Most people feel proud and inspired to do more, when something they do attracts genuine praise and/or rewards from others. Children especially respond quite well to timely positive feedback. This article explains how you can make intelligent use of such feedback (as a “coach-parent”), to nurture your child’s creative instincts, in a way that increases his/her chances of success in life.
1. Never Grow Tired of Marveling at Life’s Discoveries
Some adults wrongly assume that showing surprise or excitement at the sight or sound of something new will make them look “un-cool” or unsophisticated.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
In reality, some of the world’s most creative and innovative people are reputed to view the world with child like wonder, and innocence.
They never got bored with expressing pleasant surprise, each time they made a new discovery. And that mental attitude is what fuels their desire to explore further!
That leads them to tap into creative depths of their beings, to achieve uncommon feats – and very often, they infect others around them with their attitude.
If you want to help your child as a parent, you need to adopt a similar mental attitude.
2. Your Child’s Genius Will Emerge if You Nurture It
Children who achieve early self-discovery often have adults around them who habitually cheered them on, whenever they showed what they could do.
What do you say when your 5 year old shows you something s/he’s scribbled on a cardboard?
How do you react? And that includes your body language when you’re tired, having just returned from a long, tiring day at work (?)
Do you look at it and say “That’s nice, baby!”, and let him/her go?
Or do you – for instance – take it from him/her, and then ask questions interestedly like: “Wow! Did you do all this yourself? That’s great.Can you show me how you did it? Or “Why not do more and let me see?”
I know some parents “ooh” and “aah” over stuff their kids do in their formative years.
What I’m saying here however goes beyond doing that, to actually using feedback to coach the child, right through his/her teens to young adulthood.
Subtle coaching and encouragement, injected at the right moment, can make a massive positive difference.
The words you say to a ten year old who excitedly shows you what s/he’s built (like my son showed me his “home made rechargeable lamp”) can trigger a life-long pursuit of self-discovery, and mastery.
This is not about formal school work involving spending hours with the child, to pass on “book knowledge”.
What I propose here is for the parent to provide real-world relevant “coaching” to his/her child.
A coach will typically need minutes (sometimes even seconds!) at any point in time, to help a child gain needed insights, to make progress.
It’s not how long the interaction lasts, but the QUALITY of interaction that occurs, that’s important!
A “coach-parent” will help the child acquire insights that can lead to self-discovery, growth and ultimately, mastery!
3. Anything that captures the imagination, stirs curiosity, excites (or gives pleasure to) a child can be used to coach him/her.
So, watch your child closely as often as possible.
No matter how busy you are, start doing this as early as possible in your child’s life. You’ll need to be alert to the opportunities that will appear.
Your success will depend on your ability to recognize and seize them.
Whenever you’re around him/her, and especially when you converse, watch for tell tale signs based on the guidelines outlined above. Use what you notice to guide what you say to his/her.
Your purpose will be to constantly challenge and encourage him/her to create something new, unique or original, in as many ways as possible.And as often as possible.
S/he should feel no restriction in following his/her interests or instincts in this regard.
Get him/her to focus on creating something that solves a problem or serves a useful purpose. It could be handicraft, a mechanical contraption, or an electronic device. It could be even be a drawing, or a write-up (like this short HIV Aids “awareness” story written by my 14 year old boy) .
If it’s original, and adds tangible value, let him/her see you tell others how impressed you are!
Show it off to guests and friends at every opportunity.
After a while, ask him/her if s/he’s done something new i.e. don’t let him/her rest on his/her oars.
Now, even if it’s not a mind blowing creation, praise his/her efforts, then tactfully suggest ways s/he can do better.
Over time, s/he’ll form the habit of continuous improvement, and his/her “genius” would emerge!
Final Words
This formula works, because humans love feedback delivered to them in a manner that inspires.
I’ve successfully used it with young people in their teens and early twenties.
Today, I get exciting parenting results with my kids (who are aged between 4 and 14 years old).
Become a “coach-parent“. Use the 3 tips explained above, with your kids. When they enter the real world as adults, they WILL make YOU proud!
