s mainly because they KNOW that MY web marketing was what led them to find me – often via search engines.

In other words they know it works… and that makes them willing to PAY me to do it for them!

Final Words: In the End Though, You’ll Have to Take My Word for It…Or Move On :-)

Of course, like I said earlier, you’ll probably have no choice but to take what I say as the truth.

Those who have the skills, or means, to do relevant checks should be able to verify some claims or assertions I make. Some people send in enquiries via my contact forms just to “see”.

I do my best to respond to their enquiries.

Sometimes, to avoid having my time wasted, however, I “ask” certain email enquirers to call me.

I should mention that my website’s terms of service allow me to mention names, reproduce emails, and discuss details, relating to transactions I engage in (up to a point), with enquirers.

Most of the names I mention in my articles are for real people – subscribers, some clients or both (e.g Oladipo Mann stayed a subscriber to my newsletter for over 3 years, before finally buying my Feed Formulation Handbook, and software).

Sometimes I include photographs.

And I also know that some of my past clients/buyers would gladly take a call from ANY interested person(s), to speak on the details of their interactions with me.

If you’re an enquirer, email me via tayo at tksola dot com if you want to do that.

That’s the best I can do.

If it’s not enough, just ignore ME, my articles, websites, and of course any products and services I offer.

That should keep you safe :-)))

“Professors” Cannot Afford to Resist New Ideas

What you are about to read is based on a true story – actually a personal experience that I had.

A Shocking Demonstration of Non-Critical Thinking by Two Professors!

Sometime ago, I had the opportunity to spend roughly 5 minutes with two professors (specialising in Agriculture) in a tertiary institution. I actually got an appointment to see only one of them. The other – who I met for the first time – just happened to be around when the meeting eventually held.

A few days before, 5 male university students had eagerly followed my instructions, to make a drink using a procedure I developed. All they used were pineapple PEELS and small amounts of sugar.

When I left their room that night, they were ecstatic, and thankful.

That experience made me think of possibilities in terms of empowering students to make drinks from waste peels of different fruits (like I propose in this FREE PDF report).

What I had in mind, was a practical workshop arrangement that would last for about 4 hours.

Interested students would enrol, and learn basic principles involved in making drinks from different fruit waste peels. And I offered to source funding by exploring partnerships with sponsors, so attendance could be free or low cost.

Sadly, these “professors” failed to see what I saw.

Not even when I noted the fact that job seeking graduates could earn side income using the skill – as they pursued employment opportunities. We all know how scarce jobs have become today!

The second professor was the one who actually resisted the entire idea and my proposal.

He said in a very firm voice, looking sternly at me:

“I am quite sure none of the students will be interested in this kind of thing. Your best bet will be to go to companies that already make juices with pineapple fruit, and tell them about this idea for making drinks using the peels they throw away. They are the ones who need it.”

When I tried to refocus his attention on the potential benefits to the students, he said:

“Look, I’m telling you no student will be interested. I know I will not want to attend such training. So you can be sure no student will want to learn it either!”

Wow, what ingenious insight from a man (supposedly) of sound intellect. And he was far from being “old”, so the issue of senility did not come in here!

Looking back, I could not help feeling he somehow felt I would “steal” loyalty he had from the students. Just a theory I have…I could be wrong.

His colleague (the one who’d actually invited me) had seemed more willing to discuss with me initially.

In fact I vividly recall him asking what he could do, and offering to give me contact details of students I could invite to the event.

But on seeing how intense his partner was, he strangely went silent.

And at the end of his colleagues “pronouncement” he basically said “Ok. Tayo. See you next time then.”

I stood up, shook their extended hands and left. And that was it.

Professors Lacking Critical Thinking Skills Have Little to Offer Anyone!

To say I felt deflated would be an understatement. But I only let that feeling last for a few seconds.

In no time I shrugged it off, and began thinking of where else I could go. I met with the administrator of a Francophone nation’s Chamber of Commerce and Industry.

This followed an invitation extended to me by an officer of the chambers. She’d tasted a sample of the drink I gave her while at their International Trade Fair stand, at Cotonou’s Stade De L’amitie.

The administrator did not hide his excitement, when I told him how I’d made the non-fermented version of the drink in my hand. Our chat lasted over an hour (all in French, as he spoke no English).

By the time I left, he’d given me his private mobile phone number, and requested I send him a bottle of the fermented version to taste.  He also indicated interest in exploring the propositionl I’d discussed with him – requesting that I send him a copy in French.

And that’s just one of a number of opportunities that have come up. In the meantime, I’m also exploring variants of the product, and conducting shelf-life trials for a version I aim to produce commercially.

Our “Professors” Must Not Be Too Busy to Think!

That encounter with the professors proved to me they’d lost their critical thinking skills. And it has convinced me that I MUST take further steps to protect my kids’ natural creativity from being “beaten out of them” – as someone once wrote.

No “professor” can afford to become too busy (e.g. publishing papers to boost his/her status) to find time to think up newer/better ideas…or to explore useful ones conceived by others!

We must remember that founding fathers of some fields professors specialise in today, had only few months of formal schooling.

A good example: Thomas Edison was a serial inventor, with about 10,000 patents.

He stressed the importance of exercising the mind. That was the secret of his amazing ability to innovate: he did a lot of thinking!

Interestingly Albert Einstein, another great mind, who went through formal schooling, reportedly hated it – claiming “his professors only taught old science”!

In his early schooling years, Einstein had been bored by the emphasis on rote learning (i.e. memorisation). But the teachers –narrowly – interpreted his attitude to be due to laziness.

Later in life, Einstein constantly made out ample time to think. He did this despite being busy working (6 days a week at a patent office), pursuing a doctorate at the University of Zurich, and coping with family life.

It was during those busy periods, that he came up with his most amazing discoveries and revolutionary ideas!

Einstein Was Once Asked How Schools Could Improve…

He replied by saying that schools that force students to memorize periodic tables, and maths theorems, would not progress; while those that teach imagination and creativity will influence society’s evolution.

One writer wondered why – considering that Einstein was (probably) the smartest man who ever lived –  no one listened to him!

(I’ll hazard a guess: the egos and personal interests of those in charge were/are getting in the way…)

In my parenting articles, I have repeatedly challenged parents to help their kids discover and maximise their God-given potentials.

Most conventional schools, as they are currently set-up will NOT do that!

Final Words: What I Am NOT Saying/Have NOT Said…and Do NOT Mean

Before someone calls for my head, let me state clearly that I have not said, and do not mean to imply, in any way, that professors are bad or incompetent :-)

However, it is my considered opinion, that some members of that group are – today – misrepresenting the larger majority (a sign they probably should not have gotten that far?).

What I AM therefore saying, in essence, is that teachers at any level must be open to new ideas.

They must also be willing to think them up…and to encourage those they teach, to do the same.

“Professors” can simply NOT  afford to resist new ideas – or hold on to outdated ones!

Trying to Use Others Can Cost YOU Success (Advice you need to give your child)

Sigh. It keeps happening. Despite the many valuable opportunities it denies those who do it, they keep doing it. I refer to the tendency some have, for wanting to prove they are better than others. And the sometimes shocking contempt they display for those they (try to) “unfeelingly use” to achieve their selfish ends. Read this article to learn why your child must think and act differently, to make the most of herself in life!

Insecure Persons Abound In Society: Learn to Identify, and Protect Yourself from Them

Once you seem to be equally (or more) competent than they are in a specific area of endeavor, they feel threatened. Next thing you know, they’ll start speaking and acting funny. They’ll begin “competing” with you. But most times you’ll be unaware they nuirse such feelings towards you!

Beware of people like this.Learn to identify them, so they don’t hurt you. They display tell tale habits.

For example: When you buy a new car, they immediately decide to change theirs. If they see you with a new smartphone, they quickly whip theirs out, and ask “Can yours do this?” (In the latter case, there may be exceptions who are just out to have good fun with you).

If they witness you speaking French to a foreigner who’s lost his way, they want you to know they speak Spanish or some other language. Or they’ll tell you they have a relative or friend who does.

And if they don’t do that, they’ll claim “You know, if I wasn’t so busy, I’d learn to be fluent in XYZ language too. But there’s just no free time to spare!“. They’ll say that, most times forgetting that YOU managed to become fluent, despite being just as busy as they are, if not more!

No matter how trivial the issue is, they always read an “I’m better than you” meaning into anything their perceived rival does. And they constantly seek ways to correct the psychological imbalance they feel.

You Don’t Need to Prove You’re Better Than Anyone: It’s an Unhealthy Way to Live!

I’ve written about it in the past. And today, I still tell my kids it’s unwise to go around with that kind of unproductive mental attitude.

This need some people feel to compete with others who harbor no such feelings towards them. It is a serious problem and has been since the dawn of mankind. It is the reason why jealousy and envy continue to destroy relationship between/among different groups of people…including relatives.

This attitude prevents those who have it from taking advantage of help extended to them by those they needlessly resent.

What they need is to act – daily! – in line with an Emancipated Thinking Habit™ (see image below)…

"An Emancipated Thinker™ is someone who understands that his/her ability to achieve any set goal does not depend on another person's progress or lack of it. Someone who believes that what is meant to be his/hers will always come to him/her if s/he thinks in the right way and takes appropriate action to bring it to reality." - Tayo K. Solagbade

A True Story That Illustrates How Trying to Use Others, &/Or Prove You’re Better, Can Cost YOU!

A few years back, I had a discussion with a long time associate, who shared the following true – and very instructive – story with me.

Tim, an independent consultant, made contact with Ike – a business promotion service provider – whose work he encountered while with a client. (Note: Names used are not real).

Ike possessed an unusual combination of skills that apparently enabled him achieve considerable marketing reach and impact at low cost. Not just for himself, but also his clients.

This enabled him spend considerably less time, money and effort to get marketing exposure he wanted.

In contrast, Tim enjoyed recognition from existing clients – and they gave him referrals. But he was less proficient in his business promotion for generating new sales leads outside established contacts.

He knew it, and sincerely wanted to improve on that aspect of his marketing. At least he told Ike so.

It Soon Became Obvious That Tim Only Sought to “Exploit” Ike

Tim began enquiring about services Ike offered.

Over a period of weeks however, Ike noticed Tim’s “conversations” suggested he had ulterior motives.

For one thing, each time Ike replied to the enquiries (by email or phone), nothing ever came of it.

Tim always found an excuse to not take a decision.

Instead he would come up with a new twist to the request. For instance, Tim intermittently asked – subtly – that Ike introduce/recommend him (i.e. Tim) to his (Ike’s clients), so he could offer his consulting service to them.

Ike considered the request strange given the fact that he did not have any clients with such a need.

What was more, he knew such a move could back fire in many ways against him if was not careful.

He had yet to really get to know Tim – and had not even had any business dealings with him.

Yet, Tim repeatedly made propositions along those lines, rather than take up the main issue he claimed to have sought Ike out for!

But That Was Not All!

Tim also repeatedly suggested they do joint ventures of various kinds. That was not a bad thing.

But 9 times out of 10, what he proposed strongly indicated he wanted to use Ike’s skills to look good!

For instance, he kept asking Ike come up with learning material they could use/sell at a learning event. Knowing that Ike was skilled in this area, he would then ask if he had any already written.

Ike would often suggest they both prepare material specifically for the event, to add useful value to attendees. Tim would counter that he was too busy, and that Ike would be better off doing that, then letting him see!

Final Words

These one-sided “me, myself and I” requests from Tim were obvious signs of dis-honest intentions.

Luckily, Ike saw through them.

So, he protected himself, by avoiding committing himself to anything.

And he also gradually withdrew from Tim, knowing their relationship would never be win-win.

People who behave like Tim will always lose more than they get.

Let your child know s/he must think and act differently (click here), IF s/he wants to make the most of herself in life!

Your Teenager Giving You Problems? Hurray!

I’m playing devil’s advocate here. But with good reason. You see I gave my father and mother parenting nightmares as a teenager. In fact, I started from when I was ten.

Then I went right on till I clocked sixteen – when I committed my most sensationally bad act in school, as a school prefect! All to the unending embarrassment of my sibling, who was in the same school with me, and my frustrated parents.

[NB:I’d planned to auto schedule this post to appear on Friday, in line with the normal schedule, but I’m getting an error message. Since I’m travelling, I’ve decided to publish now as connectivity is not too reliable where I’m headed.]

Thankfully, you should be able to gather, from reading this article and others here on my blog, that I found a way to redeem myself :-)

Today, I live a very purpose driven life, which simply has no room for trivialities. I am on a mission to be the best I can be, in a way that will benefit all that come into direct or indirect contact with me.

If I Had Not Been Naughty in My Teenage Years, I’m Not Sure I Would Be This Strong Today

I gained admission to the university at the age of 17, and by then I’d taken a personal vow to stop giving my family grief. Up till that period I kept having all sorts of flashbacks over my short past life. I’d done many silly things, gotten caught and punished, then done more, gotten caught…in a continuous cycle!

At no time did my getting into trouble ever feel good. But most times when I was running around with my bad friends, secretly doing things, I knew I ought not to be doing, I felt wonderful!

It’s like those who take drugs to get on a high.

Some of us simply need something to get us high. And if no one provides us a legitimate outlet, we create one or more for ourselves. Teenagers need excitement – something to challenge them. And that’s why they sometimes get into trouble.

Looking back, I realise my teenage experiences – especially the mistakes I made, have served as useful instructors in my adult life.

If I had not had them, it’s likely I would not have arrived adulthood as prepared as I was, to deal with “temptations” I’ve overcome over the years.

In other words, I am strong today, because I used to be weak, and fell often as a result. But I got back up, each time and learnt my lessons.

Do NOT Lose Hope In Your “Naughty Teenager

The above is why I personally would be worried about a child that never gets into trouble. S/he would give me less insight into what s/he’s capable of. At least that’s my opinion :-)

For me, a teenager acting naughty (at least a little bit, every now and then) is a sign of a healthy child. One who has energies that s/he can be coached to channel to productive ends.

That’s what happened to me – but only because my parents did not give up on, or condemn me.

And that’s why I’m writing this article. You as a parent must never let your child feel you’ve lost hope in him/her. Even if s/he acts like s/he does not care.

The teen years are a transition period. Boys and girls go through unfamiliar (sometimes scary) physical and psychological transformations. Sometimes they may not have access to much help to understand what they’re passing through.

Make Yourself Available to Play That Role, If You Want Your Teenager to Turn Out Well.

Start early, BEFORE the teen years, to build a relationship with the child towards playing that role if/when the need arises.

For instance, teach him/her to NOT place too much value on material possessions. To avoid seeking to impress others with “things”. To appreciate that what s/he has in him/her is enough. To be self-reliant, and believe strongly in getting guidance from the creator.

Simply put, help him/her develop strength of character. Even when a person falls, that will help him/her recover. I say this based on personal experiences and observations: Think Tiger Woods for instance!

Your child’s naughty actions can give you insights into his/her natural interests, passions and possibly talents. Provide legitimate outlets for such needs you detect, at home or in a positive environment.

The idea here is to coach and influence her to turn such energies into something useful.

Dealing With My Own Teenage Son Who’s Acting Naughty

My first son has been a rock of support to my wife in the home since he was 8. He has always helped manage household chores – including cooking for his sibling when necessary. I’m convinced he’ll be a wonderfully domesticated husband to a lucky woman some day :-)

Since turning 14 however, he’s been giving my wife and I some cause for concern. To be fair, he’s not done anything even remotely close to the stuff I did in my time (thank God!). At least not yet (ha ha!).

But he’s showing signs of the teenage restlessness that I’m all too familiar with.

The mother tells me he often goes out without telling her, to stay with friends for hours on end. When confronted, he refuses to own up. Sometimes he tells blatant lies about where he’s been.

Recently, he’s managed to influence his immediate younger brother to join him!

Since I relocated to Benin, I periodically call to speak with him and his siblings on phone.

Here’s an Example of a Phone Conversation I Once Had with Him

Me: So, how was school today?

Him: Fine.

Me: What did you do?

Him: I attended classes and read my books.

Me: What subjects did you attend classes on?

Him: I can’t remember.

Me: What do you mean – you can’t remember the subject you attended classes for today?

….and so on…

You get the drift: General indifference. Typical teenager attitude!

Final Words: Invest The Time/Effort to Help Your Child Now, So You’ll Have No Regrets Later

The signs differ from child to child. In my son’s case, my own experiences have guided me (from way back) to sense his attitude in this regard.

I’ve long since adopted a proactive approach to dealing with it. That’s why when he was 13; I got him to attend a 6 month manual typing course, which he has since completed.

Next thing I did was to make him think up and write stories (like this one) on subjects that interest him, using the computer.

Indeed for all my kids (I have five of them – 3 boys, aged 14, 12, and 10 plus 2 girls, aged 7 and 3) I’ve chosen to introduce a vocational dimension to their learning experiences. (NB: My other parenting articles explain why I do not follow traditional schooling methods.)

It is based on the interests they tell me they have. My hope is that through what interests them, I can help them overcome any indifference that may arise, to other things that matter e.g. their studies.

For me, what is important is guiding each child to:

(1) develop an independent personality and

(2) acquire competence to use self-study to acquire needed knowledge to achieve valued goals.

I know it won’t be easy, but I’m determined to do my best. With support from my wife, and also my mother – whose 3 decades experience as a teacher has come in handy so far – I’m sure we’ll win.

Why Won’t LinkedIn Stop Sending Me Email Invitations, Months After They Agreed To?

When – on August 16, 2013 – Alison Doyle, About.com Guide wrote her article titled “Don’t Waste Your Time On LinkedIn”, she got more than she bargained for: her readers’ summarily bashed LinkedIn in the comments section!

About 21 of the 32 comments on her article described LinkedIn using expressions like “a complete and utter waste of time“…“a waste of Internet space”…and one “Suchi” even said “If you’re on LinkedIn, you’re a fool”…!

Wow, that’s a lot of LinkedIn “Haterade”…to echo “Jennifer”, one of the dissenters, who – correctly I might add – noted that LinkedIn is primarily for networking. According to her, she’d successfully used it to get noticed by recruiters, and ultimately hired. Which is true for many others.

Contrary to what the title may suggest, Alison’s article actually advises readers’ on ways to make proper use of LinkedIn, to reap optimal benefits.

In truth, like “Jennifer”, I also do not think LinkedIn is useless…

But it can – and does – get abused…and used to abuse others!

If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you may have come across my two articles relating to my “disagreement” with LinkedIn:

It began because they wrongly locked up my profile, then when I asked why, they claimed they saw “suspicious activity”.

Yet, despite my repeat requests they refused to give details or proof of that.

Instead they asked for my scanned passport, to verify my identity. I emailed it to them, but they never acknowledged receiving, it, and asked for it again.

Eventually, I got tired of being given the run around, and decided I’d rather NOT be there, than be made to look like a crook online.

So I told them to delete my profile with them, and made it clear I no longer wished to make use of their website. I also asked them to stop sending me email updates via the web mail address I used to open my account with them i.e. tayo at spontaneousdevelopment dot com.

They responded and confirmed that my request had been carried out, and that my email address had been removed from notifications.

I’ve Since Enjoyed Peaceful Absence of LinkedIn Invitations…Until Thursday 22nd August 2013 When They Came Back!

You and I know technology and computers can develop faults or produce errors. So I guess it’s not surprising.

But the problem I have is that it seems that LinkedIn produces a rather high volume of errors relating to me.

And that’s even now that I’m supposedly no longer listed on their website as a member or user!

Today, I received the 3rd LinkedIn invitation sent directly via members@linkedin.com to me via tayo at spontaneousdevelopment dot com – the address I specifically requested LinkedIn to STOP sending notifications to.

I received the 3rd LinkedIn invitation sent directly via members@linkedin.com to me via tayo at tayosolagbade dot com – the address I specifically requested LinkedIn to STOP sending notifications to

When the first one came in from one “Atirek Gautam” on the 22nd August @ 16.45, I ignored it. Then the very next day (Friday 23rd August @ 16.08), one “Patrick LIVE” sent me an invitation. And just 30 minutes ago, today, Tuesday 3rd September 2013, one “Eliana Meireless” sent me an invitation to connect.

And just 30 minutes ago, today, Tuesday 3rd September 2013, one “Eliana Meireless” sent me an invitation to connect.

Once again I checked the source, and it was from members@linkedin.com. By this time I’d become quite upset, and scrolled down to read the footnotes.

Then I Got The Shock of My Life!

The screenshot below says it all. I don’t know how she, he (or they?) managed it, but it states as follows…

1. “you are receiving invitation emails

…and then it offers an unsubscribe link!

I ask, how could I need to unsubscribe from a list the OWNERS (LinkedIn.com) had confirmed removing me MONTHS ago??!!

2. The next line states…

…. “This email was intended for Lindsay Nelson (Student at Pensacota State College).”

How is it possible for someone with another name to use the same email address I used with LinkedIn, to create a profile that LinkedIn accepts??!!!

What?????

How is it possible for someone with another name to use the same email address I used with LinkedIn, to create a profile that LinkedIn accepts??!!!

They once locked up my profile which was linked to that email address. I would have using it again on their site would have thrown up red flags for the security team??!!

Once again, I find myself wondering if there isn’t more to this, than meets the eye…

Could it be an attempt – as I have suggested the last time – to give a dog a bad name and hang it?

After all, I am a full blooded Nigerian…and I’ve come to the painful realisation that some people simply refuse to accept that not every Nigerian is engaged in email scam and the like. In fact, I’m convinced there are those who deliberately refuse to acknowledge exceptions like me for their own ulterior motives!!

I’m displeased by this. And I have every right to be. My reputation matters to me.

This appears to be another attempt to attack my website credibility. I’ve shared past updates in which even Google offered elaborate details of such attempts via email.

CONSIDER THIS: Anyone who sees these invites coming to ME, via a fake name with my email address, can easily conclude it’s a strategy I’ve developed to stay on LinkedIn and do naughty things!

See how this can play out?

Anyway, I’ve made up my mind I will NOT talk to LinkedIn about this. (But I will email them a link to this post).

They will have to sort it out from their end. If they don’t, that would suggest those who bashed them on Alison’s article mentioned at the start of this piece may have a point!

As for me, the fact that this can happen at all, convinces me I took a smart decision choosing to jump off the LinkedIn boat!

RELATED”

1. If you can’t find me on LinkedIn.com here’s why.

2. Why I’ve told LinkedIn to delete my profile (Talk about trying to give a dog a bad name to hang it!)

3. Don’t Waste Your Time On LinkedIn