Category Archives: Parenting

Speak Truth No Matter What (Especially When The Wellbeing of Others Depends On It!)

I don’t know about you. But in my part of the world, finding people willing to speak truth regardless of whose Ox is gored, is more difficult these days. Too many “good” people today do not want “trouble”. So, even when they see/hear outright evil being done to others, they keep quiet, and look the other way.

It is not my desire to become the saviour of the world – or “Power Rangers”(as my kids would say)…

However, in my own little way, I KNOW I can make a difference.

I draw inspiration from stories about people like Rosa Parks, in the days of racial segregation in the USA. She got “tired of giving in” and decided to challenge what others of her kind had long accepted as their lot.

Such people, and the progress their actions influenced, convince me it’s right to think like I do.

And I am trying – very hard – to pass this kind of thinking to my kids.

To be sure they get it right; I’ve constantly challenged them to apply what I teach them to me. And they do. They challenge me when I do wrong!

I however realize it will not be easy for them to practice this habit in the real world…So what does one do?

I say, do what you know God wants you to do – which is to speak truth and stand up for it at all times!

You see, I believe, from years of self-examination, and interaction with people of different races and walks of life, that God speaks to us all the time.

The problem is most of us have not been taught to LISTEN carefully enough to hear Him.

And I will add that unlike what happens in movies, when God speaks to each person, it is rarely, if at all ever, with a booming baritone voice!

Instead, most times, it can be the silent voice or subtle “prompt” or urge we feel, to do or say something. Very often, if we train ourselves to be more discerning we will find that our instincts are channelled right from our creator to us.

It is my considered opinion, that we tend to let our need to conform with the world, stop us from DOING what God quietly – in our hearts – tells us to do.

That’s why a man who hears someone (or a group of people) lying against a defenceless person, about the events that transpired before an accident, will keep quiet.

Deep inside him, the little voice or impulse to speak truth, would be noticeable.

He would KNOW it would be right to speak up and stop an innocent person from being punished unjustly.

But to avoid rejection or criticism from the larger group, he would say nothing, and later rationalize his action by saying: “It’s not my business”.

This mistake is one I have told my kids NEVER to make, asking them instead, to LISTEN for guidance from God on the inside.

My children have seen me practice what I preach several times (A True Story)

Several times while driving them in the car, I have stopped to intervene in a situation in which a commercial bike rider was getting beaten up by motor park touts, wanting to extort money from him. Quite often, I would get both parties to make up, and the rider allowed to go.

There have been times that I’ve been alone…

For instance, one night in 2012 (when I was till based in Nigeria), at about 10p.m, I was parked opposite a petrol station – just outside a neighbourhood police station.

In front of me was a commercial bike rider with his bike parked, buying something from a kiosk.

Suddenly, a fast moving bike, carrying 2 policemen, swerved off the road, and the officer seated behind, caught his trouser leg on the number plate of the parked bike, promptly tearing a hole in it.

Quickly stopping his bike man, the policeman got off the bike, and rained curses on the owner of the parked bike. Then he and his colleague began dragging both man and bike into the station.

I stood looking at them, not believing what was happening.

I’d seen it all, and knew it was not the fault of the parked bike’s owner.

Now, it was already late, and I was tired. And I could have said it was not my business.

But a voice inside of me told me, I had to do something.

So, I followed them into the station. And I made a point of telling both officers and their colleagues in the station that impounding the bike as they said they wanted to do would be unfair.

For over 1 hour (till close to midnight) we remained there. The bike man was pleading. I was challenging them to see reason. I did not flex muscles or threaten them. But I made it clear I would not leave if the right thing was not done.

At a point, one of the police officers asked me if the bike man was my friend.

I said NO.

He asked if he was my brother or relative.

Again I said NO.

He then asked if I have met him before or gotten to know him somewhere else.

Once again I said NO.

Looking at me as if I was crazy he said “So what is your business in this matter then?”

I replied that I was a citizen of Nigeria, and I had a right to offer help to a fellow citizen I identified to be in need of if – like the bike man. I added that I saw what transpired outside and was not prepared to let the young man be punished for something he did not do.

All this while, even the bike man had been looking at me with a strange expression on his face. It was obvious he was also shocked by what I was saying/doing.

To cut the long story short, he was eventually told to come back the next morning to pick up his bike.

We thanked them and as we went out, I told him to call me the next morning, so we would go together. That way, they would not try to get any money off him – something I had opposed when they muted it.

He agreed, and thanked me profusely after taking my phone number.

The next morning, I did not hear from him until AFTER he had picked up the bike.

When I asked why he did not call me, he said he did not want to disturb me, as I had done so much for him already.

I asked if he paid any money. He said they demanded about N1,000, and he gladly paid it – since it was well below the N2, 500 they had threatened to take from him the night before.

I sighed and told him he actually could have left without paying anything, but I congratulated him all the same on getting his bike back..

He once again thanked me and said all sorts of prayers in Yoruba to God, asking him to bless me.

I in turn challenged him to boldly challenge anyone who tried to exploit him in future, with the assurance that God would back him.

When the call ended, I never imagined I would run into him again…

But, I did – less than 2 months later!

And it was about 100 metres from the area the drama of the other night had happened.

However, I did NOT recognise him: He was the one who saw me from the other side of the road, and changed direction!

I’d taken my kids to visit my sister-in-law and her kids in the estate they lived. While they were having fun, I decided to go by public transport to buy a few things around the popular Berger area.

The bike man rode up and stopped in front of me, then greeted me in a familiar way in Yoruba. Seeing my blank expression, he smiled and said “You don’t remember me?”

I replied that I did not.

Then he reminded me about how I’d helped him at the Police Station. That was when it clicked. He was riding the same bike. It was still looking new.

We exchanged pleasantries, and he asked where I was headed. I told him I needed to buy a few things and return to the estate to join my family. Next thing I knew he offered…no let me rephrase that…he INSISTED on giving me a ride to Berger!

Then he waited till I finished buying all that I needed, and brought me right back to the estate.

I thanked him for his generosity, and tried to pay for the ride. He bluntly refused to accept money, and told me he would never forget what I did for him. Then he rode off!

Final Words: In challenging my kids to speak out and stand up for truth, I have told them this – and many other – stories.

And like I mentioned earlier, they have seen me practise what I preach many times.

I do what I do because I know that is what God expects of me.

What’s more I know that if/when I – or my loved ones – find ourselves in need of someone to speak truth on our behalf, what I do for others, will count in my favour.

Some do not believe it, but there are universal laws set by the Creator, which reward each one of us for our actions…or our inactions.

The rewards will come. They may not happen immediately, but they eventually will.

That’s why it is said that what goes around comes around (I believe that’s called Karma in some circles).

If we all keep the above in mind, and remember that our creator is bigger that ANY person or group, we will ALWAYS do his will, by standing up for truth at all times.

Help Your Child to NEVER “Need” a Job

I am now fully convinced that conventional schooling involves a subtle but severe form of brainwashing. And that’s why otherwise intelligent people who have undergone it sometimes display a baffling tendency to act like mindless robots!

And they do so, despite seeing it failing, more often that it succeeds, in today’s world!

I know of one parent, who not only made his kids undergo the entire traditional schooling process. He also sent the kids abroad, as used to be done years ago, to pursue master’s degree programmes, with a view to boosting their chances of getting jobs.

In fact, they kids started by trying to get employment while still abroad. For over a year, they tried. Nothing lasting came of it. All the while, keeping them there was costing their parents large sums of money. Still they kept hoping coming from abroad with degrees from foreign universities would open doors of high paying employment to them.

When they came back home however, it did not happen as they’d expected.

For one thing, their kids were not the only ones who were coming home with qualifications obtained from foreign schools.

Many other parents who thought like them also had their own kids doing the same thing.

But that was not all. The global economic crisis had made many in Diaspora begin to return home. Some had lost their jobs. Others had found themselves underemployed.

Most had earned qualifications while abroad, and had also spent years – decades in some cases – working at high profile jobs.

So, they brought with them a superior mix of competence and experience. And they came home prepared to settle for less paying jobs which offered greater security compared to the scary scenarios that had faced them abroad.

Now, many of these Diaspora professionals would not readily admit this was the main reason they had chosen to return home. Instead they argued that they felt a need to come back to contribute to developing the country.

Whatever the case, the important thing to note is that they basically competed (and compete) for the increasingly limited employment opportunities in the Nigerian market.

 This naturally put(s) the home grown job seekers at a major disadvantage. Especially given the shaky quality of the graduates being churned out from Nigeria’s local institutions.

Most companies cannot help but go for the better trained and more experienced returnees. And this is the sad predicament that faces many young people who undergo conventional schooling today

Today, many young people enter the real world, after schooling, to find no one seems to want them.

The sad thing about the situation is that no one warned them about it happening either. All the while they were undergoing the various levels of formal schooling, their parents told them to work hard at it.

Their lecturers and teachers challenged them to meet all the demands made of them. They were told to think of how bright a future awaited them if they finished well.

Unfortunately, even those who were telling them to do all these things had long passed the route, and were not in tune with the latest developments and realities.

At least not from the perspective of a persons just starting out in life.

And this is why I believe parents have to act more responsibly, realistically and sensibly.

As I type these words, I can still recall very vividly, how I had been laughed at SO MANY TIMES in my life as an entrepreneur, by people who used to admire me.

They laughed at, and mock me, often behind my back, and sometimes to my face.

Why?

Because they saw me struggling to make an impact in the real world as an entrepreneur. For all my academic brilliance and intelligence, I was for many years unable to unravel the mysteries of doing business in the real world. Especially the real – and VERY crooked – world of Nigeria, my country.

In developed climes, as many others have noted, my creative abilities would have earned my greater traction much earlier.

Also, recognition – and support – from others who value innovative talents, would have come my way faster. Unfortunately, I did not have that benefit, being based in Nigeria.

Now, one would have thought those who saw me excel in school, from my childhood days right through university, and those who saw me excel in paid employment after that, would have rallied round me.

They never did. Instead they made fun of me.

Not all of them. But VERY many of them. And I found it so difficult to understand, because I knew I would never do that to anyone. Instead, I would have wanted to find a way to help anyone in such a situation, who I see working with diligence and integrity, to find a way to succeed.

For well over a decade, I have studied those who did these things, and come to the conclusion that the schooling systems we were all expose to, is what makes people that way.

It makes them lose their emotional intelligence. At least most of it.

They forget how to put themselves in the shoes of others. Instead they delight in making fun of others in misfortune.

That negatively competitive spirit is promoted in the conventional schooling system.

I do NOT want my kids to become like that. And I also do not want them to be treated the way I have been treated. That is why I have, for years, been telling them the stories of my entrepreneurial failures, and asking them to compare it with my time in school and paid employment where I excelled.

Using those examples, I have been challenging them to LEARN real world relevant skills to complement the academic training they get via conventional schooling.

If you’ve been reading my parenting articles, you will know I’ve shared many stories about the successes I’m achieving with this approach.

My dream is to one day have a family owned business run by me and my kids.

Each one of them will bring his talent based expertise to bear in managing the enterprise (which is to be a farm products based restaurant outfit).

The fact that they already make and sell their own drinks and cakes is proof that we are well on our way. When they finish school, they will each have been running their own micro businesses, in addition to contributing to running the family business as well.

Bottom line is this: They will NEVER need to go looking for employment anywhere.

If they decide not to run their own businesses independently, the family business will be there for them to join. Either way, going into the labour market, to compete for jobs with others who – in a place like Nigeria – would sometimes have paid their way to get degree certificates etc, will NOT appeal to them!

Final Words: This article was written as a wake up call of sorts, for any parents who are still on the fence about taking ownership of providing real world relevant education for their kids.

I urge you to start doing it now, or as early as possible, so your child can be sure of the best possible preparation for the many challenges s/he is bound to face as an adult.

Don’t leave this important job to the school or teachers. Believe me, very few of them know (or care) about this problem. You are the one who has a stake in your child’s life. It is more of YOUR business, than theirs.

For the sake of your child, PLEASE take action from today!

To Achieve Success, Be Prepared to Give, In Order to Get (Lesson from an 11 year old boy, and his 13 year old brother)

This photo, is of a handwritten “contract” of sorts recently sent me by my (11 & 13 year old) sons. It reads:

“Tayo, we will do anything you and mummy ask us to do without grumbling, but we need a deal. The deal is if we do anything for anybody in this house without grumbling, you promise to buy us a ball. If it is a deal, sign here (my name appears with a line over it!).

NB: The “cover” reads “To Tayo”. From: <their names>…and it was signed by the 13 year old “instigator”…LOL!!

This happened a few weeks ago, when I visited my family in Lagos – Nigeria

They dropped it on my laptop, and promptly went into hiding!

Not sure what to expect, they pushed their (9 year old) sister to say: “Tayo, look there’s a letter for you on your laptop”.

By the time I read it, I burst out in uncontrollable laughter. Hearing that, they came out from their hiding places, grinning mischievously.

But they still pressed to know if I agreed!

I thought back to the many tasks I’d given them since moving to Cotonou last April (2013), and how well they’d generally performed.

Their mother had already trained the 2 eldest boys to do most kitchen chores, including cooking for the others – even when she’s not home.

On my part, each time I came home, I tried introducing something new I wanted them to learn or do. I assigned them various sections in the compound to sweep and weed out weekly.

Then I also challenged them to make pineapple peel based drinks and cakes I taught them to prepare, and find ways to sell them.

They did most of it, though sometimes it became a battle, and tempers flared a bit…!

As these thoughts went through my mind, I also recalled how I’d told them to always think of ways to negotiate for whatever they wanted.

Even with adults…including ME!

To never accept the options they were given without trying to see if better bargains could be struck.

Again, even with adults…including ME!

By the way, here’s why I keep saying “even with adults”…

It’s because in our culture, sometimes the need to show respect to adults, creates a mental block in the minds of young Africans, when they have to relate with older persons.

This makes some of them get taken advantage of when they become business owners, and have to serve older persons who have a tendency to be exploitative.

That brings me to the issue of why they do not call me “Dad, Daddy or Father”…

Actually, they dare NOT do that. I mean, call me “Dad, Daddy or Father”!

Over 3 years ago, I made it clear to all – including their (now 4 year old) baby sister, that I would not tolerate having any of them refer to me that way.

My experiences in dealing with so many adult Africans, both in and out of business, was primarily responsible for this decision.

As I type these words, I have a near septuagenarian client, that I did multiple jobs for last year, but who still owes me N100, 000…and has SHOWN he’s unwilling to pay up.

During our interactions, he repeatedly used his age as a bargaining chip (directly and indirectly) to get me to grant him concessions e.g. letting him pay in 2 parts as against one time up front, like all my other clients.

Indeed, he paid that way for the first project I did for him.

Yet despite the fact that I gave him that concession, and finished the project, he NOW no longer takes my calls.

Out of curiosity, to confirm if it was deliberate, I recently tried calling him from a relative’s mobile.

Even though I only tried once, he called back about 3 minutes later!

When my relative said she never called him (I deliberately did not tell her I’d used her phone, until AFTER), he still asked her if she was sure!

Yet just one hour after that, I REPEATEDLY called him from my mobile line. He neither picked up nor called back!

Experiences like the above made me decide to prepare my kids to be assertive in relating with older persons.

And if they find anyone demonstrating poor integrity, they have been taught what to do.

By letting them call me by name, I’m demystifying the myth about adults being infallible, not lying etc, which are subtly propagated in our culture out here.

Where did I get this idea? From the late legend Fela Anikulapo Kuti…who did the same with his kids!

But most importantly, my kids are being taught to avoid trying to get something for nothing…like some others do so often!

In the past they would simply walk up to me or their mother and say “I want a Coke.” Or sweets etc.

They had absolutely no conception of where money came from, or that it had to be earned!

All they knew was that it could be used to buy stuff they liked. Mostly fun stuff. Nothing productive.

So, I began asking them to tell me what they were willing to do to get the money they asked for.

And soon, we had all sorts of agreements.

Sometimes they would wash my car, or run errands they previously ducked, for their mother.

We found a mutually acceptable way of measuring what N50 (fifty naira), for instance, was “worth” in terms of work done. And we would agree a task to be done based on that understanding.

When they completed it, I gave them what they asked for.

Over time, when I saw they always spent it all, I told them I wanted to see them use their money for something productive – that if possible, yielded more money.

Next thing I knew, they began saving and buying themselves new slippers, biros, notebooks. Things they normally would have gone to their mother for.

They continue to learn of course…

The above “experiences”, I believe, led them to write me that “contract letter”!

Taking another look at my it, as they stood waiting for my response, I realized my plan was working…

But I also could not help wondering what I’d started!

I however knew if I backed out from the “deal”, they could be demoralized, even though we were all laughing about it.

Yet I felt it would be wrong to let them believe there had to be a reward promised, before they did chores at home, or went on errands for their parents.

So I told them I’d give them my response in a few months.

But that until then, I expected them to do all assigned tasks without grumbling anyway.

There were feeble protests, but they agreed.

And to their credit, they have been doing that for the most part.

That’s why I know I’ll be signing that “contract” this month (June) – specifically on their mother’s birthday, which comes up in a few days!

And I’ll be presenting them their balls – on that day too – as a surprise.

They are thinking the process will start AFTER we “sign”.

But, for me, they have  already proven themselves worthy.

So it will just be for them to continue :-)

Now, even though this piece is based on relations with my kids, my message is actually for ADULT entrepreneurs!

Many entrepreneurs out here need to realize getting paid for work by a client, is ONLY the beginning.

That’s such an obvious fact – yet many act like they do not know it!

Which is why we keep hearing stories about persons getting paid to do a job, and becoming difficult to get a hold of right after.

Or, if at all you can reach them, they tell silly stories, delay in giving progress updates, abandon projects half-finished, or deliver poorly finished work…to clients who trusted them enough to pay up!

Some claim they do that because a client(s) did that to them in the past. VERY childish excuse!

I’ve experienced exploitative clients, and over the years developed smart strategies to protect myself

Every business owner simply needs to do the same.

There’s no need to turn crooked because of it!

If you don’t know how, go online and read articles (there are tons of them) written by others like you (including me – here’s one), about the subject.

My most recent experience with the elderly client has made me STOP letting any clients pay me in part. Except a client I have absolute trust in.

And there are a few like that – we’ve been together for YEARS.

But I also have some I’ve known less than 2 years, who have shown themselves trustworthy.

For the rest, they have to meet my terms, or we agree NOT to work together.

If you choose to take from clients, without giving what you promised, you break a natural law.

There are forces in nature that will ensure you pay for what you’ve done.

And when it happens, you may find yourself worse off, than you have ever been before.

So, like they say in my language (Yoruba): Se rere (Do good…ALWAYS!)

When She FACES the Real World WITHOUT YOU, Will the Preparation You Gave, be Enough to Help Your Child Succeed?

If you hold a degree, and plan to make your child get one too, I congratulate you!

However, let me ask you this question:

“AFTER s/he leaves home and begins FACING the real world as an INDEPENDENT adult, will your child be HAPPY with the preparation you gave him/her?”

In case you did not know it, YOUR role as a parent, is to PREPARE your child to succeed in the real world s/he met you in.

S/he trusts that you will give him/her ALL the tips and know-how s/he needs…not some – but ALL.

And if you know you do not know ENOUGH, s/he expects you LOVE him/her enough to admit it, and get help e.g. by reading articles like this one. And also by reading the works of enlightened thought leaders on this theme – like Robert Kiyosaki, Sir Ken Robinson, and Seth Godin, among others.

Let’s be honest. A degree really is NOT all one needs to succeed in life…

Truth is, it’s just one of a number of possible “weapons” you can put in your arsenal. That’s the truth. Many degree holders across the world can be found working for others who do NOT have more than a high school education.

That’s a good enough indication, isn’t it? Yep.

Now, it is not my desire to belittle your hard earned degree(I hold one too by the way!).

I know you ache to help your child earn one too. However, not everyone NEEDS a degree to excel in life. That’s the hard truth. And we have countless glaring examples all around us that prove it. Yet, people with degrees sometimes feel a need to defend that “route” to success.

I have an obligation to share the truths I discover, about life, and what it takes to succeed in it.

First of all, we have to arrive at what I call a basic definition of success. For me, it is a level of competence and achievement demonstrated by any individual to meet his/her basic needs and responsibilities.

To what needs do I refer?

Well, think Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (food, clothing, shelter etc). I would say those rank first in importance for more or less all human beings. Now, when my child becomes an independent adult, and is able to INDEPENDENTLY cater for him/herself (and any dependants – spouse/kids), with regards to those needs, s/he would be successful.

I see a lot of that happening here in Cotonou, Benin Republic.

People are able to meet their daily needs using their skills and basic formal education. Even those who do not have degrees are able to cater for their dependants by simply working hard at what they do. So, they are successful in that sense.

A second level of success would then be the pursuit and achievement of personal goals and ambitions.

It is a bit difficult to identify upfront what one’s child would want in life, once s/he can meet her basic needs as mentioned above. However, I argue that as parents we have a duty to carefully study each child and deliberately equip him/her with knowledge, attitudes and skills that will boost his/her ability to achieve whatever purpose s/he may eventually set his/her sights on.

We are not to control or manipulate our kids to follow a predefined path set by us. Instead, we should make them active partners in deciding what they should do, and where they should go.

And at all times we will be wise to let THEM do the THINKING, when it comes to making the final decision.

This is what it means to take OWNERSHIP. And letting them do so will make them mature into competent adults, who can function  effectively even when they no longer have ready access to us (e.g. they move to a new country or we’ve passed on etc).

What age is right for College? Indeed should age matter at all?

I think age need not matter. Instead  a person’s READINESS is what is really essential.

I’m not just playing devil’s advocate here. Instead, I’m thinking back to what I saw back on campus.

In my faculty, we had a gentleman we fondly called “Baba Oyo”. He was the oldest of all of us in the faculty, and  if you crossed him, he never hesitated to let you know that.

But he proudly pursued admission and I believe finished his degree programme in Agronomy with honours.

If my estimates are correct, when I was graduating at 22, Baba Oyo was well over 40.

Probably older.

Technically speaking, he could have been my father. Now, at around the same time, I read in the Guinness book of records that some eleven or twelve year old, had become a professor somewhere in America or so.

It was shocking for most of us to read that.

In my case, I thought back to when I was 12, and could simply not imagine myself comprehending any of the subjects I’d taken during my 5 year degree programme in Agricultural Extension Services.

Talk less of what it would have taken to do a PhD!

One thing was certain – that “professor” guy was definitely a prodigy of some sort. And people like him are the exception, not the norm. Also, I’m not sure how “normal” his childhood would have been, and how that may have affected his social (read: interpersonal) skills etc.

After years of studying trends in societies in Africa and abroad, I’ve come to one realization.

No matter how early or late you go through college (or any other level of formal schooling), the bottom line is that one day you’ll have to take all you’ve earned (your degrees etc) and go out to get a job.

That’s when some brilliant ones who finished school 2 years earlier, but have been unable to get jobs (or are looking to get better ones) get joined in the labour market by the slower chaps.

One then wonders, at this point, what the earlier rush to “graduate” first, was about!

Sadly, very few people leave college to start their own businesses. At least not as a first choice.

Usually they would have gone round trying to get hired for a good length of time, and only afterwards considered “starting” something of their own.

In other cases, they may have gotten employed somewhere, but the pay may have been horrible. Or maybe the pay was good, but the working conditions were horrible. Or maybe the pay and the working conditions were good, but they kept feeling unfulfilled.

Whatever the case, only after trying the paid employment angle for a while, do most people consider or embrace self-employment.

Self-employment is not an easy route either. But it offers much richer rewards in multidimensional terms.

You’re your own boss, set your work hours, fees/prices, and work with people you “like”.

And you usually tend to get self-employed doing what YOU LOVE.

This is crucial for most self-employed persons that succeed.

Here’s another useful benefit of pursuing self-employment: You can get started doing “something” that may yield useful income.

For instance, a smart chap could purchase a resellerclub.com reseller license for $25 (I paid $199 in 2010 for mine), and begin selling to individuals and companies.

Zero overheads. Unlimited income earning potential. Repeat sales via annual renewals. All equals inevitable success for a NON-LAZY person!

Guess what?

You only need to be able to read and write to do that business! And you do not even need to own a PC of your own. I should know. It’s a side business I do, which I intend to coach my kids to do as well!

NB: In contrast, a person looking for a job must FIRST find a wiling employer!

The problem I have with conventional schooling systems, is they DO NOT tell students about this 2nd option of Self-Employment possibilities

And even where they do tell them, they do not tell them ENOUGH.

Why?

Because most of those teaching in traditional schooling systems are those who know no other way to earn a living.

They were trained to think like employees, and to see acquisition of formal schooling, as a preparation for some form of paid employment.

Since one cannot give what one does not have, they end up passing the same mental attitude to their students.

The latter then get into the real world, and have to struggle on their own to discover that there IS another viable alternative (of self-employment) they can pursue.

Imagine if the students had been told about it earlier, while they still studied?

Maybe MORE of such students could have done their studying, with the mindset of hitting the ground running as well schooled start-up entrepreneurs!

See what I mean?

It does not have to be an “EITHER – OR” situation.

This is not some competition or battle of egos here.

I never knew I had that choice. I just assumed the right thing to do was to finish school and get a job.

But now I know better. And I’m putting what I know to use for the benefit of my kids.

Like I said to undergraduates in Benin Republic’s University of Calavi, last year (2013), I’ve told my kids to “hold formal schooling in their left hands”, and pursue the study of what works in the real world, AT THE SAME TIME, with their “right hands”.

My role is to be their guide. To give them ideas, suggestions and insights based on where I’ve been, and what I’ve done – both good and bad(or not-so-good hee hee).

Everything I know can be of use to my kids (same applies to YOU). And I support them as they individually give me signs of what options they want to adopt.

I have achieved great success in coaching other people’s kids over the past 15 years, using this same approach.

And this is why I believe that doing this WILL help my kids become competent adults, who will demonstrate the ability to successfully function as employees and/or entrepreneurs in their adult lives.

When I say “as employees and/or entrepreneurs”, I mean it is possible (and I have clients who live this way) to hold down a normal 9 to 5 job, and still start-up and run a successful business that (may or may not) employ(s) others.

My kids will be given the preparation to function that way, should the need to do so arise.

The vision I have is that by the time they leave home, as independent adults, they will look back at the “well rounded” preparation I’ve given them – with help from the Creator – with gratitude.

If you want your child to be truly happy with you in ADULTHOOD, after s/he leaves home, and has to face the world on his/her own, I suggest your seriously consider using the ideas shared in this article!

Why School Prepares People POORLY, to Succeed OUTSIDE Paid Employment

In 1992, I graduated with the highest ever C.G.P.A of 5.9 (First class was 6.0) in Agric. Extension from Unibadan. Then, in Guinness Nigeria, I earned senior management roles in less than 6 years from 1994.

However, as an entrepreneur, I looked like a TOTAL IDIOT – for years – after starting. Yes, IDIOT, in capital letters!

It’s taken a rare brand of stubbornness, and persistence (fuelled by what I learnt by studying people who had the answers e.g. Napoleon Hill, Robert Kiyosaki, James R. Cook, Burt Dubin etc) to find my feet in the real world(outside paid employment).

The above confirms the fact that our schooling systems prepare us to be employees – and NOT entrepreneurs or business owners.

Yet, without entrepreneurs and the businesses they build, jobs would NOT exist for employees to hold!

[NB: I end this article with the download link to a FREE chapter preview PDF of Robert Kiyosaki’s “Why “A” Students Work for “C” Students”. I think parents looking for “more” answers will find it a VERY useful read.]

The problem is that the qualities needed to excel in the real world, as entrepreneurs (especially creative and independent THINKING), are basically “beaten” out of people who attend formal schooling.

This is why those who spend less (or no) time in our conventional schools are often the ones left with the “creative instincts” to excel in the real world (outside paid employment) e.g. by being self-employed or starting businesses that recruit workers!

Thomas Edison had only a few months of schooling, but had over 1,000 patents to his name.

Many Nigerian graduates end up working for less well schooled (sometimes unschooled) “Nigerian” business owners.

These bosses sometimes cannot even make correct sentences in English. BUT they have amassed wealth via big time trade, commerce or other ventures.

[NB: True, some employ crooked means, here in Nigeria. But I have also met some who do straight forward business.]

The issue of speaking correct English, like well schooled people are taught to do so well, reminds me of an anecdote I was once told…about an unschooled Igbo millionaire businessman…

He reportedly made his fortune via import and export and other trading ventures.

One day, he bought a new Lexus, and proudly showed it to a graduate friend who was visiting.

The following conversation ensued…

*****Starts*****

“Nna…see my new Lexoos” (i.e. he pronounced the “U” as in PUSH).

His friend expressed admiration for the car, and congratulated him.

But he went on to say:

“Actually the correct pronunciation is Lexus”.

And the millionaire replied mockingly:

“No problem my brother. Na YOU know the name. Na ME get am!”

*****Ends*****

It’s ironic…how “Nigerian” society “celebrates and recognizes ” you when you get top grades in school (e.g. the kids who score highest in JAMB or get eleven A’s in WAEC etc…)

But when you step into the real world as an adult, you get a rude awakening that what it really cares about is HOW MUCH MONEY you have.

Especially in Nigeria, that’s ultimately what it boils down to!

My friend Chima Ejiofor’s recent Facebook post(which part-inspired THIS article),  and comments in response to it – screenshot below – confirm the accuracy of the foregoing statement.

Chima Ejiofor's recent Facebook post,  and comments in response to it confirm the point made in this article about the paradox of formal schooling's poor preparation of it's products for success in the real world outside paid employment
Chima Ejiofor’s recent Facebook post, and comments in response to it confirm the point made in this article about the paradox of formal schooling’s poor preparation of it’s products for success in the real world outside paid employment

To save your child such pains, YOU, the parent, should be your kids’ NUMBER ONE teacher!

Do not leave that position to ANY teacher or any school, no matter how good!

You are best placed, from reading articles like this, and those by others enlightened on the subject (such as books by Kiyosaki etc) to play this important role.

In 2000, I bought “Rich Kid Smart Kid“, and “If You Want to Be Rich and Happy, Don’t Go to School“, along with “Rich Dad Poor Dad” from Amazon.com, using my Netspend.com Virtual MasterCard.

They were shipped to me in a box. Of those 3 books, the first and the 2nd made the most impact on me.

 [NB: It continues to amaze me that most Nigerians have NEVER heard of the 2nd book – which was published BEFORE Rich Dad Poor Dad, and was an international best seller!]

After reading Kiyosaki’s books, I decided to push my kids to develop income generating vocational skills and start their own businesses, BEFORE they finish school.

Today, despite my frequent travelling, and work load, I discipline myself to study each of my kids and deliberately challenge them with skills building tasks.

I often come home with some new practical thing to teach them, about the real world, and when I leave, they get an “assignment” of sorts that I follow up with them on phone.

This is why today, they are competent in making and selling their pineapple peel based drinks and cakes baked without ovens (See http://tayosolagbade.com/index.php/order-tayo-s-drinks-cakes)

My 12 year old boy now owns a shoe menders kit that he uses to fix things (shoes, bags etc) they used to pay up to N200 to have the itinerant shoemaker do for them in the past.

I simply bought the full roll of thread the metal needle for him. The 10 year old owns his own electrical kit, and conitues to fix things around the house, while building potentially useful contraptions (e.g. a rechargeable lamp box powered by my discarded laptop battery that he somehow revived!).

The purpose is not to make them become shoe makers or electricians. Instead, it’s to help them connect what they learn with the real world. And to see how income earning happens by doing so.

More importantly. these activities are powerful confidence builders, that make a child discover and BELIEVE s/he can do anythign s/he sets her mind to.

And that’s the key to making thre most of what one learns via formal schooling.

It’s the critical element missing from the “education” provided in most of our conventional schools. The reality is the providers may not be willing, or able to make needed changes to help your child.

That’s why rather than complain, the onus is on YOU to take up this role and play it well. Your child’s future success depends on this!

Some argue that I’m distracting my kids by doing all this…

I counter that there is nothing they are learning now that they cannot relearn AFTER school if needed. If that was not so, “adult education” schools would never have happened!

That’s not to say kids should not strive to do well in school.

I’m just saying I prefer to help mine strike an INTELLIGENT BALANCE, by teaching them other important things about the world they are to enter as adults, so they can roll profitably with any punches life may throw at them.

Years of painful – and embarrassing – experiences as a “well schooled failure” in entrepreneurship and other real world activities tell me this is the right thing to do.

Now, I offer real life stories about what I’m doing with my kids, not to brag or gloat.

Instead, I do it to demonstrate that it is possible – and encourage other parents to do same or better.

For those who may not know it, that is why I call myself a Performance Improvement Specialist. This is what I do. Click here to read more Parenting Articles I’ve written over the years.

That’s why I offer coaching for young people, and their parents, to help them develop and implement action plans/strategies, to break this mental barrier that school builds in their minds.

Final Words: A PDF YOU SHOULD DOWNLOAD AND READ – From Robert Kiyosaki

Click here to download the FREE chapter preview PDF from Robert Kiyosaki’s new book aptly titled “Why “A” Students Work for “C” Students

I strongly believe the story told in it, about a meeting of Henry Ford (the start illiterate billionaire owner of Ford Mothers) in his office, with some visiting academics who tried to use question to prove he was “stupid”, – only to get “educated” by him – REALLY says it all.

And if there’s one society where Ford’s quote in that PDF, about “THINKING” being the “hardest work there is” needs to be understood, it is NIGERIA!!!

Related Articles

1. Schools Can Kill Your Child’s Creativity – IF You Don’t Apply These Tips

2. Anyone – Including Kids In School – Can Achieve Success Via Part Time Entrepreneuring

3. A New Generation of Entrepreneurs PROVES That Our Schools Need To Offer a Different Kind of Education!

4. Involve Your Kids in Your Dream, and They’ll Succeed Too

5. When You’re Not Working, Create a Bigger Dream (Hint: New Product – My Pineapple Peels Based Cakes…Made Without an Oven!)

6. Are Your Kids Ready to Succeed in Your World?

No. 145: A Few People Can Make Life NEEDLESSLY Miserable for Many, IF Not Called to Order (Case Study: My Experiences at the Nigeria-Benin Republic Seme Border)

[NB: This issue of my newsletter is a public service edition.] Last Saturday a.m (7th June 2014), I published a blog about my near 12 hour traffic jam ordeal coming from Seme border to Mile 2 the day before (i.e Friday).

What I did not mention was that before that, I’d had unpleasant money-related “disagreements” with BOTH Beninese and Nigerian officials in crossing the border posts.

I Share My Experiences Below, to Warn Intending Travellers About What to Expect….
SCROLL DOWN TO READ FULL ISSUE

Click now to view the latest issue of Tayo Solagbade's Public Speaking IDEAS page

Publication: Weekly Public Speaking IDEAS Newsletter

Date: Monday 9th June 2014

No:145

Title: A Few People Can Make Life NEEDLESSLY Miserable for Many, IF Not Called to Order (Case Study: My Experiences at the Nigeria-Benin Republic Seme Border)

Author & Publisher: Tayo K. Solagbade [Tel: +234-803-302-1263 (in Nigeria) or +229-66-122-136 (in Benin Republic) ]

Blog URL: http://www.tayosolagbade.com/sdnuggets

Archive (E-mail version started 14th May 2012): Click here to view

Archive (Blog version started 24th September 2011): Click here


Logo - Tayo Solagbade's Self-Development Academy

**** **********

NB: This newsletter is published every Monday. Point your browser to www.tayosolagbade.com/sdnuggets to read at least ONE new post added to my SD Nuggets blog on a different category from Tuesday till Saturday (sometimes even Sundays) in line with this publishing schedule :-)

**********

IMPORTANT NOTE: THIS newsletter is published online on the “reincarnated” version of my Self-Development (SD) Nuggets blog. I continue to put finishing touches to the content. If you encounter ANY bad/dead links, and you can spare the time, email it to me via tayo at tksola dot com. Thanks in advance :-)

View Tayo Solagbade's video tutorials and demonstrations on Facebook Productivity Tips, Web Marketing, and for his Custom MS Excel-VB driven software applicationsJoin the SD Nuggets community on Facebook.comConnect with Tayo on Twitter.comConnect with Tayo on Google Plus

No. 145: A Few People Can Make Life NEEDLESSLY Miserable for Many, IF Not Called to Order (Case Study: My Experiences at the Nigeria-Benin Republic Seme Border)

[NB: This issue of my newsletter is a public service edition.] Last Saturday a.m (7th June 2014), I published a blog about my near 12 hour traffic jam ordeal coming from Seme border to Mile 2 the day before (i.e Friday).

What I did not mention was that before that, I’d had unpleasant money-related “disagreements” with BOTH Beninese and Nigerian officials in crossing the border posts.

I Share My Experiences Below, to Warn Intending Travellers About What to Expect….

For over a year, since 1st April 2013, when I relocated to Benin, I’d crossed the border paying N200 at the Benin end to have my passport stamped, and N100 at the Nigerian end.

Yet a few weeks ago – on Sunday 25th May 2014 to be specific – the Beninese official responsible for stamping passports out told me to pay N500!

Surprised, I asked why. He said “C’est comme ça!” When I insisted that I’d always paid N200, he flung my passport at me and bluntly told me if I wanted I could leave without stamping my passport.

He then proceed to pointedly ignore me as I called out to him to at least tell me why.

Another Nigerian I met there lashed out verbally at him as he collected his stamped passport, saying “God will take that money back from you!”

I walked over to 2 armed uniformed officers next to the post, who looked senior to him and complained. They laughed in my face and told me to do whatever the other man told me.

One of them said today, you pay N500, but tomorrow we may ask you to go through without paying anything.

When I told him it made no sense, he angrily asked to move away from their end.

I called a senior officer I knew worked at the Nigerian embassy (in Cotonou) on his mobile line to protest about the treatment I was getting.

He sympathised with me, saying “It’s a pity they are doing that. It’s not supposed to happen.”

At that point I realised I had no choice but to pay up. So I did, making my displeasure clear from the way I snatched my stamped passport from the Beninese officer when he was done.

Still fuming, I arrived at the Nigerian end, and promptly expressed outrage at what had happened to me. The officer there casually told me to go to the Commissaire, if I felt that aggrieved.

Then he held out his hand and said “N100”.

That was what I’d always paid

(NB: It is instructive to note, that I’ve been told by embassy personnel and a lawyer client/friend that we are NOT even supposed to pay anything to get our passports stamped!)

I told myself, at least things were still normal at our end. As for going to the Beninese Commissaire, I decided I did not have the time to spare, since I was running late.

On my return from Nigeria, I got my passport stamped without eventualities. And I paid the normal N100 at the Nigerian end, and N200 at the Benin end.

I told the officials at the Benin check in post about the conduct of their colleague on the day I left the country. The lady officer apologised soberly to me, and asked me to forget it.

So I put it behind me.

But today, the nonsense not only came back, but it also began MUCH earlier – and with extra!

It began even before I got to the passport check-out post…

This was right at the first check point. The Beninese police officer after checking and seeing my passport was in order, asked me for money. I smiling told him I had nothing to give him.

He looked me over, and pointed to my travel bag saying he wanted to see its contents. I opened it up, and he checked. Finding nothing, he indicated my backpack. Same thing. Nothing.

Then he took my “Small Notebook Speaker” box and asked for the receipt.

I laughed in his face and old him he knew quite well that I did not need to carry a receipt for such an item on me.

His countenance showed he did not like my smart ass attitude of having an answer for everything he’d said to me. You see, even as we spoke, I could see my fellow country men being “shaken down” by his colleagues.

And in most cases those ones readily parted with as much as N500, at the slightest request. Now, one would imagine that was either because they were not well informed of their rights, or their travel documents were not in order.

But I actually saw well dressed, well spoken and reasonably schooled people giving in to the “harassment”.

Basically, the mentality of many Nigerians is that they are too busy to let a demand for a few hundred nairas DELAY them.

And so, those intending to get money off them simply play on that mentality.

Hold them back for the flimsiest of reasons, and even when they know they are not at fault, they’ll give you more or less what you ask.

Back to my uniformed friend. After I told him I did not need to show a receipt for my speakers, he went further to say “Now you’ll also have to produce a receipt for the laptop in your backpack”.

Once again, I made a point of laughing. Then I asked him if he would have asked me for a laptop receipt if I’d bought it online using my debit card. He looked at me in annoyance – I sensed he did not even understand what I’d said, but he knew it was something he could not contest.

By this time I was losing my patience. I told him I was going to call a senior officer at the Nigerian Embassy, where I was well known to tell him what I was being subjected to at the border.

As I made to pull out my mobile phone from my pockets, he angrily pushed my hand away, and said “This is my post. You cannot make a phone call here.”

That was of course not true…

But this guy carried a rifle that looked well maintained, compared to those I’d seen with his counterparts in Nigeria. So, I had the feeling it worked quite well.

Since he was this crooked already, I realised desperation could make him resort to doing something crazy.

He said “Look, it’s the way you talk that determines how I feel about letting you go. “

Then he smiled…as if to defuse the tension between us. He knew I was not going to give in.

So I smiled back, and asked him what he wanted to do…:-))

Seconds later, he handed me the speaker and I tapped him on the shoulder saying “A la prochaine mon frère!” (See you another time my brother!).

Getting to the Beninese Passport Stamping Out Post…

The same funny character from few weeks back, who’d asked for N500, was there. And he took one look at my passport and said “N500”.

I was expecting no less.

Paying up, I walked down to the Nigerian immigration stamp out section.

As the uniformed immigration officer recorded my passport details, he asked “How are you Sir?”

Before I could stop myself, my frustration came to the surface, and I said “Actually, I’m not fine at all!”

He looked up in surprise at me and asked what the problem was. I told him what I’d gone through at the Benin end.

Then I asked him why they could not stop their French speaking colleagues from subjecting law abiding Nigerian travellers to such harassment daily.

He shook his head sympathetically, and said “If you feel that strongly about it, just go to their Commissaire over there (pointing to the left of where I stood), and make a formal report.

Then he said “N200”. I felt like someone poured a bucket of cold water on my head.

I said “N200? But I always pay N100 at this end…”

He replied simply by stretching out his hand and saying “N200”.

Sighing, I gave him the money. Then I made to walk out, only to be called by anther officer seated just before the exit. He had a large register opened in front of him, into which passport details were entered.

He took my passport and said “N200”.

This time I almost exploded. I said “What this N200 for again? I’ve never paid twice before, in over a year of stamping out at this end! Can you please explain to me why I have to pay again?”

As soon as I said this, he looked me over and said “Take. It’s okay. You can go.”

I said “Look. I don’t mind paying, but I just want to know what I am paying for, because it’s never happened before. Can’t you just let us know what to expect?

Is there not some standard we can work with?”

Now impatient, he replied “Look I said if you don’t want to pay, just go with your trouble. Haba!”

As he said this, I heard another man who just came in telling the officer I was earlier with “No. How can I pay N500 to stamp my passport? What for?

I’m coming all the way from Cote D’Ivoire. You don’t even know how much money I have on me. How can you just tell me to pay such an amount. I’ve never paid such before, and I am not going to pay it today!” he finished, fuming.

And so I left, and soon arrived at the motor park, where I joined a Taxi, which after getting 2 other passengers took off for Lagos around 5.00 p.m.

If you think my ordeal ended there, think again.

I did not get to my home until well after midnight. Click here to read full details of how we got stuck in a crazy traffic jam for over 10 hours.

Why I Choose to Write About My Seme Border Experiences…

My purpose is simple. If what I continue to experience along with other travellers on both sides of the Nigeria-Benin border is in line with official procedures, announcing it here should bother no one.

However, I have also travelled across the Aflao border to Ghana, from Nigeria, just as I have crossed the Nigerian-Cameroon border in the past. At no time did I make ANY of my trips without valid papers. Yet, during my trips I never had an experience of that sort with ANYONE – uniformed or otherwise.

If what’s going on there is however NOT supposed to happen, my hope is that highlighting it like I’ve done here can bring it to the attention of those who can do something about it.

It’s possible writing about all this can get me some negative attention from those I talk about…and/or “others”…

The truth is however that I fear no one and nothing – except my Creator.

So, anyone who has a problem with my truth telling can take ANY action s/he pleases.

I am 100% certain that nothing the Creator has not consented to, can happen to me as I do his will.

Period.

It’s So Sad That Nigerians, and Some Africans Persist In Unedifying Acts

Interestingly, one of the Beninese officers in uniform at the border last year asked me if I was “Jesus Christ” when he tried to make me pay more than N200 to “stamp in”, and I asked why.

He said I was acting as if I did not know that it happened all over Africa!

Arm twisting others to get money, in what has become a vicious cycle, is more or less a way of life in Nigeria.

Some of Nigeria’s neighbours who are not disciplined, “catch the bug” from years of prolonged contact.

That appears to be what’s happening at Seme border. The Beninese guys there, in my opinion have learnt bad habits from their Nigerian counterparts. Contact with them can give a VERY wrong impression about what people in Benin Republic are really like. 

You see, I’ve lived in Benin Republic for over a year now. They are not perfect, but random daylight harassment and extortion does NOT happen in that country. I live AMONGST these people, and I find them VERY humane – a huge contrast to Nigerians!

In this regard, it might also interest you to know that the Beninese officials do NOT subject, Beninese citizens (their people) who cross the border to the treatment they give to Nigerians!

As you arrive at their post, if they are not sure of your nationality, they start by asking “Vous êtes Beninois?” Your response then determines how you are “treated”.

I’ve seen this many times. They apparently have taken a cue from the way our own officials extort money from us, before we get to them.

Plus, many Nigerians are often so ready to just “pay” when asked, without asking questions!

Apart from the needless daily abuse they subject people to, their actions also stifle trade and commerce…

And that’s having serious negative effects on regional economic development.

I’ll end by stating the obvious fact, that if leaders of both countries really want faster progress, they will take pains to eliminate the nonsense happening at the Seme border immediately!

*************

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Have a great week :-))

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www.tayosolagbade.com - Invite me to Speak FREE Anywhere in Africa...click here!

Tayo K. Solagbade*

Self-Development/Performance Improvement Specialist

*Sole Agent For Burt Dubin’s Speaker Mentoring Service In Africa

Mobile: +234-803-302-1263 (in Nigeria) or +229-66-122-136 (in Benin Republic)

http://www.tayosolagbade.com

Tayo K. Solagbade is a Location Independent Performance Improvement Specialist and Multipreneur (i.e. a highly versatile/multi-skilled entrepreneur), with a bias for delivering Best Practice solutions to

Farm Businesses and others.

Since 2002, he has earned multiple streams of income providing individuals and organisations with personal development training and coaching, custom MS Excel-VB solutions, web marketing systems/web hosting,

freelance writing services, and best practice extension support services (for farm business owners).

Tayo is the author of the Self-Development (SD) Bible™ and the popular Livestock Feed Formulation Handbook. He is also the developer of its accompanying Excel-VB driven Ration Formulator™ and the Poultry Farm Manager™ software.

He has delivered talks/papers to audiences in various groups and organisations, including the Centre for Management Development, University of Lagos, Christ Baptist Church, Volunteer Corps, Tantalisers Fast Foods

and others.

In May 2012 he was the Guest Speaker at the Centre for Entrepreneurship Development’s Annual Semester Entrepreneurial Lecture at Yaba College of Technology in Lagos.

On 1st April 2013, Tayo (who reads, write and speaks the French language) relocated to Cotonou, Benin Republic to begin slowly traveling across the West African region.

His key purpose is to deliver talks, seminars

and workshops on his key areas of focus and interest to interested audiences (Email tayo at tksola dot com for details).

When he’s not amazing clients with his superhuman skills (wink), Tayo works as the creative force behind his Daily Self-Development Nuggets blog – on which he also publishes his Weekly Public Speaking IDEAS

newsletter(which he uses to promote Burt Dubin’s Public Speaking Mentoring service to experts working across the African continent).

You can connect with him on Twitter @tksola.com and Facebook.

Visit Tayo Solagbade Dot Com, to download over over 10 performance improvement resources to boost your personal and work related productivity.

====
[IMPORTANT NOTE:====

On 4th May 2014, Tayo’s 9 year old domain (Spontaneousdevelopment dot com), which hosted his website, was taken over by Aplus.net.

Within a few days however, Tayo used his advanced self-taught web development skills to build a SUPERIOR “reincarnation” of it the website http://www.tayosolagbade.com.

But updates are still ongoing to URLs bearing the old domain name in most of the over 1,000 web pages, and blog posts

he’s published.

If you experience any difficulties finding a page or document, email Tayo at tksola dot com.

Click “Tayo, What Happened to SpontaneousDevelopmentDotCom ?” to read a detailed narrative about how the above event occurred :-))

Here’s an article Tayo wrote, to inspire others to defy adversity, and bounce back to even greater reckoning at what they do EVERY time:

And he wrote the one below, to explain why losing a domain name, no matter how old NO LONGER determines your online success or otherwise:

A Proven Strategy to Find Profitable Buyers Regardless of Your Domain Name

==================

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Smart Exercising Will Keep You Fit, Healthy and Alive - Click to read

Click to read article titled: 'Smart Exercising Will Keep You Fit, Healthy and Alive'...and ONE other. Self-Development/Performance Enhancement Specialist - Tayo Solagbade - works as a multipreneurial freelance writer providing zero risk article and report writing support for website owners, while travelling slowly across West Africa as a Location Independent Multipreneur. 

 

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NEW: Coaching Program for Farm Products Marketing Success

Tayo Solagbade's Coaching Program for Farm Products Marketing Success (Verbatim Text Transcript of Introductory Video)

THEY WROTE…


“(Tayo Solagbade) is amazing and I think he is going to produce some impressive results online…” – click here to read full comment by Patrick Meninga (US based 6 figure income blogger who gained fame for building a $2,000 per month adsense website and selling it for $200,000).

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“Tayo, I honestly believe you are one of those who will succeed at anything he does. Your commitment and effort has been outstanding….Thanks for all your hard work since I’ve been here – you will be sorely missed. I don’t need to wish you good luck, you have the ability to make your own luck. – Andy”(R. Jones)*

*Operations Manager, Guinness Nigeria Plc Benin Brewery, December 2001 (Handwritten comments in farewell/xmas cards sent to Tayo Solagbade following his resignation to start his own business).

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Click here to contact Tayo… 
 
 
   
 

SD Nuggets Blog

New posts from last week that may interest you! *
Public Speaking[Monday]:

Entrepreneurship[Tuesday]:

Self-Development [Wednesday]:

Entrepreneurship[Thursday]:

General [Friday]:

Writing/Blogging/Entrepreneurship [Saturday]:

 
 
 

 

Treat People As Though They Were What They Ought To Be (A Management Tip from Johann Von Goethe)

The fact that THAT man or woman is sweeping floors today in your company today, does not mean s/he cannot be the owner of a successful business tomorrow. Actually, s/he could one day become YOUR boss, or indeed the CEO of the company you work for! Countless examples abound!!

Where I come from (Nigeria) people like to say “No condition is permanent”.

History has proven this to be so, many times over.

But some people just refuse to stop judging the ability or competence of others by their looks or appearances.

The fail to realise that it’s what appears on the surface may not accurately represent what lies below it. They fail to avoid being superficial in their thinking.

In case you wonder how this habit/tendency constitutes a problem…

Consider the possibility that a person(s) fond of judging people by outward appearances, are chosen to handle selection of a new set of Graduate Trainees into your company…

Or maybe in your local council, they are to select “youthful talents” to represent the state in some competitive sporting events.

What is likely to happen is that the initial screening stages would be characterised by random assumptions being made about the abilities of the boys and girls who show up or apply – based on how they “look”.

Among other possibilities, a cross-eyed person would be regarded as “potentially dishonest”…even though s/he may have been born that way!

This could result in non-inclusion of some uniquely talented youngsters whose “looks” or unusual style do not impress the “officials”.

If the “problem” is not immediately apparent to you, let me use some notables historical examples to illustrate:

a. We are told that Julius Caesar was an epileptic, yet his name remains etched in history till this day

b. Charles Dickens was lame, but that did not stop him from becoming a successful author

c. Plato was a hunchback, yet today many of us find it apt to quote him on various subjects that he chose to comment on.

d. Collin Powell started as a floor mopper but is today retired having served in one of the most exalted positions in the American Armed Forces and Government.

e. And then there is the story of Helen (in my opinion “Superwoman”) Keller, who was supposed to be multiply handicapped and yet recorded MORE achievements than most “normal” people!

The list goes on – underscoring the fact that people can overcome their (seeming) outward limitations to succeed in ways NOT expected by those who see them.

Maybe I should bring it even closer home.

If YOU were asked to pick from a group of ten(10) people, one person who looks like an International athletics champion…

a. Wwould you pick a skinny, frail looking guy with (seemingly) sunken eyes (which incidentally is the typical appearance of many world champion class long distance runners)

b. Or would you choose the fierce/aggressive looking guy with rippling muscles(a description befitting most short distance/sprint athletes)?

At the risk of sounding presumptuous, I want to say that I am reasonably certain that MANY people would pick someone fitting the latter description!

People generally assume a muscular, person to be more capable of achievment than a slim/skinny looking person – who may NOT necessarily be weak!

That’s why in real life, few sports persons in the sprints can boast of having the phenomenal endurance and stamina possessed and displayed during races by long distance runners.

To those of us who are uninitiated, they however seldom look the part at first glance.

It is only when they demonstrate their innate abilities on the tracks or field that we recognise their genius and THEN begin to believe!

“Genius does not show itself on a person’s face so that others can see it and then respect or recognise him/her for it. That’s why we must NEVER write people off without FIRST (and as often as possible afterward) giving them a FAIR and IMPARTIAL opportunity to SHOW what they can do” – Tayo K. Solagbade

Just as it is with sports, so it is in life.

Sadly, most of us are often initially unwilling to give others a chance, because their “looks” or appearances suggest they CANNOT. As a result, some unlikely geniuses who come our way get sidetracked by our “screening” panels.

Just imagine what would have happened if Helen Keller had never been given a chance to excel like she did. Our world would NOT have enjoyed the blessing of her talents like it has!

We need to learn to stop using people’s outward appearances to JUDGE what they can or cannot do.

It would be so much better – for us, those we assess, and the rest of society – if we focus on “teasing” out people’s FULL potentials so we can draw accurate assessments of the value they can add to us at any point in time.

The following quote, by a very wise man, provides a fitting end to this piece:

“Treat people as though they were what they ought to be, and you help them become what they’re capable of being” – Johann Von Goethe

PS: This article is based on excerpts from an issue of Tayo Solagbade’s Self-Development Digest first published online on 4th February 2008, on spontaneousdevelopment.com.

Succeed by Emerging from Adversity Like a Phoenix (TayoSolagbade.com launches extra Hosting plan with FREE Web Marketing!)

The Phoenix is a mythical bird. Click here to learn more about it, to understand why I’ve referred to it here, with regard to my re-incarnated website presence :-))

I’m gradually putting finishing touches to the new look website and content at TayoSolagbade.com. It’s now leaner, and smarter!

Many thanks again to those who “forced” my hand by taking over Spontaneousdevelopment.com (click to read the full story about how I lost that 9 year old domain)!

Click now to view the lastest updates to TayoSolagbade.com

Below is a photo I took yesterday (Thursday, 22nd May 2014) in a Cotonou restaurant, with a Cameroonian client (Arnaud Franklin Nana), who – like me – is based in Benin Republic.

I developed an elaborate Web Marketing System for him in June/July 2013. 

Photo I took yesterday with a client that I developed an elaborate Web Marketing System for in June/July 2013. He took me out to lunch yesterday (22nd May 2014) in a Cotonou restaurant here in Benin Republic.

Here’s another one we took just before leaving. We wanted to capture the moment in multiple ways…heehee

Another photo I took yesterday with the client.

We discussed business and also shared updates about our work etc – including stuff like this drama with my website…

I should point out that most of my authentic clients have similar relationships with me. We relate more like FRIENDS, than business associates. And that includes those I have NEVER met in the flesh!

By the time we parted ways he’d told me about 3 projects he wanted me to handle. Two for him. One for a private university he runs with Victor Ogar, his Nigerian partner of many years. All three relate to the Web Marketing based Hosting Service I provide.

He has since paid for 2 of the 3 projects. So, it was not all talk :-))

It’s so great to be able to attract patronage for my products/services on and off the web, ANYWHERE I go, simply by being CONSISTENT!

Think about it. One day my website was gone, some days later, I put a better one up.

All the while, some of my clients would have been watching (including prospective ones!) to see how I would deal with the challenge.

What I’ve now successfully done with TayoSolagbade.com, can only make me look more convincing than ever, with regard to my competence as a Web Marketing Specialist who offers website hosting services!

And it’s likely to make it easier any serious minded person, to choose me over any other provider s/he is considering.

Wow, I AM living my dream: So, here’s my prayer for YOU:

“May you also get to live your dream too!

And while you’re working at it, remember that no matter how bad it looks or feels, there will always be something better that turns up…IF you do NOT give up.

PS: Get Free Web Marketing Support, when you signup for my Creative Business Solutions Special Website Hosting Offer

Having said all the above about my hosting service, it only makes sense that I provide some details for anyone who may be interested.

First, let me state this: My hosting service is VERY targeted.

In reality, I mainly offer it to clients who hire me to develop Web Marketing Systems for them.

The number of plans I offer, and their pricing reflect that. And so it may be difficult to compare the “prices” with what some other web host may offer you!

A visit to my hosting services website displays a “Budget Base” plan – the lowest available, along with ONLY 2 others, which are premium hosting plans.

My hosting services website displays a "Budget Base" plan - the lowest available, along with ONLY 2 others, which are premium hosting plans.

However, there is a special hosting plan that is NOT listed. I call it “WebMarketingforCEOs.”

This screenshot shows key features of my special hosting plan that is NOT listed. I call it "WebMarketingforCEOs.

Below is the link to my Hosting Service website:

Click here now to go there…

You’ll notice that the “WebMarketingforCEOs” plan is NOT listed.

That’s because I reserve it for clients who engage my services in Web Marketing Systems development.

Instead, you’ll see the Business and the Pro hosting plans alongside the “Budget Base” plan.

If you wish to host with me, without taking up my FREE Web Marketing Support offer, I recommend you pick either the Business or the Pro hosting plan.

Otherwise, consider purchasing the WebMarketingforCEOs” 2 year plan, which earns you FREE Monthly Web Marketing Support for 24 Full Months.

If you pay for TWO years you get FREE Monthly Web Marketing support from me (details when you contact me). And you’ll also be FREE from worrying about renewing your domain name/hosting for 2 years.

Why this WebMarketingforCEOs 2 Year Offer?

Simple. I’ve seen that my clients’ busy schedules makes web marketing hard for them.

This promo enables me help you, since YOUR website’s success is MY success. By helping your website succeed, I make it easier for you to continue making renewal payments.

Interested in any of my hosting plans? Click here to contact me. Or email tayo at tksola dot com.

Why Some People Dislike Reading

It’s strange but true. A growing number of Nigerian adults DO NOT ENJOY reading. Apart from sports, politics, or entertainment, reading for more serious purposes (e.g. for personal and professional development) rarely interests them. Except when it’s related to some immediate monetary or other benefit.

In other words, adult Nigerians have – what is for the most part – an unconscious dislike for reading.

Most will however often explain this inadequacy away by saying they do not have enough “time”.

The irony is however that those who DO read, often tend to be busier and more productive than they are!

The cause of this aversion for reading is that those affected were not taught to read in the proper way. And that’s due to our educational system traditionally encouraging learners to “memorize” rather than “understand”.

That’s why the “look-say” method of reading is more common in our schools. However, as is normal in life, there are exceptions where some schools teach reading using phonics, in part or fully.

How do people learn?

I’ve read several very enlightening write-ups on this theme, written by seasoned academic professionals. Those works helped me realize why I’m such a successful reader, and why people who are not, struggle.

It has to do with how each of us was introduced to reading, from our early years in school!

Learning using the whole word approach is not the best way to learn. This is because people who use that approach have to employ a lot of guessing and memorizing. And that makes them inefficient learners, which later affects them negatively in life.

A person taught to read using phonetics will often be able to pronounce a strange or new word without help. But one who did not learn using phonetics will tend to struggle to pronounce complex and unfamiliar words.

And that’s why I’m keen to help my kids develop their phonetic reflexes as well.

As the author of one of the papers I read noted, English is a phonetic language.

And he explained that phonetics is a more efficient method for learning to read, because only 44 sounds need to be memorized.

On the other hand those who choose to learn reading by using the whole word approach, have to recall correctly (i.e memorize) 1 million words.

This latter approach is similar to what people learning to read in a picture language like Chinese or Japanese, need.

But we know that most countries that have phonetic languages do teach using phonics.

The author also pointed out that kids learn to speak by listening to and imitating sounds, which they combine to form words. It only makes sense therefore that they learn to read the same way they learned to talk.

Certain symptoms are common to people who do NOT learn to read using the phonics system:

Among others they tend to be slow readers, and often demonstrate poor comprehension. They readily get tired from reading, and will often display poor spelling skills.

All of this results in their deriving little or no pleasure for reading.

The symptoms listed above in my experience based opinion, are easily noticeable in many Nigerian adults!

I say this with every sense of responsibility.

Please stop and think for a minute because this may just help you appreciate how our traditional educational system has affected even you!

In truth, our schools are turning out sight readers!

It has been said that the phonetic reflex developed by phonetic readers, is what makes them read and write effortlessly. And that makes them mature into “independent readers”.

In contrast, a sight reader (who does not read phonetically) must depend on memory recall of individual words, and also contextual interpretation to correctly identify the word. This latter approach is naturally prone to error, and is naturally cumbersome and less pleasurable for the reader.

This is not surprising, since the “look-say” method favoured by sight readers, was originally developed for teaching deaf people!(as explained by Sam Blumenfeld)

No wonder its use for teaching perfectly normal children to read has been so unsuccessful!

So, why do we still use it – especially in Nigeria?

Maybe most of our educationists do not yet know this fact. Also, our experts could be waiting, as is our practice – for the Americans or British to stop before we do the same thing! (Actually in most cases they already have, at least compared to us, but we are never really up to date on such issues are we?)

Again, it could be because we think it takes less effort to get majority of children to learn via the "look-say" method.

Most teachers/schools want to “teach” as many children as possible in as short a time as possible. Particularly here in Nigeria, where the turnover in each class is directly correlated with the ability of the school to pay teachers leaving a “profit” for the owners.

Sounds nasty doesn’t it? But it’s the truth in many cases here in Nigeria.

That’s why when a child is identified to have difficulty learning using this traditional method, s/he get quickly labeled as a dunce and dumped or stigmatized etc.

What’s worse is that some parents, rather than try to get close to their child and understand her, instead also apply pressure to get her to be like those other kids.

The result is often a child lacking self-esteem, introverted in addition to having poor learning skills, also developing an intense dislike of learning generally.

I was lucky to have a mother who worked as a very keen practicing educationist

She took time to help me – and my siblings – learn to read and write via the phonetic methods.

Later in life, using books like those written by Tony Buzan, I would rapidly build on that comparatively advantageous foundation to become a much faster reader and comprehensive learner than most others around me.

Today, using the techniques I learned from Buzan’s book about Speed Reading and Mind Mapping, my productivity in reading/learning as well as creative thinking and writing has grown in multiple folds. And the evidence can be seen in my seeming ability to do many useful things simultaneously.

The foregoing is what has led me to become a multi-skilled entrepreneur (multipreneur) today. Just like I was a highly successful multi-skilled manager back in my days in Guinness Nigeria Plc.

Final Words: When a child gives teachers problems, poor reading skills could be the cause…

Based on what has so far been said, one begins to appreciate that when a child finds it difficult to understand what he is being taught, s/he may "protest" by being uncooperative.

Unfortunately, since majority of other children like him/her may not have similar problems (or have learnt to be docile and submissive), s/he would be the exception in the class.

This would naturally make the teacher feel the child is not "normal", or is being naughty.

S/he would consequently simply ignore the child (as I learnt happened to my younger sister in Nursery school, until my mother took her up for a week) or worse, s/he may decide to sanction the child.

It is instructive to note here that this same child, prior to starting school, would probably have shown no signs that s/he could not learn like others her age.

In fact, history has shown that children that give teachers problems of this kind, often tend to end up extremely successful in life later on.

A good example is Albert Einstein – who famously denounced the traditional schooling system for its heavy emphasis on rote learning (or memorization).

Learn more (References):

1. Read the full article by Sam Blumenefld: Dyslexia: Man-Made Disease found on the official website of Practical Homeschooling Magazine:

http://www.home-school.com/Articles/BlumenfeldDyslexia.html

2. Tony Buzan’s Speed Reading Book” provides illuminating evidence/explanations…

It was written by Tony Buzan who is regarded as a world authority on the brain, memory, creativity, and speed reading.

Buzan is also the inventor of the world-famous Mind Maps© taught in management/ training institutions like Lagos Business School among others in Nigeria.

Get a copy of Buzan’s book. It offers information and education every parent needs to help his/her child learn more successfully.

Visit the Buzan centre at www.Mind-Map.com.

Prepare Your Kids to Succeed Despite Society’s Ills

If you’re a parent in Nigeria, you really – and I mean REALLY(!) – need to read the story told by Ayodeji Adeyeye, about the traumatizing JAMB examination centre experience, his 2 daughters had during the recent 2014 exams.

Unless you’re like one of the adults he says orchestrated the massive exam malpractices he described, you’ll be just as outraged as other right thinking adults who have read it.

Click to read

Adeyeye had no reason to tell a lie. He had nothing to gain…

What’s more, I have access to comments by another responsible adult, from a different Facebook discussion thread, which lend credence to Adeyeye’s claims.

That, and the testimony of other Nigerians living in Nigeria, was enough to convince me this was the truth.

In his Facebook post, Adeyeye narrates how, that fateful morning, he gave his young girls N2, 000 naira each, for refreshments at the exam venue.

He however noted that their older brother who was taking them down, had pointed out that the money he’d given them would be inadequate.

Being he, being uninitiated in the new ways of doing things at the exams, had argued that the money would be more than adequate for their needs. After all, they would only need to buy snacks to eat!

How wrong he turned out to be.

As I read the story, I could almost not contain my outrage!

Adeyeye said his girls were first of all met with a request to pay what was called “Marching Ground” to enter the exam hall.

The fee was N500 (Five Hundred Naira).

But that was mild…

The demand for N5, 000 (Five Thousand Naira) to get them connected to an “aide” via mobile phone who would supply answers to the questions, which followed soon shook them up!

The girls could not pay the requested fee. So the invigilator’s put marks on their papers meant to indicated they were caught engaging in exams malpractice!

Can you believe that?? Those who did NOT do wrong being given punishment meant for those who did?? Unbelievable!

Now, if you’re wondering where the policemen were, when all this was going on, Ayo tell us that they dutifully came in, collected their “allocation” of money and left.

And the invigilator’s…?

Well, they were the ones coordinating all of the action, from the front……while the parents of the candidates, we are told, monitored and controlled proceedings from right outside the examination hall!

Click here to read Adeyeye’s original narrative.

What many who read this story may not immediately appreciate…

You see, there a lot of damage being done to kids who are exposed to this kind of experience – on both sides…

a. For those kids like Adeyeye’s whose parents challenge them to study diligently, and take exams without cheating, frustration is bound to be their lot.

For instance, they are likely to get negative attention from invigilator’s, and peers who play the game…

b. For the kids whose parents have coached them to cut corners in this manner, they are bound to develop a warped sense of right and wrong.

And hard work or honesty will certainly make little or no meaning to them.

What’s more, since they’ll see their parents actively conniving with unscrupulous others to help them cheat in exams, such kids will grow up expecting such support all through school, and even life!

And they will in turn teach their own kids to be the same too, since they would not know better.

But that’s not the worst…

You see, society will gradually feel the negative multiplier effects of such happenings – as in today’s Nigeria. That;s why so called graduates cannot speak comprehensible English. It’s also why most of them are incapable of meeting the lowest employer standards for recruitment.

CEOs of multinationals in Nigeria have often cried out in frustration, after interviewing supposed First Class and Second Class Upper degree holders whose performances call their credentials to question!

The irony is that the misguided kids go around feeling they deserve to get the best jobs and opportunities. And their crooked parents (who often got where they are through similar methods), often help them open the needed doors.

But anytime they meet the kids of upright parents, crooked people feel threatened.

It happens all the time…

The crooked person whose credentials are phony naturally feels threatened by competent others. S/he knows given a level platform based on merit, such persons will outdo him/her.

So s/he will go out of his/her way to bring such persons down, so they not longer constitute a viable threat to his/her ambitions.

In other words, if YOUR child meets such a crooked person s/he would instantly be perceived as a threat to be eliminated (I’m assuming here that YOU, are one of the good guys…like I AM…)

So, no matter how nice your child tries to be, the fraudulent kids and their parents will never be comfortable around him/her.

As happened to Adeyeye’s kids, who now have to look forward to next year’s exams through no fault of theirs, your child may therefore be doomed to failure within the existing social setup in Nigeria.

My argument is that if you are not prepared to go crooked like those mentioned above, need to HELP their kids prepare better for the REAL world.

You will do this by equipping them with the knowledge and skills to flourish regardless of attempts to use existing systems to derail their progress.

By this I mean, rather than send them abroad (which I do not subscribe to, and many cannot afford), you can deliberately prepare your kids much earlier for LIFE outside school.

Formal schooling today needs to include life skills coaching.

Fewer jobs await school leavers at any level. And that’s why more and more people are finishing schooling and finding cause to launch careers in various vocational fields.

Today, it’s best that kids are introduced much earlier in life, to knowledge and skills they can use to earn a good living.

This does not stop a child from finishing school.

But it makes him/her better prepared to deal with the real possibility that formal schooling may NOT be enough to achieve success in larger society.

Take it from me, dear reader. Nowhere is the above statement truer, than in Nigeria.

No matter how intelligent your child is academically, today’s world makes it imperative that s/he acquire the know-how to earn EXTRA income using a variety of skills, within and/or outside paid employment.

You cannot foresee what is in store for your child. But you can prepare him/her better to deal with challenges that life and society will throw at him/her.

I’m doing that for my kids.

In past parenting articles I’ve shared several true stories/examples e.g. how I taught them to use pineapple peels to make a drink and cakes (baked without using an oven) which they sell.

You can do the same too.

Prepare yourself, by paying attention to what INTERESTS and TALENTS your kids have. Then learn how to match them with what WORKS in the real world, so they arrive adulthood with income earning abilities to succeed in spite of the antics of society’s "bad guys"!

Your kids are your most valuable investment in life.

Do NOT let society’s bad guys make you lose them!