{"id":5092,"date":"2014-06-17T19:01:33","date_gmt":"2014-06-17T19:01:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tayosolagbade.com\/sdnuggets\/?p=5092"},"modified":"2014-06-18T18:06:13","modified_gmt":"2014-06-18T18:06:13","slug":"to-achieve-success-be-prepared-to-give-in-order-to-get-lesson-from-an-11-year-old-boy-his-13-year-old-brother","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/tayosolagbade.com\/sdnuggets\/to-achieve-success-be-prepared-to-give-in-order-to-get-lesson-from-an-11-year-old-boy-his-13-year-old-brother\/","title":{"rendered":"To Achieve Success, Be Prepared to Give, In Order to Get (Lesson from an 11 year old boy, and his 13 year old brother)"},"content":{"rendered":"

This photo, is of a handwritten \u201ccontract\u201d of sorts recently sent me by my (11 & 13 year old) sons<\/em>. It reads: <\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cTayo, we will do anything you and mummy ask us to do without grumbling, but we need a deal. The deal is if we do anything for anybody in this house without grumbling, you promise to buy us a ball. If it is a deal, sign here (my name appears with a line over it!).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

NB:<\/strong> The \"cover\" reads \"To Tayo\". From: <\/strong>...and it was signed by the 13 year old \"instigator\"...LOL!!<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

This happened a few weeks ago, when I visited my family in Lagos \u2013 Nigeria<\/strong><\/h3>\n

They dropped it on my laptop, and promptly went into hiding!<\/em><\/p>\n

Not sure what to expect, they pushed their (9 year old) sister to say: \u201cTayo, look there\u2019s a letter for you on your laptop<\/strong>\u201d.<\/p>\n

By the time I read it, I burst out in uncontrollable laughter. Hearing that, they came out from their hiding places, grinning mischievously.<\/p>\n

But they still pressed to know if I agreed!<\/em><\/p>\n

I thought back to the many tasks I\u2019d given them since moving to Cotonou last April (2013)<\/a>, and how well they\u2019d generally performed. <\/strong><\/h3>\n

Their mother had already trained the 2 eldest boys to do most kitchen chores, including cooking for the others \u2013 even when she\u2019s not home. <\/em><\/p>\n

On my part, each time I came home, I tried introducing something new I wanted them to learn or do. I assigned them various sections in the compound to sweep and weed out weekly.<\/p>\n

Then I also challenged them to make pineapple peel based drinks and cakes I taught them to prepare, and find ways to sell them<\/a>.<\/p>\n

They did most of it, though sometimes it became a battle, and tempers flared a bit...! <\/strong><\/p>\n

As these thoughts went through my mind, I also recalled how I\u2019d told them to always think of ways to negotiate for whatever they wanted.<\/p>\n

Even with adults...including ME!<\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n

To never accept the options they were given without trying to see if better bargains could be struck.<\/p>\n

Again, even with adults...including ME!<\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n

By the way, here\u2019s why I keep saying \u201ceven with adults\u201d\u2026<\/strong><\/h3>\n

It\u2019s because in our culture, sometimes the need to show respect to adults, creates a mental block in the minds of young Africans, when they have to relate with older persons.<\/p>\n

This makes some of them get taken advantage of when they become business owners, and have to serve older persons who have a tendency to be exploitative.<\/p>\n

That brings me to the issue of why they do not call me \u201cDad, Daddy or Father\u201d\u2026<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Actually, they dare NOT do that. I mean, call me \u201cDad, Daddy or Father\u201d!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Over 3 years ago, I made it clear to all \u2013 including their (now 4 year old) baby sister, that I would not tolerate having any of them refer to me that way.<\/p>\n

My experiences in dealing with so many adult Africans, both in and out of business, was primarily responsible for this decision.<\/p>\n

As I type these words, I have a near septuagenarian client, that I did multiple jobs for last year, but\u00a0who still owes me N100, 000...and has SHOWN he's unwilling to pay up. <\/strong><\/h3>\n

During our interactions, he repeatedly used his age as a bargaining chip (directly and indirectly) to get me to grant him concessions e.g. letting him pay in 2 parts as against one time up front, like all my other clients.<\/p>\n

Indeed, he paid that way for the first project I did for him.<\/p>\n

Yet despite the fact that I gave him that concession, and finished the project, he NOW no longer takes my calls. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Out of curiosity, to confirm if it was deliberate, I recently\u00a0tried\u00a0calling him from a relative's mobile. <\/em><\/p>\n

Even though I only tried once, he called back about 3 minutes later!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

When my relative said she never called him (I deliberately did not tell her I\u2019d used her phone, until AFTER<\/strong>), he still asked her if she was sure!<\/p>\n

Yet just one hour after that, I REPEATEDLY called him from my mobile line. He neither picked up nor called back!<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Experiences like the above made me decide to prepare my kids to be assertive in relating with older persons.<\/em><\/p>\n

And if they find anyone demonstrating poor integrity, they have been taught what to do.<\/p>\n

By letting them call me by name, I\u2019m demystifying the myth about adults being infallible, not lying etc, which are subtly propagated in our culture out here.<\/p>\n

Where did I get this idea? From the late legend Fela Anikulapo Kuti...who did the same with his kids!<\/em><\/p>\n

But most importantly, my kids are being taught to avoid trying to get something for nothing\u2026<\/strong>like some others do so often!<\/h3>\n

In the past they would simply walk up to me or their mother and say \u201cI want a Coke.\u201d Or sweets etc.<\/p>\n

They had absolutely no conception of where money came from, or that it had to be earned!<\/p>\n

All they knew was that it could be used to buy stuff they liked. Mostly fun stuff. Nothing productive.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

So, I began asking them to tell me what they were willing to do to get the money they asked for.<\/p>\n

And soon, we had all sorts of agreements.<\/p>\n

Sometimes they would wash my car, or run errands they previously ducked, for their mother.<\/p>\n

We found a mutually acceptable way of measuring what N50 (fifty naira), for instance, was \u201cworth\u201d in terms of work done. And we would agree a task to be done based on that understanding.<\/span><\/em><\/strong><\/h3>\n

When they completed it, I gave them what they asked for.<\/p>\n

Over time, when I saw they always spent it all, I told them I wanted to see them use their money for something productive - that if possible, yielded more money. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Next thing I knew, they began saving and buying themselves new slippers, biros, notebooks. Things they normally would have gone to their mother for. <\/em><\/p>\n

They continue to learn of course...<\/p>\n

The above \u201cexperiences\", I believe, led them to write me that \u201ccontract letter\u201d!<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Taking another look at my it, as they stood waiting for my response, I realized my plan was working\u2026<\/p>\n

But I also could not help wondering what I\u2019d started!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

I however knew if I backed out from the \"deal\", they could be demoralized, even though we were all laughing about it.<\/p>\n

Yet I felt it would be wrong to let them believe there had to be a reward promised, before they did chores at home, or went on errands for their parents.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

So I told them I\u2019d give them my response in a few months.<\/p>\n

But that until then, I expected them to do all assigned tasks without grumbling anyway.<\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n

There were feeble protests, but they agreed.<\/p>\n

And to their credit, they have been doing that for the most part.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s why I know I\u2019ll be signing that \u201ccontract\u201d this month (June) \u2013 specifically on their mother\u2019s birthday, which comes up in a few days!<\/strong><\/p>\n

And I\u2019ll be presenting them their balls \u2013 on that day<\/strong>\u00a0too<\/strong> \u2013 as a surprise. <\/em><\/p>\n

They are thinking the process will start AFTER we \u201csign\u201d.<\/p>\n

But, for me, they have \u00a0already proven themselves worthy.<\/p>\n

So it will just be for them to continue \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

Now, even though this piece is based on relations with my kids, my message is actually for ADULT entrepreneurs<\/strong>!<\/h3>\n

Many entrepreneurs out here need to realize getting paid for work by a client, is ONLY the beginning. <\/em><\/p>\n

That's such an obvious fact - yet many act like they do not know it! <\/em><\/p>\n

Which is why we keep hearing stories about persons getting paid to do a job, and becoming difficult to get a hold of right after. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Or, if at all you can reach them, they tell silly stories, delay in giving progress updates, abandon projects half-finished, or deliver poorly finished work...to clients who trusted them enough to pay up!<\/em><\/p>\n

Some\u00a0claim they do that because a\u00a0client(s) did that to them in the past. VERY childish excuse!<\/h3>\n

I\u2019ve experienced exploitative clients, and over the years developed smart strategies to protect myself<\/p>\n

Every business owner simply needs to do the same.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s no need to turn crooked because of it!<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t know how, go online and read articles (there are tons of them) written by others like you (including me - here's one<\/a>), about the subject. <\/em><\/p>\n

My most recent experience with the elderly client has made me STOP letting any clients pay me in part. Except a client I have absolute trust in.<\/p>\n

And there are a few like that \u2013 we\u2019ve been together for YEARS.<\/p>\n

But I also have some I\u2019ve known less than 2 years, who have shown themselves trustworthy.<\/strong><\/p>\n

For the rest, they have to meet my terms, or we agree NOT<\/strong>\u00a0to work together. <\/em><\/p>\n

If you choose to take from clients, without giving what you promised, you break a natural law.<\/h3>\n

There are forces in nature that will ensure you pay for what you\u2019ve done.<\/p>\n

And when it happens, you may find yourself worse off, than you have ever been before.<\/em><\/p>\n

So, like they say in my language (Yoruba): Se rere (Do good\u2026ALWAYS!) <\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This photo, is of a handwritten \u201ccontract\u201d of sorts recently sent me by my (11 & 13 year old) sons. It reads: \u201cTayo, we will do anything you and mummy ask us to do without grumbling, but we need a deal. The deal is if we do anything for anybody in this house without grumbling, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,1,266,87,10],"tags":[1134,1133],"class_list":["post-5092","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-entrepreneurs","category-general-2","category-my-dn-travel-news","category-parenting","category-self-development","tag-lesson-from-an-11-year-old-boy-his-13-year-old-brother","tag-to-achieve-success-be-prepared-to-give-in-order-to-get"],"aioseo_notices":[],"views":1242,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/tayosolagbade.com\/sdnuggets\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5092","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/tayosolagbade.com\/sdnuggets\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/tayosolagbade.com\/sdnuggets\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tayosolagbade.com\/sdnuggets\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tayosolagbade.com\/sdnuggets\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5092"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"http:\/\/tayosolagbade.com\/sdnuggets\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5092\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5105,"href":"http:\/\/tayosolagbade.com\/sdnuggets\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5092\/revisions\/5105"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/tayosolagbade.com\/sdnuggets\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5092"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tayosolagbade.com\/sdnuggets\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5092"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tayosolagbade.com\/sdnuggets\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5092"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}