Ever tried to pursue a goal that others were skeptical about/voiced their doubts to your hearing? If YES, do you recall how painful it was to hear them express a lack of faith in your ability to do something YOU BELIEVED was within your capacity to do?
When you had a setback(s), delay(s) or disappointment(s), what kinds of looks did you get from those who felt they had “warned” you not to embark on your “journey”? What comments did they make to your hearing? (You’ll probably never know what they said behind your back!).
Were you able to overcome THE “temporary defeat” (that’s what it is, you know – “temporary”), to eventually achieve the goal?
I certainly hope so, because if you did not, that means you chose to STOP because some tactless, “know-it-all”, arm chair theorist “dream killer” decided to give up on your behalf, and YOU LET HIM/HER!
1. It’s All About Perception
When human beings decide to embark on some meaningful endeavour, they usually try to share the “dream” with those they care about, and whose opinions they value.
The problem sometimes however is that people we care about measure us based on the “inside” knowledge they have of our foibles. In ironic contrast, total strangers who observe us(without bias) in passionate pursuit of our goals tend to become our greatest fans, and most fervent advocates.
Why? Because their perception of us is NOT coloured by what they KNOW (or think they KNOW) about us!
NB: In my experience however, if someone who has “inside” knowledge about us chooses to be mischievous, s/he can use it to “discourage” the “strangers” who admire/cheer us (and THIS does happen), so that the latter also begin to think/act like the former.
Everybody has shortcomings, inadequacies, or weaknesses. What sets one person apart from another will be his/her ability to ACHIEVE in spite of whatever limitations s/he has. Now, to achieve in spite of your “missings”, you will need to BELIEVE in yourself. Those who know you, unfortunately (for THEM) may not be willing to do the same.
By the time you start out in pursuit of your challenging goal some will cheer – initially – while others may fold their hands to “wait and see”.
When the inevitable delays, disappointments and setbacks begin to come, you may start discovering that NOT all those who are with you are really WITH YOU!
Having said that, the truth is you do not need others to believe in you FIRST before you can succeed. What you must however avoid is a situation where those who do NOT believe have the FINAL say about whether you should keep going or give up when things get tough.
You must NEVER put that kind of power in the hands of others – especially NOT people who do not believe like you do, in your dream/vision.
2. Deciding If YOUR Dream Is Still Worth Pursuing:
To keep going, you will come up with a new plan based on learnings from each one that fails, and summon courage to mention it to those who are still around, and who are magnanimous enough to pay you ANY serious attention. With some you may have to grit your teeth to ENDURE their heavenward “rolling of eyeballs” and sighs/looks of boredom. Oh yes, I’ve been there before – believe me!
If you’ve been at it a while, you will probably have gotten used also to walking into a room and having those seated at a table suddenly stop talking. In this regard, a perpetual nagging feeling that you were being “discussed” may not be altogether unfamiliar!
The point being made is that you could end up completely ON YOU OWN at some point, with no one else believing in you, or your cherished dream – except YOU! THAT would be the ultimate test of YOUR own self-belief.
If you are the kind of person who judges whether something is worth doing based on the number of OTHER persons interested in doing (or willing to do) it, then you are UNLIKELY to stick with it till you achieve your purpose.
This is because THEIR loss of interest would be likely to cause you to lose your motivation to DO IT, even though you could actually succeed.
Self-Belief is what makes it possible for a small David to defeat a BIG Goliath in real-life.
VERY often it’s not size that matters, but ABILITY.
Funny thing is that regardless of our size, as influenced by our genetic make-up, we can ALWAYS hone our SKILLS so that our ability to ACHIEVE is improved. And frequently, when we back our IMPROVED ability with determination and SELF-BELIEF, it becomes extremely difficult for us to LOSE.
3. Quick Example – Law Degree At Age 60 Years(True Story)
I once read an article by Valerie Young in which she mentioned how a 60 year old Beverly Goodman whose marriage just ended, (ignoring discouraging comments from others that no one would hire a lawyer her age) attended law school while holding a full time job.
She subsequently passed the bar exams, and went on to land a job with a law firm at an age(61) many assume retirement is inevitable!
Goodman reportedly said “I thought this age stuff was baloney”. She believed – in spite of THEIR unbelief – that she could do it!
Napoleon Hill advised that when you choose members of your mastermind team (persons you “recruit” to support you in pursuit of your valued goal), MAKE SURE you DO NOT choose persons who take defeat seriously.
Let me repeat that: Do not bring on board or share details of your plans’ progress with people who have a NEGATIVE view of “failure or adversity”.
Don’t engage “cry babies” i.e. the perpetual worriers and fickle-minded persons who see every little problem as a catastrophe, and who readily conclude that ALL is lost without being willing to join in to find solutions.
Fickle minded people are driven – even RULED – by their FEARS.
This makes them VERY risk averse, and consequently they never venture beyond what they already know, to try anything new in their own lives. The result is that they live lives of mediocrity till they pass on.
If you have such people in your team, they WILL be the first to throw their hands up the minute any little problem crops up.
By the time the BIG problems come, they will be screaming for everyone to “abandon ship”.
If you have many of them on board, they’ll all jump off leaving you behind. If they happen to be the ones you depend on for financial support, and/or access to other resources, you will find it difficult getting ANYTHING out of them at critical periods.
That, and NOT the fact that your situation is hopeless is what could ultimately cause your plans to fail PERMANENTLY. At that point, THEY would have successfully given up on YOUR behalf!
Your dreams are too IMPORTANT to the world, for you to let that happen.
So PLEASE avoid enlisting the support of these kinds of people – who can sometimes come in the shape of your closest relatives and friends. In case you discover one or more such persons in your team, plan to “offload” them As Gently As Possible (AGAP) and ASAP!
Trust me – you’ll be glad you did.
PS: This article is based on excepts from an original piece published online in December 2007
By “purpose”, I mean the ultimate, over riding objective that you set for yourself to achieve over your entire lifetime.
It has been said that a well-defined purpose is actually one that will keep a person busy trying to achieve it till he/she dies. However, that person would derive the greatest satisfaction and fulfillment not just from actualizing that objective, BUT also in the process of working towards that achievement.
As I said in my FREE auto responder e-course titled “Ten Ways You Can Use Self-Development To Create The Future You Want” that kind of “purpose” has been described by some as a “Magnificent Obsession”.
Now, if we think of highly successful people in our respective societies, we can reasonably deduce what purpose in life each of them has (or had).
In Nigeria, for instance, the late fiery Lawyer Gani Fawehinmi, seemed to be obsessed with fighting for the emancipation of the rights of the common people.
That is the masses, the downtrodden, the poverty stricken and the disadvantaged.
That his cause/purpose was his “obsession” could not be doubted when one saw the passion with which he spoke about it, every single time he had the opportunity.
It goes without saying that THAT was why he lasted so long in pursuit of that purpose. It also explains why he had such a huge following amongst Nigerians.
Same applies to Fela Anikulapo Kuti – who chose to educate us through his songs about the folly of our ways and those of our governments/leaders, as well as the need for us to avoid feeling inferior to others.
Fela died living the values he so fervently advocated.
Again, that was why he was so phenomenally successful – and acknowledged worldwide – in death – even by those he “preached” against!!
In effect, by “purpose” I refer to the special talent, skill, insight or ingenuity that a person (e.g. your child) might have to offer this world.
The exclusive niche s/he might end up – with proper guidance – carving for himself in the nation, on the continent – even across the globe.
That rare, unique quality which would make his/her name ring a familiar bell in the ears of people…
The way Mohammed Ali’s name today still rings very loud, familiar and pleasant bells in all our ears.
Ali is one man who, despite physical limitations imposed on him by ageing, as well as a nervous disorder, still continues to demonstrate the extraordinary courage and tenacity that has made many refer to him as the greatest Boxing Heavyweight Champion who ever lived.
He has indeed lived the dream he once had!
I challenge you TODAY to give your child also the opportunity to dare to dream BIG, and AIM HIGH, like those great people we all know…so s/he can over time, enjoy the excitement of striving to accomplish that dream.
As in the Olympics, the joy is not necessarily just in winning, but also in having participated. It is in having given it your best shot. And never having to look back with regret that you could have done better.
Let’s give our children that opportunity – even if we never got it when we were their age.
If you really love your kids, you will do this for them. And they will thank your for it…..all their lives.
PS: This article was first published online on November 27, 2009 via www.spontaneousdevelopment.com and Ezinearticles.com
What follows are a few ideas I have advocated over the past decade (based on personal successes I have achieved as a parent and mentor), regarding use of specific extracurricular activities to empower young people – especially those still undergoing schooling.
1. Team Working/Building Activities:
To help students learn how to work with others towards mutually agreed goals.
They learn the essence of cooperating to get things done effectively as a group. Major competence to acquire: Interpersonal Effectiveness. Students would be required to read the book “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie, and apply it in their daily activities.
Business and other partnerships are notoriously impossible to sustain in an environment where there is a lack of trust.
Someone defined TEAM as Together Everyone Achieves More. If we can teach students to adopt this philosophy in their lives, they will grow up more willing to work together for success over time.
2. Creative Thinking and Problem-Solving Activities:
To help student learn how to go about investigating the root cause of problems, be they process or people-related. They will be taught to understand why it is important to champion progressive change and how.
They will learn how to constructively challenge existing ways of doing things. They will be made to realise that it is important to have questioning minds – always constantly wanting to know why things are the way they are, and what can be done to improve.
3. Self-Development Activities (SD):
I have noticed that many people readily claim that they practice SD. That may be true. But the way I have conceived of SD and its practice, I refer to something that could be called a “culture”. Something that is not only systemic, but has actually become a way of life for a person or a group of people. There are many sides to practicing SD some of which are:
a. Vocational Skills Acquisition:
A person can decide to attend a seminar to learn how to make money from soap production. That would be Self-Development. The problem is that many times, there is no continuity in such efforts. What happens is the person then launches into the business having no idea of other areas of knowledge and skill necessary to run a business successfully.
Getting the technical skills or know how is one thing. Knowing how to effectively market and manage yourself to use your skills to make PROFITABLE INCOME is another thing entirely. That’s why some people hire a manager to help them.
b. Mental Stamina:
This is the most neglected aspect of SD. Some people do not even know it exists. Yet, many times, it makes the difference between the man who wins and the one who comes second in a 1,500m race photo finish.
When a long race is coming to an end, the muscles are aching, the legs are tiring, the lungs are screaming for air and each runner desperately wants to stop so he/she can take a little rest. The runner who has enough mental stamina to ENDURE and MANAGE all the pain/discomfort well enough to keep going, instead of slowing down, often wins.
Michael Jordan – before he retired – was renowned for what his NBA colleagues called his “tough mental game” – that made him repeatedly score game-winning points, hundredths of a second to the end of a game!
It is well known that a person’s state of mind is as crucial to his/her success as is his/her physical condition.
This rule applies across all spheres of endeavour. (Try going to the market to do elaborate shopping while worrying about the whereabouts of your 8-month old child who went missing over 2 days ago, and see how well you fare!).
People’s mental attitudes often determine, many times, how successful they become.
If you do not understand how to deal with difficulty, disappointments and adversity in your life, and how these unpleasant experiences actually offer you unparalleled opportunities to develop into a stronger person emotionally, you might be unable to achieve noteworthy success.
I say this based on my personal achievements in paid employment, and since…
Summary: Our youth need to be made to understand the need to develop themselves in the manner described above.
This will equip them to have good self-perception/healthy self-esteem, and an ability to carry on in the face of discouragement.
If we want to turn out youths who will make a difference in society, we must help them develop to become self-confident and emotionally stable. That is not read in books or taught in schools and universities. But it can be deliberately passed on through coaching and/or mentoring by competent persons. If we neglect this aspect of their development, many of our young people are likely to fare badly when they leave school and enter the real world (of hard knocks).
Let’s all begin to think of ways we can use extracurricular activities to better prepare our young people to become competent and productive adults in the future.
Last week, I had an interesting telephone/email based exchange with a lady banker who called about purchasing my “Ten Storyfied Yoruba Proverbs for Children” audio book DVD. It turned out she knew me from way back in 2002, my startup year, when we both served with an NGO as volunteer tutors. In addition to buying my DVD, she had some VERY nice things to say to me, about me, with regard to how I’d influenced her without knowing it.
1. After our phone conversation, in response to my request, she sent in the formal email below, requesting my account details…
Thank you for the detailed update on Yoruba Proverbs. Kindly send your account details to enable me make payment for the book: Ten Storified Yoruba Proverbs for Children.
I plan to attend some personal development courses this year (Excel Sheet, Personal Efficiency et al), kindly forward your Lagos Training Calendar for the year.
Please find below my details for Book Delivery:
Taiye <surname removed>
<company name removed> Bank
<removed>Operational Risk Manager <removed>
<removed> Victoria Island
Landmark: My office is opposite <removed> Victoria Island.
I look forward to your response.
Thank you.
Regards,
Taiye
===Ends===
2. Then I replied as follows:
===Starts====
From: Tayo K. Solagbade [tayo at tksola dot com]
Sent: 04 February 2015 14:48
To: <removed>, Taiye
Cc: M; Tayo Solagbade
Subject: Re: Account Details & Training Calendar
Hi Taiye,
Thanks for your phonecall. It was great speaking with you.
Find payment details below:
<removed>
It appears I mis-heard you, when we spoke earlier, as I’d assumed you wanted to pick up the DVD from the <removed> address I mentioned.
But from your Victoria Island delivery address, and your descriptive notes, it’s obvious you want it dropped off for you on the Island.
2 options:
A. Let me know if it’s possible to have it dropped off for you at your Ikeja office – I imagine you have an internal mail system that can get it to you.
B. Include extra payment to cover hand delivery to you in VI by a young man I can send over…or for dispatch via Fedex from here in Ikeja to you.
Note that I’m not sure how much either will be. For Fedex, I’ve only done inter state dispatches to buyers of my ExcelVB apps across the country.
Lastly, I’ll get back to you regarding my On-Demand learning events tomorrow.
Thanks for your interest in my work. It is gratifying to know that you find what I’m doing of useful relevance.
For ease, I will prefer delivery at the Victoria Island Head Office. I plan to include NGN2,000 (if this covers his cost) for the delivery by the gentleman you would send.
§ Please should I credit your account with NGN7,000 being NGN5,000 for the pack and NGN2,000 for delivery? Or credit your account with NGN5,000 and pay the gentleman cash (NGN2,000) on delivery?
§ Kindly confirm, does the package include a book & DVD? Or I need to make payment for the book separately?
I look forward to reading your content, I wish I could get it today. I must confess that you inspired me while volunteering at years back at . I was also a volunteer but your sense of responsibility, discipline and passion for what you did made a lasting impression on me, Thank you so much for ‘silently’ teaching me some of those values which has helped me to be a better me.
Regards,
Taiye
===Ends===
4. I replied her queries, and offered additional details about multiple FREE bonuses available to every buyer of the DVD…
===Starts===
From: Tayo K. Solagbade [tayo at tksola dot com]
Sent: 04 February 2015 15:50
To: <removed>, Taiye
Subject: Re: Thank you
Make the entire payment into the account.
The book comes on the DVD as a PowerPoint Slideshow with clickable links to the audio files.
You will be able to copy the audio MP3 files from the DVD to your phone or MP3 player. That’s how my kids use them(I bought each child an MP3 headset with rechargeable battery. Then they also have a box like player which uses a card reader with rechargeable battery).
Now, if you want the book in printed and spiral bound form, you will have to include an extra N3k, so I can prepare that and send it in a larger envelope along with the DVD containing the Slideshow and audio versions.
Regarding getting it today, if it was not for the erratic Lagos traffic, one could be sure of getting the hand delivery done today. Indeed, back in Cotonou, I readily commit to tight meeting and delivery deadlines. My Lagos experiences have however taught me to temper my enthusiasm with realism.
It’s 3.30p.m now.
Let’s see what can be done. If it does not reach you today, you’ll definitely have it tomorrow a.m.
Tayo
PS:
A. I send every buyer of this Proverbs book a FREE PDF copy of my new Best Practice Parenting paperback book titled “Kukuru Danger”. See it on sale in my online store at www.lulu.com/sdaproducts
Buyer name is printed on the PDF book cover, with a message from me, thanking him/her for buying my Storyfied Proverbs book.
B. I must thank you for your kind compliments. I never realized I was being so closely observed! Glad to know you found my conduct worthy of emulation. May we continue to add useful value to one another.
Cheers,
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN
===Ends===
5. And that proved adequate to convince her to respond with confirmation that she would go ahead and do the e-transfer to my account…!
The DVD format would suffice as I can copy it on my device to listen and read at ease.
I will credit your account with NGN7,000 shortly and anxiously wait for delivery tomorrow. In the mean time, I look forward to reading the personalized PDF copy of your new book Best Practice Parenting titled “Kukuru Danger”.
Thank you for the opportunity to learn from your wealth of knowledge.
===Ends===
6. As I always do with every buyer, once payment came through, I sent her direct download copies upfront, prior to delivery of the DVD…
===Starts===
From: Tayo Solagbade [mailto:tayo at tksola dot.com]
Sent: 04 February 2015 19:02
To: <removed>, Taiye Subject: Re: Your Storyfied Proverbs book etc…
Hi Taiye,
Find below, download links to the following:
1. A password protected PDF version of the 10 Storyfied Proverbs book
http://tayosolagbade.com/<path removed>.pdf
Note that it is locked for viewing. Password to open is: tks2019 (type exactly as it appears) 2. A complimentary copy of my new Best Practice Parenting book titled “Kukuru Danger” – personalised for you, with a thank you message…
http://tayosolagbade.com/<path removed>.pdf
3. You may also enjoy reading the sneak preview of a new book I’m writing with my sons as co-authors, on how we bake cup cakes for sale using charcoal stoves and NO oven.
It’s available for download from an article I published on my blog last year:
Tomorrow morning, I will dispatch the autorun DVD to your VI address and let you know.
In your service.
Tayo
===Ends===
7. Due to unexpected developments, I ended up belatedly, having to decide to hand-deliver the DVD by myself…and luckily, I made it on time…below is the email I sent after returning to the mainland.
As I noted in the message, it was actually the first time I was visitng the Island since 1st April 2013, when I left Lagos for Cotonou.
===Starts===
—–Original Message—–
From: Tayo K. Solagbade [mailto:tayo at tksola dot com]
Sent: 05 February 2015 15:33
To: Taiye
Cc: email removed; M; Tayo Solagbade
Subject: Delivered: Your 10 Storyfied Proverbs DVD – Guiding Notes
Handed over to Aina at reception, as you requested.
A few notes…
The DVD is setup to autorun. Just insert and let it load the custom navigation menu.
The menu buttons open the documents or links indicate.
When the PowerPoint book show opens, each slide will autoplay the relevant audio narrative.
Speaker icons provided are clickable and enable you replay each audio narrative, as well as the clips of my kids reading out the proverbs.
A menu button provided opens the folder on the DVD, in which all the audio files are stored. From there you can copy them to your memory card, PC/laptop, phone or other device.
If you need any help, let me know, and it would be my pleasure to provide it.
In your service,
Tayo
PS: It was Interesting that you called me just as I arrived the “mail room”, where Aina had directed me from the reception…
When eventually I got back to him, I asked him to let you know the branded label for the proverbs package DVD could not be printed to the finish quality, in colour, that I wanted. The late opening of business centres today made trying to find a better service elsewhere impractical.
I’m a stickler for adhering to challenging standards, and also for keeping promises I make.
So, I chose to NOT use a shabby label, plus when a 2nd chap (who I’m coaching on Web Marketing) that I’d hoped to have drop off you pack told me he would not be available till 3p.m, I knew I had to drop it off myself and return without getting stuck in the famous Island traffic…
It may interest you to know that this is the first time I’ve visited the Island, since relocating to Benin Republic on 1st April 201(3).
===Ends===
8. And this was her final response, upon receicing the DVD pack I dropped off for here…
===Starts===
—–Original Message—–
From: “, Taiye” <Taiye removed>;
Date: Thu, 5 Feb 2015 17:27:30
To: <tayo at tksola dot com>
Subject: Thank you so much.
Good Afternoon sir.
I have been in a meeting. I must confess that I truly appreciate your kind gesture in going an extra mile to keep to your word.
To be honest, after speaking with you (before rushing into the meeting) and you said you were downstairs, I told myself that you are still the same Mr. Solagbade that keeps to his word. I said that because of a few encounter I have had with you in the past. Interestingly, you ‘indirectly’ taught me one core value I have upheld… Discipline.
I still teach at . Over the years, I have taught my young friends/students the importance of that Life Lesson your taught me (it is easy for me live by this because you taught me by your ACTION unknowingly) and this forms one of my 3 Core Values. Thank you.
Once again, thank you so much for your kind gesture.
Regards,
Taiwo
===Ends===
By the way, here’s what she got…in case you’re wondering…
The auto run DVD she got contains a slide show version of the proverbs book, with auto playing audio narratives in my voice, and click able audio clips icons that playback the voices of some of my kids reciting the proverbs.
My kids enjoy listening to it.
The MP3 files can be copied from the DVD to phones and other media.
In fact my mother (grandma to the kids) made me copy them to her phone so she could listen, especially to the kids reciting the proverbs.
I’m having connectivity issues uploading, so the following 2 items will come LIVE in this article tomorrow morning…
1. A screen shot of the DVD’s branded navigation menu, which is always personalized for the owner will be embedded below tomorrow…
I had to take a last minute decision to deliver it myself, to avoid disappointing her, when the young chaps I’d planned to send down could not make it.
I visited Fedex, at 11a.m in their Allen office, but they told me next day delivery in Lagos costs N500, but same day delivery would cost N8k. I’d not known that in 2 years of using their service, since I’d never had a same day delivery client order!
At this point, only ONE other option was left.
So, after sorting out work I had to finish, I took a BRT bus at close to 3p.m down to CMS. Soon as I alighted, by some wonderful “coincidence” a commercial power bike rider called out to me (there were 2 of them, so I got to choose). I promptly agreed to his N300 fee when he said he could get me through bad traffic to the lady’s her VI office on time for me to RETURN to mainland without getting stuck in the crazy traffic jams for which that area of Lagos are famous. True to his word, he did – see email below!
LESSON to Take Away: The above highlight emphasis (circled in red in the screen shots) is deliberate.
There are 2 key lessons I believe one can draw from this story….
First, it’s the fact that the web marketing strategies I advocate can enable anyone with diligent perseverance, successfully monetize any useful information or knowledge s/he has.
I know many who thumbed their noses at the idea when I first muted it…they are not laughing now I tell you…lol!
But here’s the more important lesson to be had from this exciting experience that happened in a window of 24 hours…
Taiye, the buyer, had told me during her first phone call that she knew me from back when I (like her) was a volunteer maths tutor for a project sponsored by a very well organized Nigerian NGO. The NGO’s project mainly helped secondary school students with FREE maths and english tutorials in their final year.
The problem was that I struggled to recall her face, even though the name rang a faint bell…but I did not tell her that
When she went on to say the above (and more in her final thank you email post-receipt of the package), I realized how important her feedback was, and why it was important for me to WRITE about it, for others to read.
You see, I believe her words – which basically amount to an “unsolicited testimonial” confirm that it pays to be true to yourself at all times.
Seek to add value with honesty and integrity at all times.
You never know who will be watching and drawing inspiration from your selfless efforts.
Like the popular saying goes: “Be The Change You Want to See In The World!“
That was what I did back then, that she saw and chose to emulate. That’s why I continue to do today, that has NOW made her buy my latest information product…and that NOW makes her even more inspired than ever, to go and do MORE of what she learned.
If more of us did this, our societies would become much better places than they are today. It only takes EACH person making up his/her mind to begin…
This photo shows a new set of “experimental” or “practice” Easter Eggs made by my kids, in our Lagos home, based on a movie we watched, and other learning resources I compiled for them. Our plan is to produce special Easter Eggs to give out during Easter to buyers of cakes, doughnuts and chin chin the kids will make and offer for sale.
We’ve added more products to the range of pineapple peel based cakes baked without an oven, and the drinks also made using the peels, that I began making in Cotonou
I’ve been screaming in my best practice parenting articles and the book (Kukuru Danger – see www.lulu.com/sdaproducts) that parents are BEST positioned to give their kids the balanced EDUCATION they need to succeed in the real world.
It so happens that I diligently and passionately practice what I preach with my own children, and that includes teaching them life skills and more recently academic subjects (maths, english etc) in a formal home schooling arrangement.
Why am I going so out of the way to do all this?
First, it’s because I’ve found that the quality of teaching provided in most conventional schools today, which greatly depends on the quality of available teachers, has dropped waaay beyond the point that I can afford to do otherwise.
And this trend, in most cases, remains the same regardless of the fees paid in each institution. The decay began decades ago, and now the school system is suffering the effects. On top of that the curriculum taught by most conventional schools is increasingly obsolete, and out of sync with the needs of today’s society.
In my audio series titled “A Formula Schools Should Teach But Don’t: Why Brilliant Students Struggle to Succeed In the Real World”…I stated that the “schooling” I got failed me, WHEN I went beyond the controlled environment of paid employment, to become self employed.
That experience, which is not unique to me, confirms what has been said that formal schooling as originally conceived is geared towards preparing its products to enter salaried employment.
To find the success I increasingly enjoy today, I’ve had to DUMP a lot of what I learnt via formal schooling and learn via self tutoring what I discovered to be crucial for achieving reliable long term success in life.
My painful journey to find success made me VOW TO GIVE MY KIDS THE KIND OF BALANCED EDUCATION THAT WOULD PROTECT THEM FROM SUFFERING AFTER SCHOOLING like I did!
That’s why I’m coaching them to learn and operate a complementary set of micro businesses under the umbrella of a FAMILY BUSINESS we will all be a part of.
Look at the teeming numbers of young people who – post formal academic schooling – are walking the streets in search fast vanishing jobs, with certificates in hand today…
Consider the fact that graduates and NYSC members are now being asked to take entrepreneurship classes…
Add to the above, the fact that even employees are now being challenged to think and act entrepreneurial, if they want to retain their jobs…
They all provide definite signs that empowering your kids the way I propose is the best way to really show that you love them.
Sending them to some expensive fancy school alone may not be enough to prepare for reliable lifetime success within or outside paid employment!
Valentine’s day, celebrated TODAY, is about LOVE. If you really LOVE your kids, I urge you to give serious consideration to what I’ve said above, and ACT to give your kids a better chance at success.
A Warning: What I propose is NOT popular, and doing it is likely to make those who know you criticize you at some point. Trying to do things differently from the majority, often causes that to happen.
Here’s something to encourage you:
In the long run, when the POSITIVE benefits begin to accrue from your actions taken with a long term real world relevant vision in mind, the same critics WILL turn round and applaud you.
Trust me…I’ve been there countless times, and I KNOW from personal experience, that this is true.
I learnt a long time ago that one will only be as old as one thinks s/he is. That knowledge makes me very comfortable relating with people of all ages and across social strata, without bothering about their age, color, income class or educational level.
What I look for is a desire for self-improvement, evidence of commitment to a worthy cause (or willingness to do so), and authentic honesty/integrity. I am also a believer is seeing the world through the eyes of a child. I love to wonder openly, and without pretence, at the miracle of new knowledge/insight that I encounter daily.
But I think where I push my luck is that I also expect (STUPIDLY of course!) that other people will behave/think in the same way.
Why do I say this?
Well it’s because I continue to find that much younger people who I choose to engage on an “equal level” (the way people like Sola Olokode – a senior manager & HR departmental head – did for me during my “formative” years in Guinness ‘Nigeria) in order to help them gain insight beyond their years, tend to miss the point.
What Mr. Olokode did for me, gave me the self-confidence to fearlessly pursue the ideas I had, by applying my creative instincts to influence major changes in the Guinness Benin workplace in spite of my relative youth. By the time I was 2 years old in the company (and 26 years old), I was already developing (in my spare time) custom automated spreadsheet solutions adopted by the brewery for official use.
Read my the story in my article titled “Achieve Recognition and Attract Career Advancement Opportunities By Being A Change Agent”.
You do not prove you are older by standing aloof from younger people!
I’ll admit (from painful experience) that there is the danger of abuse – some younger persons may feel they can “disrespect” you because you’ve made yourself familiar to them. But that should only help you “weed” them out of your inner circle of influence, till you find those who value the opportunity for access to wisdom and insight beyond their years, that you offer them as an older person, through your friendship.
So, in spite of this strategy blowing up in my face many times, the successes I have recorded with it continue to encourage me to do it.
I do this because a few have benefitted from my method(I call it Spontaneous Coaching), and expressed appreciation to me, for it.
In essence, I am saying that the reader should (if s/he does not already do so):
1. Forget about being a very young man/woman/girl or younger than another person s/he relates with.
It does not matter – at least it will NOT matter to people who have decent levels of self-esteem. And such people are the ones YOU should aim to relate with, otherwise you will have many frustrating experiences!
2. Never limit yourself because you think you are younger than others who do not know what you know.
Sometimes YOUR awareness is the reason why you have been placed amongst such people – and keeping quiet or looking for audiences comprising people mainly YOUR age would actually be the wrong thing to do!
Imagine if the founder of Facebook had allowed himself to worry that he was too young to initiate the Facebook idea, when older gurus like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs etc were not looking in that direction…
“…You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you…” – Marianne Williamson.
3. Begin to look beyond pushing your thinking about religion or spirituality to people.
Begin to LIVE what you know and believe. And let those who see you/your work, or who read/hear you gradually seek you out, or open up to discovering what makes you tick.
I LIVE this stuff I’m telling you. And it is the smartest way to influence people i.e. using subtlety.
FINAL WORDS:
If you still do not get it, I’ll share this. I recently got a phone SMS from a young man I’ve been trying to “influence” on Facebook, (by making periodic suggestions on posts he made). In the SMS, he asked “So, how do I find paid speaking opportunities here in Lagos?”
THAT unsolicited enquiry from him did not come as a surprise, because I’d periodically referred him to related online resources in
making my “suggestions”. But it is instructive to note that before then, we had never communicated outside the Facebook medium. Note also, that he must have gone out of his way to find my phone number himself (possibly from my profile or website) – because I did not give it to him.
So you see ( and I am sure you will agree) that I have made reasonable progress towards my goal of “influencing him using subtlety”. YOU can do the same, regardless of your age.
NB: This article was first published on 8th November 2011.
Experience sharing is a powerful way to coach and influence. And it works quite well for people of all ages. I know this from years of using it successfully, both in and out of paid employment. Also, research based publications abound that confirm this.
You are likely to have had many experiences that would interest, entertain and at the same time educate your child, and other people around you – even adults.
However, if you do not offer to share them, people who can benefit will never know you offer such useful wisdom, and insights.
The world will be a better place if more of us deliberately tap into our wealth of past experiences, especially way back to our childhood years, to coach others.
The growing up period and process can be very confusing from most children. Hearing stories from established adults about how they also struggled to find meaning, and eventually take their places/make their marks in the world, can be both encouraging, and inspiring to kids, and young people.
But in observing my kids, I recalled reading that Andrew Carnegie said teaching kids success principles (like those discussed in Hill’s “Think & Grow Rich”), can help them emerge better prepared to excel in life.
And that’s what made me decide to do it on a formal basis.
I believe it’s time I embraced my God-given gift for helping people in this manner.
Testimonials from those I’ve helped in the past (some reproduced at the start of my Best Practice Parenting book – Kukuru Danger™) now make more sense to me.
Back then I wondered why they had to make all the fuss, thanking me in person and sending emails to say even more.
Now I understand, and I want to help as many other young (and even those not so young!) people willing to walk what today is the least travelled, but surest path to authentic success achievement in life!
The achievements I’ve recorded in life, since those troubled early years, are based on corrective guidance received from my parents and other well meaning adults while I was growing up.
I built on the hard lessons of my past, and applied the principles and philosophies I learnt by studying books like Think & Grow Rich.
That has helped me record successes in virtually every area of endeavor I’ve ventured since then – with support from the Creator.
And every step of the way, my resolve to continue being a source of pride to my parents has never wavered. Neither has my passion to continue being an exemplary role model parent in the life of my kids.
I urge you to invest time, effort and energy towards doing the above, not just for yourself, but more importantly, for the sake of your kids.
[NB: An auto responder will deliver a FREE PDF preview of my Best Practice Parenting Book – Kukuru Danger™ to your inbox, along with a message from me]
My DIY (Do-It-Yourself ) mental attitude is the reason I have relentlessly succeeded, in spite of myriad challenges, over the past decade as an entrepreneur. Many of the obstacles I encountered were intimidating, and would have stopped me permanently, if I had NOT possessed this DIY reflex.
For instance, this website (www.tayosolagbade.com), my newsletter, indeed my entire business life would have “died” years ago, if I had not formed the “habit”.
TIP: Consistent with the theme of this article, was the over 3 hour battle it took me to send it out as an email broadcast to my newsletter subscribers. From 10pm Nigerian time on Monday 17 Dec 2012, till well after 1a.m the next day(I was still based in Nigeria then), my Etisalat internet connection simple went to sleep for some strange reason at the time I need it to be awake the most.
And that was happening NOT for the first time!
Luckily for me, I’d already published the newsletter as scheduled on this blog which auto-published to my Facebook business fan page and personal profile, as well as my Twitter page via RSS Graffiti.
As you can imagine, it turned out to be a good thing that I knew enough to set it up this way. Otherwise, I’d have been unable to publish the online version when due!
How Much You Need To DIY, Depends On Your Part of the World
If you live and work in a developed society, the need to do things yourself sometimes, may not readily appeal to you.
However, for people, like me, in less developed social environments, like mine, one often has to develop multiple interests and competencies to make up for the shortage of RELIABLE solutions.
The following true story illustrates the above scenario perfectly.
A few years ago, I met a Nigerian gentleman who had just returned from the USA where he’d been away for about 5 years. During that time he had made a bit of name for himself as an author and speaker. His published book had sold quite well in the small town he was based.
And the local media had given him enough coverage to make him close to being a celebrity of sorts. From what he and his pretty Austrian wife told me, it was at one of his book signings that they met – and fell for each other.
My friend wanted to republish one of his popular books from the USA with a local printer. He also wanted to produce an audio version of the book. This was part of the plan he had to launch himself into the Nigerian market.
According to him however, the problem was that there seemed to be no standard service providers like those in the USA that could do what he wanted. He said back in the states he would simply hand over his manuscript to his agent, and virtually everything needed to get the book published would be handled by the latter.
Out here, he complained about having to run around looking for business centers to type and typeset his manuscript. And then there were countless errors that he had to sit with a computer operator to work through and correct.
To make matters worse, by the time I got involved I discovered they were typing his manuscript in Corel Draw!
My friend had no idea the business centre operator was using an inappropriate software application for his work.
He said “I just want it done! Back in the states I never had to get involved like this. I know nothing about all of this stuff”.
To cut the long story short, I had to really get involved in helping him find the right places to get the help he needed.
And that included going out of my way to locate a studio where he and his wife could produce the quality of recording they wanted for the book’s audio version.
Here’s what he asked me at a point: “So how come you know about all these things?
You’re not even a book publisher or anything!”
My answer was that I’d learnt the hard way that it was better to know a little about most things I planned to engage others to do for me. That equips me to assess what they do for me – and also contribute intelligently to the process – even do a few things on it by myself, should they be unavailable.
That Doesn’t Happen In Your Country? Great! But What If One Day, It Does?
Now, what my friend went through can happen to anyone in one form or the other.
Maybe you won’t be coming to speak or provide your expert service here in Nigeria. But right there in your base
things can still go wrong.
How ready will you be when that happens?
(NB: I recall reading New York Times stories that described the experiences of people who’d failed to heed warnings
issued about Hurricane Sandy. Some of them got trapped – a few even lost their lives, because they failed to prepare for the unlikely but possible!)
So I ask you: What are the things you currently depend on others to do for you? It
could be a service provider or even a friend you have great confidence in.
Maybe she’s a tech savvy person who prepares all your Power Point presentations, or does your graphic designs for your client projects for instance.
I hate to think negative too…:-)
But what if for some reason, she becomes temporarily unavailable?
Do you have ready access to someone else you can reliably reach out to? And if not, do you have any idea of how to prepare a Power point presentation as impressive as those she does for you by yourself?
What about preparing your speaker one-sheets? Or creating passable designs that can meet the client’s expectations?
God forbid you discover a wrong phone number or mistyped email address on the newly prepared speaker one sheet you want to give a meeting planner. Or maybe there’s a wrong phone number on the website header image/banner to be used for a client’s website.
If you had requested a copy of the raw Corel Draw or Photoshop file used to prepare
the speaker sheet or website graphic, maybe you’d be able to quickly edit it, and produce a corrected version.
But if you had NOT requested a copy of the raw document, or you did NOT know how to carry out simple editing edits of that kind using the relevant application…you’d risk making a poor impression on the client. Indeed, it could cause the client to lower his/her rating of you!
Anything can happen. Don’t Be A Fish Out Of Water When It Does!
The truth is that even the most reliable of people – your trusted assistant or highly reputable provider inclusive – can sometimes make mistakes or fail to come through for you when it matters.
We are all human after all – which is why one must always have a fall back plan in place.
Will you be prepared with an alternative plan if/when that happens? Or will you just try to wing it?
People often value a professional who can improvise and adapt effectively. If you come across as being that way, meeting planners may conclude you are a more “reliable” performer who can deliver no matter what goes wrong.
That implies repeat business, even referrals, are likely to come from them for you.
Ironically, you may only need to know a little about most things, to achieve this significant impact.
Interestingly, learning those little things may just require PROACTIVELY spending a little time with those who do those things for you normally.
Or it could mean making out time to read – and practice what you learn from – a self-help (or DIY) tutorial!
In the end, quite often, you’ll find you have a LOT to gain, and nothing to lose by adopting this attitude, and acting diligently on it all the time.
Final Words: I also recommend, strongly too, that you TEACH your kids to be that way as well, from as early as possible in life.
They will enjoy a lot of positive attention and recognition from their peers and adults alike, for being that way. Attention that will over time earn them financially rewarding personal and career advancement opportunities.
And that’s just one of so many things they have learnt how to do. You can do the same for your kids. They will be forever grateful to you :-))
RELATED…
On 4th May 2014, Tayo’s 9 year old domain (Spontaneousdevelopment dot com), which hosted his website, was taken over by Aplus.net.
Within a few days however, Tayo used his advanced self-taught web development skills to build a SUPERIOR “reincarnation” of it the website http://www.tayosolagbade.com.
But updates are still ongoing to URLs bearing the old domain name in most of the over 1,000 web pages, and blog posts
he’s published.
If you experience any difficulties finding a page or document, email Tayo at tksola dot com.
“Success tends not to go to the person who is error-free, because he also tends to be risk averse. Rather, it goes to the person who recognizes that life is pretty much a percentage business. It isn’t making mistakes that’s critical; it’s correcting them and getting on with the principal tasks.” – Donald Rumsfeld, U.S Public Official and Business Executive
Anyone who has followed my writing, will know I started paying my dues in mistake-making from the age of ten, getting into all sorts of serious trouble that caused my parents embarrassment and pain. My Best Practice Parenting book titled “Kukuru Dangers” (sold in my store at www.lulu.com/sdaproducts) narrates full details of those years of truancy.
At a point, my trouble making got so frequent, that family friends/relatives began asking my siblings: “What Tayo had done again?”
Probably sounds funny now, but it was not, for me at least, back then.
You see, due to the fact that I was often getting into trouble around others who were not, I experienced quite early in life what it meant to be different.
However, because I was different in a negative sense (i.e. for doing wrong), I also learnt what if felt like to be an “out cast”.
Most of my peers who did not want to be viewed as wayward, like I was, generally stayed away from me…and spoke about me.
So in 1986, while serving my 2 week suspension for abusing my privileges as Health Prefect, in my final secondary (i.e. high) school year, I did some hard thinking and gained powerful insights that changed my life forever (my book titled “Kukuru Danger” tells the full story – click here to request a free PDF preview download).
I know it may be hard to believe, that so early in life I could achieve this level of clarity.
But that’s what happened.
Maybe it was because I had always been a bit introverted, and only got into trouble because I wanted to be like others I looked up to.
Anyway, after getting into trouble for trying to be that way, I adopted the following 3 guiding thoughts:
1. Always Be Your Original Self:
You will never succeed in being like others.
I think and feel different from other – even my family members. It’s no surprise therefore that most times when I try to share my “crazy” and “childish” perspectives with them, most simply get turned off.
It’s better to be myself, and be comfortable with not being popular with some people as a result. With time, those who deserve to, will discover how my uniqueness can help them, and appreciate me for it.
2. Intelligent Mistake-Making Is Good
When one makes mistakes, it can be painful. People get to see you at less than your best. Some will make fun of you and criticize you.
However, my period of lonely reflection helped me discover that the “many mistakes” I made so early in life had taught me more than I had learnt from being around those who judged me.
Later in life, my expertise at intelligent mistake making would consistently give me an edge over others in every endeavor I embarked upon.
3. Independent Thinking Is Imperative
I will never let anyone, no matter who s/he tell me what to think or do.
That decision will always be mine, even doing so makes me fall out of favor with others.
Why? Because if/when I get into trouble for my actions, I alone will have to answer for it – as has happened in the past.
So, what’s the answer I found to that question: “Do you need to be error-free?”
The answer I found for it, and which I adhere to is: No you don’t.
And never let anyone tell you otherwise!
It will not matter how old, experienced or wise they are. Do not ever let anyone tell you that making mistakes is wrong or bad.
In fact, the only way you can ever avoid making mistakes is if you stop trying to be better than you already are, or to do NEW or different things.
As an expert in your field, your audience (rightly) expects you to give them nothing less than the best of yourself at all times.
If you continue to do what you do, in the exact same way all the time, you do yourself more harm than good.
I recommend you make every single opportunity you have to practice your profession or vocation, to create a truly unique experience, in every sense possible, for those you serve – be they your client or employer..
Your continued relevance as an expert in your field of interest, and focus, is dependent on your willingness to constantly renew and reinvent yourself.
You cannot re-invent yourself, to stay relevant, if you do not have new experiences
That’s why you must be willing to do new things – even though a risk of making mistakes exists!
Otherwise, where would you get new insights from, with which excite those you serve with new ways of adding value to them?
When you avoid leaving your comfort zone, or shy away from taking risks by trying new experiences, you gain fewer – or even NO – new insights.
Why? That’s because you will make mistakes (or be wrong) less often.
When you’re NOT wrong, or NEVER wrong, you’re unlikely to feel a compelling need to check for new or better ways to do what you do. Being free from error is a state of perfection one can aspire to attain, but rarely actualize while one remains human.
Those who claims to be perpetually error free often hide away evidence of the mistakes they make.
But that does neither them, nor those around them any good in the long run!
Final Words: As any accomplished person in any field will tell you, mistakes/failures that befall us have a positive role to play in our growth and development.
Without them our progress towards achieving the full potential put in us by the creator would be greatly limited.
This is why, if you really want to achieve authentic success in life, and have not been doing it before now, you need to go out from today and start making mistakes intelligently.
It’s time to stop trying to be error-free: embrace your imperfections, and learn to use your failures are stepping stones to achieve on new and better levels in your life!
Click here, to request the FREE PDF preview of the new paperback book now.
You will be taken to a request form. Within seconds of filling and submitting it, the download link will be sent to the email address you supply.
I urge you to share it as far and wide as you possibly can!
If you are a parent, teacher or school owner interested in getting my help with regard to Best Practice Parenting, click here to contact me!
“There’s a world outside school that your child must be ready for, if she is to succeed.
Because you arrived in it, before her, YOU are an expert in it, compared to her. If you truly love your child therefore, you can – and should – share YOUR EXPERTISE about succeeding in the world, to help her learn how to EXCEL in it.
This book [Kukuru Danger™] uses narratives of true life childhood experiences of a brilliant but wayward child, who later reformed himself, as a basis for offering practical tips and insights you can use.” – Tayo K. Solagbade. Best Practice Parenting Advocate™ & Location Independent Multipreneur.
Traveling helps one gain useful perspectives and insights, making one broad minded. My travels have taught me that one does need to be rich, or make big money to enjoy great QUALITY of life.
In well managed societies, even the poor can afford a decent existence devoid of avoidable annoyances.
The story I share below illustrates a glaring contrast in the conditions under which people running the same type of business have to operate in their respective countries – which share a common border.
In Cotonou, most Cafe’s I use open as early as 8a.m, and I sometimes work in Cafe’s well past midnight.
I once arrived from Lagos about 15 minutes to Midnight and got a bike rider to take me around till I found a Cafe still open (and many users in it), where I was able to quickly publish my blog post for the day.
But no matter how late it was, I never had problems getting home. Within minutes of stepping out on the sidewalk, I would flag down a commercial bike rider, who I would confidently allow to take me home.
Whenever I’m in Lagos however, things get very complicated.
Cafes here open as late as 9.30 to 10a.m. The owner of the one close to my home told me his staff lives 2 hours away in another state (Ogun) and the traffic makes it hard to get in earlier.
So I’m usually waiting till 10a.m before I can start work. My attempts to use other cafes had taught me few promised good value for money and time. This one does. But unlike the Cotonou cafes, it closes, almost unfailingly at 9p.m(sometimes 8p.m, if the boss is away as the staff needs to leave for home early)..
I asked why, and the guy explained that staying open longer would expose them to thugs or robbers coming in to hold up the place, which had happened before, and the loss was painful.
Compare the guy in Cotonou with my man in Lagos, and it becomes obvious the latter has to battle daily to be profitable.
A. Starts 2 hours later
B. Stops 3 hours earlier
C. Incurs high generator fueling and repair costs due to poor public power supply
D. Yet he charges approximately the same rate per hour, as the Cotonou guy.
This means the Lagos cafe retains considerably less profits compared to the one in Cotonou, despite doing more work.
The above makes me empathize greatly with cafe owners here in Lagos, indeed Nigeria in general.
And that’s why I did not get upset when I had to miss achieving a goal I set to publish my new book on Yoruba proverbs on Thurs 8th Jan 2015, due to the unavoidable closure of the cafe at 9p.m as usual.
I had so much client work to do, and had been there from 10.30a.m till 6.50p.m, then went out to get a bite to eat and buy some groceries for the kids.
By the time I returned, it was 8.40p.m and I knew there would not be enough time to setup the book in the online store.
Pity.
That’s why my operational base for building my brand via passive income generating products creation is Cotonou.
Over there, I would have easily returned to the cafe and finished publishing the new book.
Generally, when I come to Nigeria I get much less creating done and focus more on promoting what is already created for sale.
But you probably wonder why I don’t use my own private Internet USB stick?
The answer is that I used to, both in Lagos and Cotonou.
However, being the heavy duty user that I am, I discovered that option rarely gave me value for money. The bandwith assigned either ran out too fast or poor connectivity forced me to keep shuttling to the cafes to get important client work done.
That made no sense, especially since one made a hefty payment for it.
In contrast, the bulk time purchase I make in Cotonou cafes especially, can be paused when the connection is slow. And the best part is that it never expires!
Hopefully this disparity will be rectified when a government that can deliver steady power and security of lives and properties comes into power in Nigeria this year.
…a multi-disciplinary blog for people passionate about reaching their goals!
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